grand celebration in which we're re-running IBWMW's all-time greatest Real Sex Stories)
"Have you ever done stories about women who are NOT married, but were married and have been enjoying their sex life so much more immensely since no longer being married?" wrote Midge*.
No, but let's do it! Here, I'll get the old True Wife's Tales stuff out of the blog's attic. True Wife's Tales, if you're new around here, were the whole impetus for this blog. It was gonna be all earnest, Studs Terkel-like Real Women telling their Real Stories about their sex lives so that we could all get some fucking honesty happening. (Hence, also, the name of the blog.)
But then I learned about the existence of stuff like anal ring toss, and, well, my attention was diverted from these loftier goals.
Here's "Midge," 40ish, in the process of ending an 18 year marriage.
I got married when I was 24, and I was definitely not a virgin.
My first sexual experience was utterly awful. I was 16, I did it because the rest of my friends were doing it, and I had "heard" that doing it while on your period made it less painful. Well, that certainly wasn't the case, as there was blood EVERYWHERE, it hurt and I'm actually surprised that the guy I had sex with had sex again, there was so much.
When I met the person was to become my husband, and we had sex, I thought it was the most amazing thing I had had. I was 22 then. He definitely turned me on. His dick was VERY well sized, and fit so well inside me.
After a bit of a turmoil here and there (and at 22, 23, EVERYTHING is still turmoil), we got married when I was 24 and he was 22. We were married almost 18 years.
Because, having no other sexual partners and being only with him, I knew no different. And even with the partners I had before marrying him, I had never had an orgasm. There was one time later on in our marriage when I truly remember having an orgasm while we were having sex. I cried. I literally cried because I couldn't believe I had finally had one and how good it felt.
The time I was with him, I will have to say that I can recall a few times where the sex WAS really good. At least really good for the time when I knew no different. There was one time we stayed at a lodge after a Christmas party and I was so turned on I kept climbing on top of him all night long. I couldn't get enough. And there was a time in Vegas, when it was the same. While the sex wasn't bad, it was only what I can describe was nondescript. It was there. It was what you did. The basic motions. Missionary. Me on top, a "spooning" type, one time. Positions, that although they were a little different, did not change the way he felt inside me.
Now, just writing that, I realized that the best times were when we were NOT at home. Having kids definitely changed a lot, mostly for me, and I will take that blame. Taking care of kids all day, working part time, taking care of the house, it put a strain on our sex life. I didn't have the desire most of the time.
Also, my ex traveled for work and would be gone for months at a time. Back then, I guess, also, you would say I was a prude, because I was the of the mindset, "It's either the real thing, or nothing", meaning no toys. Boy was I WRONG! Back then I literally put sex out of my mindset because I knew I wasn't getting it, so no reason to think about it.
We had sex for the last time, six months before I asked him to move out. Now, if you ask him, he will say that the lack of sex was a determining factor in the demise of our marriage. Maybe he's right in a way. I had no desire to have sex with him anymore. Not because my desires had decreased but because of other factors of lack of trust, deceit, etc.
But it was during these last six months, however, that I did start to find my sexual libido. I had always read "soft porn" "romance" novels, and I found that when reading those, my pussy got warm and wet. And so one of those times, when I was home alone, I went into the dresser drawer and grabbed an electric massager that we had (he used it on me a couple of times, but I felt silly at the time and could not relax enough to enjoy it). It had a little nub on it as well. I decided to experiment. I plugged it in and put it between my legs, right on my clit. The orgasm was so amazing and I came so hard. From that moment on I was hooked. There was no turning back. I may have not been having sex with my husband anymore, but I found something else that gave me extreme pleasure.
Oral sex was also not a big factor in our sex life. Oh, he loved getting blow jobs, but I didn't like giving them. And he tried to please me orally, but he did NOT know how to do it and frankly I felt like a lollipop. A friend of mine gave me a book to have him look at it, but by that time, the end was near and we never used it.
The day after he moved out, I went to go look for the massager and lo and behold, he took it! Crap! (and I'm not even sure he even knew I used it). So that led to my first vibrator purchase. I bought a little bullet to put on my clitoris and while it was okay, it just did not do the job like that plug in one did (and seriously, how can you compare something that only requires a little battery to operate versus electric power). Then I bought a blue vibrating dildo that required a little more power, but still nothing was as good as electric. (I was using my fingers still and knew how to make myself orgasm, on my clit) So I went back to the toy store and found an electric one. I would have LOVED to have gotten the Hitachi one, but money was getting tight and I had to watch my pennies.
My libido was just getting higher and higher. I started watching porn as well, and let me tell you how much of a prude I was, I never used to watch it.
I read up on orgasms. I learned different things that I could do, to please myself. I found my g-spot
Then came my first post-husband sexual experience. It was with a guy I had met on MySpace (yes, they say be careful, but damn this guy was HOT. He was tattooed, cut like no one else and 16 years younger than me). It was in the back of his car (another first for me, as I had "vowed" in the past to never do it in a car) It was a one-time hook-up, and it was one that made me realize that I did NOT want younger guys like that. I wanted ones closer to my age. Someone who knew what they were doing in bed and had the longevity.
My next sexual encounter was a pivotal turning point in my sexual life. We had met at a bar and had mutual friends. I had not planned on having sex with him as soon as I did. But my sex drive had been in overdrive for a while and I was ripe for the taking. Now, while we women will state that size doesn't matter, it kind of does, but in this man's case, size had absolutely nothing to do it with. Because he was SMALL. And by small, I mean by when he was fully hard, I could have his entire cock in my mouth and NOT gag. But he knew what to do. He knew how to position me so he could hit my g-spot and make me cum. And I came. Over and over and over. From missionary position, to holding my legs up in the air, to from behind doggy style. And doggy style was a position that I never used to like, but with him, I loved it. He made me explode.
And he loved to go down on me, to lick and tease my clit, to suck on it and make me orgasm to the highest heights. There was one time when he ate me out so good, I literally just slid off the side of the bed onto the floor in ecstasy because my body was so exhausted from coming so much. He made me scream with pleasure. We tried different things: me being completely bent over in the shower, holding my ankles (I found out I was EXTREMELY limber), he tied me up, he blindfolded me and I found that I liked being submissive like that. He would pull my hair from behind just as I was about ready to cum, he would rake his hands down my back. It turned me on, being bound like that. Even holding my neck in an almost chokehold got me excited. I found that I wanted to be tied up. I wanted to be blindfolded, I wanted him to pull my hair, things I had NEVER, EVER thought I would like or even think of doing. And he even played with my ass. He would stick his finger up my ass and it aroused me. My ass. A taboo for me that I always said was an exit area, "No Entry". Now I own a butt plug as well.
This lasted 3 months. We had an agreement from the very beginning. This was purely sexual. And I think because it was purely sexual and I had COMPLETE trust in him, that allowed me to explore my sexuality and what I truly loved and I was able to relax so much that I could even squirt with him. And by being this way with him, it allowed me to be completely relaxed with MYSELF and do the same and come to those highest orgasms with myself as well
I am now with another man who can make me orgasm and scream just as much as the previous guy. Sure his "moves" are different, but this man's dick is big, and it's gorgeous and I love sucking his cock for him. I love the pleasure he gets from me making him hard and giving him head. And I'm good at giving head. I always have been good at it, but I never enjoyed doing it. And I think I've come to the conclusion that I know why I never liked it that much, because I never got the reciprocation back of GETTING head, myself, in a way that pleasured me.
I am still learning from our sex, even over a year later. Trying new things. I am at my sexual freedom and enjoying everything about it. I love being bitten. I can almost orgasm with him just doing that. Licking, sucking and biting my nipples are one instant way to get me wet. I also had anal sex with him and I loved it. He knew exactly what to do. He was so gentle and eased himself inside. Recently he used toys and a glass dildo on me. He always remembers that night because he remembers the pool of juices that soaked his sheets from using them on me.
I still masturbate, and often. I love watching porn to turn me on, especially watching two girls. I have never had a sexual experience with another woman, but I wouldn't rule it out either. I have just never found that one woman who turns me on like that in person
I have a little time in the morning, and so I carve out masturbation time to myself. I can always count on my electric massager to get me a quick clitoris orgasm. When my children are not at home and I have a few hours to myself, I will set aside about an hour, and I will combine the massager and glass dildo to bring me to ecstasy heights. I always start off by rubbing my clitoris with my fingers and can come quite easily that way too. I know what gets me excited now. I know what makes me cum now. I have let go of my inhibitions that I had through the years and embrace my sexuality and desires.
And it shows outwardly too. I weigh more than I did in the past, yet I find more men attrached to me now than before. Or maybe they were before and I never noticed it. I have had men, even married men, that I have known for over 20 years approach me, telling me how much they desire me. How much they want to fuck me. Describing in detail what they want to do to me. I can see the way some men look at me now. I know the look. I know what they want.
I went from a girl/young woman who thought she wasn't a prude, to finding out that her prior self was one and has now let go of her inhibitions to enjoy sex and all it has to offer. It's something that I won't let disappear from my life now.
*If you'd like to share your own true tale, please drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. (Bonus: you get to pick your own pseudonym!)
(image source La Contessa, photo by Sergei)