Thursday, May 23, 2013

Contest! Win a velvety twirly vibrator! Just answer an unanswerable question!

Your challenge:

Is Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating an ass....or a vagina? Explain. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating.

As you may recall, we know that its package contains "1x big ass" so that might provide a clue. On the other hand, we also learned that it boasts "the feeline of mridens's skin" which tells us...um, well, that's for you to decide.

Winner, as chosen by the vagaries of my ever-changing whims, will be announced Tuesday, May 28, 2013.

The prize:

Formal portrait of purple Pirouette with blue friend
This fabulous Pirouette Waterproof Vibrator from the sexually empowered folk at Good Vibrations, who maybe will continue to give us free stuff if some of y'all get your butts and other toy-needing orifices over there and buy something.

Here's Pirouette's blurb:
Offering a new twist on vibration stimulation, this waterproof vibe features a spiraling shaft, creating a contoured surface to add a textural element to penetration play. The super-smooth velvety exterior feels sensationally soft against the skin while the simple dial control lets you adjust the intensity to suit your sensual needs.

Sounds good, yes?

So get your brain on this:  Ass? Or vagina? Ass? Or vagina?

xoxo
jill

P.S. In Bed With Married Women is now the top rated humor blog for Amazon Kindle--thanks to YOU! Which translates not to highest sales. That would go to a blog called "Joke of the Day," perhaps because it's incredibly hard to unsubscribe from. Here's a review of Joke of the Day:

"it was terrible and it comes up EVERYDAY on your homescreen. i suggest NOT to buy this blog. for one reason it is a waist of money on this silly blog and my other reason is because, the jokes are inappropriate and have NO funny part of them.


Exactly! Don't waist your money on silly things with no funny part of them, switch to IBWMW today.


(photo)

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating"---where does one even begin to tackle the question of "what is it?"
Since a man in Sweden, in a moment of unbridled passion, stuck his penis into a hornet's nest looking for what I can only think would be *extreme, unknown* pleasure, I'm not convinced that defining "Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating" is entirely necessary....it's a luscious, inviting hole, sans biting/stinging insects that can ultimately kill you--as it did our sad, sexually adventurous Swede.
In closing: My definition of "Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating" is--"Irrelevant, inviting, safe hole."
~Carrie

Bill said...

Does it have to be one or the other? Birds, amphibians and reptiles live perfectly well with a combination ass/vagina called a cloaca, so maybe that's what the designer of this sex toy is going for (perhaps he/she has a serious bird fucking fetish, for example).

Alternately (and I apologize in advance for bringing up such a truly awful subject on a sex/humor blog), many women, at the moment of giving birth, can experience a tearing of the wall between the two aforementioned orifices, for which an episiotomy is often a preemptive measure. I cannot fathom why anyone would want a sex toy that commemorates this, but the world is a large and strange place.

So there's my guess: it's an anus, it's a vagina, it's two, two, two mints in one.

Lilscorpiosweetie said...

So just by looking at the Beauty Hole Ass Vagina I would wager a guess that its supposed to be a Vag with an Ass feel. Because maybe some ass holes are tighter than vag holes. I would call it the Assgina because it has the outward appearance of a pussy but probably has a tighter inside feel.

EB said...

While this is a highly complicated question, I find it be philosophically interesting in the same way that cloudwatching is philosophically interesting: to each person, the result may be different but at the same time, if you have truly connected to the person viewing beside you, you may see the same bunny-shaped cloud. Therefore, the question is not "is it an ass or a vagina" but rather, is it an ass or a vagina to both you and the person you are viewing it with? If it is the same, the benefits of this are clear--but if it is different, this is an opportunity for growth for both of you as you explore the whys and wherefores of the difference. Therefore, this question could be the very basis for the deep and lasting development of a special relationship, making the question itself not nearly as relevant to the journey to its answer.

BostonMAC said...

I think it's possible, *maybe*, that English is not the first language of the person who named and prepared the descriptions of the product. I think they made a simple spelling mistake. There's nothing half-assed about that vagina, it's clearly a Beauty Whole-Ass Vagina.

Fitzlurker said...

Is Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating an ass....or a vagina?

Such a quandary. When one observes a maiden in her most natural form, and attempts to reduce her quintessential sexual being, one faces a difficult choice. Does one focus on the whole, or the holes? Can anyone truly redefine a sexual organ? These good people have made the attempt. With the advent of the Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating, they have brought their fantasies together with their love of technology and given us all question that we must ask ourselves: do I want to get off to an ass, or a pussy? My good people, the only answer available is: Why not both?

Spiffy McBang said...

Before I answer this question, I would like to say that I randomly linked this item to my rec league dodgeball team, and one of the women pointed out that it's a top seller. Given that its most distinguishing feature is the advertising language, I think I may pretend to be from China if I ever get into the sex toy business.

Now then: While I appreciate the philosophical mindset of my fellow readers, upon inspecting photographs of the Beauty Hole Ass Vagina w/ etc., I think the pragmatic answer is, simply, vagina. The vaginal opening is tilted in such a way as to invite a missionary-style pounding, whereas the anus is parallel to the base. Not being intimately familiar with the use of such a device, I can only make an educated guess, but it seems that it would require more work (or a table of perfect height) to make good use of said orifice.

I suppose you could lay down and use it as a very oddly-shaped fleshlight as well, but almost anything could theoretically be used in that way.

You could describe it in different ways- fake vagina with a bonus, a toy designed to keep your attention a little longer, etc.- but the vagina appears to be the definite focus. If the design looked like you could flip it over and maintain the same stability, that would be different, but the base is clearly assuming the vagina will be in use.

Science!

jill Hamilton said...

from Tricia via Facebook: The answer is clear: it doesn't MATTER which side it's representing. The ONLY question is, how does one CLEAN that nasty thing!?

Firehorse said...

I am going to cause a storm by suggesting it is neither an ass nor a vagina - no - it is, instead a disguise for a sex toy that caters to one of the few kinks which is still an absolute social taboo.

I suspect that creator of this...toy is one of the hidden group of men who are enamoured of the sensations of having oral sex given by a partner with no teeth. The reason this toy is ambiguous in it's appearance is because the look of the toy and the associated blurb is a blind for the fact this toy is intended to replicate the feel of fellatio given by someone with only gums.

I apologise in advance for any nightmares you may have.

Anna Marie said...

Is Beauty Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating an ass....or a vagina?

Its a vagina, def a vagina. But hey a hole is a hole isnt it?

Indolent said...

But why must it choose one? You're trying to force an identity on it not of its own desire. Doing that, you're liable to give it self-esteem issues, and maybe even some sort of disorder! (I would say an eating disorder, but a mouth seems to be the one orifice it's not trying to be.) You should praise it for its unique sensibilities, its individual contributions to the world, rather than trying to make it conform to a preconceived notion of normal. You should let it know that, no matter what else, it is a Beauty. Ass, vagina, egg, all are irrelevant. The important thing is to accept it for itself, to allow it to forge its own destiny, to reach the heights of splendor by its own path. (Perhaps not unmolested, but at least unhindered.) It is Hole Ass Vagina with Egg Vibrating, and it is Beauty.

Anonymous said...

The hole ass is for those not content with a piece of ass.

H. B. said...

I am surprised that this is not self-evidently clear.

You are, I am sure, familiar with the horrible latex prosthetic vulvas used for such special-effects porn films of past eras as "woman has two vaginas" and "bald man inserts his entire head into a woman's vagina" and so forth.

So, consider the shape of this sculpture aside from the vulva (for, if we are to be pedantic here -- and of course we must be pedantic! -- what is visible is a vulva, not a vagina) and the region immediately around it. The shape of the remainder is unmistakably the shape of the buttocks, hips, and lower back of a woman -- or, in the vulgar, an "ass". The observant reader will note the roundness of the regions at the side of the "vulval" area; the lightly-grooved join of these regions at the bottom in a clear buttock-like manner reminiscent of an upside-down valentines-day heart in exactly the way that shapely buttocks are reminiscent; and the graceful inward-curving at the top with the shape of a woman's waist. So, this is ass; the ass of a very small woman to be sure, but nonetheless an ass.

However, we must also consider the obvious vulva -- for obvious it is, and obviously vulval it also is. It is also obviously quite oversized compared to the woman's waist and buttocks. One may object that it is somewhat unusual to find an oversized vulva in place of a woman's intergluteal cleft -- but it is likewise unusual to find a woman with two vulvas, or a man fitting his entire head in a woman's vagina, and yet as I have noted these do appear in pornographic movies through the use of prosthetics.

Thus, the answer is, as I have said, quite clear. This is a representation of the backside of a very small woman with a large prosthetic vulva applied to her intergluteal cleft. The remaining question is whether a vagina is involved. We are to understand that this is used for masturbation, and thus it is possible to insert an erect penis into the visible vulva, which implies that there must be some cavity within to receive it -- which is to say, behind this vulva there is indubitably a vagina.

And there is the answer. This is both ass and vagina in the same device, and when penetrating it you may imagine the woman whom the ass is part of, and to whom the prosthetic vagina has been applied, attempting to contort her expression of amusement at the absurdity into an appropriate depiction of wanton orgasmic bliss.

Perhaps it would be most appropriate to perform this penetration with the head of a Ken doll.

Erin said...

This just makes me think of that song from the last muppet movie, except instead of the question being if the characters are muppets or men, this one is singing..."Am I an asssssssssssss or am I a pussy? If I'm an ass that makes me a very ruffly ass."

I feel like we could be on the verge of the next great original musical.

Link to the muppet song, for reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MFn8L9tIrg

3deepbreaths said...

This feels like a freaky online version of "the liar's club". ( To those of you under 40 it was show where 2nd hand celebrities like Paul Lynde and Jo-Ann Whorley would pass around strange objects and tell semi-convincing explanations for it's use ..one of which would be true).
So, here's the real explanation: In Afghanistan it's not uncommon for lonely farmers to engage in amorous activity with their donkey. Coming into the 21st century , the local animal rights activists of Afghanistan began to question whether this was a consensual relationship. To minimize the stigma of being branded an animal rapist the "Whole Ass Vagina" was introduced.

Indolent said...

In an attempt to answer this question for myself, I have drawn a picture. It would appear that it is, in fact, possible for this to resemble a vulva. However, the unfortunate possessor of said vulva managed to get half of herself hit by a shrink ray, causing everything to become grotesquely out of proportion.

http://s16.postimg.org/pbn3bo0px/Iwillnevereveradmit_Idrewthis.png

Conclusion: It is a vagina. The "Ass" is merely a clever(?) marketing strategy to allow people searching for it as a keyword to discover their product.

(Conclusion part two: I should probably never try to draw erotic art, as it will likely end as badly as this product.)

dizzygirl said...

It's an assgina. What, never seen one?

in bed with married women said...

dear god, these were so amazing! i love the concentration of overthinking in one little spot.

Huzzah to Carrie, Bill, Lilscorpiosweetie, EB, BostonMAC, Spiffy McBang, Fitzlurker, Firehorse, Anna Marie, Indolent, Anonymous, H.B., Erin, 3deepbreaths, and dizzygirl!

Brenton Cox said...

It's a vagina. My reasoning? I have never, never, seen an asshole with lips.

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