Thursday, May 30, 2013

And so we say good-bye, for now, to Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating.

Beauty Hole Ass Vagina inspired Indolent to create...this.
The winner of the "Is Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating an ass? Or a vagina?" Contest is...Indolent.

Indolent wins because he or she tried so darn hard. Not only did they provide this excellent answer--

"But why must it choose one? You're trying to force an identity on it not of its own desire. Doing that, you're liable to give it self-esteem issues, and maybe even some sort of disorder! (I would say an eating disorder, but a mouth seems to be the one orifice it's not trying to be.) You should praise it for its unique sensibilities, its individual contributions to the world, rather than trying to make it conform to a preconceived notion of normal. You should let it know that, no matter what else, it is a Beauty. Ass, vagina, egg, all are irrelevant. The important thing is to accept it for itself, to allow it to forge its own destiny, to reach the heights of splendor by its own path. (Perhaps not unmolested, but at least unhindered.) It is Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating, and it is Beauty."

--which could have won just for the mention of the often-overlooked Beauty that is Beauty Hole Ass Vagina, as well as the sentence "Perhaps not unmolested, but at least unhindered."

But THEN, Indolent came back a few days later, with another comment, plus a link to the artistic work shown above left.

"In an attempt to answer this question for myself, I have drawn a picture. It would appear that it is, in fact, possible for this to resemble a vulva. However, the unfortunate possessor of said vulva managed to get half of herself hit by a shrink ray, causing everything to become grotesquely out of proportion."

The best part is that the png file is called "I will never admit I drew this."

Well Indolent, if you want your prize, the possibly fabulous Pirouette Waterproof Vibrator from Good Vibrations, you're gonna have to admit it, at least to me. Drop me an email with your mailing address and soon you'll be opening a benign-looking package with a nice twisty vibrator inside.

And, if you didn't read the other answers people submitted, go back and have a look. Everyone (almost) is so fucking smart and funny and possibly over-educated/underemployed, it makes me beam with pride. Go on, look--what other place offers you fellow readers that are equally comfortable using the terms "cloaca" and "assgina"?

I will leave you today with this perhaps divinely-inspired meditation on Beauty Hole Ass Vagina from reader EB.

While this is a highly complicated question, I find it be philosophically interesting in the same way that cloudwatching is philosophically interesting: to each person, the result may be different but at the same time, if you have truly connected to the person viewing beside you, you may see the same bunny-shaped cloud. Therefore, the question is not "is it an ass or a vagina" but rather, is it an ass or a vagina to both you and the person you are viewing it with? If it is the same, the benefits of this are clear--but if it is different, this is an opportunity for growth for both of you as you explore the whys and wherefores of the difference. Therefore, this question could be the very basis for the deep and lasting development of a special relationship, making the question itself not nearly as relevant to the journey to its answer. 

xoxoxo
jill

(art by Indolent)

7 comments:

EB said...

Well, I suppose runner-up will have to do. It would have been my first sex toy! Ah well, I'll try harder next time (the illustration really is the topper!)

in bed with married women said...

EB, really? Damn! Well, instead of the vivid thrill that is a first sex toy, you can enjoy the more muted pleasure of making some unspecified amount of internet strangers momentarily pleased via your writing.

EB said...

Yeah really! I'm one of those girls who never really had much trouble coming, so I never developed a burning desire for one. Until you dangled one at me and snatched it away for an overachiever with art skillz! :)

H.B. said...

Congrats to Indolent for winning, and to EB for also-mentioned.

That was indeed fun; it's nice to have the opportunity to be funny and over-the-top silly about sex, and to have it appreciated.

Anonymous said...

in bed with married women said...

H.B. yours was mind-bendingly erudite as well. love it

Indolent said...

I- What- Whoa. *mumbles incoherently in corner*

I enter all sorts of blog contests, but I never seem to win, so I'm rather shocked, actually. I tried to think up something intelligent sounding to write here, but all I can think of is "asdfghjk."

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