|Mounds brandishing her|
weapon of choice.
OK, it's been awhile since I literally jumped out of my seat:
I don't even know where to start with this one; the creepy '70s molestache, the Jay Leno-sized chin, or how about the ROWS OF FUCKING SPIKES INSIDE?
Also, there's something oddly familiar about this...thing.
It's reminding me of something...
Someone from my past...
Wait! I've got it!
There you have it folks: your childhood, ruined. Again.
Again, that was Miss Molly Mounds at Scary Sextoy Friday.
Oddly, the Molestache also reminds me of a Jim Henson creature, only in my case, it's Cookie Monster.* I feel that this toy would, for sure, make a Cookie Monster-esque "Mmmwahhh, ummmmwha" chomping sound as it serviced your member.
Anyway, if I did have a member wishing to be serviced, I would be way too afraid to stick it in there. Who knows what the hell might lurk inside? If the scary pokey spikes are the thing you can see, I'm guessing something even worse hides in its bowels. An evil gnome? The entrance to Narnia? The imprisoned and miniaturized cast of Starsky and Hutch? I don't know, but I'm not hanging around to find out.
And you? Your thoughts?
* Addendum: I am not proud to admit this, but after writing this, I interrupted my important vacuuming duties and googled "cookie monster sex" to discover if anyone did, indeed, harbor sexual fantasies about the insatiable blue Muppet. Besides an oddly high number of Youtube videos of Cookie Monster having sex with, among others, Barbie and Elmo, I found the following chart from LA Weekly, detailing the results of a UCLA sex survey of college students. The question here was: Which innocent childhood fantasies could best morph into adult sexual fantasies?
** My husband theorizes the Count would count each thrust as in, "One thrust, ah ha ha, two, ah ha ha, three, ah ha ha, four....oh...sorry."