Sunday, July 25, 2010

Is "Ice Butt" A Color? And Other Important Questions of These Times

Reader Buckeye Wife and her husband were inspired by the Mangina post to Google "weird sex toys." "Really, I'm not a perv," she hastens to add. "Just immature and still giggle about weird sex stuff." The most decidedly non-pervy Buckeye Wife and her husband stumbled upon a discussion thread featuring the excellent discovery that Amazon sells sex toys. Yes! Bookish ol' Amazon, peddling smut!

Writer Smith1990 linked to two especially intriguing products, noting, "The comments are brilliant. If you feel like a giggle and aren't uptight about sex, go have a look." Of course, I was so there.  And it was well worth the arduous task of clicking the link to behold the Private Pleasures New Soft Touch Vagina & Anus. I mean, the description alone!
Soft & sensual! So incredibly life-like, you'll think you are deep inside of me!! Sensational ribbed passage. Tight & sassy anus. 6 Inch love tunnel. Exquisitely detailed vaginal lips. You can feel my soft Vagina and anus swallow your throbbing penis with every stroke. As you slide into my private pleasures the feeling is so life-like that it's as if you were deep inside of me!! I like it both ways! Sold as a novelty only. 
I love so much about this: that the anus is described as "sassy," the random capitalization of Vagina and the fact that it's "sold as a novelty only." I can't imagine any non-novelty use and I've spent a good minute or so trying. But perhaps most lovely thing about this paragraph is how it's written from the point of view of the disembodied anus/vagina thing. Genius! And I have to admit that the anus/vagina thing does indeed seem to have a pleasant and agreeable personality. After all, who likes a grouchy anus/vagina thing? ("Jeez! What are you doing to me?! I have to get up early tomorrow!")

Buckeye Wife and her husband were also enchanted by the FleshLight Masturbator and I can't blame them. The FleshLight (not to be confused with the excellent Parliament song "Flashlight") is an artificial anus housed, inexplicably, in a flashlight canister. The ad copy claims this is "discreet" storage, but I picture this causing way more problems than it solves. ("EARTHQUAKE!!" "Don't worry everyone! Everything's gonna be fine. I grabbed this....uh, anus masturbator.")

Writes Buckeye Wife, "My favorite part is that the color of the FleshLight is listed as 'anus.'" Oh, mine too, Buckeye Wife, mine too. And a side note to those who don't care for the color "anus": you will be pleased to know that the FleshLight also comes in the colors Pink Butt, as well as Ice Butt.


The Housewife said...

You need to go to YouTube and look up the Tenga egg. And their other products. You will be amazed!

Jill Hamilton said...

P.S. I don't mean to make fun of people who use such things, at least not that much fun. As a satisfied Amazon customer put in his review: "It's strange - if a modern woman uses a dildo vibrator, she's cool and independent. How come people think a guy is a pervert if he uses an artificial vagina? Isn't it pretty much the same?" Point taken. So, yes, if you like it, please go right ahead and make sweet sweet love to your anal flashlight.

Kate said...

Nothing like a sassy, Ice Butt.


Anonymous said...

"Because you never know when the manly mood will strike you"


Anonymous said...

I think the copy is written from the point of view of the porn actress who inspired the plastic vag/anus, not the actual vag/anus thing. But perhaps I'm splitting pubic hairs here. Oh wait... there aren't any.

Ashke said...

As if I'm not already laughing so hard I'm crying... "Patented Real Feel Superskin material is soft, pliable, and warms to the touch, just like the real thing!"

Can you imagine applying for *that* patent? Can you imagine being the patent reviewer and having that come across your desk (so to speak)?

Although, hold up a minute! Ice Butt *isn't* a color after all - it's clear, so you can "Watch yourself from the moment of penetration to the grand finale..." Wow. Now, that's one of those visuals you really want your mind's eye to look away from but just can't manage to convince it not to stare. Wow.

And now I have to come up with a way to simultaneously share this with my friends and not look like I've been surfing amazon for see-through anuses (maybe I mistyped window panes?).

Anonymous said...

The disembodied pairing, as mentioned, of a floating vagina and ass are everywhere. The Fleshlight is really not as weird looking - more of an extension of his hand for use. Frankly they were new to us, we tried them, we now have a collection! The Ice is nice - visual interest. Ladies don't be afraid to pop your vibrator in one ind and use it as a massager. Yes - women have vibrators, etc - the guys should have toys too.