Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Yes, There's Adult Content. That Would Be Because I'm An ADULT.

Google (misleading company slogan: "don't be evil") is making me take their ads off In Bed With Married Women because of my "violations." Which are, according to them: "adult/pornography" and "adult/explicit text."

It was the last post "big tide nipple fuck sliping in bathroom" that alerted them to my wantonness and adult ways. (Apparently my other posts about fucking inflatable sheep, anal bleaching and whatnot were A-OK.) It's kind of strange because the particular post they objected to was about Misguided Googlers®, and the "explicit text" was directly quoted from searchers that Google had sent me.

In my mind, there is a big-ass difference between pornography and an adult talking about adult things. I mean, fuck, I've birthed two babies, presumably I'm old enough to type the word fuck and post a picture of boobs once in a while. (Strangely, I did hesitate before posting the boob picture with that particular post because it seemed a little too sexy, if something can indeed be too sexy. But in the end, that chick's boobs were just so damn hot -- I had to post the picture.)

To me, pornography is not boobs or butts (Guess what, those are standard issue on humans.) Pornography is local news, the insane amount of murder and torture that is loving fetishized in movies, TV shows and video games, US Weekly ("Stars with cellulite!"), reality programming that demonstrates a woeful misunderstanding of the definition of the word "reality," corporate citizenry, airbrushing, Monsanto's business practices, and such. But I live in the United States in 2011, and here, pornography means sex.

Yes, SEX, as in how everyone reading this got here (except you test tube babies there in the back rows. Uh, no offense.) That's right. Someone did "IT" with someone else. They made love, they stuck cock in cunt, they had tepid sex because the ovulation thermometer said it was time, they co-mingled souls and saw God, they slam-fucked next to the dumpsters behind the Hardee's.

How are we STILL so ashamed of something so natural, human and basic?

*Shrug* Eh, dunno.

Anyway, the revenue stream of the Google ads (though perhaps "stream" is a bit strong a word. The revenue "slightly drippy faucet" perhaps?) is now gone, so I'm wondering what kind of monetizing strategies seem less odious to you, dear Gentle Reader? I, of course, am happy to write for you for free just because I love you so much, but my shareholders are total dicks and are always talking about stuff like "monetization" and "paying the electric bill."

I'm posting a poll over in the margin there on the right. Please weigh in with with your vote. The question is this:
How would you be willing to support IBWMW?

1. By making your regular purchases through the Amazon search box there at right?
2. Buying something via blog link from sex toy company Good Vibrations?
3. Making a direct donation using the Donate button in the right margin?
4. Getting a Kindle subscription to In Bed With Married Women (only 99¢ a month!)
5. Reading it for damn free like always.

Mull it over and let me know.

(photo source)


Anonymous said...

I reckon Imma gonna pony up to the Kindle subscription ... which is in my real name so you'll never know.

themajessty said...

You are so funny. Really.

But I'm just going to pretend I'll stop reading your blog in case Google checks up on me. I don't post pictures of naughty bits, but I do say the P-word way too much.

As for giving you support...I idolize you and fall in love with you every time I read your posts. There you go.

Unknown said...

I do like how your donation button says "please leave a tip."

My first thought: Just the tip?

Yeah, I've been corrupted. See what you did??? I'm telling google...

Enid Wilson said...

Poor thing. Sometimes people "pretend" to be so prim and proper, they make me laugh. What's the problem of talking about sex and consenual adult doing what the guy above asks us to do.

Anyway, can you publish your content as books to earn some cash? I'm selling over 400 books a month now. I think you have great content for some interesting kick arse books.

My Darcy Vibrates…

mjs said...

there are loads of monetization strategies -
but most of them start with:

build a mailing list using mailchimp or aweber and have us subscribe and then sell things to us periodically while doling out a steady stream of other cool things for free.

read blogs like copyblogger,, blogcastfm,,, for insights on how to build revenue streams.

Anonymous said...

ironically blogs who occasionally post "adult" content or i suppose nsfw content don't get to advertize with the rest of the internet. 4chan is limited to porn ads and one of my favorite bloggers has ads that make me hesitate to link his blog to my parents no matter how delightful it is. the "adult content" divide has stratified the internet into regions where those of us who are ok with porn (pictures and videos of couples engaging in sexual intercourse) will go and regions safe for the squeamish (who say things like "kick butt" because "ass" is too strong a word).

the whole "think of the children" thing has its merits i suppose but they've got to learn about the birds and the bees somehow and i don't see why the horrific violence on tv will scar their squishy brains less than pictures, videos, and literature that include people enjoying themselves in that particular manner. anyway you don't have any porn on your site you're merely talking about it and occasionally using the word "fuck".

anyway i think your sex toy giveaway strategy probably makes many of us so jealous we at least consider buying sex toys.

in bed with married women said...

betty, everyone who buys stuff is totally secret. i am none the wiser. if you want to buy butt plugs for the whole family, i'll never know.
lemons don't make lemonade--now THAT, gorgeous, is my best mash note of the day. i will warm my hands over on chilly winter nights.
idaho--i am not even going to tell you anything about erector sets or pianists, then.
enid--that is perfectly lovely advice. make all the more lovely by your arse brit-speak. ps good for you on the book sellin'!
mjs--you always give me such helpful, sincere answers that you make me feel humbled. thanks. again.
anonymous--you are a smart little anonymous writer. who is getting very jealous of sex toys and wants to buy.

Anonymous said...

It seems like Google enjoys doing weird shit to people's blogs if they dare to mention the G-word. I know of another blog which mysteriously disappeared from their search results when the writer dared to make her own Misguided Googler post! I suspect the "adult content" business is just a ruse. OUR GOOGLE OVERLORDS ARE NEVER WRONG, HOW DARE YOU POINT OUT THESE IRRELEVANT SEARCHES

Anonymous said...

I would certainly be willing to support you through the Amazon link - but it doesn't seem to be there on my browser (Firefox 7.01), all I see is text saying "Stick it to Amazon. Make your usual purchases via this link and they have to give me a cut. Suckers." but there is nothing to click on. AdBlock?

Good luck in getting on without Google - who needs them anyway?

in bed with married women said...

Anonymous 2, okay now I am freaked out and am going to spend the evening jotting down various conspiracy theories on a series of paper napkins. or maybe i'll just read a book, like usual. not sure yet.
Anonymous 3, well, i put a new link up on the top of the blog under the picture of the naked lady. maybe that will work if anyone is so motivated. thanks for the report! it's all part of the conspiracy! quick, someone get me some more napkins!

Can't keep anything to myself said...

I use Amazon all the time, but always forget that I should buy through your blog until after I've made the purchase :/ I should put a stickie note on my screen or something.

Can't keep anything to myself said...

Damn, I did it again. I remembered before it was too late though, so I cancelled the order and made it again using the box on your blog. Did it work? How do I know if it worked?

in bed with married women said...

can't keep anything: man, that is both tenacious and kind. i will look tomorrow and see if there's a new order. then i guess we'll know? thanks!!!

in bed with married women said...

Can't: New order. Musta worked!!! Thanks!

Smack The Chicken said...

I can totally relate to that.
I own a similar type of website. Yes, I show adult content however it's not porn. It is an extremly funny ironical view on sexual experiences.
I am concerned that facebook might close my account because of the website logo, a cartoon suggesting a penis-chicken.
Oh well, we'll wait and see

greymatter said...

Considering the fact that body parts (female) are used to sell everything - and every sitcom in america makes jokes about sexuality... There is an epidemic of stupidity regarding human sexuality that is literally killing people (grief, std's, confusion) this is basic human nature and should be encouraged rather than swept away.

Perhaps if things were more open then all those hypocritical power figures would stay out of other peoples pants - explain that to your kids when it hits the five o'clock news. How stupid can we all be? Not us - have fun, make fun - be real.

in bed with married women said...

Smack the Chicken--good luck, i will not rat you out.
Sally SMiles--that comment just went down on your permanent record. now you've done it, girl.
Greymatter--do you mind if I just stand up for a minute and cheer here? yes! yes! you are so right! bravo!

Tineke said...

I must say, I stumbled upon your blog accidentally, through a link about 5 myths about sex in history that everyone believes. Love the blog so far, I must say it's one of those discoveries on the internet that actually amuse me, and get me laughing out loud. (love the style of your writing as well, very entertaining)

-> and in case there's poor spelling in this comment, I'm from Belgium, so English is my 4th language...

in bed with married women said...

Tineka--Thanks and welcome! I will pause here a minute to stand in awe of your language prowess.... Okay, then, another thing, are you sure you didn't get here by googling "big tide nipple fuck sliping in bedroom"? C'mon. Be honest.

whoresandhookers said...

Did google drop all ads and links to the major porn providers -- Comcast, ATT, Howard Johnsons?

I must have missed that.