Writes Christine Mathias about this scary mutant mannlow thing:
Sporting a badly silk-screened image of Robert Pattinson (maybe) and lumpy poly-filled arms, the manllow promises to hold you when you're blue and never try to get past third base. It can't. It doesn't have fingers, or a groin. With some jury-rigging and a "Twilight" vibrator, though ...
One reviewer of the Tantus Niagara Twilight Vibrator recommended using it cold, so it feels "like a vampire." Another reviewer said she could only like this sex toy more "if it actually came attached to Edward." Alas, the Twilight vibe neither sparkles in the sun nor crushes rock with its innate hardness. It cannot turn into a wolf or see the future. Cough up almost $80, though, and you can figure that out for yourself. Another of the selling points: "not tacky." Arguable.
And FYI, if you're looking for some ice-cold Twilight lovin', you're going to have to wait because the vibrator, inexplicably, is sold out. Meaning right now, there are probably folks who are--right this very second--making sweet sweet love to their disembodied Edward penis. (A side thought: people having sex
with silicon versions of your body parts is probably what people are referring to when they talk about "the down side of fame.")
Anyway, here's where I must confess my hideously embarrassing secret: I don't find "Twilight," werewolves, vampires, dead people, etc... to be sexy. So I turn to you, dear "Twilight" fan. Am I woefully misguided and these items are smokin' hot? Or not so much? Do tell.
P.S. All through the typing of this, my spellcheck keeps insisting that mannlow is misspelled. Or maybe it is just spellcheck begging me, in the only way it knows how, to stop--for godsakes, stop--talking about the damn mannlows. Oh, fine, spellcheck. You win again. This time.