Friday, November 18, 2011

"big tide nipple fuck sliping in bedroom"

I, too, often stand topless
next to my lava lamp.
"Big tide nipple fuck sliping in bedroom."

Ah yes, faithful IBWMW readers will recognize this, not as the beginning of a provocative haiku, but rather as the unmistakably tortured syntax, poor spelling and unclear desires of a Misguided Googler®.

So I have an idea. In the interest of trying to run a good business around here (suddenly thought of new blog motto: "Where the Customer Counts," replacing former blog motto "A Cry for Help"), let's have a look at this month's trends in Misguided Googlers®, shall we? Please get out your folders and direct your attention to the screen in front of the room.

As I see it, the keyword trends directing people to this corner of the Internet are as follows:

1. Sexy time with bedposts:  "Women fucking bed poles." "Free videos of women coming on the bed post."

2. Excessively specialized requests:  "Big tits women7" (not sure why big tits women6 was not acceptable to this searcher, but I'm not here to judge.) "Naked female mail carriers." (rrraowwr!) "Jill St. John Lost World camel toe," "cunnilingus in World War I."

3.  Not even asking a question, just bragging:  "I fucked the older woman down the street."

4. Various and sundry requests for married women doing assorted sexual things:  Including married women... "loving cock," "fucking a stranger," "who like to suck any cock they can"...you get the idea. That's why it was so refreshing to find "married women driving naked." (post idea, cashing in on two trends at once: married women mail carriers driving naked.)

5.  Just funny, though I can't really say why: "Can I put fat sex toy in woman virgina." Hell, why not? "Mmm old woman sex," "gay water," "how to catch married woman for fuck." And my favorite, "homemade fuck."

6.  Flattering (certainly, this had to have been my husband): "Blow job marriage divine jill hamilton."

7.  Insulting: "Long and sagging titties." Not me, darlin'. You have come to the wrong place. (Try again in a few years though!)

8. Racist old Southern woman hitting the sherry and drunk Googling: "Wife in bed with a black."

9. Kind of ick: "Fuck horse cervix," "elderly fuck toy," "dog fuck wife in a bedroom." (the bedroom specified because dog fucking wife in kitchen = unacceptable, I guess.)

10. What the hell?!?: "Vagisil porn," "tentacle eroticism," "sexy chipmunk costume," "dildo masturbation ikea," "vagina cupcakes," "inner dildo-y part plus so-called 'rabbit ears' for outer stimulation," "fuckable household objects," "Snuggle bear gets fucked." Oh wait... *blush*...those are all legit.

So, anyone have any business insights? Ways to cash in and whatnot?

If not, I'll leave you with one more search term, "Woman slow hip rolling in bed to orgasm" which I might have to search myself because it sounds kind of hot. I can only hope that wherever I land, they will treat me kindly.

****This just in!:  Due to this post, IBWMW is now the #2 choice for the search term "married woman fuking dogs." New new blog motto:  "Lots of married woman and dog fuking."

(photo source: Space Ghost Depressed)


Note: For more frequent Misguided Googler updates, "like" the In Bed With Married Women Facebook page.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

You've made the big time: appearing in a Misguided Googler search entry! I sexy chipmunks!

Betty Fokker said...

I would argue that the Snuggle Bear is a slut and will give it up for ANYBODY.

Annabelle said...

Lawdy...theres a website for everything and they all lead here. Brilliant!

lady lovin ya
a-

in bed with married women said...

Anonymous--"Hey look! There I am, honey! 'Homemade fuck!'"
Betty--Word.
Annabelle--Always lovin your lady lovin'! Lovin' you back.

dirtycowgirl said...

You do realise that writing this post has just upped the chances of those same searches heading here again right ?

I get some hilarious ones ( http://dirtycowgirl.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-exactly-were-you-hoping-to-see.html)and while I might occasionally write about sex it's far from the theme, I don't even have a theme. And oddly the searches tend to take them to the not-about-sex posts, they must be VERY disappointed.

I worry about people I really do.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

You had me at "Naked female mail carriers."

My fe-mail-man is kind of hot. I'd hit that.

dirtycowgirl said...

Hey Jill, just seen your comment. Am a bit concerned as I do have a follow gadget added and the navbar link ? Could you not see them ?

in bed with married women said...

dirtycowgirl--thanks for the link. you are officially my new blog crush.
Lost.in.Idaho--loving the high standards of men. "eh, she's kind of hot. I'd hit that." Why the hell not?

ps. afterthought, maybe "fuck horse cervix" doesn't mean to actually fuck a horse cervix, but more of a damnation of horse cervix, like, "fuck, horse cervix." either way, i guess, still, fucking weird.

Jeanne said...

Hell, I'm going to make a post with these terms just to get some damn traffic. I'm not picky. Or proud.

Freddy said...

My alltime favourite search term used to find my blog was "why do women sigh"

Sadly, I don't believe the answer is to be found in my blog.

Could it possibly be found in yours?

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