For those who just joined us, True Wife's Tales are a place for women to tell the truth about what's really going on in their sex lives. The idea being: knowledge = power. If you would like to tell your own story, click here, little missy.
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Friday, May 14, 2010
True Wife's Tale #3: Noelle, Finding Sex Outside Of Her (Practically) Sexless Marriage
For those who just joined us, True Wife's Tales are a place for women to tell the truth about what's really going on in their sex lives. The idea being: knowledge = power. If you would like to tell your own story, click here, little missy.
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5 comments:
So Jill, do you think sometimes people don't answer these kinds of questions (even though they may have much to say on the subject) because they're afraid to give up their anonymity? I wonder how much of a factor that is?!? I know several women who've had affairs . . . and men who've done it as well, with this excuse . . . that they weren't getting their needs met at home . . . then it becomes to me, more of a question of integrity.
A neighbor of mine, who shall remain nameless, had an affair for years with a guy in the neighborhood, because she felt her marriage was dead and lifeless, no passion, no sex, no fun period. She "stayed for the kids". Eventually things reached critical mass and she was ready to go and her husband had no idea why. When she explained how she felt about the lack of passion, etc., and how much it bothered her they eventually came to an arrangement and now are basically swingers. In fact they tried to recruit us at one point during which their focus was repeatedly, as long as both parties know about it and are good with it, its totally cool. To each his own. I know a lot of people who might say they're OK with it . . . until it came time for their partner to go have fun . . . I do agree that, at the very least, if you're going to engage in something outside the original arrangement you made with your partner, the right thing to do is to inform your partner that that's what you're considering (maybe out of desperation) and see how the partner responds.
It sounds to me like, in the case of Noelle, the husband has some intimacy issues, and maybe Noelle does too but they both deal with them in different ways. If her husband were aware that that's what she was considering he might be willing to look more seriously at why he was continuously rejecting his wife's passion. Its somewhat counterintuitive. Why is his libido so low? Is it medical or psychological? My guess is that for most men, anyway, they'd prefer to get that wake up call than be betrayed.
However, I do know of at least one case where the man was forewarned and was totally apathetic, even encouraging the wife to stray rather than be intimate with her . . . in that case, there's no reason to stay together and its better to know. Although, in that case, once the wife DID start having her own life, the husband (who I guess hadn't believed that she would, stepped up to the plate, got therapy, and started being more of a true partner in their marriage. But that's what it took for him to "get his act together". Just thinking out loud. ;-) Thanks for this!
She's doing the right thing. I would be excited if my wife did the same, actually. It's easy for a woman to get what she wants, a lot harder for a man with the same problem. That's why there's a big market for prostitution >:)
When I was in my 20's my live-in boyfriend of 9 years and I experimented with an open relationship. For me it was disastrous. We just had relationships apart from one another and I almost immediately lost the sense of trust and comfort I'd had with him for so many years. It ended up tearing us apart. I know that for me, I could never do that again.
Uh... the simplest explanation is that her husband is gay.
I wonder if it's genetic, that some people think more about sex than others...
Steamy Darcy
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