Sex Toy Socialism

Not the actual Bernie Sanders

I recently saw Bernie Sanders speak in Glendale, California, and damn, that man is sharp as a tack. Not only could he spout off all manner of really quite disturbing Actual Facts about income inequality, but could answer long-ass two-part questions without going back and asking what second part of the question was.  

I realized, among other things that, as the top 1% holds nearly as much wealth as the bottom 90% (for realz), I am hording way more than my share of sex toys. So in the spirit of righting the wrongs of sex toy capitalism, I am quite happy to send you some (or a whole boxful) of brand spanking new sex toys for the price of postage and a decentish tip to pay for gas, my time and a secret black budget that I will use for nefarious purposes. 

Here's what you could be fucking in approximately 3-5 business days.

Penis toys for the gents (or however be-penised)!

Plus One Personal Stroker, a high-quality masturbator with two openings 

Bang and Blow Deep Throat Super Stroker 

Adam's Deluxe Penis Ring Sampler

Manta, a vibrator that can be used solo or with a partner

 

Toys for the vulva-ed!

Muah Mini Vibrator, a vibrator shaped like lips 

Shegasm Silicone Clit Stimulator, clit stim in apple form

Skyn Wave Clitoral Simulator

Romp Switch, a suction kind of toy 

Magic Wand Mini, not actually that mini 

Rechargeable Dual Entry Vibe, for two holes at once

A surprisingly high number of clitoral suctiony/vibey toys with a floral theme!

Bloomgasm Royalty Rose, 3 levels, 7 patterns of air stimulation

Ravishing Rose Clit Pleaser, another slutty slutty rose 

Flower Power Vibrator

Wild Rose Clitoral Stimulator with Thrusting Bullet

Rosegasm Duel Ended Clitoral Vibe

 

Toys that are green!

Eve's Petite Private Pleasure Wand it's like a mini Magic Wand

Heat Me Up Warming Rabbit Thruster, description pretty much sums it up

Real Rock Chrystal Clear Dildo, 8 inch, like what's linked but green.  

BFit Classic Love Balls, 2 ben-wa balls/kegel trainers

Tea Tree Oil Foaming Toy Cleaner, vegan

Small butt plug, with a shamrock on it because why not

Remote control toys!

Blue Motion, Nex 3, super fancy penis ring/couples' toy 

Esca 2, remote control g-spotish massager

We-Vibe Date Night Set, a Pivot vibrating penis ring and a Nova rabbit vibrator

 

Butt stuff!

Pink Rose Glass medium anal plug

Red Heart Gem small anal plug

Vibrating Anal Bead Stick, looks fancy plus it's waterproof

Mood Pride Anal Trainer Set, three sizes of butt plugs 

Glass Prostate Massager

A small silicone plug with ridges that I can't find online

Rear Rocker Vibrating Glass Anal Plug, "endless anal fun," it says. (Tricky Genie:  You get anal fun. You: Yay! Genie: But it's ENDLESS. You: Aw, man!)

 

BDSM!

Blindfold

Bondage Tape

 

Lingerie! 

Crotchless Lace Panty, size M/L

Floral Bra and Thong, size L/XL

Seven Nights of Temptation Gift set (plus sized!), an advent calendar of lingerie and other stuff

Potpourri!

Purple Rose (again with florals!) Nubby Glass Dildo (like this but 9 inches)

Gildo Rainbow Swirl Glass Dildo

Balldo, you might not actually want to know

Ling O Vibrating Tongue Ring

A bunch of condoms

Adam's 3" Extension, goes over a dick or dick substitute for 3 extra inches. I have SO MANY of these! Get one or get many! A new look for spring? Everything Everywhere All At Once cosplay? You decide!

 

And/or any of these various and sundry lubes, elixirs and random things that haunt my drawer! 

 

Rules:  Email your address and what items or items you want to jillhamilton001@gmail.com. Shipping alone for a USPS priority medium box is $17.10, large is $22.80. Tip is what the Universe says is right. My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123. First come, first served. I will cross out stuff as it's claimed. And if you want to skip me entirely and just buy something via the links, the blog gets a little cut which I will use to refill the office coffee machine.

P.S. Don't be greedy and grab all the really expensive toys (and leave a crap tip--these traits seem to go together). If you do, in the next life karma will give you no sex toys and you'll have to use your hand like a goddamed monkey.

Toys for Your Whatever

Hey there. What do you need to know?

1.  If you're wondering what happened to that article about me pitifully sexting with a 'bot, it is currently up at HuffPo, under the semi-unflattering, albeit true headline, I Sexted With a 'Bot to Quell Pandemic Loneliness. I will be on the Irish Times podcast to discuss it, which adds a whole other level of shamefulness to the whole thing, but that's what will be happening and I will alert you as needed.

2.  I still have some sex toys bustin' out of my side cabinet ready to come fill the yawning void inside of you (metaphorical or literal, take your pick).  

If you want one or some, LMK and I will box 'em up and send them your way for the low low price of postage and a tip to pay for my humiliation of mailing pervy boxes at my local P.O.  (If you see something you like, send me your mailing address--my email is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my PayPal is also jillhamilton001@gmail.com.)

I gots an Easter-themed array of fuckables including:

--Rosy Gold Remote Control Nouveau Vibrating Egg, a sex toy with art deco design just like the 1930s.

--Happy Rabbit Clitoral Vibe

--Egg-Citement Rechargeable Remote Control Egg with Attachments, who among us does not want to fuck an egg. 

Plus your regular secular toys, as near as I can tell:

Big Ol' Wand Vibrator,  rechargeable

Prostate massager, long and thin for targeted vibrations

Duo Love Balls, Ben Wa-like balls for first timers

Kit for Couples, 7 inch vibe, nubbly sleeve for it, stretchy cock ring,  mini bullet vibe, all waterproof

Stretchy vibrating cock ring, you heard me

Candy Cane Massager, a waterproof vibrator, but, candy striped bc why not?

Adam's Triple Prostate Probe, in case you come across aliens who left their anal probe at home, or just desire some recreational probery

All Star Enhancer Ring, stretchy cock ring for both cock n' balls.

Purple Heart Butt Plug, which, to be honest, isn't the greatest name

Good Head Fundamentals, The Ultimate Oral Sex, an oral sex kit including a stroker, "oral delight gel" and such.

Joy Stick Recharageable Wand, a long double-headed number that could go in any number of orifices. 

Bondage Kit, with blindfold, satin pasties, silky rope, cuffs and flogger.  

Could pair with:

Lil BDSM kit, with a BDSM dice, a small flogger and a deck of sex bondage positions cards, if you other deck has worn out.

and/or

Bondage tape, cause someone's in big trouble

Kama Sutra Playing Cards

Big-ass bottle of water-based lube, lube specifically for use with masturbators or strokers, watermelon flavored lube, some extra large Elite Skyn Condoms, a Pleasure Feather Tickler, and, randomly, a very small guide to BDSM.

If you want to just buy something straight from the companies and leave me out of it, click on the link and IBWMW gets a wee cut.

3.  I really don't mean for this to just be a blog about sex toys I have not fucked.  I will work on that.  

4.  Thank you for your postcards and letters!

xoxo

jill