Monday, June 27, 2011

A Little Housekeeping, Plus A Man on How It Feels To Use A Fleshlight and A Woman on How It Feels To Use the Female Condom

In Bed With Married Women can now be sent directly to your Kindle or other e-reader! Imagine how horrified your other e-books will be. Click here for a free two-week subscription.

And just so it's not all money-grubbing around here today, I'll leave you with these two How Does It Feel descriptions from readers.  First, a man on Fleshlights, which are flashlight-looking male masturbation sleeves, and second, a woman on what it feels like to use a female condom.

Cpt. Wolf wrote of Fleshlights:   

In my experience, it's simply a different sensation. I don't find them to be a mind blowing experience, just a change up to suit my mood. The ones that I've tried are generally tighter than a woman. There's more tension to the material, even with generous lube. They're certainly not unpleasant, but don't hold a candle to the real thing. They certainly don't do the same thing for me as my girlfriend's toys when I use them on her. Although we've never tried using one of mine in bed. That, I have a feeling, is a totally different story. I think one of the big things is that I'm aware that it's still me doing it. The addition of another person would most definitely change the intensity. Then it might just have that mind blowing effect.

And Robin Wolfe (yes, she of Victorian Porn Fridays) had this to say of female condoms:

I tried them once. Imagine one of those small plastic bags that you put produce in at the grocery store. At either end, attach one of those silicone message bracelets that people wear to support various charities.

Now take that bag and stick it in your cooter (remember to squeeze the bracelet at the inside end so you can get it up there), and slop some lube inside it so the guy doesn't feel quite as much like he's fucking a plastic bag. Remember to keep reaching down during the act to make sure it isn't sliding out, or in, or perhaps disappearing into the Rift.

That's what it's like to use a female condom.

So, uh, okay, then, you're free to go. But don't forget about the whole IBWMW on Kindle thing. Alert the neighbors, tell your friends or just go on Amazon and give it a decent review.   


Unknown said...

I have used a fleshlight. I prefer using silicon-based lube more than anything else, because (unlike the fleshlight) you can change up the friction. Want it tighter? Not as tight? The hand gives you this control and the silicon makes every level of pressure feel amazing.

That, and it's a helluva lot cheaper than the toy.

Great reviews. I'll never have the pleasure of wearing a female condom, but the illustrations painted makes me feel like I have.

Much love to you all.

Unknown said...

Know what's even better? Silicone (stoopid blogger, why can't we edit comments?)

Unknown said...

I think I'm a little in love with Robin's writing. :)

Annah said...

It's things like this that make me wish I had a Kindle :(

Betty Fokker said...

Could you use the fleshlight as a female condom? It would kill two birds with one stone.

Unknown said...

This inspired me to write a review on "blossoms organics", the eco-friendly lube I won from one of your contests. I tried it just a little while ago (i kept meaning to find time for... "private" time but didn't have it until today). If you're interested, I can write it via email or maybe i'll post it on blog or i can do both.

katsidhe said...

I now have Neil Diamond's "Turn on Your Heart Light" stuck in my head except I'm hearing "turn on your fleshlight".

I have a Nook instead of a Kindle. :(

Harleyq said...

I am not sure I will look at a "flashlight" the same way again (eyes mine suspiciously).

Jill Hamilton said...

Dear Idaho--thanks for the mini review! i love to hear how the other half feels things.
Tricia--me too. though it doesn't affect my feelings for you.
Annah--that makes me happy. not that you don't have a kindle, i mean. i'm just making it worse, aren't i? i'll just move on now.
betty--uh, that is a great idea, 'cept for the whole shoving a fleshlight up your girl wang. other than that though, i see no problems.
leila--yes, would love to hear your impressions!
katsidhe--that is just horrible. i'm so sorry. i get the p-funk song "flashlight" in my head which is much more tolerable--though not nearly as funny.