Monday, April 26, 2010

Vajazzling, And Other Upsetting Topics

Have you heard about this whole vajazzling thing? Vajazzling, so says the Urban Dictionary, is "the act of applying glitter or jewels to a woman's nether regions for aesthetic purposes." Also "the transfixion felt by the pointless wonder of vaginal glitter."

Vajazzling first came into public consciousness when Jennifer Love Hewitt revealed in her memoir that to get over a break-up, she had Swarovski crystals applied to festoon her "precious lady." She does not reveal whether or not the break-up was precipitated by her penchant for using the term "precious lady." (My guess:  yes.) 

But vajazzling is but one part of what women are doing to fancy up their precious ladies, according to an article in The Globe and Mail thoughtfully sent in by a reader, "Vaginas Enjoy Their 15 Minutes of Commercial Fame".  Says the article--and why would they lie about this?--some among us are dyeing their
labia to achieve a more fetching pink color and even shoving special "vagina mints" up there for maximum minty freshness.  Reports the enthusiastic reader: "I want all of it -- the mints, the dye and the bling!" 

I'm less gung-ho on the whole thing for a variety of reasons, first and foremost, the complete and utter heinousness of the term "vajazzling." But also: additional grooming time needed, close proximity of pokey crystals and tender body parts, and the general scariness of unexpected glittery parts. ("Surprise!") Plus there's the whole removal issue: when you tire of the crystals, do you rip them off like a Band-Aid, or do you wait for them to drop to the ground, like fall leaves?  ("What this in the carpet?  Oh, the vaj crystal I've been looking for!")  Where will this hyper-accessorizing lead?  Will we soon be expected to be gluing scented candles and artsy black and white prints on our girl parts?  Will grandmas go with macrame planters, knitted toilet paper cozies and candle holders made of stretched out 7UP bottles?

And, men, please don't be starting with the pedazzling.  If I am expecting the usual equipment and instead find an erection covered with, like unicorn stickers and rainbow glitter, I will have no choice but to run away to cower in the corner.   

But like I said, that's just me. What's your take on this? Men, what are you seeing out there?  Ladies, do you have a vajazzling success story? Do you decorate for the holidays?  Do tell.  


CA Heaven said...

Yes, that vajazzeling stuff may be cool. But nothing compares to a womans natural jewelry,that's my opinion, and it includes the fur. These super models who look like the the window dolls at Mark's & Spencer are just boring. Give me a chubby natural woman ... I just mention it >:)

jules said...

That JLH. I thought vajazzeling was silly at first. I have recently been laid off and have a little free time on my hands. I may experiment with this trend now! Will report back if so.