Thursday, June 16, 2011

A Really Good Contest, Plus Your Ugly Celebrity Crush

See that blue thing below that appears to be pointing to these words? That, my friend, is not just a handy pointing device, but also today's fabulous contest prize.

It's an iRabbit Mini Waterproof Vibrator from hipster sex toy company Good Vibrations, an $89 value! (insert cheery game show music here.)

Damnably, I haven't tried it myself, but it sounds quite delightful. One, it's phthalate-free and waterproof. Two, it ranks very low on the volume scale (good for sneaking back to your room to "fold the laundry"), yet ranks highly on the intensity scale (meaning, laundry folding will be really, really....good.) But, that's not all--dude, listen to this ad copy: 
Sporting the same semi- realistic design [as the full-size version], the multi-speed iRabbit features the swiveling shaft, scintillating pearls, and multi-function pulsation patterns for a variety of stimulating experiences. 
The last part of the sentence with the swiveling shaft and whatnot is so appealing, I can scarcely be bothered to make a joke about the "semi-realistic design." I would so get this swag for myself, but I'm pretty sure I'd never leave the house again. (Note: not a lie.)

To enter, name your Ugly Celebrity Crush as a comment below. A UCC--because I'm literally too lazy to type the whole fucking name again (a time-saver I just negated by typing a much longer explanation which required the additional arduous task of italicizing. Crap.)--is a famous person who, while technically ugly, still has a certain something. Which is visible only to you. 

Dick Morris,
pre-fatness
Mine, I am sorry to report, is Dick Morris, who is a complete asshole and, truth be told, getting pretty fat. Yes, he's a fat, unattractive, politically heinous asshole, but...well, rrraaoooww. 

I know. I know. I am filled with shame. 

Okay, now you. Who's your Ugly Celebrity Crush?

Winner will be announced Monday, June 20, 2011, and selected by me and the vagaries of my whims. Or...if I'm lucky, me and my new lover, Dick Morris.


(Btw, if you want to bypass the contest and get to that "laundry folding" right away, click here to order the contraption.)

22 comments:

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Some people call her a butterface of epic proportions, but I dunno. Maybe it's the voice?

Her, and Sarah Rue. Just for the pinup-esque vaVOOM factor. Neither will make a Maxim or FHM list but I don't care.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Oh, and do you know fer sure if it's the blue one as shown in the picture? My girl is partial to pink... (I know, free is free, but color-preference would rock)

jill hamilton said...

Idaho, it is indeed blue. Specifically "blueberry."

Anna Marie said...

I have 2, one for each gender. hehe.
1. Rosie O’Donnell. She might not be the most attractive person in the world, but she is amazing. she is funny, strong willed, and has a no bull attitude. I would love to hang out with her!
2.Steve Buscemi. Besides his whole creepy factor that he has (that i love). he seems so warm hearted. i would love to just sit in a comfy living room and just talk about what is going on in our lives and the world. <3

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

My ugly celebrity girl crush is Sarah Jessica Parker. Seems a lot of people find her repulsive looking, but I think she's incredibly sexy.
Fun post.
xoRobyn

Anonymous said...

Had to think hard about this one. Marty Feldman. The bulgy eyes make him all the more adorable.

Love, Jill P.

Rebecccccca said...

OMG I love John Cusack No clue why...just do.


Geekslady at gmail dot com

Anonymous said...

Definitely Conan OBrien! Something about that red hair just makes me purr!

pengboo@yahoo.com

Tricia said...

Hmmm.....this requires far more thought than I can muster on a Friday morning. First thought? Perhaps the nerdy guy who plays Miranda's husband Steve on Sex and the City.

Betty Fokker said...

For God's sake, I am a stay at home mom. I need that toy more than ANYONE else reading your blog. Just cheat and pick me, okay?

I have a crush on a character (not the actor; I'm sure he's a nice person but he's only human). My fantasies revolve around Data from TNG fame. His tongue can vibrate and he can hold his breath forever.

Misty's Place said...

Mine is Kelsey Grammer. I like his older/teacher appeal.

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

Hands down? Hugh Grant, tied with Colin Firth

Anonymous said...

Blogger is being a dill-hole....again. I must comment as "Anonymous" But it's me, Heather (Sugar Free)

I'm torn between Marilyn Manson and Iggy Pop for my male crush. So horribly hard on the eyes, but what they bring to the other senses, is just a fucking turn on. For my chick crush: Donatella Versace. Seriously, hot hot hot for everything but her face. Heh...I said butterface.....fuck I'm so juvenile.

Desta said...

I had a roommate who referred to this as a "Trailer Park Lover." Mine was (and will always be) Dwight Yoakam. Yee-haw!

Can't keep anything to myself said...

Homygod I want this!
Uhh I'd have to say Stephen King. He's getting pretty old and he's one creepy guy, but damn he can write about sex!
Does he count as a celebrity?

thehornyartist said...

It has to be Amy Winehouse! She is repulsive and intriguing at the same time. I'd take her either pre-boob operation or post. In fact, she couldn't get her clothes off fast enough and we would have to keep the lights on!

Can't keep anything to myself said...

Email: llonkey1 at gmail dot com

Harleyq said...

My ugly celebrity crush would have to be Steve Tyler from Aerosmith. It's embarrassing to admit to having this crush, likely because the guy has to in his 60's. Or could it be because of his huge mouth and giant lips? But I have to say the bad boy/nice guy persona just doesn't wear his age and yeah, he just kinda floats my boat, or i would like him too. *blush*

Ainm Cleite said...

Michael Douglas. Hands down. People tell me he's old and haggard, but I still see MD circa 1980's when I look into his sweet face. What a man...

AliWProk said...

God help me. Mine is Keith Richard of Rolling Stones. That leering charisma. Yowsa.

jill hamilton said...

Anna Marie, you are the (randomly chosen) winner! Send your mailing address to me at jillhamilton001@gmail.com and we'll get your prize in the mail at once.

FoxyBlur said...

this contest may be over, but I got so excited there was an actual vibrator contest, I had to come look (I was on tricia's blog and saw your post lol).

I still want to share. Bc clearly, I have no filter, and someone has to listen right? right.

John Leguizamo. Which I probably spelled wrong, but shit, I don't care, he probably can't spell it right either (have you seeeeen his movies? lol). Anyway, he was always delicious in that secret-guy-im-banging-but-sush-don't-tell-because-he-looks-like-he-might-carry-a-knife-and-finish-with-no-warning-(possibly in my eye). But after seeing his little compact self in person, I'm all in. Risk to eyeballs and all. I mean, I could literally fit him in my pocket and really work out some laundry. mmmhmmmmmmmm.

and that's my UCC. You down with UCC? Yeah you know me :)

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