Monday, March 13, 2017

The Blow Job as Path to the Divine

I am not a religious person. I don't even know that I want to be. I have sort of tried, a little, but for better or worse, I don't seem to have the God gene. The closest I ever get to the sublime feeling of connection with the universe that religious people describe is generally through music. Walking at night, the wet smell of the evening mist, a full moon hanging overripe in the sky, and Pandora radio seducing me with exactly what I want to hear before I know myself (Damn, Pandora, I will tell you again, I would so fuck you if I could) is the closest I get to experiencing the Divine.

Except for sex. I think what's appealing to me about sex is not the actual friction between body parts-- although that's pretty damn good, too--but the out-of-body, out-of-your-fucking-mind, brain/body explosion that happens during the best sex. Good sex is just somehow...beyond. You're extremely focused on the Now, the line between you and other is blurred, and, in the best moments, you feel like you and the Universe are sort of throbbing together as one. Which sounds a lot like religious ecstasy.  (Other times it's just you and your partner, or your hand, or your vibrator--you get off, then go about your day. Which is fine as well.)

In an oldish issue of Playboy, Samantha Gillison wrote a wonderful essay "The Platonic Ideal" on this idea of sex as route to the Divine. I would link to it, but-- incredibly in this day and age--it is not available on-line! Well, unless you pay. That's why this month I am a member of iPlayboy.com, for you, dear reader.

In Gillison's piece, she describes the moment she became illuminated on the joys of giving head. It was after a Bad Brains concert, and in the darkness of the parking lot, she knelt before her date.

We could have been strangers--we almost were--and somehow the darkness, the anonymity of the situation liberated me from worrying about doing something wrong or feeling self-conscious. I allowed myself to sink deep into the fantasy of what it must feel like for him--the pressure, the warmth, the wetness. All of a sudden the only thing in the world was that cock and my connection to it.

Previously, Gillison had thought of blow jobs as something you gave, like a gift, or something you did as a favor. Plus there was some fear and uncertainty.

It was just that I was unsure of cock when I got up close to one; it contained unreadable male mysteries. I might hurt it or maybe just do nothing right. Maybe I looked ridiculous. I didn’t really know which parts of it wanted to be touched, or how. It seemed to be its own creature, almost uncannily separate from the man who owned it. Perhaps simpleminded but authoritarian and judgemental. 


This time, however, she had a revelation.

But starting that night in the parking lot, I began to understand the profound, dirty pleasure of giving blow jobs. It isn’t just that I discovered how much I like being in control, how much I like giving the kind of pleasure that makes someone helpless, and how intoxicating it is to be on the receiving end of hurricane-levels of desire. But, that night, it was also the revelation of the particular male smell you get up close with a cock and balls that turned me on in ways that are almost beyond description. It was like being inside sex.


"Being inside sex." Dear God. 

Plato said that human beings can only truly access the divine through sexual ecstasy, Eros. This has always made so much sense to me. When else are humans as rapt by feeling as when they come and when they touch God? That feeling of connection to the universal, the feeling of having exited my own body as I orgasm is nothing other than touching the infinite.

Yet I have never been able to get close to that Platonic, out-of-my-mind kind of sexual ecstasy unless I can satisfy a primal hunger: Whether in fantasy or reality, I need a connection to another equally raunchy human being. It has always been the case with me, since I was a teenager, that I have to see someone else’s horniness in order to feel horny. What I happily realized on my knees in the parking lot is that an erect cock in my face is among the most blatant ways of experiencing the realness of someone else’s desire I’d ever encountered. And every time, it spurs a response in me, hot and dark and if I’m doing something transgressive in the best possible way.


Blow jobs! Philosophical talk! The phrase "erect cock in my face"!  Gah, I am a goner! LOVE this $%$#!

I'll add a little bit more of her essay, because I want to make sure I don't stray from "fair use" territory to "stealing" and "copyright infringement." Here's Gillison on the experience of blowing a long time friend and feeling, then overcoming, the awkwardness inherent in that particular situation.

But then a supple communication started between me and his penis as I began to suck, a communication beyond words and much deeper than any we had ever had before.

His cock felt so sexy in my mouth, hard and hot and aching with desire. But I could also feel how much of this man was being revealed to me: his sexuality, his vulnerability, his musky smell.

Soon the connection started to feel like a merging, as though I was experiencing that blow job too. It felt crazy, off-the-charts raunchy, to fantasize that I was not only giving head but getting it. All of a sudden I was overwhelmed by pure animal pleasure. I was so turned on that I came.

Since that night’s discovery I always revel in the double fantasy of giving and receiving. And I honor the wisdom of the old Greek philosophers who pointed out that although the Divine is inscrutable, it is easy to find while sucking on a dick.


And there is no better way to end a post than what Gillison ended with right there, so I will leave you to your day.

xoxoxo
jill

* Afterword:  Do NOT do a Google image search for "penis public domain." Hideous medical photos!  "Lesion on the glans"! Holy crap! Look away! Look away!

photo: William M. Rattase

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

super cool!! i feel the same way, it is a really wonderful feeling to be in control of someone else's pleasure. :)

Annabelle said...

Preach it sister!

I am the self appointed queen of head. My husband is so vulnerable and emotionally open when I am giving him pleasures. Its the ultimate turn on.

Know what I'm doing tonight : o

Spike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I always thought "giving head" came from the idea that the one doing the sucking was giving you his or her head (in which case, wouldn't "giving mouth" be a better term?). Then I read an interview with Groucho Marx where he talked about a director who had a daily appointment to "get his head blown." I think this comes closer to the truth of it. A really good blowjob is a mind-blowing experience for man. Thanks to this article, I now know it can be that for a woman as well.

Betty Fokker said...

Well, I perfected the blow job long ago ... but it was mostly so I could be bitchy and demanding at all other times while yet assuring that they would still adore me. I was in it for me :0)

Can't keep anything to myself said...

Ha. If only I could get this much pleasure out of giving. Then again maybe not... If I loved it just as much as he did then I would lose some of my power. How else would I get a man to do dishes?

Kate W said...

Dammit Janet! Annabelle got there before me, declaring herself Queen of Head (you go girl!) I love giving oral....as several men have experienced in recent months.
Another fabulous post Jill xx

Belinda said...

Glad you found the article so I could revisit it. So damn sexy, it's a turn-on just reading it again.

Ruth said...

You're preaching to the converted over here! I'm another of the *turned-on-by turning-my-man-on* club, and it seems there's rarely a better way to drive any man completely wild.
'Can't keep anything to myself', don't worry about the bargaining potential: if you clearly adore giving him his 'reward', you'll have him falling over himself to get those dishes done! :D

Caitlin Grace said...

Ahhh Ruth *turned- on -by -turning-my -man on* club. There's a club??? How did I not know this? Definitely applying for membeership!

Jill - you are AWESOME! the lengths you go to find articles for our enjoyment knows no bounds and for that I am grateful * bowing head in thanks* Sex is definitely a religion I can get on board with. In fact I do remember starting my own religion in worship of the penis at 16!

F. B. Viola said...

"...an erect cock in my face..." Oh, yeah! I've been following your blog for a while without commenting, but I just had to give an enthusiastic "Yup" to this post. I like to get real up close and personal with an erect cock. And yeah, it's the personification of my own lust. I did that. He's hard because of me. That turns me on.

Mongo, At The Moment said...

(Incidentally, how is it you get to write so well? This is a staggeringly good post.)

My initial (or 'gateway') blowjob occurred at the end of my High School career while driving between Santa Barbara and Solvang.

The combination of intimacy and physical vulnerability; the division of consciousness between danger (Hey; You! Pay attention!! Remember Red Asphalt??) and a demand to meld, conjoin and eventually go Nova...

I've experienced some amazing fellatio -- but that first experience is the Genesis against which all other blowjobs have been measured.

in bed with married women said...

Caitlin--thank you so much. I bow back to you.

F.B. Viola--yay! so glad you came out of hiding.

Mongo--"gateway blowjob" (!)

deeman said...

Thanks for copying what you could from Gillison's article on blowjobs. I love the idea that the giver of a blowjob can be getting so much enjoyment from the giving. On the getting end, I have to admit that I get transported to another realm, in a space somewhere between life and death. I am no longer aware of the giver, god bless her, so it is nice to think she might be getting off a bit, too. When I am the giver, I am perhaps too worried about whether I am touching the right spots in the right way to get lost in the stars myself, but it is still a heavenly experience being so intimately connected to her body.

I can't say that sex is my religion, because I am not religious at all, but sex certainly can be an otherworldly experience when it is good, and blowjobs for both him and her help make it very good.

And I note that your email came in at 4:00 a.m., suggesting that just thinking about writing this blog filled you with so much sexual tension you couldn't sleep all night. You do have a lively imagination. Right on!

Deeman

TK said...

I'm a man when I get home my girlfriend is going to her hands full or for that matter her mouth full TK.

Luke said...

Where to start? Where to start? You have hit on a couple primal and unconventional things here.

One is that the blower, in conventional porn, is supposedly the submissive one. Hell, no! Men are most vulnerable when their dicks are in someone else's mouth, those teeth right there like a vorpal blade used in Jabberwocky-machy! It's not the monster cock that is the real monster in the duo. Anyway, enough with the twisted literary allusions -- what sweet surrender is demanded then of the blowee. And such rewards, as Gillison notes, await even so-called "feminized" men and those in the service of a dom Mistress who really are looking for that Nirvana that comes (!) from meditating with a penis in their mouth and if they have to convince themselves to play roles to get themselves into blower mode, so what?

Another is the nirvanic oneness and bliss that comes from giving oral pleasure to another. Probably harkens back to the sucking urge hardwired into us so we do not starve after making the birth trip, but now gloriously sublimated. Yes, it is similar if not exactly the same when giving head to a woman. Licker and lickee reflections of blower and blowee. Wheeee!

Beats going to yoga classes.

Sazzler said...

Nothing hotter than giving a blowjob. Nothing comes close to being a serious turn-on for both myself and my man.
I totally agree with everything written in this fabulous blog.

Manic Love Co. said...

It also never hurts to try some flavored lube during oral sex. Make sure you have fun at your job (including a blow job).

in bed with married women said...

Cmon Sazzler, even i don't agree with everything in this blog. but thanks xoxoxoxo

Anonymous said...

In my little experiment with sucking cock, I certainly didn't feel in control. I felt used and abused and loved it!

OldGuy said...

Dear Ms. H,
Another astounding post in your wonderful blog. Speaking as a guy, I recall one wonderful bj, and many unmemorable ones. The difference I can see is it hit the combination of her actually enjoying the process (probably a better word for it than that, but it doesn't come to mind right now), and actual affection.

It would be great to have a post of things from the other side, perhaps guest. (Not me, someone who can actually write) Going down on a woman is similarly magical. Most of the partners that I had the pleasure of pleasuring this way enjoyed this way more than piv sex, and from my side, it was equally wonderful. I can still describe the scent/taste of my girlfriends from 40+ yrs ago, and of course my late wife.
looking forward to your next post.

Horney Ol' Codger said...

Male that I am, raised in a Christian environment as I was, I've always felt that, when it came to oral sex, it was much better to give than to receive. Hard to believe that that could have been a Selfish Attitude !

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