Thursday, February 23, 2012

I've Got Your Damn Contest Right Here, Buddy. Write Some Bad Erotic Haiku, Win a Manly, Manly Prize

All hepped up by the post on Bad Erotica, reader Bill over at the In Bed With Married Women Facebook page had the genius idea for a bad erotica-writing contest. "Oh, yes," I thought, "But the Gentle Readers of Today are busy. How about a bad erotica contest...using haiku?"

Are you in?

The prize is a cock ring, because we're classy like that. Specifically the O-Man Waterproof Vibrating Cock Ring courtesy of my sex toy corporate overlords at Good Vibrations.

Here's a photo of it posing nicely for you, at left:

What the hell does a cock ring do? Well, here, let's have a look at the description.
Take a step up from standard stimulation with the O Man Vibrating Pleasure Ring. This buzzy buddy combines a battery-powered bullet vibe with a textured elastomer ring for superior stimulation, and then brings “the boys” into the action with the “baller” attachment! Just stretch the secondary ring to wear around the testicles to kick the intensity up a notch.  And while the O Man makes a super ring for solo play, the additional tickler nodule on the baller makes it the perfect partner pleaser as well.  Waterproof and easy to use, the O-Man is exactly the right tool for yours!
To win it, write me some bad erotic haiku and put it as a comment below or email it in. I'll pick a random winner on Saturday. Let me know you're an IBWMW Kindle subscriber and I'll give you two entries because, quite frankly, I like you more than everyone else.

If you don't have a cock of your own, or access to one, or cock is not a part of your life, I guess you are out of luck, unless you have a hard-to-buy-for man in your life. Sorry. I'll make sure to get a lady-pleasin' prize next time.


(photo source)


Gia said...

hmmm...a haiku. I call it "Using a cock ring with Boyfriend"

How does it go on?
WHOOPS that looks pretty painful
I'll go get the ice

Betty Fokker said...

I am a subscriber ... but it is under my mundane name.

Here is my haiku:

Lovely is his cock/
with a new vibrating ring/
for my orgasm/

It kinda brings a tear to my eye, it is such a beautiful poem.

Bill said...

fiercely thrusting shaft
you have bitten through your tongue
must you always cry?

Cagey-C said...

Moans mean satisfied,
right? I am never certain.
Was that the right hole?

(I'm not actually entering, since I won your last contest. But I can't pass up the chance to write bad erotic haiku.)

Cagey-C said...

No pregnancy here,
I'd guess from the presence of
all this santorum.

Can't keep anything to myself said...

A Whole Nude World (<-- See what I did there?):

One too many drinks
Finger slips; wrong hole; it's new
It felt kinda good

Based on a true story.

Aaand his birthday's next Thursday... Haven't bought him a gift yet... Wonder what I could possibly get him...

Mal said...

Give It To Me, Baby - or - Prostate Poetry

Whispering wine thoughts,
excitement, lube, and hands like
The Truckasaurus.

Anonymous said...

These are amazing so far. I can't resist the temptation of bad erotic haiku, either.

Buzzing adornment
Gazing at female anus
This must be heaven

Sorry, I thought there was a way to login with twitter.

Anonymous said...

Good God ... I've been out Haiku-ed.

in bed with married women said...

This just in via Twitter, and please know that so bad is it, that I could scarcely bring myself to cut and paste it:

Pussy stays open nights/like a moon on hot wet summer/tampon string, teeth, braces

mjs said...

that last one from twitter is genius.

mjs said...

that last one from twitter is genius.

Tinachicky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Midge said...

Licking top to bottom/
getting you hard in my mouth/
having fun with you

in bed with married women said...

Here's a note via email from Sherri:

Sweet jeebus that prize looks scary. Somehow I think my dude would look at that the same way I look at dead things my cat brings me, aww sweet but you really, really shouldn't have, but any excuse to write a bad erotic haiku...I once spent a month writing a traffic haiku a day during my commute. I have slightly smutty haikus on my fridge made with magnetic poetry. Anyways that's way too much info and possibly setting up an expectation that this one won't suck, but explains why sending this is necessary.

Hands cuffed, on the floor
Whipped and bruised used like a whore
Shit, where are the keys?

Definitely not fridge appropriate.

Have a great day! I wouldn't feel too bad about the spatula, they're really reliable and useful.

in bed with married women said...

And here's one from Chaffyn via email that even came with accompanying art work that I can't figure out how to show you:

A wet frog shivers
Secretive lotus stirs
This dream after the storm

jenerosity said...

To go down on you
to savor your creaminess
Ack! Was that a pube?

Anonymous said...

Soft flesh covered steel,
Unleash thy fountains of spunk
Oh, mighty cockstand!

Robin said...

Throbbing bobbing cock
Could it be even better?
Yes, now it vibrates!

Darin Scherer said...

I like to make her cum
She often has multiples
A cock ring? Why not.

in bed with married women said...

ugh, i'm sorry. postponing the fabulous drawing until tomorrow, sunday. winner announced then. ps you are all complete geniuses. i can't stand how good these are.

IBWMW Minister of IT said...

It had been so long
Your fingers find a way inside me
Curling, moaning, the sound of moisture arousing
Feeling the contractions as the orgasmic flood begins
Shit ... literally