Thursday, September 21, 2017

Plushies and Friends. Oh, you are so in for it, Snuggle.

Snuggle, watch your back.
That's all I'm sayin'.
As I often profess, I'm down with whatever consenting adults want to do. You want to fuck a can opener? Go to town. That said, I am simultaneously fascinated with the fucked-up $%#$ that consenting adults actually end up doing (note: I mean "fucked-up $%#$" in the kindest possible way. I use it here to mean "everything I personally don't want to do." And embarrassingly, I am coming to realize that this category includes a lot of items including: having sex with people in chipmunk costumes, bleaching/dyeing/vajazzing delicate body parts, calling balloon phone sex lines, and, well, I could go on. It's a shamefully long list, really. )

So naturally I was delighted when a wonderful (aren't they all?) In Bed With Married Women reader emailed the results of this plushie survey taken from a plushie website.

Now, if you don't know what a plushie is, well, it's someone who loves stuffed animals. The term encompasses a range--from people merely liking and collecting stuffed animals (like that nice old lady down the street) to people wanting to fuck the living hell out of stuffed animals (like that nice old lady down the street). (Social acceptance hint:  if you're not actually into having sex with stuffed animals, you won't want to refer to yourself as a "plushie.")

Anyway, like I said, I was thrilled to see the survey, because, oh lordy, it was awesome. For example, here are the results to Question 3:
3. What odors do you prefer or desire on your plushies?
    [ 66 ] - new, or with no specific aroma
    [ 47 ] - cum, mild
    [ 43 ] - body sweat, mild
    [ 40 ] - musky, ball-sack aroma from yourself or other people
    [ 26 ] - pee, mild
  * [ 25 ] - musky, real animal scent (ferret, fox, rabbit, deer, etc.)
    [ 19 ] - cum, very strong
    [ 18 ] - body sweat, strong
  * [ 16 ] - incense
    [ 15 ] - perfume or cologne
    [ 15 ] - pee, strong
  * [ 13 ] - musky, tail-hole aroma (fart, poop, etc.)
    Other:   Cinnamon (1), Vanilla extract (2), Bubble Gund (2),
             Tobacco (2), Chocolate (1), Leather (1), Licorice (1),
             Ocean/saltwater (1), Just washed/fabric softener (1),
             Strawberries (1), Mild lemon (1)
I loved it. I mean, c'mon. "Ball sack aroma"? Not only are you going to have your way with poor Mr. Bunnykins, but you are also going to insist he smell like "ball sack aroma"? And, what, exactly, is the polite method of collecting "ball sack aroma" from other people? There was a lot to think about. I pondered something called "plush necrophilia." Did this mean a plush toy doing it with a dead human or a live human with a dead plush toy? And if the plush toy was dead, how was this different from a regular non-living (i.e. dead) plush toy? I learned about plushie porn, she-male plushies and the plushie subcategory that is Beanie Babies (conclusion: Beanie Babies are sexually arousing, yes, but generally too small to fuck. Okay to wear inside your pants). It was all completely fascinating.

But after my initial thrill wore off--Plush toys wearing bondage gear! Plush toy on plush toy action! Something called plush slavery!--I thought, Thank God for the Internet. Seriously. I mean, can you imagine being some kid in Utah who not only wants to have sex with stuffed animals, but also prefers they have "cum smell, mild"? You would feel so completely alone. It's not like you could really bring it up to someone, even a close friend. "Hey Joe, this is kind of weird, but did you ever get really really drunk with your stuffed animals and one thing led to another and...?"

But with the Internet, these folks found each other. Being a plushie in 2011 must be immeasurably better than being a plushie in 1973. Now, Mr. Beanie-Baby-in-his-underwear can find someone who not only gets it, but offers the hint that a pee-covered Beanie Baby makes the experience all the more erotic. Can you imagine what a relief it would be to find such a kindred spirit?

Now, I'm not saying that I want to smear a stuffed animal with poo and have my way with it (Boy, am I ever Not Saying that) but I am glad that if someone does want to do that--and they really do--that they have someone they can talk to about it.

Viva freedom and all that.

36 comments:

Lost.in.Idaho said...

You know, looking at the Snuggle bear... I bet you could cut him open and stick a fleshlight in the fluff...

But imagine someone walking in to see that? I'm sorry, if my 5yo walks in on my and my lady doing it, I can explain that. If I'm boofing "Mister Bearbear" there's going to be some therapy in that young lad's life...

My Own Private Idaho

Oilfield Trash said...

Ball sack odor huh? I wonder if that is clean ball sack or worked in the field all day ball sack. lol

Tony Van Helsing said...

That's what I love about people, they will eroticize anything.

Leila said...

I don't think plushies and I would have worked out. As a child, I was known for beating the crap out of and throwing my stuffed toys onto the floor during my sleep. Sorry care bear...

i AM going to admit, however, that i like the smell of cum. Is that weird? I mean... I don't like to smell it all the time, but if I'm in the mood for sex, smelling cum just excites me a bit more... God why do I have to divulge things like this...

jill hamilton said...

Oh, Idaho, I suppose I should be concerned with how quickly you came up with a way to ravage Snuggle, but I will just chalk it up to Yankee Ingenuity.

Oilfield, this, my friend, is a good question. I sure there are two different sub-groups, each firmly believing their ball sack aroma is the superior choice.

Tony, I love this too. I think we could google anything--seriously, anything--and someone is not only aroused by it, but has formed a chat group as well.

Leila, actually there may well be a place for you. There is some plushie porn dealing specifically with mutilated plushies. That plus the cum smell (mild), might be YOUR special fetish group. Form a chat group--STAT.

Stephenson said...

Jill, when will you be posting the results of your survey?

Harleyq said...

Well...what to say? What to say? This seems like a relatively harmless "ball" of fun? Or "stuff" isn't always what it seems?

Honestly, I like that this "activity" isn't focused on self-harm, pain and/or degradation, so it works in my book. But I must confess I am starting to see my sexual preferences as traditional (which is a bit deflating I might add).

On the upside, perhaps a giant stuffy would be better to snuggle with than the real thing, who snores?

I am back at the, "What to say?"

Thanks Jill, once more you have rendered me speechless!

Sandra said...

I'll never look at my son's stuffed lamb the same again...
...and just for the record, ball sack odour is identical to penis odour...not that I can verify or anything, I'm just sayin'...

jill hamilton said...

Stephenson, perhaps you could take the survey on your own and keep track the results to yourself...

Harleyq-- I hear you. The more I write this blog, the squarer I feel.

Sandra--thanks for your important ball sack vs. penis research findings.

Elliot MacLeod-Michael said...

I'm actually wearing ballsack cologne right now. Drives the plushies wild.
+followed

Brandi said...

What I want to see is someone chasing an animal around with their fur suit trying to get that animal musk smell...I means I guess they could get it from the hunting store, but would that be good enough...

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Hmm. I had a boyfriend once that used to fuck his stuffed bear through a hole in its back. Is it weird that I'm finding it reassuring that the hole was in its back, rather than his crotch? I'm grasping at straws here, huh.

deckardcanine said...

You know, it's weird to write "fuck" and then censor "shit."

jill hamilton said...

elliot, back at you. the following thing, not the wearing ball sack cologne thing.

brandi, yes! i thought the same thing--do you rub the stuffed animal on the animal. take your animal to the zoo and pretend to drop it in a cage? it's too much trouble, i tell you!

oh, steam me up, i like your positive, can-do attitude!

and deckarrdcanine, you are actually the second person to find that strange. i think it's kind of funny that the post is about people fucking stuffed animals and yet two people thought, "well, yeah, but that inconsistent grammar is just...weird."

jorg wobblington lopez said...

haha. Informative and entertaining. And I thought my dreams of becoming ball sack aroma supplier were all but quashed.

Lilscorpiosweetie said...

On Robot Chicken there was an episode of Snuggle only I think it was his cousin Cuddles.. take a look..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcuwhuLRsDQ

Apparently this guy likes the scent of fabric softener over cum.

Betty Fokker said...

Hey! I have posted on this, I swear, but my post is not there! This means you are either deleting my posts because you cannot get one simple dick-thwap out of you head or I am losing my marbles. If I could remember the question I just asked, I am sure I would answer it.

Why do I want to have sex with Snuggle bear? Where am I?

jill hamilton said...

jorg--i like that entrepreneurial spirit! print up those business cards, stat.

Lils--my computer is so old and sucky it won't even play that video. thus i have no other choice but to sneak in my children's room to watch my snuggle porn on their computer. i blame you.

and betty--i think there was something screwy with the comments b/c there was this huge chunk of time when supposedly no one commented--not even the semi-reliable commenters (god love 'em). and are you kidding about the dick-thwaping? dude, sometimes that's all that gets me through the day.

Lilscorpiosweetie said...

I fully take that blame.. hahaha.. I am always watching and finding weird shit .. and this doesn't surprise me .. what does surprise me is that I haven't sent anything to The Bloggess for her top ten things of the month that weird her out

Practical Parsimony said...

Speechless! LOL...all good though!

FoxyBlur said...

amazing. and now, I'm thankful that on my blog, I haven't yet dated a plushie. Just the regular guys, you know, who pee on you when you aren't looking. ahh dating. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. Thank you so much, IBWMW and commenters.. haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

Gia said...

HAHAHAH tail hole aroma!?!?!?!? Wowza

dirtycowgirl said...

I once watched a documentary about these people.

You gotta wonder if some of them are not really that into it, they just know that without the costume they would never get laid.
I guess sex in a teddy costume that smells of wee and cinnamon is better then no sex.

I wonder if you can buy air fresheners in that scent ?

Today someone found my blog with the searchwords "man fucks steak", I don't think I want to know.

Kathryn said...

Fascinating!

I imagine plush necrophilia to be toys with their heads chopped off?! I sense a whole new business! Selling favorite smells as perfume for Plushies!

Now,how to find the perfect "ball-sack aroma"??? More research needed I guess!

I saw a CSI episode once where all the Plushies were at a convention in , guess where? - you got it: Las Vegas!

These were people dressed as plush toys. Strangely scary.

Dan said...

bahahaha....thanks for further exploring this one jill...im glad to be of service in your endless quest...
i was speaking with a friend the other day and she asked me if i had heard of plushies as she had seen the SAME doco!!!
fuck knows what the people behind us were thinking as we discussed the 'ins and outs' of fluffy toy love...but i dont really care either....
jeez but you have done some research and it looks like the 'ball sack odour' has proved a hit heehee...
now im thinking..how can this odour be mass produced and sold..with me of course the sole beneficiary of all monetary proceeds...
ok i better go away now before i scare people...
fan funny tastic post!

Anonymous said...

If one can get the "new car" smell at the local car wash they should be able to get the "ball sack" smell too.

bettyfokker said...

Ack! Now I know stuffed animals are full of lewdness and wantonness! I am removing all the stuffed animals form my children's bedrooms lest they tempt them into SIN!!

in bed with married women said...

Gia, I know, I could say it all day and be entertained--tail hole aroma.
DirtyCowgirl--man fucks steak is so so fantastic. i do wonder however if man ever makes love to steak, or it's just the fucking.
kathryn, dan and Anonymous--I think you're onto something with the ball sack aroma marketing. i'm unsure, however, what defines a "good" ball sack scent and what not so much. focus group needed?
betty--you just blew my mind. maybe it IS the plushies who are hitting on the humans.

Anonymous said...

Longtime reader here. I wanted to learn more about plush necrophilia (yes, I know) and googled it. Lo and behold this came up:
http://intothenightlife.wordpress.com/tag/stuffed-animals/

Looks like this guy stole your post changing only a few words. Probably not worth worrying about, but what a douchebag.

in bed with married women said...

anonymous, what a fucking fuck! thanks for telling me. grrrr.

Anonymous said...

I know you will approve my comment Jill unlike "FF" aka "Fucking Fuck" Here it is as I posted on his most recent blog post after he removed the posts he stole from you:



:-) Keep it on girlfriend you're awesome.

Virginia G said...

So after reading a book about fetishes, I decided to google some of them, because I'm like that. Anyway, so amputee porn is... Interesting. Somehow that lead me to looking up dolphin vaginas (surprisingly pink, btw) and from there the RadioLab episode with the woman who lived with a dolphin and jerked it off, and may or may not have had sex with it. Him. Whatever. I mean, I feel like if you're jerking off a dolphin it should at least be referred to as a him.

Regardless, I learned a few things from all this:
1. While I am not attracted to the idea of furry/plushie festishes, I can't rule it out forever, because;
2. If, say, a lover was way into this shit, I'd probably give it a go, just to see what there is about it and/or be supportive;
3. Despite the fact that neither my husband nor I are into cross dressing, he looks damn hot in my panties. Probably hotter than I do. Goddamnit.
4. There is nothing new under the sun.
5. Leggings are not pants.

Jimmy Detroit said...

As comedian/goddess Maria Bamford has said on many occasion: if you think you've done something so horrifyingly shameful that no one on the planet could possibly understand you ... Google it. No matter what it is that you've done, you are not alone.

And when it comes to sex stuff, there's no way you're the only one into what you're into. Fetishes are one of those topics where the Internet is either a celebration or terrifying, but is usually both.

I thought plushies were people who liked to dress up as stuffed critters and creatures, and furries were people who liked to dress up as furry-covered critters and creatures? The eventual costume-on-costume sex was obviously optional, but could also be sort of androgynous (cause you never really know what's under that plush/fur)?

Bradley J. said...

Jill, you never fail to entertain!

In the plushie necrophilia discussion (a sentence I NEVER thought I'd type), you might find it interesting that my godsons are really into this horror-based game called "Five Nights at Freddy's" for which there are a huge number of stuffed toys available of all types and sizes. Most could easily fit into any kind of zombie or necrophilia play, with some even featuring detachable body parts. Of course, up until I read this blog, I thought of them as nothing but harmless and not-very-scary toys, but now I'm scared of them on a whole new level. So thanks for that! ���� Love you chica, as always

Bradley J. said...

Just realized this was old. Oh well, it was new to me.

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