Showing posts with label orgasms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label orgasms. Show all posts

Friday, October 26, 2012

Title This Post Contest

O, cruel biology
So I was going through your responses to the questions about clit-vag distance and its relation/non-relation to your propensity to come via straight-on intercourse alone (Woo! Sexy talk. Is it hot in here?) and now I am just...depressed. Or possibly pissed off. At the very least, I am most certainly miffed.

Why? Because of those among you who can have an orgasm--like no problem--with no other kind of hand stimulation, mouth assistance, divine intervention--nothing. Practically all the time.

For example, in response to "Do you come easily, sometimes or never via intercourse alone?" Anonymous commented:

"rather easily and usually multiple times"

And Naomi bragged answered:

"always come easily, no fingers or appliances needed (or even wanted, too distracting from the main event)"

For me, coming from just fucking alone has happened--maybe--five times. In my life. And that's rounding up.

It's biological tyranny, I say.

For men and the rare lucky chick who just needs a little in-and-out to come "rather easily and usually multiple times," let me explain. I think porn and romance novels and the in-and-out chicks have skewed what we think is a "normal" sexual response. Despite what we see and read all the damn time, the majority of women need some sort of extra stimulation to have an orgasm. The vast majority of women. That's just how it is.

Several men and women, who I consider to be generally enlightened, have mentioned variations of "it just takes the right man"--which is, I think, only true to a certain extent. Yes, some men are much better lovers. Yes, some men's parts are more compatible with your own. And yes, some men will get you so hot you could practically come from their gaze. All of these are good and can help.

However, in most women, the clit is where things are happening. But in a cruel twist of nature, Today's Generally Accepted Fuck Moves are happening in the vagina, which is annoyingly close to the clit, but...not...quite...there. Men, picture if your main sensory pleasure center was, say, on your perineum but you were expected to get to your bliss via regular old boning. You could get close. Your balls might rub against there occasionally, or you might figure out some crazy-ass position that sort of almost did the trick. But it wouldn't the kind of direct you-are-there-stimulation you'd need.

This is not to say that most women don't like pure fucking because we do. We definitely definitely do. And not just gentle soul-lock lovemaking--sometimes the hard and fast porny fuck pounding, too.

Wrote JS: I like the fuck pounding even if it doesn't "get me there." This is what I crave during sex, a certain amount of roughness or hard thrusting. The soft stuff and touching is great also, but I can do that on my own. I can't fuck myself hard.

Added Anon: Oh, hell yes!! But I don't come like this. Just enjoy it for the raw intensity and squishy noises. :)

I was feeling embittered by this and started wondering if I were a bad lay. After all, would you rather fuck someone who came "rather easily and usually multiple times" (sorry, I'm obsessed with this) or someone who was going to need a hand, and not in a metaphoric sense? I mean I can see that there's a certain hotness in being able to control a woman's orgasm with your touch or to be able to watch her as she brings herself to that place, but damn, I was still a little jealous.

Luckily Trisha, who's making a completely cool sounding movie about female sexual response called Science Sex and the Ladies calmed my ass down over at Reddit:

Agreed, it does make you feel high-maintenance and frustrated sometimes, but I say we think of these "in and out" orgasmers in a different way; as a really small minority - like the 1% billionaires. They're loud and influential, and the culture seems to be shaped around their needs, but it shouldn't be. The vast majority of us, and probably a lot more than we'd think, are in the same boat. We just need to start shaping the culture more around our majority situation; then we wouldn't have to feel so frustrated for no reason. Let's rise up Grinders and Manual Stimulators!! :)

While I head to my workshop to make signs for a Grinders and Manual Stimulators rally, here's a bit more from Trisha:

Masters and Johnson found and recorded physiological evidence of some women who orgasmed from penetration alone, but hypothesized it was a Rube-Goldberg situation where the penis pulled on the inner lips which pulled on the clitoral hood, which rubbed against the clitoris. These orgasms were just like the ones they recorded from more direct clit stimulation, but were the weakest orgasms they recorded - not surprising since it was the most indirect way to stimulate the clit. They didn't find any anatomical characteristics that predicted the ability to have orgasms this way.

Not only do I very much like the Rube Goldberg reference tossed into a discussion of fuckery, but this idea of the weaker orgasm is interesting to me.

I asked a friend if she could come via straight ol' p-in-v (Yes, my social skills could use a little refinement. Thanks for noticing!) and she said, "Sure. Sometimes." When she saw my face darken with envy, she added kindly, "But they aren't as good as the ones I get when I masturbate."

I come away (not via vaginal intercourse, as you now know) even more confused. Are women's orgasms via sex generally weaker than via external stimulation? Are men a little bummed out when they get a woman who requires more work? Shouldn't our high-maintenance ancestors been edged out through evolution--how are we the majority? And how fucking unfair is it that most of us get what might be seen as a pretty major genetic rip off?

I'm also having new admiration for straight men, gay chicks and other lovers of women. I know every new lover is a different country to discover and all that, but seeing the huge variations in what women want, like and require made me realize just how hard it would be to fuck a woman well. The focus-on-the-clit move that would be meltingly blissful to one would be way too intense for another. Men are different from each other too, of course, but it doesn't seem like the differences between them are quite as extreme.

What do we do with all this? We get JUSTICE, sister. I'm having a contest. The prize is this Buzzing Blossom silicon vibrator from Good Vibrations for external stimulation.  You only get to enter if you or the woman you love does not come "rather easily and multiple times." Yes, I know it's unfair, but it's a thousand times less unfair than not being able to come porn-style. We all have our cross to bear.

To enter, drop me an email or leave a comment telling me what this post should be titled. It's almost 5 in the afternoon and my brain is no longer functioning, so I'm relying on you, my differently-abled friend. (btw, if you're feeling squeamish about people knowing how you have an orgasm, check the Name/URL box on the comment form and give yourself a fetching pseudonym.)

Winner announced Tuesday, October 30.

photo: Etude de nu 1950 by Raymond Van Doonen

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Can the "Rule of Thumb" determine how you have an orgasm? Let's see!

So could you take a moment, grab a mirror and stick your fingers in your pants for me?

I'm asking because my post about Princess Bonaparte and her tenacious efforts to figure out why the hell she couldn't come via fucking alone is running right now over on the Good Vibes blog.

Basically, Bonaparte discovered that the distance of the clitoris from the vagina determines the likelihood that a woman can have an orgasm from intercourse alone. Clit close (less than an inch) = easy coming.  Clit far (inch plus) = break out the heavy artillery.

I was thinking about this because my friend Janet, she of the exceptional ass, hosted a marathon showing of Gigoloslast weekend. It's a supposed reality show about male gigolos working in Las Vegas. Beside the shock my cable-less self found at them showing people, like, actually fucking, on TV, I was also struck by how many of these supposed customers ended up getting a porn style rapid-fire fucking. In the eps I saw (an embarrassingly high number I must admit), I saw no vibrator use, no mouth pleasuring and just a wee bit of finger stroking.

Is the fuck-pound what these women really wanted? Or, were these particular gigolos just kinda bad at figuring out what women want/need? Or was the reality show fake, with producers just creating sex scenes that they thought women would request?

Because, according to those randy fuckers over at ABC News, about 75% of women never reach orgasm through intercourse alone. That's right, I said Never.

Now, nothing wrong with a good fuck pounding, but it makes me want to do some unscientific research. (The fuck pounding itself doesn't make me want to do research--I'm not that nerdy.*--but the prevalence of all of these clients supposedly requesting it.)

Which brings me back to that finger in your pants? Do me a solid and measure the distance between your clit and your vagina (your vagina in the true, non-vulvaish sense.) An inch is about the distance between the tip of your thumb and the first knuckle.

Let's do some research!

This is what I need:
--Tell me if your clit-vag distance is more than an inch, less than an inch, or about an inch?
--Tell me if you come easily, never or sometimes via intercourse alone.
--Optional:  Rapid-fire fuck pounding--yay or nay?
--Optional Plus: If you had to chose, who is the most desirable of the Gigolo gigolos?

I know, they are completely personal questions, so go ahead and comment anonymously if you want. If you're a gay chick, feel free to answer regarding other blunt object penetration.

I'll report back with the results.


*Not true.
(photo source)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Guest Post: "Orgasms Aren't That Big A Deal" by Alyssa Royse

I first fell for Alyssa Royse's post on orgasms with this paragraph:
If I just needed a quick orgasm, I would rely on porn and a vibrator to get me there quickly. But if that was all I wanted, I would never bother having sex with other people. When I'm having sex with someone, I want it to be an unencumbered journey of exploration with a very specific person. 
Then she quoted David Foster Wallace ("A good lover makes you feel good, but a great lover makes you feel like you are a great lover") and that sealed the deal.

In "'O' Relax!" she writes about the aftermath of an accident that left her largely orgasm-less, and how this affected her sex life.  

For me, her piece brings up all sorts of delicious issues to ponder like: What is the goal of sex? How is physical sex different than emotional/spiritual/passionate sex? What constitutes sex? What (if anything) differentiates sex from the sexual?

You can read more from Alyssa on her women's sexuality site, Not So Secret, or her personal blog, Just Alyssa (today's topic, I believe, is maraschino cherries.)

Please, a warm welcome for Alyssa Royse:
I pretty much don’t have orgasms. I am not alone in that. I have felt guilt, fear and shame around that fact, and I am not alone in that. I have faked it, and I am not alone in that.

Orgasms were always hard to come by for me. But after really learning my body, I could get there, both on my own and with lovers. However, after a car-accident and resulting brain injury, they all but disappeared. And I was, frankly, glad to see them go. As good as they felt for the short time they were happening, the drama and pressure around getting there never seemed worth it to me.  I never understood what the big deal was. They’re awesome, but they’re a tiny part of a much larger picture.
If I just needed a quick orgasm, I would rely on porn and a vibrator to get me there quickly. But if that was all I wanted, I would never bother having sex with other people. When I’m having sex with someone, I want it to be an unencumbered journey of exploration with a very specific person. I want no map, no “to do” list, no expectations and no goals. Just all in, focusing on the moment, not on the finish line.
In my mind, the focus on the orgasm rather than everything leading up to it, is like focusing on the wedding but not the marriage – pretty much missing the point.
When I finally figured out that the absence of orgasm was very likely one of the many changes in my body connected to my brain injury, I was almost relieved. But in a culture in which men are trained to win awards, conquer challenges, and be victorious, it’s awfully hard to get guys to accept that an orgasm just didn’t matter. Now I could blame it on my injury, which was totally justifiable and no guy could possibly take personally.
“So, you just don’t have them, at all,” one of my friends asked. “Sometimes it happens, but it’s unusual, and I usually tell lovers that it’s not possible, just because it’s easier, and pretty much true.”
“I’m sorry,” my other friend said.
“Don’t be,” I explained. “It’s great.”
In unison, they both said, “how can that be.” 

I did my best to explain the performance pressure around having an orgasm. That in many cases, women feel like they have to get there to please the guy, like the guy will feel like a failure if he can’t make you cum. And, of course, we feel like a failure, or like we are flawed and not good enough if we can’t get there.  Then the whole focus becomes this one thing, and it’s just too much pressure. Frankly, it’s incredibly hard to have an orgasm under that kind of pressure.
One of my friends is clearly getting it. He explains how he sometimes feels so much pressure to perform, that he’s almost not having fun – which has it’s own obvious repercussions on his performance and pleasure. It’s not dissimilar.
“Imagine if you could remove all that?” I said. “Imagine sex with no pressure, no disappointment, being truly in the moment and not worrying about achieving a goal.”
We agree, that sounds awesome.  And it is.
However, this is also why many women fake it. It is why I have faked it, often. Shortly after my accident, I had a lover who was probably the best lover I’ve had to date. Sex with him was mind-boggling, the very sight (thought) of him would make me tingle and we would fuck for hours in ways that would make anyone jealous and hot. (Gasp.) Best sex ever (though I certainly hope to make that statement untrue, eventually.)
I never had a single orgasm with him. Not one. But he didn’t know that.
Before anyone gets upset about the dishonesty of that, let me try and explain. He and I had nothing in common except mind-boggling sex, for both of us. There was no chance that we were ever going to have a relationship that involved anything more than sex. We were never going to meet each other’s friends, or go out to dinner. All we had was incredible sex, and he deserved to feel like he was an amazing lover.
For whatever reasons, he was very goal-oriented, and not of the kind of upbringing that would have allowed him to get his head around orgasm-free sex. So I just let him believe that I was having orgasms. And I have no qualms about that.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

How to Have a G-spot Orgasm, Plus A Contest

We've got lots to cover today so walk with me, will you?

It has come to my attention that some of you haven't had a G-spot orgasm and/or can't even find the damned thing. (Have you checked the sock drawer?) It's understandable -- there is still debate among the scientific community (generally identifiable in the wild by their distinctive "scientific community" t-shirts) over whether the G-spot even exists. But more on that later. The point is, if you want to have a G-spot orgasm (or "alleged" G-spot orgasm), you need to know how. Writes reader Harleyq:
Having never experienced a G-Spot "Big O," I find the idea titillating and am imagining the prospect of instant amazing "Big O's" every day quite exciting, beneficial to my co-workers and an improvement on my demeanor. 
Yes, we could all use an improvement on our demeanors, could we not? (A brief aside to men who wish to run screaming out of the room: Go. Go now. See also: Men Who Care About The G-Spot Are A Myth, Say Experts in the Daily Mash.)

Sooo....the G-spot. It's odd--for a body part that can elicit such pleasure, talk of the G-spot is often oddly unsexy. The G-spot doesn't have the sexual cache of say, a swelling bosom or a jutting erection. And it doesn't help that every account of the spot is seemingly required by law to mention that the spot is "shaped like a bean," not exactly the most sexual of legumes. (Which, of course, would be the pea. See also: Ed's identification of my excessive pea mentions in a "robo-sexual context").

If I were the G-spot's press agent--a job I would totally take--I would definitely do something about the dreary tone of most G-spot articles. Look at this snippet from Wikipedia's G-spot entry:
"The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris," said O'Connell. "If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris – triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue."
Lifting vagina skin? "Bulbs of the clitoris?" Um, are we still talking about sex here? This is erection-deflating language, to say the least. And I'm talking both penile erections and erections of the "triangular, crescental masses of the bulbs of the clitoris."

Now, if you will direct your attention to the overhead projector, you'll see the oversized female x-section showing the G-spot.

The G-spot is #4. Or is it #8? I kid, I'm pretty sure it's #4. In non-disembodied-halved-torso terms, it is on the upper part of the inside of your vag, about an inch or so back. If you were to stick your finger in there--oh, just friggin' do it, don't be such a pussy--you can locate it by pretending as though you were trying to stimulate what would be the back side of the clitoris. Which is exactly what some scientists theorize is going on with G-spot orgasms.

Scientists actually don't know much about what's happening with women and their sexual response, despite years of study (including Ernst Grafenberg's--the g in G-spot--1950s page-turner The Role of the Urethra in Female Orgasm, a work which Wikipedia, perhaps cheekily, describes as "seminal.") G-spot theories include: it's analogous to a female prostate, women only think they have one, or it might have something to do with the Skene's gland or perhaps the nerve-rich urethral sponge. (Note: do not use the urethral sponge for washing dishes.) To make matters more confusing, a few women emit some sort of ejaculate during G-spot orgasms and scientists don't even know what the hell it is.

Despite all this, G-spots rock the house. Women describe G-spot orgasms with words like "deeper," "stronger" and "more satisfying." These would be good adjectives, orgasm-wise.

Here's how to attain such satisfaction (aka imaginary satisfaction, probably due to the common female vexation of "hysteria.") Step one: Get yourself an insertable vibrator. (I suggest Good Vibrations because of all the bonus educational material they offer, plus whole the kickback thing.) Step two: Go to it. Step three: as you become more aroused*, direct the vibrator's attention to the upper, front part of the inside of your vag. Press hard. Step four: Keep at it until you experience transcendence, see nirvana, pulse with the Universe, etc... Step five: Go about your regularly scheduled day.

What is important with the G-spot to get the right tool, so to speak, for the job. In my post about testing the vibrator, The Post in Which I Whore Myself Out for a $22 Piece of Thermoplastic Rubber, I was too timid (yes, I know, so very lame) to write that the vibrations on that particular model were a little tepid for me. But lovely reader Tricia, who has major (metaphorical) balls, had no such qualms and commented:
I have one of those vibes and it does nothing for me. The vibration is too weak. Does GV have a 'strong as a jackhammer' section? That takes a car battery, perhaps?
Yes, in the words of the Diff'rent Strokes theme song "What might be right for you, may not be right for some." If you're unsure of the strength you require, GV has a chart of vibes that shows the intensity and volume relative to other choices.

And FINALLY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, THE CONEST:  Our prize today is the Dreamy Mini-G Vibrator (pictured at left) which in the mid-range of intensity (3 of 5, one notch higher than the one I tested). To enter, recruit some sap to "like" the In Bed With Married Women's Facebook page, then come back here and tell me that you did it, either via a comment or email. I'll chose a winner according to the vagaries of my whims.

*Because of the way in which G-spot stimulation gets better and more effective as things progress, I could be talked into the Taoist belief (see also: The Three Types of Orgasms) which describes woman's sexual arousal as a series of three gates (clitoral, vaginal and cervical) that need to be entered in progression to ultimately reach "an ecstatic state of arousal." I cannot, however, be talked into the Taoist belief that eating lamb "produces excitable people with inordinately strong sexual desire."

photo source:

Friday, January 28, 2011

The Post In Which I Whore Myself Out For a $22 Piece of Thermoplastic Rubber

As I have incessantly harped on mentioned in passing, there are three ways I (theoretically) make money with this blog.
1. The Paypal donate button there on the right, which, quite frankly, I think is becoming rusted from lack of use.
2. Readers buying stuff through the Amazon search box here on the blog. (Valentine's idea: a Kindle pre-loaded with a thoughtfully chosen book. Go the Bill Clinton route and pop a little Leaves of Grass on there, or click on Project Gutenberg where there are a ton of free ebooks, including The Kama Sutra.)
3. Readers buying sexy things from Good Vibrations through this blog. I get a cut of the sales, which is why I'm always pimping their stuff, but I chose GV for a reason. I like that it's a company that works to educate people--women especially--on how to best enjoy their sexual selves. I love how free and open they are about sex on their site, with people blithely discussing their various sex toys and a whole sex education page covering topics from basics like How to find the G-spot and How to choose a vibrator to more advanced ones like How to pack a cock. I even love how they just say it outright--How to Pack a Cock--without the weird prudery that generally surrounds sex in our society.* The GV attitude is: You want to pack a cock? Great! Here's the best way to do it.

Good Vibes also gives me a monthly list of products I can give as prizes or review myself. As I was looking over the prize choices this month, I read the user reviews for the Flirty G Waterproof G-spot Vibrator. Reviewers were using words like "Wow!" "incredible orgasms" and "!" so I impulsively decided, "Screw the readers, I'm getting this for myself." (Uh, no offense, readers.)

So, after running to the mailbox every day like a kid who had ordered X-ray specs from a comic book, it arrived and, with it, the disturbing knowledge that I would actually have to write about using it. (See also: "weird prudery" above.)

My husband was sick in bed that day so it was a good a time as any to get down with the Flirty G (which I don't actually call that, not even in my mind). One problem: I put the batteries in wrong and they got all hot and made a burning smell. Thus, my poor bedridden husband was accosted with me brandishing a bright blue, possibly burning sex toy, demanding that he fix it. Which, to his credit, he did.

Here's what I thought: it is quiet. Like so quiet I could be in the next room using it and you wouldn't even know. (Don't bother checking, I'm not.) It has 9 speeds, which I pictured going from 1 (mellow) to 9 (Help! Eggbeater on the groin!)  Speeds 1 to 3 do indeed increase in intensity, but 4-9 are various rhythms, whir-whir-whirrrrrrr, pause, whir-whir-whirrrrrr, pause and so on.

Yes, it looks weird, kind of like an IKEA coat hook, and why the hell does it have to be bright blue, and yet... It's designed to hit your g-spot, which--in one of the few fair things about getting older--becomes more findable as you age (see also: In Search of the Elusive Third Type of Orgasm). G-spot orgasms are more extended, deeper and, not to be an orgasm elitist, but just plain better. Explains reader Anne, who just wrote in the other day with the important news of her excellent g-spot orgasm.
I'm 42 and had one. I've never distinguished between vaginal and clitoral orgasms, it's just one big heap of pleasure felt all over. But this one? Completely different. I felt like I was lost in the orgasm and floating above myself witnessing it happen--all rolled into one. For lack of a better description I felt my uterus contract and every contraction was slow and deep, sending waves of pleasure up my stomach into my chest. It felt like the air was being forced from my lungs with every groan. I've heard too that things get better with age and I think I've gained a new erogenous zone that I didn't have a year or so ago. It's right above the mons pubis where the uterus and, bladder create that little bulge. GSpot? I don't know. It feels a little more pleasurable there, and deeper in feels even better still. I've never owned a gspot specific toy, but between the new erogenous zone and this orgasm I think I should correct that post haste. 
The Flirty G is waterproof so you can take it into the shower, but quite frankly, I was too scared to, fearing some sort of embarrassing accident involving me, the Flirty G and electrocution. Although if firefighters had to be called in it might not be so bad...

Anyway, I think I've spilled enough highly personal information and have more than earned my $22 toy. If you want one for yourself, click this link and order one, as Anne would put it, post haste. Oh, and in case you're concerned, GV doesn't tell me who bought things or who bought what or anything like that, so go ahead and get yourself some cock to pack--get a whole damn case of cock, why don't you?  I'll never know.

*I forget how bad the prudery still is. I recently used the word "bawdy" to some relatives of my brother. After rushing to the dictionary to look it up, they got all offended. By the dictionary definition of the word.

photo source:

Friday, November 12, 2010

Vagisil Porn, Regular Porn and Transcendent Orgasms--Or, Just Another Friday Mail Day

Oooh, the mail's here.  Let's take a look!

In response to the Vagisil Porn post (aka "Oh yeah...there.... yes, yes, yes, MAKE ME FEEL FRESH!!!!") reader Chaffyn sent in the chart below and wrote,
Thought you'd like to know that this domain name is AVAILABLE!!! Unless somebody already grabbed it, we should.  Doncha think? It's only a dollar a month and I'll split it with ya.

Well, the price is certainly right for the "" domain name. But unfortunately my one dollar of investment money is currently tied up in highly volatile derivatives. However, if you go the Vagisil porn route with Chaffyn, you might pick "" because it's listed as the "Premier Choice!" and that just sounds classy.  I also like "" because it implies a certain modernity, not like the old-fashioned Vagisil porn your grandpa used to listen to on the Victrola. ("Claudine, head out to the shed and fetch me my douching bag! And I'm gonna need some sterno cans, barley malt and some extra lye...")

Meanwhile, back in 2010, reader DeliaDelish spilled her porn gripes in response to the post Considering Porn, Perhaps Too Much:
Oh, I'm so glad you asked! Husband and I do watch porn. Probably the typical stuff. Sucking and fucking, we call it. I have some basic beefs: 1. The word shit does not belong with sex. Can they not find better words to express their pleasure? 2. What's with all the spitting? Gross. Is there no lube in Pornland? 3. Pussy slapping? Really? And why is it always the girls slapping each other's pussies? Those three things have really been bugging me and until now I've had nowhere to vent, so thank you.
You're welcome. I soooo hear you on the spit thing. Recently someone sent me a supposedly "instructional" film on blow jobs to review. I watched the whole damn thing because I kept thinking it would get to some secret tongue move that would give me BJ Superpower, but no such magic tips were forthcoming. What there was was spit, lots of spit, friggin' gallons of spit. And worse, the people in the video were "real" people, i.e. "people who don't look good naked--not at all."  Oh, children!-- the pock-marked bottoms I saw! Lord, have mercy! I was so traumatized, I had to reenact parts of the video to my friend Heather--including sound effects and hand motions--to help purge it from my pysche. I honestly thought I might not want to have sex ever again. I was as grossed out as a kid hearing about sex for the first time--"They do WHAT? With their WHAT? NOOOOO!"

And finally, Anonymous sent this in response to the post on cervical orgasms, In Search of the Elusive Third Type of Orgasm.
i am 38 and i had one of these last night. i told my husband i had no idea what that was-- and he was in awe about how *loud* i was (i am usually very quiet...just a breather...) the only way i could describe it to him was that it felt like an orgasm that started above my chest and overtook my entire body, and it was like everything went white. i told him it was like my spirit split and was in him and myself at the same time. that was the most intense experience i have ever had. i'm sure the neighbours agree LOL i read about vaginal orgasms but those are what i normally have (i have vaginal orgasms way more often than clitoral orgasms) and i just knew there had to be something else. it was so intense that afterwards i said "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M AN ATHEIST!" HAHA
I don't have anything to say about this except I am beyond jealous. Clearly this is something I will need to put on my To Do list.
1. Go to Trader Joes.
2. Have my spirit split in half while everything goes white during intense, screamingly loud cervical orgasm.
3. Whoops, first close window overlooking neighbor's yard, then spirit splitting, screaming loud, everything goes white cervical orgasm.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

America's Getting Freakier, Plus Your Question of the Day

I'm not saying I have my finger on the pulse of America's sexuality or anything--that would be sexual harassment--but yesterday, the very day I wrote a post on vibe ads in coupon section=a country gone sex crazed, a lovely and attractive reader informed me of an LA Times article saying that Americans really are getting more freaky, or as it's put more scientifically in the article, "expanding their sexual repertoire."

If you don't like to receive your information from legitimate news sources and instead prefer it from half-assedly researched blogs, here's the lowdown:
Across the lifespan, Americans report they are masturbating, alone or with a partner, engaging in oral sex and experimenting with same-gender sex more often than they owned up to in the 1980s, according to a study released Monday.
Apparently Americans, both wigged out by STDs and feelin' freer and sexuality open in a society that puts vibe ads in the freakin' Sunday coupon supplement, are expanding their sexual palette beyond straight intercourse--insert-p-into-v, repeat until done--and incorporating more oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and same-gender sex. In other words, straight people are having sex more like gay people.

It's all good news for the ladies, who are reporting higher levels of orgasms than before. "The vast majority of women indicated that their most recent experience of sex was highly pleasurable and arousing," said researcher Debby Herbenick, PhD to Lemondrop, bringing to mind an unbidden image of researcher Debby Herbenick, PhD, after sex, rolling over and telling her lover in a scientific manner, "I would like to indicate that that was highly pleasurable and arousing."

Ironically (or predictably, depending on your position on the whole Corporate Overloads Taking Over The World issue), the survey was sponsored by the makers of Trojan condoms, the same company that plastered vibes ads all over the former Squaresville of the Sunday supplement.

Which brings me to our question of the day:
--Would you use a coupon to buy a vibrator at your local Target or grocery store? (Factors to consider: $2 off coupon ain't too shabby vs. possibility of seeing neighbors and/or coupon problems. "This coupon for the fingertip vibrator isn't going through! Hey lady, did you purchase a fingertip vibrator?")

I honestly don't know if I could. Even though I am--in the words of the darkly handsome Long Beach Press- Telegram columnist Tim Grobaty, a "sex bloggatrix"--I don't know that I would have the balls (metaphorical ones, mind you) to just march into a store, greeting the neighbors all the while and tossing various sex toys into my cart. "Price check on the inflatable Javier Bardem!" Yeah, no. Still not ready for that.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

In Search Of Elusive Third Type Of Orgasm

Our large and unfairly good-looking staff here at In Bed With Married Women has been combing the countryside doing up to several minutes of top-quality research on the elusive third type of orgasm, the cervical orgasm. We were about ready to toss it in, especially after our beloved science/sex writer Mary Roach mentioned in her book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex that the cervix is so insensitive that 95% of women can't even tell when it is being rubbed with a Q-Tip. (A tip for gentlemen: you might want to rethink that plan of trying to woo your lady with a vigorous session of cervical Q-Tip rubbing.)

But then this message came in, totally screwing up our rigid worldview. Reports this lovely reader, who but of course, wishes to remain anonymous:
Hi Jill- To answer your question about the cervical orgasm- I HAVE experienced them. I used to assume it was a "double orgasm" meaning clitoral and G-spot at the same time (that's how someone described it to me once). But the older I get and the more I experience them the more I know that it is a third, totally different type of orgasm! The only way that I can describe it is instead of feeling like a particular SPOT is having an clitoris or G-spot, it's like your entire vaginal area is consumed by orgasm and it radiates outward. It releases AMAZING endorphins. I would almost say that it makes you feel high in a very natural way. Now I wouldn't say that I shake for days or anything, but the thought of it the next day will give me a little shiver and my mood for days is impenetrable- all smiles and laughs! They are very few & far between, and quite honestly I have not yet learned how to make myself achieve them ... (wish I could!)
This description is so utterly unlike my day thus far--what with its grocery store trips and whatnot--that I might need to take a moment to go sit in the corner and cry. That said, I have heard many women around

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Did You Know There Are Three Types of Female Orgasms? Yes, Three

"I have a secret guilty pleasure of reading Playboy," writes a female reader from California. "The feminist in me screams, 'Wrong! This is wrong!' but I love the articles. I swear -- no pages stuck together in my copies!" This stealth girlie mag reader had sent a (non-sticky) Playboy link to alert me to the important and well-appreciated news of the woman with the world's strongest vag (see also: Another Personal Life Goal Dashed) but what I found even more fascinating was the article accompanying it.

In Kim Anami's The Multi-Orgasmic Woman, she explains the Taoist belief in three types of female orgasms, describes what they each are like and how to get there. If you're too lazy to click the link (and, girl, that is truly lazy), I'll break it down for you. The three types -- clitoral, G-spot and cervical -- are akin to a series of gates that need to be entered in progression for a women to enter "an ecstatic state of arousal." Ecstatic state of arousal sounded a lot more interesting than my back-up plan of laundry-folding, so this was something I wanted to learn more about.

If you or your woman has ever had an orgasm (and if not, put it on the to-do list--stat!) it was probably the clitoral. This is the easiest type to achieve, but also the more superficial.  Freud, maddeningly, was right, and there is a deeper (in both senses of the word) kind of vaginal orgasm that comes from stimulation of the G-spot.  The nerves on the clitoris (and here is the point where I will stop using the word "clitoris") are concentrated and external, while the pelvic nerves are deeper and more spread out, creating "a more generalized, deeper sensation," writes Anami.

The third type is the cervical orgasm, which is kind of like the Big Foot of orgasms, rumored and sometimes observed, but not verified by science. This is the deepest and most transcendent orgasm of them
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