Friday, November 12, 2010

Vagisil Porn, Regular Porn and Transcendent Orgasms--Or, Just Another Friday Mail Day

Oooh, the mail's here.  Let's take a look!

In response to the Vagisil Porn post (aka "Oh yeah...there.... yes, yes, yes, MAKE ME FEEL FRESH!!!!") reader Chaffyn sent in the chart below and wrote,
Thought you'd like to know that this domain name is AVAILABLE!!! Unless somebody already grabbed it, we should.  Doncha think? It's only a dollar a month and I'll split it with ya.
Hmmm....

Well, the price is certainly right for the "vagisilporn.info" domain name. But unfortunately my one dollar of investment money is currently tied up in highly volatile derivatives. However, if you go the Vagisil porn route with Chaffyn, you might pick "vagisilporn.co" because it's listed as the "Premier Choice!" and that just sounds classy.  I also like "newvagisilporn.com" because it implies a certain modernity, not like the old-fashioned Vagisil porn your grandpa used to listen to on the Victrola. ("Claudine, head out to the shed and fetch me my douching bag! And I'm gonna need some sterno cans, barley malt and some extra lye...")

Meanwhile, back in 2010, reader DeliaDelish spilled her porn gripes in response to the post Considering Porn, Perhaps Too Much:
Oh, I'm so glad you asked! Husband and I do watch porn. Probably the typical stuff. Sucking and fucking, we call it. I have some basic beefs: 1. The word shit does not belong with sex. Can they not find better words to express their pleasure? 2. What's with all the spitting? Gross. Is there no lube in Pornland? 3. Pussy slapping? Really? And why is it always the girls slapping each other's pussies? Those three things have really been bugging me and until now I've had nowhere to vent, so thank you.
You're welcome. I soooo hear you on the spit thing. Recently someone sent me a supposedly "instructional" film on blow jobs to review. I watched the whole damn thing because I kept thinking it would get to some secret tongue move that would give me BJ Superpower, but no such magic tips were forthcoming. What there was was spit, lots of spit, friggin' gallons of spit. And worse, the people in the video were "real" people, i.e. "people who don't look good naked--not at all."  Oh, children!-- the pock-marked bottoms I saw! Lord, have mercy! I was so traumatized, I had to reenact parts of the video to my friend Heather--including sound effects and hand motions--to help purge it from my pysche. I honestly thought I might not want to have sex ever again. I was as grossed out as a kid hearing about sex for the first time--"They do WHAT? With their WHAT? NOOOOO!"

And finally, Anonymous sent this in response to the post on cervical orgasms, In Search of the Elusive Third Type of Orgasm.
i am 38 and i had one of these last night. i told my husband i had no idea what that was-- and he was in awe about how *loud* i was (i am usually very quiet...just a breather...) the only way i could describe it to him was that it felt like an orgasm that started above my chest and overtook my entire body, and it was like everything went white. i told him it was like my spirit split and was in him and myself at the same time. that was the most intense experience i have ever had. i'm sure the neighbours agree LOL i read about vaginal orgasms but those are what i normally have (i have vaginal orgasms way more often than clitoral orgasms) and i just knew there had to be something else. it was so intense that afterwards i said "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M AN ATHEIST!" HAHA
I don't have anything to say about this except I am beyond jealous. Clearly this is something I will need to put on my To Do list.
1. Go to Trader Joes.
2. Have my spirit split in half while everything goes white during intense, screamingly loud cervical orgasm.
3. Whoops, first close window overlooking neighbor's yard, then spirit splitting, screaming loud, everything goes white cervical orgasm.

6 comments:

Nakedjaebird said...

God, I love Trader Joes. :)

Isabella(username) said...

I really like your blog! just started mine! and i talk about how is to be a college student and a phone sex operator!

CkretsGalore said...

I don't really get all the spitting either HOWEVER I do get it with Blowjays. Men love that shit.
I think it's just everything...the sound/action of/feel of spitting for them. It's just so dirty and whoreish. So of course I don't mind doing it. haha
But don't spit on me please..use plenty of saliva but don't hock one at me.

A Redhead Named Sam said...

Water is the worst lubricant on the planet! Gah! But I suppose it keeps production costs at a minimum...?

And as far as closing the windows so the neighbors don't hear...well, let's just say I don't like being quiet. ;)

jill hamilton said...

Naked, I'm with you on the TJ love, especially since right now they have dark chocolate bars for 29 cents.
Isabelle, thanks! Will give your blog a look.
Ckrets, now you are making me wonder if if there is a fetish site for hocking on others. *sigh*--probably.
And Redhead, I love how you're thinking thrifty on the porn set. "We can't afford lube dammit! Spit is free!" ps re: thriftiness, see above, dark chocolate at Trader Joe's, 29 cents.

xanax said...

sounds kindof good if you think of it

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