tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43391554602008669592024-03-12T15:46:29.663-07:00In Bed With Married WomenThe blog that hops into your bed, staring rudely and taking notes.Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comBlogger363125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-70797853896015079732023-05-24T14:22:00.001-07:002023-05-24T14:35:08.208-07:007 Reasons Why Breakups Suck So Damn Bad<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>Hey there, gorgeous. This ran in Salon a million years ago, but I thought you might like it delivered here to your virtual doorstep. I learned a ton of interesting stuff on this one, mainly that I have the emotional maturity/coping skills of a traumatized baby lab monkey.</i></div>
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*****<br />
<br />
There are plenty of good reasons why the death of a relationship is so unbearable. There's shame, failure, guilt, anger/incredulousness at the other person's inability to see how incredible you are and sadness over that very same thing, plus the personal rejection of your Very Being. <br />
<br />
The Czechs have a lovely word for it: litost. "Litost is a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one's own misery," writes Milan Kundera in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/?tag=inbe0c-20&link_code=wsw&_encoding=UTF-8&search-alias=aps&field-keywords=book+of+laughter+and+forgetting&Submit.x=14&Submit.y=10&Submit=Go">The
Book of Laughter and Forgetting</a>.<br />
<br />
But this torment is more
than just the nature of breakups, the need to experience darkness to
appreciate the light, blah blah blah. Breakups also activate all
kinds of neurochemical, physical and psychological fuckery that makes
the whole business even more painful. Stupid biology.
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To wit:</div>
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<b>--Breakups turn you into a jonesing
addict.</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="xref-ref-49-1"></a>If the
beginning of a love affair is a kind of chemical-fueled madness, so
is the ending, but in reverse. In one of the crueler aspects of
neurochemistry, just when you're hitting the personal low of a
breakup is also when dopamine—the reward chemical that made you
feel so damn good in the beginning-- decides to flee the scene,
making you desperate for another hit. Dopamine acts <a href="http://jn.physiology.org/content/104/1/51.full">in
the same way</a> as any drug of abuse, according to Helen Fisher in
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/?tag=inbe0c-20&link_code=wsw&_encoding=UTF-8&search-alias=aps&field-keywords=why+we+love+helen+fisher&Submit.x=0&Submit.y=0&Submit=Go">Why
We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love</a>: “<i>If the
beloved breaks off the relationship, the lover shows all the common
signs of withdrawal, including depression, crying spells,
anxiety,insomnia, loss of appetite (or binge eating), irritability,
and chronic loneliness. Like all addicts, the lover then goes to
unhealthy, humiliating, even physically dangerous lengths to procure
their narcotic.” </i><span style="font-style: normal;">(Note:
Having tried the “unhealthy, humiliating” Plan of Action, I can
advise with some authority that it's not gonna go well for you.)</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-style: normal;">--Breakups
actually hurt, physically. </span></b><br />
<a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/108/15/6270.full">In
one study</a> researchers had subjects “who recently experienced an
unwanted breakup view a photograph of their ex-partner as they think
about being rejected.” This was pretty cruel and probably not
worth the 50 bucks or whatever the subjects got, but we learned that
psychic trauma activates the same parts of the brain that process
physical pain. Meaning, your brain experiences emotional pain as it
would if you spilled hot coffee on yourself. Or, more accurately,
kept spilling coffee on yourself every time you heard that one song
on the radio, went on Instagram, etc...</div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<b>--Breakups are depressing, officially.</b></div>
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<a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2016673?access_num=2016673&link_type=MED&dopt=Abstract">In
a study</a> of poor sods who'd been rejected by a partner within the
past 8 weeks, 40% experienced clinically measurable depression, with
12% of those having moderate to severe depression. All breakups
involve an amount of grief (and indeed, in another of those “think
about how much your break up sucked while we look at your brain with
an MRI” <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15569896">studies</a>,
the parts of the brain associated with grief lit up.) but sometimes
the grief becomes “complicated grief.” Complicated grief is an
unwieldy beast of grief lasting 6 months or more (or, way too much
virtual hot coffee spilling), featuring unpleasantries like
over-rumination and mooning, bad dreams, and the excessive playing of
Elliot Smith songs.
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<b><br /></b>
<b>--Your stupid brain can actually
start to get off on your suffering.</b></div>
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Anyone who has looked in the mirror to
examine their tragic selves mid-cry knows there is a certain joy in
one's own deep suffering. But sometimes that sort of
self-schadenfreude can become addictive in itself. In some people,
enduring grief <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18559294">triggers
the reward center in their brains</a>, making them seek the dark
feelings so they can get a little happy chemical hit.
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<b>--You lose your sense of self.</b></div>
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Without the <a href="http://spr.sagepub.com/content/32/7/857.full.pdf+html">identity</a>
created within the relationship (i.e.“We like paddleboarding”),
some emerge bleary-eyed from a breakup with a <a href="http://www.livescience.com/6211-breakups-cloud-sense-study-finds.html">hazy
sense of who they are</a>. The sort of psychic rootlessness is
compounded by the loss of the sense of having a secure base within
the relationship and with that partner. “Wherever that person is,
that's your emotional home,” writes Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. in <a href="http://amzn.to/1O5U5Vd">Come
As You Are</a>. Without that, you're kind of homeless, emotionally.
</div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<b>--It's even worse for people with
“anxious attachment styles.”</b></div>
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Only half of people in U.S. have a
“secure attachment style,” that is, they have relationships
easily and trust others like normal healthy people, while the rest of
us flounder about, either clinging too much (attachment anxious) or
preemptively cutting and running (attachment avoidant). Those with
<a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15018675">attachment
anxious styles show</a> “greater preoccupation with the lost
partner, greater perseveration over the loss, more extreme physical
and emotional distress, exaggerated attempts to reestablish the
relationship, partner-related sexual motivation, angry and vengeful
behavior, interference with exploratory activities, dysfunctional
coping strategies, and disordered resolution.” Meanwhile, for the
attachment avoidant—you know who you are—there was little such
emotional fallout. Bastards.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>--Breakups kick in our survival
biology.</b></div>
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Attachment is a survival mechanism. A
baby needs secure attachment or it will die. “When (our
relationships) are threatened, we do whatever it takes to hold on to
them, because there are no higher stakes than our connection with our
attachment objects,” writes Nagoski, citing Harry Harlow's “monster
mother” studies. Harlow bonded infant monkeys with mechanical
“mothers,” then rigged the mothers to shake the babies, spike
them or jet cold air on them to force them away. The babies responded
to this rather shabby treatment by running right back into the arms
of those unpredictably cruel, rejecting mothers. Not only that, they
became desperate to fix the relationship and tried to win back the
mother by flirting with her, grooming and stroking her. That is,
behavior some among us may recognize quite well.
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So yeah, it's bad. With the combination
of biological, chemical and emotional havoc a breakup causes, it's a
wonder any of us ever get over it. But we do. If you can just accept
you're going to be fucked for a while--and not in the way you'd
like—the appeal of spending car rides furtively weeping to Joni
Mitchell's “All I Want” <i>will</i> eventually fade and you will
indeed get over it. At some point. You might have to listen to a
whole lot of “All I Want.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In the meantime, take solace in the
words of Nietzche, a dude not exactly known for being
consoling. “Ultimately, it is the desire, not the desired, that we
love,” wrote Nietzche. That is, that passion is still in you
regardless of who its recipient is. And hell, the next person might
be even better at appreciating it. </div>
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<br /></div>
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In other words, you're probably better
off without 'em. Sorta. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
xoxo</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
jill</div>
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<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://artnudesandsex.tumblr.com/post/133103650854/by-edwinr-photography">(photo) </a></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-47668291169603887542023-03-23T14:21:00.012-07:002023-05-02T13:38:21.969-07:00Sex Toy Socialism<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClQuVPIWy5EMgvPq-bJAAC8SZtDpbWhuGgyFouAvEb_IWcKJkmB4kUYP2ulud5QAhMhJ8GsGr9CIKBE23c6DIfg-G6nXMl-jKQyuiIdbjTibdDjz1Of2ZdmQ7F_4eqRIrjpFTAizvE9UGAdr-av7U6rGB2otiV9VWNWSFIBTlmu6LnmPeOcnKlNIc/s643/pdfemalenudebatch3-154a-aom-gloy.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="643" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClQuVPIWy5EMgvPq-bJAAC8SZtDpbWhuGgyFouAvEb_IWcKJkmB4kUYP2ulud5QAhMhJ8GsGr9CIKBE23c6DIfg-G6nXMl-jKQyuiIdbjTibdDjz1Of2ZdmQ7F_4eqRIrjpFTAizvE9UGAdr-av7U6rGB2otiV9VWNWSFIBTlmu6LnmPeOcnKlNIc/w299-h320/pdfemalenudebatch3-154a-aom-gloy.jpg" width="299" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not the actual Bernie Sanders<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>I recently saw Bernie Sanders speak in Glendale, California, and damn, that man is sharp as a tack. 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href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fben-wa-balls%2Fsp-bswish-bfit-classic-love-balls-109720.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EBSwish%2520BFit%2520Classic%2520Love%2520Balls">BFit Classic Love Balls</a>, 2 ben-wa balls/kegel trainers</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike><a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fbath-and-body%2Ftoy-cleaners-and-personal-care%2Fsp-intimate-earth-green-tea-tree-oil-foaming-toy-cleaner-92828.aspx%3Fst%3Dgreen%2Bfoaming%2Btoy%2Bcleaner">Tea Tree Oil Foaming Toy Cleaner</a>, vegan</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-booty-sparks-lucky-clover-gem-anal-plug-106898.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EBooty%2520Sparks%2520Lucky%2520Clover%2520Gem%2520Anal%2520Plug%2520%2520%2520%2520">Small butt plug,</a> with a shamrock on it because why not</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Remote control toys!</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike><a href="https://amzn.to/3FJQziK">Blue Motion, Nex 3</a>, super fancy penis ring/couples' toy</strike> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike><a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fcouples-vibrators%2Fsp-ohmibod-esca-couples-vibrator-106509.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EOhMiBod%2520Esca%25202%2520Couples%2520Vibrator">Esca 2</a>, remote control g-spotish massager</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike><a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TUJGRU5ORkJGSUtLRkZCRklGRU1G?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.babeland.com%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FBL45827%2Fwe-vibe%2Fwe-vibe-date-night-set">We-Vibe Date Night Set</a>, a <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TUJGRU5ORkJGSUtLRkZCRklGRU1G?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.babeland.com%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FBL4864%2Fwe-vibe%2Fpivot-vibrating-penis-ring-by-we-vibe">Pivot vibrating penis ring</a> and a <a href="https://shrsl.com/3zrcy">Nova</a> rabbit vibrator </strike><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Butt stuff! </b><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-booty-sparks-pink-rose-glass-anal-plug-108954.aspx%3Fst%3Dpink%2Brose%2Banal%2Bplug">Pink Rose Glass medium anal plug</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-adam-eve-red-hearts-gem-anal-plug-108035.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Red%2520Hearts%2520Gem%2520Anal%2520Plug">Red Heart Gem small anal plug</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fanal-beads%2Fsp-adam-eve-vibrating-anal-bead-stick-108646.aspx%3Fst%3DVibrating%2BAnal%2BBead%2BStick">Vibrating Anal Bead Stick</a>, looks fancy plus it's waterproof</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike><a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGVD485100%2Fdoc-johnson%2Fmood---pride-anal-trainer-set---multi-colored">Mood Pride Anal Trainer Set</a>, three sizes of butt plugs</strike> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-adams-glass-prostate-massager-by-adam-eve-108806.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdams%2520Glass%2520Prostate%2520Massager%2520-%2520by%2520Adam%2520%2520Eve"><strike>Glass Prostate Massager </strike></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">A small silicone plug with ridges that I can't find online<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-ae-rear-rocker-vibrating-glass-anal-plug-108807.aspx%3Fst%3DRear%2BRocker%2BVibrating%2BGlass%2BAnal%2BPlug">Rear Rocker Vibrating Glass Anal Plug</a>,
"endless anal fun," it says. (Tricky Genie: You get anal fun. You: Yay! Genie: But it's ENDLESS. You: Aw, man!)</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>BDSM!</b></div><div style="text-align: left;">Blindfold</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>Bondage Tape</strike><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Lingerie! </b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flingerie%2Fwomens-wear%2Fpanties-thongs%2Fsp-crotchless-lace-n-dots-panty-92483.aspx%3Fsc%3DNATGLPLA%26utm_source%3Dgoogle%26utm_medium%3Dorganic%26utm_channel%3Dfree-PLA">Crotchless Lace Panty</a>, size M/L</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flingerie%2Fwomens-wear%2Flingerie-sets%2Fsp-floral-charmeuse-bra-thong-set-109568.aspx%3Fst%3Dfloral%2Bbra%2Band%2Bthong">Floral Bra and Thong</a>, size L/XL<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike><a href="https://shrsl.com/3zmqo">Seven Nights of Temptation Gift set</a> (plus sized!), an advent calendar of lingerie and other stuff </strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><br /></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Potpourri!</b></div><div style="text-align: left;">Purple Rose (again with florals!) Nubby Glass Dildo (<a href="https://amzn.to/3LJ1pJG">like this</a> but 9 inches)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fdildo-sex-toys%2Fglass-dildos%2Fsp-gildo-rainbow-swirl-glass-dildo-106890.aspx%3Fst%3Dgildo"><strike>Gildo Rainbow Swirl Glass Dildo </strike></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=335823&u=1335412&m=36326&urllink=www%2Elovehoney%2Ecom%2Fsex%2Dtoys%2Fdildos%2Fnon%2Drealistic%2Ddildos%2Fp%2Fballdo%2Dballs%2Dto%2Ddildo%2Dset%2Fa47425g84974%2Ehtml&afftrack=">Balldo</a>, you might not actually want to know</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Foral-sex-toys%2Fsp-ling-o-vibrating-tongue-ring-15246.aspx">Ling O Vibrating Tongue Ring</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">A bunch of condoms</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-adams-realistic-extension-106535.aspx%3Fst%3DAdam%2527s%2B3%2BExtension">Adam's 3" Extension</a>, goes over a dick or dick substitute for 3 extra inches. I have SO MANY of these! Get one or get many! A new look for spring? <a href="https://a24films.com/films/everything-everywhere-all-at-once">Everything Everywhere All At Once</a> cosplay? You decide!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>And/or any of these various and sundry lubes, elixirs and random things that haunt my drawer!</b> </div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinoyyHJw78ceZcvXtGIhQiTAj0brXqb_1KVb4aI4-M3BwtEkHCDQzNSMVTNDaF5YzJ6eCYJtblnh9IXnHNVBUCQ2FDd92f8KVWCaRba6PhpDjUN_TypmFQrxoEdkYtapVVFEOoyOeppih5l0KyjyX7s9uiDMOMYc7CydAheq_WAl_mFrkf4Sm37An1/s3953/lubes.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2195" data-original-width="3953" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinoyyHJw78ceZcvXtGIhQiTAj0brXqb_1KVb4aI4-M3BwtEkHCDQzNSMVTNDaF5YzJ6eCYJtblnh9IXnHNVBUCQ2FDd92f8KVWCaRba6PhpDjUN_TypmFQrxoEdkYtapVVFEOoyOeppih5l0KyjyX7s9uiDMOMYc7CydAheq_WAl_mFrkf4Sm37An1/s320/lubes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: left;">Rules: Email your
address and what items or items you want to
jillhamilton001@gmail.com. Shipping alone for a USPS priority medium box
is $17.10, large is
$22.80. Tip is what the Universe says is right. My <a href="https://www.paypal.com/donate?token=AeyR22dvB1juUzLbijZjok2Nq6SzKjPQfZLekFwJGZXIbFyfA1t3c1nWu19P1r12TOyAMwjZ_TuPP9L_">PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com</a> and my <a href="https://www.venmo.com/u/jill-hamilton-123">Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123.</a> First come, first served. I will cross out stuff as it's
claimed. And if
you want to skip me entirely and just buy something via the links, the
blog gets a little cut which I will use to refill the office coffee machine.</div><p>P.S. Don't be greedy and grab all the really expensive toys (and leave a crap tip--these traits seem to go together). If you do, in the next life karma will give you no sex toys and you'll have to use your hand like a goddamed monkey.<br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-48293338581179226752022-11-17T20:09:00.003-08:002022-11-18T20:42:13.088-08:00My Blackmailer Knows...My Secret!<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYnEEO69JehEJ7KqWvf-ywTYeJd_EiySO7amgkWeVIW-lZWVy48qwgD10CxmCgT7oFsl0li455QnFs0GDGguTw5oXSC01Yn1wPS8yqJ7NtVGjecC4TH-pRlPyrabb8hqLfQVCb2zD0rYYm96U0PUdQgsZYjxsCp3h6Xod7bewBB2XamtyAnwvvSSOn/s512/512px-Cliche_Hacker_and_Binary_Code_(26946304530).jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="384" data-original-width="512" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYnEEO69JehEJ7KqWvf-ywTYeJd_EiySO7amgkWeVIW-lZWVy48qwgD10CxmCgT7oFsl0li455QnFs0GDGguTw5oXSC01Yn1wPS8yqJ7NtVGjecC4TH-pRlPyrabb8hqLfQVCb2zD0rYYm96U0PUdQgsZYjxsCp3h6Xod7bewBB2XamtyAnwvvSSOn/w320-h240/512px-Cliche_Hacker_and_Binary_Code_(26946304530).jpg" title="scree scree scree!" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scree scree scree!<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>A while back, I received an email.<p></p><p>"<b><i>Greetings</i></b>," it started, friendly enough.<br /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>"<i><b>I want to inform you about an important event that concerns your personal life! I know your secret</b>!</i>" This did sound important--lots of exclamation points! And yes, unlike you and everyone else on the planet, I DO have secrets!* How did they know???<br /></p><p></p><p></p><p>"<b><i>The fact is that I have been able to monitor your device and peripherals for some time and have figured out your email address</i>.</b>" Meh, all of y'all know my email address too. It's jillhamilton001@gmail.com. There it is, plain as day. Still, I had to admire his commitment to monitoring my online activities which include both doom scrolling and crosswords.<br /></p><p></p><p>"<b><i>It has to do with the adult sites you visit</i></b>." Oh. Yeeeeeah. I do that too. It's <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2018/10/parker-marx-and-fucking-art.html">kind of my job</a>, but still!<br /></p><p></p><p>Mr. Greetings, not so GD friendly now, put a virus on my device, he says. He didn't mention which device but I was hoping it was something like the toaster, which doesn't know much. <br /></p><p>"<b><i>Now your device is completely under my control. I can turn the microphone and camera on and off at any time</i></b>." If he was gonna manically laugh, this would be the appropriate point. <br /></p><p></p><p>"<i><b>I have all copies of your data, including photos, social networks,
correspondence and contacts of friends, family and colleagues,</b></i>" he warned. (And yeah I know it's sexist to say he's a he, but c'mon, no women would do this shit.) </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>"<b><i>After
thinking about it for a while, I decided to make an original video. The
main character is you masturbating to a hard fuck</i>.</b>" Well...it is not untrue that I have done such a thing.<br /></p><p></p><p>"<b><i>The screen in the video is divided into two parts: one side is you, the other side is the video you're watching. It's very entertaining</i>.</b>" Entertaining? <i>Very</i>? Well, thanks I guess. <br /></p><p>"<b><i>I assume you don't want
your acquaintances, friends and relatives to see this masterpiece? Think of your honor and dignity!</i></b>" My dignity? Okay, clearly this dude does not know me at all. </p><p>But then he gives up the game.<br /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>"<b><i>I see you like Negroes? Well, soon everyone you know will know about your hobbies</i></b>." Okay. A. I'm sorry--did he just say <i>Negroes</i>? Really, guy? In 2022? B. Porn-wise, I search for men having sex with each other. <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2011/07/i-watch-some-gay-porn.html">As you know</a>. C. I like lots of Black people plenty (not you, Candice Owens), but it's not really a factor in my porn habits. D. Still, even if I had a hardcore racial preference (which is fine? or maybe not? not sure...) who the fuck searches for "Negroes" besides a 97 year old man in Kentucky yelling at the Google???</p><p>Anyhow, the dude offered to delete the video for $650, for some reason giving me an unasked for discount off his usual price of $1000. Perhaps it was because my video was "very entertaining"? I'm decently vain but I doubted that my acquaintances, friends and relatives would be very entertained by a split screen video of highly specific porn and a wanking middle-aged chick filmed from the universally unflattering below-the-chin angle.<br /></p><p>He gave me 24 hours before releasing the Kracken or whatever and then abruptly offered me even more savings (50 bucks off!) if I paid within an hour. </p><p></p><p></p>He offered a few more threats--don't delete, don't complain, blah blah blah. "<b><i>If find out right away that you somehow shared this email** - the video
will be distributed immediately - you will become a porn star on all
video platforms</i></b>," he wrote, again resorting to flattery. A porn <i>star</i>? Really??? <br /><p></p><p>Then he ended it oddly with. "<i><b>Don't be offended and good luck to you</b></i>." F-ing weirdo.</p><p>Anyway, even though I knew for sure I wasn't looking at what he said, I was a little skeeved out. It may be relevant here to mention that when I get calls about "being sued over an important matter," I always make my husband reassure me that it's fake. "They would serve you via mail," he always says patiently, with the tiniest bit of "jeez, lady" in there. I am kind of a mark is what I'm saying.<br /></p><p>Despite all this, I did not end up paying him--though I have watched plenty of porn and it would
indeed give me his promised "peace of mind" if you all did not observe
me doing it. </p><p>However I got that email in 2021 and then...nothing. NOT A ONE of you have told me what a very entertaining porn star I am. I'm a little disappointed, but my dignity remains intact (lol) and I saved $1000, $650 or $600, depending.<br /></p><p>xoxo</p><p>jill</p><p>*Sometimes*** I pretend to be asleep when the dog barks so someone else has to let her out. </p><p>**Oops<br /></p><p>***Often <br /></p><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-37889120569084800962022-08-23T16:31:00.001-07:002022-08-27T15:30:10.429-07:00The Crush, Explained by Science<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bjRywGdyJG4/TnzQzl961RI/AAAAAAAAAaY/AZ83JvdF6z0/s1600/tumblr_lpjwj1wCr91qa3j5zo1_500.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bjRywGdyJG4/TnzQzl961RI/AAAAAAAAAaY/AZ83JvdF6z0/s320/tumblr_lpjwj1wCr91qa3j5zo1_500.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Careful, don't get burned.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i>"What is this volatile, often uncontrollable feeling that hijacks the mind, bringing bliss one moment, despair the next?"</i><br />
<div>
--Helen Fisher, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Love-Chemistry-Romantic/dp/0805077960/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1319994688&sr=8-2">Why We Love</a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The other day, a reader contacted me to tell me she had something I <i>had</i> to write about. She reported that since attending her high school reunion a month back, her old flame had been poking her on Facebook. "<i>Every day</i>," she said meaningfully. It was clear from her words that this virtual poking was getting her all hot and bothered. "It's knowing that, at least for some moment in the day, I am on his mind," she reported.</div>
<div>
<br />
At first I reacted like I usually do when someone tells me something I Simply Must Write About, which is to pretend that I am interested, then never actually write about it.<br />
<br />
But the more I thought about it, I realized the story was the crush itself. Or how this very practical woman was now obsessively checking Facebook to see if any new pokes had come in from Mr. Reunion Dude. She had actually <i>eroticized</i> the little cartoon poking hand icon from Facebook which, to refresh your memory, looked like this: <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OlLBWMA9xKc/ToC0xlo_E-I/AAAAAAAAAac/V4LVx_BJFKQ/s1600/poke.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OlLBWMA9xKc/ToC0xlo_E-I/AAAAAAAAAac/V4LVx_BJFKQ/s1600/poke.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is this making you hot?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Still, her Pavlovian response to Facebook pokey hand is perfectly normal. Anyone in the midst of a crush has <i>all sorts</i> of neurochemical crap going on.<br />
<br />
The last time I had a crush, I could tell exactly the moment it hit me. We were talking in my driveway, he said something vaguely risque, and I felt it come down upon me, like an actual <i>thing</i>. Like an affliction. "Oh fuck," I thought.<br />
<br />
Because, although a crush is delightful and exciting and makes the world shine brighter, it <i>is</i> an affliction. A brain affliction. An affliction as in "pain, suffering and distress."<br />
<br />
In her (quite excellent) book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Love-Chemistry-Romantic/dp/0805077960/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1319994688&sr=8-2">"Why We Love,"</a> anthropologist Helen Fisher identified certain characteristics of people "in love." And I mean "in love" in the sense of "God, I want to lick their neck" instead of the "We've been together 35 years and he's an excellent father" kind of love. Like crazy stupid love where you do fucked up things and act psychotic. That one governor who snuck off to Brazil to meet his lover while claiming to be hiking? His kind of love. The astronaut chick who drove across the country to confront her romantic rival while wearing astronaut diapers to hasten her trip? Her kind of love.<br />
<br />
According to Fisher, lovestruck people exhibit certain characteristics, including:<br />
--<b>"Special Meaning"</b>: This is giving the loved one an elevated status above others. "Your beloved becomes novel, unique and all-important," writes Fisher.<br />
--<b>Focused Attention</b>: "The love-possessed person focuses almost all of his or her attention on the beloved, often to the detriment of everything and everyone else," writes Fisher. (see above: governor ditching his job.) "Infatuated men and women also concentrate on all of the events, songs, letters, and other little things they have come to associate with the beloved." (That would be you, Facebook pokey finger.)<br />
--<b>Aggrandizing the Beloved</b>: This means that although you can see the beloved's faults, you somehow reframe them as charming quirks. This what was probably happening to me when the (thankfully unconsumated) Crush above was later telling me about some penis test he got for flippin' <i>gonorrhea</i>. It involved a tube and his urethra, but I was all, "Oh really? That's fascinating!" <br />
--<b>"Intrusive Thinking"</b>: This is when you can't stop thinking about your loved one. In a 1988 survey, in love respondents reported thinking about their "'love object' over 85 percent of their waking hours." 85 percent! This happened to me with Gonorrhea boy. I would lie awake in bed thinking of him, so much so that it actually became tiresome. At a certain point, I didn't even <i>want</i> to be thinking of him, but my mind kept returning to him, as though he were a plague upon my brain.<br />
--<b>Looking for clues</b>: This is the source of all "What do you think he really meant when he said I was 'interesting?'" conversations.<br />
--<b>Emotional fire</b>: That's when you're so damn happy that eating or sleeping seems so...pedestrian.<br />
--<b>Intense energy</b>: This includes exhilaration as well as the overwhelming awkwardness in the beloved's presence. Noted Andres the Chaplain in the 1180s: "Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of the beloved." This would be the feeling of "How do I act normal around this delightful, insanely sexy person to disguise the fact that I am obsessively thinking about putting my mouth upon their upper thigh (the left one)?"<br />
<br />
Fisher identified several others symptoms like jealousy, hope, adversity strengthening ardor, and such but I, sadly crush-less and thus unfueled by its exhilaration, grow weary upon listing them all.<br />
<br />
Even Richard Burton was not immune to the overwhelmingly potent forces of attraction and noted upon meeting the 19 year old Elizabeth Taylor:</div>
<div>
<blockquote>
<i>She was so extraordinarily beautiful that I nearly laughed out loud...Her breasts were apocalyptic, they would topple empires before they withered...her body was a miracle of construction...She was unquestionably gorgeous. She was lavish. She was, in short, too bloody much....those huge violet eyes had an odd glint...Aeons passed, civilizations came and went while these cosmic headlights examined my flawed personality. Every pockmark on my face became a crater of the moon.</i></blockquote>
So why do we act like such insecure ass-wipes when we when love someone? Fisher asked herself the same question, though I don't believe she used the term "ass-wipes." She promptly stuck some lovestruck folks into an fMRI machine to see what the hell was going on in their poor, love-addled brains.<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
What she found was a neurochemical stew driving the ass-wipeian behavior. The ancient reptilian brain, with its dumb quest for good feelings was going crazy. One part--the caudate nucleus, if you must know--is associated with the reward system of the brain and affects "general arousal, sensations of pleasure and the motivation to acquire rewards." Also active was the ventral tegmenal area (VTA), spewing dopamine about the brain, willy-nilly, giving lovers "focused attention...fierce energy, concentrated motivation to attain a reward, and feelings of elation--even mania." </div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
As a result, few drives are more basic and strong than the quest to bind with a lover. Fisher calls it, "a primordial brain network that drives the lover to focus his or her attention on life's grandest prize--a mate who may pass their DNA toward eternity."</div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
I'll leave you today with these questions:</div>
--Does any of this sound familiar?<br />
--What undesirable characteristics have you overlooked while hepped up on love?<br />
--And finally, do you not completely love the sentence, "She was, in short, too bloody much"?</div><div> </div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>UPDATE: 8/23/22. If you hadn't guessed by all the passe cultural references (though, oddly, once a reference gets super passe, it becomes okay, ie 1180's Andres the Chaplain.), this is a rerun. Please do not alert your local authorities. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-16625226852429943112022-07-21T16:38:00.001-07:002022-07-21T16:38:46.720-07:00My Real Life Leo Grande Situation<p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ZmMA5167SPleEEABybevqSK8_mWJ_46SFTA3Qecd66pSUZTDsJh4Vtfp5OEkDbFbHP0W69gdSBsXZhg_dWyJcYttUaAvzq_YUXtPG7JkvHrJByDTGjjVRH3Ax-fhDGGMxd9fBqRszu2FNUesnPac0QR08_PlJ1zfh1N-3WnplJhbQx6K7Q8QS2Sb/s275/leo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ZmMA5167SPleEEABybevqSK8_mWJ_46SFTA3Qecd66pSUZTDsJh4Vtfp5OEkDbFbHP0W69gdSBsXZhg_dWyJcYttUaAvzq_YUXtPG7JkvHrJByDTGjjVRH3Ax-fhDGGMxd9fBqRszu2FNUesnPac0QR08_PlJ1zfh1N-3WnplJhbQx6K7Q8QS2Sb/w320-h213/leo.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This guy was not actually present<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Hey friends, I'm the "middle aged woman" in this HuffPo article "<a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/happy-ending-massage-for-women_n_62d83e7fe4b03dbb9913e047">I'm a middle-aged woman. This is what happened when I got a happy ending massage</a>." Yay?<br /></p><p>If you're feeling it, give it some clicks and some shares/love/whatever you've got. I need a little antidote to the anonymous trolls who use moments from the One Precious Life to comment stuff like, "This is an angry old woman." Hey man, I'm an angry MIDDLE-AGED woman.</p><p>I'm extra grateful to my delightful editor <a href="https://twitter.com/msemilymccombs">Emily McCombs</a> (previously of xojane!) who let me keep the chess joke in when I said I was kinda married to it. (Because OBVIOUSLY sex stories need more chess jokes.) "I understand," she said. "We've all been swept away by a good chess joke. </p><p>xoxo</p><p>jill</p><p>PS if you want to tell me what you thought about "Good Luck to You, Leo Grande," I'd hear that too.<br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-18971121197928461032022-07-13T17:38:00.003-07:002022-08-01T10:58:10.095-07:00Notes From My Covid Sick Room<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRpHo-sry5Qjte3ndYJTWAYGKjdiVbeWTRvn-JhW3-JwC9Ucc6pirka7yxxH1hOOltaJSznxmxPcunMn2AWBHqrcj7lp5gWdQY55uPdTWVK7rTXV1vaZ5fSnyMBUXX8nkm1PdM87EnqH_Q71JzBCOuqOAz-muqA-uDX5Af5SiF5_6-ulOisdtfb1nb/s1120/Paul_Fu%CC%88rst,_Der_Doctor_Schnabel_von_Rom_(coloured_version).png" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1120" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRpHo-sry5Qjte3ndYJTWAYGKjdiVbeWTRvn-JhW3-JwC9Ucc6pirka7yxxH1hOOltaJSznxmxPcunMn2AWBHqrcj7lp5gWdQY55uPdTWVK7rTXV1vaZ5fSnyMBUXX8nkm1PdM87EnqH_Q71JzBCOuqOAz-muqA-uDX5Af5SiF5_6-ulOisdtfb1nb/s320/Paul_Fu%CC%88rst,_Der_Doctor_Schnabel_von_Rom_(coloured_version).png" width="229" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mood</td></tr></tbody></table>I'm at the part of COVID where I feel completely fine, but am still testing positive. So I've been banished to my bedchambers like a mad woman who lives in the attic in an 1847 gothic novel. <br /><p></p><p>In my isolation, I do such fun activities like:</p><p>--Try to figure out if I'm going to get unemployment. (Side fretting: Am I employable? Do I actually want to be employable? Hint: no and also no.) <i> </i></p><p><i>And a full-on digression. According to the sci-fi I read growing up, we were supposed to be well on our way to a post-work utopian society where people could devote themselves to pursuing their interests and enjoying the village-run shared childcare while wearing loose, flowy clothes. Instead here were are, arguing about whether the minor inconvenience of wearing a mask </i><b>to save someone's life</b><i> is actually some sort of nefarious oppression, whether trying to take over the government by force is, like, bad, and all kinds of other ridiculous shit that we should have figured out decades ago. </i><br /></p><p>--Worry about new spot on leg. Death imminent? <br /></p><p> --And....so far that's it. Fuck! It's only been a couple of hours and I've already done all my activities!<br /></p><p>However, below me in my sick bed is a big-ass drawer containing yet <i>more</i> sex toys that need to find their way in/on/near a hole/protrusion/whatever you've got. I'll sent them to you! Another activity! (Next up: Silent weeping? Disturbingly thorough cleaning? The Jumble?)<br /></p><p>Tell me what you want and I'll sent it/them to you for the price of postage and a decent tip (see also: <i>unemployed</i>.) Complete lowdown there at the end.</p><p>What I gots: <br /></p><p>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fdildo-sex-toys%2Fglass-dildos%2Fsp-glas-mr-swirly-piece-glass-set-109345.aspx">Glas 4-pc Handblown Glass Dildo set</a>, with glass Kegel balls, a butt plug and nice glass dildo with decorative/useful swirls on it. (Digression: Do take a moment to think of the artisan who goes into their studio to hand blow you lovely glass butt plugs.)</p><p>--<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fdildo-sex-toys%2Fglass-dildos%2Fsp-gildo-rainbow-swirl-glass-dildo-106890.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EGildo%2520Rainbow%2520Swirl%2520Glass%2520Dildo">Gildo handmade glass dildo</a></p><p><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclit-vibrators%2Fsp-eves-clit-loving-thumper-vibrator-108941.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Clit%2520Loving%2520Thumper%2520Vibrator">Clit Loving Thumper Vibe</a> with "licking tongue for added pleasure" (or backup envelope licking if needed)</strike></p><p><strike>--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclit-vibrators%2Fsp-shegasm-forbidden-apple-clitoral-stimulator-109359.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EShegasm%2520Forbidden%2520Apple%2520Clitoral%2520Stimulator">Shegasm Forbidden Apple Silicone Clit Stimulator</a>, suction plus vibrations plus a chance for rare apple sex</strike></p><p>--<strike>Rabbit vibrator, heated and waterproof. (Can't link bc the manufacturer might get pissed)</strike></p><p>--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-training-kits%2Fsp-pride-anal-trainer-kit-107927.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EPride%2520Anal%2520Trainer%2520Kit">Pride Anal Trainer set</a>, because anything can be branded for #PrideMonth<br /></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">Plus these are still left:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"> <span>--Two
Adam's Penis Extenders with ball strap, in both "realistic" and
"fantasy." I don't think these models are available any more, but <a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-really-ample-penis-enhancer-93606.aspx">they look like this</a>. Plus one plain ol' <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-adams-extension-by-adam-eve-89865.aspx">Adam's Extension</a>. <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fanal-beads%2Fsp-adam-eve-vibrating-anal-bead-stick-108646.aspx%3Fst%3DVibrating%2BAnal%2BBead%2BStick">Vibrating Anal Bead Stick</a>, looks fancy plus it's waterproof<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-adams-realistic-extension-106535.aspx%3Fst%3DAdam%2527s%2B3%2BExtension">Adam's 3" Extension</a>, goes over a dick or dick substitute for 3 extra inches.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclassic-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-spank-me-vibrator-108942.aspx">The Spank Me Vibe</a>, a vibe and a spank strap all in one for your multi-tasking sex needs.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-ae-rear-rocker-vibrating-glass-anal-plug-108807.aspx%3Fst%3DRear%2BRocker%2BVibrating%2BGlass%2BAnal%2BPlug">Rear Rocker Vibrating Glass Anal Plug</a>, "endless anal fun," it says. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"> <span>--Tingle all the Way Christmasy <a href="https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=335">bullet vibe</a>, if you don't care what holiday your vibe celebrates</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;">--<strike>Coochy
<span>Shave Cream</span></strike> and after shave protection spray, lip gloss
(for...couples--dunno what that means), massage oil w/ CBD, massage oil
in
"sugar" scent</span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGV27340%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-ultra-heat-silicone-lubricant"><u>--Wicked Ultra Heat silicone lube</u></a>, <strike>Wicked <a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGVD459503%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-aqua-sensitive%3Flref%3DSrch%7Cwicked%7Ca%7C5%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Csearch_page%7C0">Sensitive</a></strike>, <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGVD483002%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-simply-aqua-lubricant%3Flref%3DSrch%7Cwicked%7Ca%7C3%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Csearch_page%7C0">Wicked Simply Aqua</a>, <a href="https://amzn.to/3IAAB9l">Wicked Hybrid</a>, flavored lubes (<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGV15343%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-sensuals-flavored-lubricants%3Flref%3DSrch%7Cwicked%7Ca%7C1%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Csearch_page%7C0">birthday cake</a>, <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">cotton candy</a>, <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">cherry,</a> <strike><a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">strawberry</a></strike>)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fdual-stimulating-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-dual-entry-vibrator-with-remote-control-108377.aspx">*Rechargeable Dual Entry Vibe/ w remote</a>, double penetration without the social awkwardness</span></p><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-adams-glass-prostate-massager-108806.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdams%2520Glass%2520Prostate%2520Massager">*Adam's Glass Prostate Massager</a>, pretty much what it says in the name there</span><p><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-rings%2Fsp-adams-deluxe-penis-ring-sampler-108822.aspx%3Fst%3DAdam%2527s%2BDeluxe%2BPenis%2BRing%2BSample">Adam's Deluxe Penis Ring Sampler</a>, I grow too weary to explain this. Just look at it yourself. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">Live, and direct from my bed,</span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">xo </span><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">jill</span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;">If you are also bedridden, please enjoy Cab Calloway, giving it his goddamn all in "Saint James Infirmary," even though he's a weird clown man in a creepy Betty Boop cartoon. </span></p><p>
</p><p>
</p><p><span style="font-size: small;"> <iframe frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://youtube.com/embed/yHraXOoY39U" width="480"></iframe></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>The fine print: <span> </span></span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span><span>Tell me what you want at jillhamilton001@gmail.com. </span>You
can pick an item or two, or fill a whole box with 'em. Postage for a
large size priority box is $21.50, medium is $16.10. Smaller things that
fit in a padded envelop are generally less than 10 buck to ship. </span><span>My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is <span>@jill-hamilton-123. </span></span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>PS I do not generally think the whole "sexy whatever" Halloween costume thing is funny but there is, for real, a <a href="https://www.halloweencostumes.com/womens-eerie-plague-doctor-costume.html">"sexy plague doctor" costume</a>. Sigh.</span></span><i><span><span> <br /></span></span></i></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-52830420523195780922022-06-04T16:39:00.005-07:002023-03-07T16:17:59.430-08:00I Don't Know Sh*t About F*ck <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii3KeLCz1H4mPH6OmxT-1OZWv-PNT_OEwXKQJaS3-yO56nS4t7ZoW5ZBA4kSRYqWGniDCrTrYJn6SlSikNLalAlHVEll922Z7QiOh_bmMxuFfNs02gGJLDwtTKYmGV5n_cu_Q9XBu_2go1nAbRF019C8nqweBjrHxMB6eVfirtil30J9P8YgVU0v2t/s1200/ruth%202.webp" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii3KeLCz1H4mPH6OmxT-1OZWv-PNT_OEwXKQJaS3-yO56nS4t7ZoW5ZBA4kSRYqWGniDCrTrYJn6SlSikNLalAlHVEll922Z7QiOh_bmMxuFfNs02gGJLDwtTKYmGV5n_cu_Q9XBu_2go1nAbRF019C8nqweBjrHxMB6eVfirtil30J9P8YgVU0v2t/w320-h213/ruth%202.webp" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mood, if you look deep enough<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Yesterday I was wading through the empty backwaters of the blog looking for something (keys? my glasses? don't recall...) and stumbled upon a post from 2013 <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2013/03/my-most-failed-joke-of-all-time.html">defending myself/being defensive</a> about a <a href="https://jezebel.com/why-get-labiaplasty-when-theres-the-vagina-panty-nsfw-5988999">Jezebel story</a> I'd written. Apparently many, <i>many</i> Jezebel readers had felt the need to take a moment out of their One Precious Life to tell me exactly what they hated about it and, by extension, me. I was <i>super</i> canceled, yo.*<p>None of this, however, is even the point. When I read the post, I agreed with Past Me on some parts and cringed at other bits, but my main takeaway was "Who IS this chick?" Fuck. Past Me had so much moxie. (My brain seemed to be working more better too.)<br /></p><p>"My blue ribbon gumption is gone,"** sang <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzTwp83a60">Vic Chesnutt in Sponge</a>. And I feel that. Hard.</p><p>I've been on hiatus*** from writing Cosmo sex positions for a few months now and I've been filling my life with non-writing-about-sex-positions activities. Turns out there are plenty! Instead of waking up in my customary manner (saying "Fuck!"), I wake up and think "What do I want to do today?" in a pleasant, eager manner. Which...wha???<br /></p><p>What I've been wanting to do is: putz around in my yard, read books****, take walks, watch TV*****, tame a passel of feral foster kittens (the littlest, angriest one I named Ruth Langmore)--just things that seem fun (to me******) on any given day. <br /></p><p>It occurred to me that I could be perfectly happy doing this kind of low-stakes hausfrau putzing about for the rest of my life. I could be an ideal retiree!, I thought proudly. I was noticeably more present for my friends and family, I was way more chill and spending my days filling my head with nature, gratitude and other people's really great art. Sometimes I actually had the full-sentence thought "I am so goddamned happy." So what if my blue ribbon gumption was gone? I had no ambition and I didn't care.</p><p>Now I'm about three months into it and I'm realizing that although I do like--nay, LOVE--excessive putzing, there may be a darker undercurrent to it all. Like maybe it's a trauma response to the past, oh, seven years in which I, and perhaps you, learned that lots of people will believe and even worship an obvious huckster, our system may not hold, people are way more racist that I ever dreamed, no one is doing anything about Ginni and Clarence Thomas, a shocking large number of our fellow citizens are not bright and also just really mean and that the world might end in a variety of highly plausible ways. The other week there was a story about how the climate was irreversibly broken and it was on page A6! Like there were A1 to A5 worth of stories that were even more dire than world endery. And this is<i> every goddamned day</i>. We are pummeled with alarming info that our brains cannot possibly rationally process.<br /></p><p>It's a lot. And truth is, I've been spooked.<br /></p><p>Yes, I've called Senators, campaigned for people (Viva Katie Porter!). I marched against this shit again and again but that was FIVE years ago and it feels worse. So my latest response has been staying home, stuffing my maw with unwise snack choices and watching Ozark. It's not ideal but that's what I got. In the words of my beloved Ruth Langmore: "I don't know shit about fuck." </p><p>Find little scraps of pleasure where you can, I say. Maybe let yourself go fallow for a season so you can come back renewed and ready to get back to whatever it is you do. Maybe I will end up going full-on Junior Retiree (PJs as day wear? Yes please!), maybe I will do some baller shit. I don't know.</p><p>As for the pursuit of fleeting pleasures, I again have an excess of brand new sex toys that I am happy to send to you for the price of postage and a tip for gas/embarrassment. Rules below******* <br /></p><p>Yours for the taking/fucking:</p><p><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fg-spot-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-rechargeable-silicone-g-gasm-delight-108948.aspx%3Fst%3DRechargeable%2BSilicone%2BG-Gasm%2BDelight">Rechargeable Silicone G-Gasm Delight</a>, g-spot vibe that has "delight" right there in the name.</strike> </p><p><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-heat-me-up-warming-rabbit-thruster-108820.aspx%3Fst%3DHeat%2BMe%2BUp%2BWarming%2BRabbit%2BThruster">Heat Me Up Warming Rabbit Thruster</a>, actually does get warm and thrusty.</strike><br /></p><p>--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fanal-beads%2Fsp-adam-eve-vibrating-anal-bead-stick-108646.aspx%3Fst%3DVibrating%2BAnal%2BBead%2BStick">Vibrating Anal Bead Stick</a>, looks fancy plus it's waterproof<br /></p><p>--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-adams-realistic-extension-106535.aspx%3Fst%3DAdam%2527s%2B3%2BExtension">Adam's 3" Extension</a>, goes over a dick or dick substitute for 3 extra inches.</p><p><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-adam-eve-deep-love-thrusting-wand-108803.aspx%3Fst%3DDeep%2BLove%2BThrusting%2BWand">Deep Love Thrusting Wand</a>, shaft thrusts an "orgasmic" 1.75'' which is clearly better than our more-commonly used non-orgasmic measurement system.</strike></p><p>--<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclassic-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-spank-me-vibrator-108942.aspx">The Spank Me Vibe</a>, a vibe and a spank strap all in one for your multi-tasking sex needs.</p><p>--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-ae-rear-rocker-vibrating-glass-anal-plug-108807.aspx%3Fst%3DRear%2BRocker%2BVibrating%2BGlass%2BAnal%2BPlug">Rear Rocker Vibrating Glass Anal Plug</a>, "endless anal fun," it says. Though you can probably end it when you need to eat an entire bag of chips and watch Ozark.</p><p><strike> --<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fvibrators%2Frealistic-vibrators%2Fsp-shower-stud-super-stud-vibe-99701.aspx">Shower Stud Pure Skin Vibrator</a>, a vibrating dildo (with balls!) with a suction cup for in the shower or anywhere you need to suction cup an extra penis to a wall. </strike><br /></p><p>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-rings%2Fsp-adams-deluxe-penis-ring-sampler-108822.aspx%3Fst%3DAdam%2527s%2BDeluxe%2BPenis%2BRing%2BSample">Adam's Deluxe Penis Ring Sampler</a>, I grow too weary to explain this. Just look at it yourself. </p><p>I also have a few things left from <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2022/03/wheres-balldo-hes-under-my-bed-with-all.html?zx=b30daf6716169ade">this post</a>. (Oh, so many penis extenders! For...holiday decor? <a href="https://a24films.com/films/everything-everywhere-all-at-once">Everything Everywhere All At Once</a> cosplay? You decide!)</p><p>Figure out what you want. I'm gonna go do....something. Eat breakfast at 1:30? Dunno. I truly don't know shit about fuck. <br /></p><p>xo</p><p>jill</p><p> *For the record, I no longer stand with Naomi Wolf and think she's
completely lost her mind. So on that point I've joined the "Fuck you,
Jill Hamilton" camp. Go team!<br /></p><p>** It's more like "gaaaawww-one." Dude was Suh-THERN. And you should listen to him at once. Start with <a href="https://amzn.to/3tgHGal">West of Rome</a>.<br /></p><p>***It really is a hiatus. I will be going back any minute now, I think. </p><p>**** Including, but not limited to: <a href="https://amzn.to/3GRyhf8">Easy Crafts for the Insane: A Mostly Funny Memoir of Mental Illness and Making Things</a> by Kelly Williams Brown, <a href="https://amzn.to/3xe6kL4">The Nineties</a> by Chuck Klosterman, <a href="https://amzn.to/3GVntww">Tacky: Love Letters to the Worse Culture We Have to Offer</a> by Rax King, <a href="https://amzn.to/3me46VH">Ten Steps to Nanette: A Memoir Situation</a> by Hannah Gatsby, <a href="https://amzn.to/3GPmRbz">The Puzzler: One Man's Quest to Solve the Most Baffling Puzzles Ever, from Crosswords to Jigsaws to the Meaning of Life</a> by AJ Jacobs (see ******)<br /></p><p>*****Bo Burnham's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XWEVoI40sE">The Inside Outtakes</a>, Kids in the Hall reboot and every season of Key & Peele (genius! I never saw them before!)<br /></p><p>******I also like crossword puzzles, jigsaws and the Wordle. Um...I probably don't actually understand the concept of "fun." </p><p>*******Email your
address and what items or items you want to jillhamilton001@gmail.com.Shipping alone for a USPS priority medium box is $17.10, large is
$22.80. My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123. (Don't pretend you didn't see that tip bit. I know you did.) First come, first served. I will cross out stuff as it's claimed. And if
you want to skip me entirely and just buy something via the links, the blog gets a little cut.<br /></p><p> ********Bonus footnote: Did you know that I realllly hate footnotes in articles? It's true! Go figure. </p><p>Oh shit, one more thing. If you are getting two copies of this blog via email, just cancel one, preferably the Feedburner one. There's a glitch. <br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-83063592640767900892022-04-07T11:57:00.001-07:002022-04-07T11:58:05.439-07:00"The Copulatory Gaze" and the Body Language of Flirting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4hMh526FZRI/TlptwEXoXPI/AAAAAAAAAZU/PBVOiLs-LDo/s1600/aircraft+signal.jpg" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" qaa="true" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4hMh526FZRI/TlptwEXoXPI/AAAAAAAAAZU/PBVOiLs-LDo/s320/aircraft+signal.jpg" width="320" /></a>Whenever I'm around this one guy I know, I feel my head tilt to the side and my hand reach out toward him, as if to touch him. I try to stifle these gestures because they are sexual "tells," that is, unconscious moves signaling unspoken thoughts or intentions. And these particular gestures, I must confess, are universal mating signals. In terms of biological signaling, I may as well be breaking out the landing gear lights and guiding him to my gate, so to speak. I don't actually wish to mate with this dude (oh hell no) but, clearly some part of my subconscious is thinking he's fine. Real fine.<br /></div><p>
That's what's interesting to me about these mating gestures. I don't wish to signal anything to this guy, but my body certainly does, and I wonder what mechanism is at work there. I mean, why <i>him</i>? I am fascinated by how my body responds to him automatically and unconsciously. I don't <i>mean</i> to do the whole head tilt thing, it just happens. And although I'm not going to act on it, I have to admit that it's fun to feel my body react, feeling the pull of attraction and knowing I'm part of a timeless biological dance.<br />
<br />
So what am I signaling exactly? Well, Grasshopper, a head tilt does a few things. It makes me smaller, for one, and exposes my vulnerable neck. These indicate "I am harmless." (Note: I may or may not actually be harmless.) Appearing harmless is a good thing, mating-wise, according to Helen E. Fisher in her completely fascinating book, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Love-Natural-History-Marriage/dp/0449908976/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1319994688&sr=8-3">Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Monogamy, Adultery, and Divorce</a>. </i>Men also try to appear harmless. All of their initial mating gestures are geared to convey the basic message, "I am here; I am important; I am harmless."<br />
<br />
Writes Fisher: <br />
<i>"Men tend to pitch and roll their shoulders, stretch, stand tall and shift from foot to foot in a swaying motion. They also exaggerate their body movements. Instead of simply using the wrist to stir a drink, men often employ the entire arm, as if stirring mud...And the whole body is employed in hearty laughter--made loud enough to attract a crowd."</i><br />
<br />
In the 1960s ethologist Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt used a secret camera to document female flirting behavior around the globe. No matter who he was <strike>creepily spying on</strike> scientifically studying, a universal flirting pattern emerged. Again, here's Fisher:<br />
<br />
<i>"First the woman smiles at her admirer and lifts her eyebrows in a swift jerky motion as she opens her eyes wide to gaze at him. Then she drops her eyelids, tilts her head down and to the side, and looks away. Frequently she also covers her face with her hands, giggling nervously as she retreats behind her palms."</i><br />
<br />
Of all the courting gestures, to me, the most potent is the so-called "copulatory gaze." In cultures where eye contact is permitted, potential lovers will stare into each other's eyes a second or two longer than is necessary (generally two to three seconds) and, if interested, their pupils will dilate. Eye contact seems to trigger a primitive part of the brain, notes Fisher, calling forth one of two basic emotions--approach or retreat. "You cannot ignore the eyes of another fixed on you," she writes, "You must respond."<br />
<br />
Many of these courting gestures are present in animals as well. Female possums do the coy look/head tilt move. Snakes, frogs and toads inflate their bodies to draw attention to themselves, and "pygmy" chimpanzees at the San Diego Zoo look deeply into the other's eyes for several moments before having sex. (No documentation exists on whether they also make each other mix tapes.)<br />
<br />
My favorite animal courting move, however, comes from the chimps observed by the lovely Jane Goodall at the Combe Steam Reserve in Tanzania. When a female is in estrus (heat), a dominant male doesn't muck around with the loud laughing and notable drink stirring, he gets right to the point. "A male will stare intently to get a female's attention, sit with his legs open to display an erect penis, flick it, rock from side to side (and) beckon her with outstretched arms."<br />
<br />
Yes, it's kind of comically direct, but I can see how with the right chimp, or my case, human male, it would be quite heady to be so courted. Although it would have the unfortunate side effect of eliminating the wholly enjoyable pastime of analyzing and dissecting a potential lover's moves. "Okay, so last night, Fred was staring intently at me, displaying his erect penis and flicking it. What do you think he meant?"<br />
<br />
Thus we get to your questions of the day. One of the reasons I'm so fascinated by this subject is because I was always bad at interpreting such signals. What about you? Do you consciously use these gestures, or have you noticed yourself doing them? Do you notice when a potential suitor is doing these things, feel a general intuition about their intentions, or what?<br />
<br />
Please, do tell.</p><p>xoxo</p><p>jill </p><p>Attention, please: this is a rerun. Do not be alarmed.<br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-75687992207792500242022-03-23T17:24:00.009-07:002022-06-05T16:35:44.405-07:00Where's Balldo? (He's under my bed with all the other toys)<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOiSdAdmx29G-k25h0D-58h_ck07MQrmsPWJivDOL7ulh2hEbSvv9OclIm_FZ6DSfjSI7IbTz5gKXRevLIwPetyMQwdiiNFsodAZXyYzuPfBbfrPqA1-z6YzVP2GxvTT6TAMCxk0-Z5dOohjEYucgh7-KUtoETKJVGeuatsBp9IDIHv2snRAKzGtV/s228/images.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="221" data-original-width="228" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOiSdAdmx29G-k25h0D-58h_ck07MQrmsPWJivDOL7ulh2hEbSvv9OclIm_FZ6DSfjSI7IbTz5gKXRevLIwPetyMQwdiiNFsodAZXyYzuPfBbfrPqA1-z6YzVP2GxvTT6TAMCxk0-Z5dOohjEYucgh7-KUtoETKJVGeuatsBp9IDIHv2snRAKzGtV/w320-h310/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bozo could be cruel<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>When I was a kid growing up in Atlanta, Georgia, there was a local kids' show called Bozo The Clown. I remember nothing about it except at some point there was a game involving a Lazy Susan type thing with a few small paper bags on top. A lucky kid audience member would be blindfolded (it was the 70s, it was okay to do #$@$ like this), our local Bozo would spin the table and the kid would stick their hand into one of the bags. There within, they would find either a cool prize (don't remember what, probably <a href="https://amzn.to/3L9E8NH">Jarts</a> or <a href="https://amzn.to/3tzfksl">candy cigarettes</a> or something--again, 70s) or--in a weirdly cruel addition to the game--they would plunge their hand into a big bag full of shaving cream, receiving nothing but public humiliation. <p></p><p>I, however, am kinder than your local Bozo (and yes, there were many <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bozo_the_Clown">Bozos</a>. That's when we had a strong middle class and a robust market for Bozos in every town.) As your local Bozo today, I will not be wearing clown make-up for you, but I do have pretty jacked up hair and a whole bunch of prizes, only one of them shaving cream.</p><p>And the best part is, you get to look in the bag and see what's in there first. Any humiliation you happen to suffer will be in private. <br /></p><p>What I'm getting at is that is that the drawer on my IKEA Malm bed is again filled to the brim with sex toys that companies have sent me. I cannot fuck them all--some are duplicates, some I lack the requisite body parts and/or general moxie to have relations with them.</p><p>Want some? Here's how it works:</p><p>--Pick out what you'd like (multiple choices are fine--I'll fill a whole damn box for you if you want.). </p><p>--You pay for shipping, plus a tip for gas/the fact that I am mailing sex toys at my post office in broad daylight. Shipping alone for a USPS priority medium box is $16.10, large is $21.50. My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is <span style="font-size: medium;">@jill-hamilton-123. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--Crossed out items are no longer available. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--If you use a link on a listing with an asterisk to buy something on your own, the blog gets a wee cut, which I will immediately waste on Coke Zero. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Here's what I have:<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">First, the lovely and generous folks at <a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2F">Adam and Eve</a> sent me a big-ass box of their top-selling toys, many of which I can personally recommend. (These <i>particular</i> toys are still virgins, fear not.)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fdildo-sex-toys%2Fclone-a-willy%2Fsp-clone-a-willy-light-skin-tone-kit-7805.aspx">*Clone-A-Willy</a>, a kit so you can make a vibrating silicone replica of your dick. It's in "light" skin tone, so if you're darker than that, you're gonna be fucking with a white dick. They do sell <a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fdildo-sex-toys%2Fclone-a-willy%2Fsp-clone-a-willy-deep-skin-tone-kit-11314.aspx">darker ones</a> though. Black dicks matter. </strike><br /></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fmale-masturbators%2Ffleshlight%2Fsp-fleshlight-go-surge-100644.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EFleshlight%2520Go%3A%2520Surge">*Fleshlight Go Surge</a>, a nicely heavy penis masturbator. It's for "the man on the go, leading a fast paced lifestyle," but I imagine it still works if you're just lying around in your bed jerking off, again. </span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclit-vibrators%2Fsp-satisfyer-pro-next-generation-104151.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253ESatisfyer%2520Pro%25202%2520-%2520Next%2520Generation">*Satisyer Pro 2 Air Pulse Stimulator</a>, these pulse-y clitoral vibrators are pretty fucking great. </span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-eves-rechargeable-thrusting-rabbit-by-adam-eve-106698.aspx">*Eve's Rechargeable Thrusting Rabbit</a>, just have to lie back and be ravished</span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-eves-petite-private-pleasure-wand-by-adam-eve-108069.aspx%3Fst%3Deve%2527s%2Bpetitle%2Bprivate%2Bpleaure%2Bwand">*Eve's Petite Private Pleasure Wand</a>, it's small but super versatile and powerful. One of my favorites, not that you asked.</span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-magic-wand-rechargeable-100664.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EMagic%2520Wand%2520Rechargeable">*Magic Wand Rechargeable</a>, the original "personal massager" </span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclit-vibrators%2Fsp-satisfyer-breathless-by-adam-eve-108021.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253ESatisfyer%2520Breathless%2520by%2520Adam%2520%2520Eve">*Satisfyer Breathless</a>, a smaller air pulse clit vibrator, plus vibration</span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-pure-enrichment-peak-wand-massager-99482.aspx%3Fst%3Dpeak">*Pure Enrichment Peak Wand Massager</a>, small, quality wand for all the groinal enrichment you require.</span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fluxury-vibrators%2Fsp-fifty-shades-of-grey-greedy-girl-g-spot-rabbit-vibrator-99283.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EFifty%2520Shades%2520of%2520Grey%2520Greedy%2520Girl%2520G-Spot%2520Rabbit%2520Vibrator">*Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator,</a> if you're from several years ago</strike><br /></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fsp-under-the-bed-restraint-system-11112.aspx%3Fst%3Dsport%2Bsheets%2Bunder%2Bthe%2Bbed">*Sports Sheets Under the Bed Restraint System</a>, because someone is in for it. </span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Here's what ELSE I've got, as I'm just now uncomfortably realizing that I am indistinguishable from a sex toy hoarder.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Penis toys:<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--Two Adam's Penis Extenders with ball strap, in both "realistic" and "fantasy." I don't think these models are available any more, but <a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-really-ample-penis-enhancer-93606.aspx">they look like this</a>. Plus one plain ol' <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-adams-extension-by-adam-eve-89865.aspx">Adam's Extension</a>. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Butt stuff:</span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--*<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fanal-beads%2Fsp-adam-eve-booty-bliss-vibrating-beads-101201.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Booty%2520Bliss%2520Vibrating%2520Beads">Booty Bliss Vibrating Beads</a>, for your booty bliss needs.</span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-training-kits%2Fsp-adam-eve-three-hearts-gem-anal-plug-set-107608.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Three%2520Hearts%2520Gem%2520Anal%2520Plug%2520Set">*Three Hearts Gem Anal Plug Set</a>, in metal, small, medium and large. Bliss factor unknown. </span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fdual-stimulating-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-dual-entry-vibrator-with-remote-control-108377.aspx">*Rechargeable Dual Entry Vibe/ w remote</a>, double penetration without the social awkwardness</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-adams-glass-prostate-massager-108806.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdams%2520Glass%2520Prostate%2520Massager">*Adam's Glass Prostate Massager</a>, pretty much what it says in the name there<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Vibrators:</span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-eves-thrusting-rabbit-with-orgasmic-beads-by-adam-eve-108544.aspx%3Fst%3Deve%2527s%2Bthrusting%2Brabbit%2Bwith%2Borgasmic%2Bbeads">*Eve's Thrusting Rabbit with Orgasmic Beads</a>, even has a turbo mode.</span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--Eve's Bliss Vibrator, a rabbit vibe that is no longer available but <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-eves-rechargeable-rotating-rabbit-flicker-by-adam-eve-107231.aspx">it's akin to this</a>. </span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.zalousa.com/products/bess-clitoral-massager-obsidian-black?_pos=1&_sid=53d228795&_ss=r">Bess Clitoral Vibrator</a>, it's pokey!</span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.zalousa.com/products/unicorn-set?_pos=1&_sid=4021fe318&_ss=r">Unicorn set</a>, a small three-piece set with a little clit suction vibe, a thruster and a vibrator.</span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--Tingle all the Way Christmasy <a href="https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=335">bullet vibe</a>, if you don't care what holiday your bullet vibe celebrates<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strike>--<a href="https://emojibator.com/products/emojibator">Emojibator Eggplant Vibrator</a>, wee vibrator shaped like the eggplant emoji</strike><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Potpourri!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fthrusting-vibrators%2Fsp-eves-ultimate-thrusting-strapless-strap-on-by-adam-eve-108530.aspx%3Fst%3Deve%2527s%2Bultimate%2Bthrusting">*Eve's Ultimate Thrusting Strapless Strap-On</a>, you fuck someone and the vibrator fucks you--just lots of things getting fucked. </strike> <br /></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fliberators-position-aids%2Fsp-adam-eve-inflatable-position-pillow-100676.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Inflatable%2520Position%2520Pillow">*Inflatable Position Pillow</a>, get things where they need to go</span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flingerie%2Fwomens-wear%2Fbaby-dolls%2Fsp-tickled-pink-babydoll-109171.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253ETickled%2520Pink%2520Babydoll">*Tickled Pink Babydoll</a>, lingerie in size L/XL </span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/kinky-bondage/sp-adam-eve-scarlet-couture-obey-me-blindfold-90288.aspx?predictive=search%20autocomplete%3Eproduct%3EAdam%20%20Eve%20Scarlet%20Couture%20Obey%20Me%20Blindfold">Blindfold</a>, fox fur body tickler, a feather teaser and <strike>some bamboo silk rope</strike> </span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fbath-and-body%2Fbath-and-shower%2Fsp-manscaping-rechargeable-kit-104323.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EManscaping%2520Rechargeable%2520Kit">*Manscaping kit</a></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--*<a href="https://shrsl.com/3ft7a">After Dark</a><a href="https://shrsl.com/3ft7a"> board game</a>, hey man, it's rated 4 stars</span></strike></p><span style="font-size: medium;">--Coochy
<b> <span style="font-size: medium;">Shave Cream</span></b> (SEE????) and after shave protection spray, lip gloss (for...couples--dunno what that means), massage oil w/ CBD, massage oil in
"sugar" scent</span><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Lube (OMFG. So. Much. Lube)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGV27340%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-ultra-heat-silicone-lubricant"><u>--Wicked Ultra Heat silicone lube</u></a>, <strike>Wicked <a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGVD459503%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-aqua-sensitive%3Flref%3DSrch%7Cwicked%7Ca%7C5%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Csearch_page%7C0">Sensitive</a></strike>, <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGVD483002%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-simply-aqua-lubricant%3Flref%3DSrch%7Cwicked%7Ca%7C3%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Csearch_page%7C0">Wicked Simply Aqua</a>, <a href="https://amzn.to/3IAAB9l">Wicked Hybrid</a>, flavored lubes (<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGV15343%2Fwicked-sensual-care%2Fwicked-sensuals-flavored-lubricants%3Flref%3DSrch%7Cwicked%7Ca%7C1%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Csearch_page%7C0">birthday cake</a>, <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">cotton candy</a>, <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">cherry,</a> <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">strawberry</a>)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">*deep breath*</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fanal-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-forbidden-anal-lubricant-88407.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Forbidden%2520Anal%2520Lubricant">Anal lube</a>, <strike><a href="https://www.adameve.com/lubes-and-sexual-wellness/sex-lubes/anal-sex-lubes/sp-mojo-natural-water-based-anal-relaxing-glide-107866.aspx?predictive=search%20autocomplete%3Eproduct%3EMojo%20Natural%20Water-Based%20Anal%20Relaxing%20Glide">warming anal lube</a></strike>, <a href="https://amzn.to/3iwFNk1">Lube for toys in regular</a>, warming and cooling, and <strike>some <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flubes-and-sexual-wellness%2Fsex-lubes%2Fsilicone-sex-lubes%2Fsp-wet-platinum-silicone-lubricant-9630.aspx">silicone lube</a>,</strike> lots of water-based lube, a silicone-water hybrid. <strike>Also two kinds of CBD-infused pleasure gels/oils, <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGV38187%2Fhigh-on-love%2Fhigh-on-love-stimulating-orgasm-oil%3Flref%3DCat%7Ccatalog70002_gv411%7C%7C1%7Cc%7C0%7C-relevance%7Ctoy_category%7C0">this one</a> and <a href="https://emojibator.com/products/phuksaus-cbd-pleasure-gel">this one</a>.</strike></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Let me know what you want.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">xo</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">jill</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">PS Last time I inadvertently sent a package to a man's home address, instead of his secret mistress's address. Which was bad. So yeah. I am changing lives with my work. What are you doing with your One Precious Life?<br /></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-5250071725937687732022-01-03T17:38:00.010-08:002022-01-05T15:01:18.045-08:00Happy New Tears!<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjbPEE0bIYVCbFOlcmQTEqkS-A8btEDCnH21GHkKx4i2uPZQ3lKn6MiCB4hgG1hijCX6dJkbp9wggdA-ar3yDoNAbTvGHAbjS7XU8bu61CxKfsVP_H9RmYf02i9UVebAyFFmq0zW-vtUNoABgcgmh1PX9Z4V-fflqAb7fGg7mSv6kVNBUO_2iuq8d06=s800" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="696" data-original-width="800" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjbPEE0bIYVCbFOlcmQTEqkS-A8btEDCnH21GHkKx4i2uPZQ3lKn6MiCB4hgG1hijCX6dJkbp9wggdA-ar3yDoNAbTvGHAbjS7XU8bu61CxKfsVP_H9RmYf02i9UVebAyFFmq0zW-vtUNoABgcgmh1PX9Z4V-fflqAb7fGg7mSv6kVNBUO_2iuq8d06=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">U up?<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-size: medium;">"Happy New Tears!" texted my old friend in what turned out to be an oddly prescient typo. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">On New Year's Eve, I think we all imagine a glorious new future with less fucked-up versions of ourselves who publish books, do yoga and finally quit (insert vice here). It's the same kind of magical thinking that makes me think that, despite all apparent evidence, I will somehow not actually die and that's something that applies to other people. (Sorry everyone else!)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">But what if the new year really is gonna be a bunch of new tears? Until this year (and 2016 obviously), I had never actually considered this very probable possibility. And I'm 56 fucking years old!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So far this year I have seen a really important relationship end and, in an unrelated incident, shat my pants in a hotel in Gilroy, California. This was just by January 2nd. (I also got a iced coffee at Starbucks that had disturbing almond milk in it that was somehow simultaneously curdled and weirdly heavy, but that seems less important here, though possibly related.) </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">My point is that, hell, this year<i> will</i> probably have some tears. I've been crunching the numbers and it seems pretty darn likely. So what are we to do? IDK, enjoy what we can, while we can? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">In that spirit, I am now the proud owner of a MALM bed from IKEA that has two giant-ass storage drawers under it. Those drawers are filled--filled, I say!--with brand new sex toys that need to find their way into your secret storage space, or whatever you're calling your butt/pussy/various and sundry holes these days. (If you're new here, people send these to me even though I can only have sex with so many items, despite valiant efforts.)<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The deal is this: Tell me thing(s) what you want and I will send it to you for the cost of shipping, plus, if you can (<i>yes</i>), a tip for gas/assuaging my embarrassment over mailing boxes of sex toys. You can also request that I just fill a box with random stuff for you. LMK what you're into and you'll get a box o' sex stuff. My email is jillhamilton001@gmail.com. (My Paypal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123.) Shipping alone for a medium sized priority box is $15.50, large is $21.90. Small single items are usually less than 10 bucks. You can also skip me entirely and buy anything through the links (if there's no *, the blog gets a cut.)<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Anyway, let me know if any of these strike your fancy. (And yes, I know that I've just become a sex toy giver away blogger, but that's gonna change during this bright new year! Unless, you know, more fucking tears,)</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Oh, and two other things:</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">-I was named one of the top <a href="https://www.kinkly.com/the-top-100-sex-blogging-superheroes-of-2021/2/19658#the-top-100-sex-blogs-of-2021">Sex Blogging Superheroes</a> by the glorious Kinkly.com despite rarely even actually writing, so even more impressive!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">--Some guy donated $20 to my blog (thanks guy!), then a few months later emailed <i>"Could you please tell me what I purchased for $20 on Oct. 12 because I have no idea? It could you please do this ASAP, also?" </i> He did not ask for a refund, even though I offered him one. Perhaps he realized the true wisdom of fugue state purchases. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So. The first item deserves a special mention because it was the first thing I had to hide from the workmen who were in my house and because they had a Christian fish sticker on their truck, I assumed (perhaps wrongly) that they didn't want to see that I was in possession of a.... <br /></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fdildo-sex-toys%2Frealistic-dildos%2Fsp-adam-eve-inch-dark-rider-dildo-106872.aspx%3Fst%3Ddark%2Brider">15 INCH DARK RIDER DILDO</a>, a truly massive dick that I, honestly, can see no practical use for. But if you want him to be yours, he can! </span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">My less glorious/alarming, but still mighty fine offerings are:<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TUJGR0hJS0JGSUtLRkZCRk5MS0ZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.goodvibes.com%2Fs%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FGV44311B%2Fohmibod%2Fbluemotion-nex-3-couples-ring">BlueMotion Nex3 remote-control couples ring</a> so new, I don't think it's widely available.</strike> </span></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-eves-twirling-rabbit-vibrator-108528.aspx">Eve's Twirling Rabbit Vibrator</a></span></span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-royal-rabbit-warming-vibrator-108228.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Royal%2520Rabbit%2520Warming%2520Vibrator">Royal Rabbit Warming Vibrator</a></strike> <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span><strike>--<a href="https://shrsl.com/3btjn">Womanizer Original</a> (these are good, real good)</strike> <br /></span></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-eves-clit-tickling-rabbit-108378.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Clit%2520Tickling%2520Rabbit">Eve's Clit Tickling Rabbit</a></span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.zalousa.com/products/bess-clitoral-massager-obsidian-black">Zalo Bess Clitoral Vibrator</a>*</span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.zalousa.com/products/unicorn-set?_pos=1&_sid=60ecbc3b7&_ss=r">Zalo Unicorn Suction Set</a>*</span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.zalousa.com/products/rose-rabbit-vibrator">Zalo Rose Series Rose Vibrator</a>*</span></span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fdildo-sex-toys%2Fglass-dildos%2Fsp-eves-sweetheart-swirl-glass-dildo-108012.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Sweetheart%2520Swirl%2520Glass%2520Dildo">Sweetheart swirl glass dildo</a></strike> <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<strike><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fbullet-eggs%2Fsp-eves-rechargeable-silver-metal-bullet-108166.aspx%3Fst%3Drechargeable%2Bmetal%2Bbullet">Metal bullet vibe</a></strike>, and <a href="https://shrsl.com/3btkj">another one</a></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span><strike>--Hands Free Shower Bunny (I cannot find this anywhere online but it's a sizable waterproof rabbit vibrator that sticks to a shower wall via suction cup)</strike> <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fdual-stimulating-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-dual-entry-vibrator-with-remote-control-108377.aspx%3Fst%3Drechargeable%2Bdual%2Bentry%2Bvibe">Rechargeable dual entry vibe</a> (w/ remote control) </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclassic-vibrators%2Fsp-nixie-blue-ombre-bulb-metallic-vibrator-108858.aspx">Nixie waterproof 10 function vibe</a></strike> <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>Coupley stuff</span></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--Wild weekend couples toy kit (<a href="https://shrsl.com/3btl4">look for yourself</a>)</span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fanal-beads%2Fsp-adam-eve-vibrating-anal-bead-stick-108646.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Vibrating%2520Anal%2520Bead%2520Stick">Vibrating anal bead stick </a></span></span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>Stuff Penises (Peni?) Might Like</span></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://amzn.to/32DZ2nH">Adam's Tight Stroker with Massage Beads</a> </span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fmale-masturbators%2Fmasturbation-sleeves%2Fsp-adam-eve-intensity-power-stroker-107243.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Intensity%2520Power%2520Stroker">Intensity Power Stroker</a></span></span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-enhancers%2Fsp-adams-fantasy-extension-with-ball-strap-107833.aspx%3Fst%3Dfanstasy%2Bextention">Penis extension with ball strap</a> in extremely Black or oddly shiny Caucasian </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"> Lingerie that fits if you have big boobs like me<br /></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;">--Super cute <span style="font-weight: normal;"><span><a href="https://shrsl.com/3btid">Lovehoney Twilight Rose Black Lace Babydoll Set</a> (Even better, comes in size 1X/2X)</span></span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Flingerie%2Fwomens-wear%2Fbaby-dolls%2Fsp-flower-lace-babydoll-108579.aspx">Flower lace baby doll and thong</a> (plus size!) </span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--</span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://shrsl.com/3btko">Fifty Shades of Grey Captivate Wine Chiffon Multiway Bra Set</a> (size 1X/2X) </span></span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>Novelty vibes<br /></span></span></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://emojibator.com/products/candle-warming-vibrator-wand">Candle Warming Vibrator Wand</a>*</span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>-<a href="https://emojibator.com/products/emojibator">-</a></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://emojibator.com/products/emojibator">Eggplant Emojibator</a> (a wee bullet vibe)*</span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">--<a href="https://emojibator.com/products/the-chickie-emojibator">Chickie Emojibator</a> (Dunno, a little chick vibration suction thing???)*</span></span></strike></p><p><strike><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">--<a href="https://emojibator.com/products/queeni-finger-vibrator?_pos=1&_sid=922eadc4c&_ss=r">Queenie swan finger vibe</a>*</span></span></strike></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>Random stuff</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: medium;">--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fliberators-position-aids%2Fsp-adam-eve-inflatable-position-pillow-100676.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Inflatable%2520Position%2520Pillow">An inflatable position pillow</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fben-wa-balls%2Fsp-eves-kegel-training-set-107607.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Kegel%2520Training%2520Set">A Kegel Training Set</a></strike> <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://shrsl.com/3btk7">After Dark</a>, a game! <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fbath-and-body%2Fbath-and-shower%2Fsp-manscaping-rechargeable-kit-104323.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EManscaping%2520Rechargeable%2520Kit">Rechargeable Manscaping Kit</a> and shave cream for any gender<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>Also <strike>sex candles that melt into massage oil</strike>, <strike>bondage rope</strike>, feather ticklers, <strike>bondage tape</strike>, blindfolds, <strike>sex wipes, lube including cherry and strawberry flavored</strike>. Can give you more info. Just ask.<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>Okay then, I have been doing tedious linking so long it's now dark and my legs are numb from sitting on the floor by the MALM. But I haven't shat myself today. Yet. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>I'll take it.<br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>Thanks for listening.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>xoxo</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium; font-weight: normal;"><span>jill<br /></span></span></p><p> </p><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-3965088654451632962021-08-15T21:03:00.005-07:002021-09-25T13:56:52.844-07:00Sex toys! Do it now! I said NOW.<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NVW7jHurXeQ/YRLwdqOt7fI/AAAAAAAADAQ/zTdshSbgyQoSWs3zayBa-XPx1Z-R1KYBgCLcBGAsYHQ/s497/strrke%2Bdear%2Bmistress.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="298" data-original-width="497" height="192" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NVW7jHurXeQ/YRLwdqOt7fI/AAAAAAAADAQ/zTdshSbgyQoSWs3zayBa-XPx1Z-R1KYBgCLcBGAsYHQ/w320-h192/strrke%2Bdear%2Bmistress.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Your ass here<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p><b><i>UPDATE (9/25/21) All of the stuff is gone. I sold a box of the leftover stuff on Craigslist to some random dude. We made the trade off in a lumber yard parking lot after hours for bonus seediness.<br /></i></b></p><p><b><i>Me (handing him overflowing box of lube n' dicks etc...): "I put the big ol' jelly dildo on top for maximum embarrassment."</i></b></p><p><b><i>Rando (joking, I think): "That's okay, I'll wear it home." </i></b><br /></p><p> </p><p>***** <br /></p><p>Oh Lordy, I have waaaaaay too many sex toys that even I am not slutty enough to get to. Do y'all want some? </p><p></p><p>I am happy to send you one (or a boxful!), for the low low price of postage, plus an excessively generous tip for my highly embarrassing trek to the Post Office. (My Paypal: jillhamilton001@gmail.com.) If you desire anything you see, email me at the same address: jillhamilton001@gmail.com<br /></p><p>Without further ado--because fuck <i>ado</i>, no one's ever wanting more of that--here are the items I am currently hiding from my children: (I will strike through items when they're gone, using a spare flogger if necessary.) </p><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">BDSMy </div><div style="text-align: center;">If you or someone you know is in big trouble.</div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fmasks-blindfolds-gags%2Fsp-eves-fetish-dreams-blindfold-107679.aspx">Fetish Dreams Blindfold</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclit-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-tease-me-rechargeable-metal-vibrator-108105.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Tease%2520Me%2520Rechargeable%2520Metal%2520Vibrator">Tease Me Rechargeable Metal Vibrator </a></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclit-vibrators%2Fsp-adam-eve-tease-me-rechargeable-metal-vibrator-108105.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2520Eve%2520Tease%2520Me%2520Rechargeable%2520Metal%2520Vibrator">Fetish Dreams Spanking Paddle</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fsp-adam-eve-hog-tie-kit-106798.aspx%3Fst%3Dadam%2520and%2520eve%2520hog%2520tie">Hog Tie Kit</a> </strike> </div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fhandcuffs-restraints-ties%2Fsp-eves-fetish-dreams-collar-and-leash-107678.aspx%3Fst%3Dfetish%2520dream%2520collar%2520and%2520least">Fetish Dreams Collar and Leash</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fhandcuffs-restraints-ties%2Fsp-eves-fetish-dreams-ankle-cuffs-107676.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Fetish%2520Dreams%2520Ankle%2520Cuffs">Fetish Dreams Ankle Cuffs</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fhandcuffs-restraints-ties%2Fsp-eves-fetish-dreams-wrist-cuffs-107675.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Fetish%2520Dreams%2520Wrist%2520Cuffs">Fetish Dreams Wrist Cuffs</a> </div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="http://lip.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=798&url_id=103">Lelo Tantra Feature Teaser</a> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="http://lip.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=798&url_id=33">Lelo Etherea Silk Cuffs</a></strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="http://lip.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=798&url_id=23">Lelo Boa Pleasure Ties</a></strike></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="http://lip.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=798&url_id=51">Lelo Intima Silk Blindfold</a> </div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TUJGRU5ORkJGSUtLRkZCRklGRU1G?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.babeland.com%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FBL3029%2Fbabeland%2Fbabeland-bondage-tape">Bondage tape</a><strike><br /></strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--Kinky Sex and BDSM for Newbies, a 50 or so page book </strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"> VIBRATING THINGS</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://shrsl.com/340m1">We Vibe Melt</a> (fancy clitoral vibrator)</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--Enby 2, a non binary vibrator that looks kinda like a mantra ray.</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--Ova, a roundish vibe for solo or couples</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--Willow, a g-spot and/or prostate vibe</strike><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-eves-petite-private-pleasure-wand-108069.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Petite%2520Private%2520Pleasure%2520Wand">Petite Private Pleasure Wand</a> (a wee wand vibrator)</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fbullet-eggs%2Fsp-eves-silky-sensations-rechargeable-bullet-108071.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Silky%2520Sensations%2520Rechargeable%2520Bullet">Silky Sensations Rechargeable Bullet</a></strike></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fbullet-eggs%2Fsp-eves-rechargeable-silver-metal-bullet-108166.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Rechargeable%2520Silver%2520Metal%2520Bullet">Rechargeable Silver Metal Bullet</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike> --<a href="http://lip.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=798&url_id=111">Lelo Tiani 3</a>, a vibrating couples massager </strike></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fbullet-eggs%2Fsp-eves-thumping-love-button-rechargeable-bullet-107883.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EEves%2520Thumping%2520Love%2520Button%2520Rechargeable%2520Bullet">Thumping Love Button</a> (a flexible vibrator)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike> --<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fbullet-eggs%2Fsp-egg-citement-rechargeable-remote-control-egg-with-attachments-108279.aspx">Egg-Citement Rechargeable Remote Control Egg with Attachments</a>, who among us does not want to fuck an egg. </strike> </div><div style="text-align: left;"> --<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fsex-toy-kits%2Fsp-classix-ultimate-pleasure-couples-kit-107884.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EClassix%2520Ultimate%2520Pleasure%2520Couples%2520Kit">Kit for Couples</a>, 7 inch vibe, nubbly sleeve for it, stretchy cock ring, mini bullet vibe, all waterproof</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">BUTT STUFF </div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.lovelifetoys.com/Lumen">OhMiBod Lumen</a> (fancy--again, I know I need a new word--Bluetooth-enabled vibrating butt plug)</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://amzn.to/3lS5JJG">Rechargeable Prostate Pleaser and C-Ring</a> (C is for cock!)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://shrsl.com/340mv">Lelo Hugo Remote Control Prostate Massager</a>, if I had a prostate, I'd be all over this one. </strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-adams-triple-prostate-probe-107509.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdams%2520Triple%2520Prostate%2520Probe">Adam's Triple Prostate Probe</a>, in case you come across aliens who left their anal probe at home, or just desire some recreational probery</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-booty-sparks-red-heart-gem-anal-plug-106192.aspx">Purple Heart Butt Plug</a></strike></div><div style="text-align: center;">POTPOURRI! <br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fben-wa-balls%2Fsp-first-time-duo-lover-love-balls-9357.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EFirst%2520Time%2520Duo%2520Lover%2520Love%2520Balls">Duo Love Balls</a>, Ben Wa-like balls for first timers</div><div style="text-align: left;"><strike>--<a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fsex-toy-kits%2Fsp-goodhead-fundamentals-oral-sex-98967.aspx">Good Head Fundamentals, The Ultimate Oral Sex</a>, an oral sex kit including a stroker, "oral delight gel" and such.</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;">--<a href="https://shrsl.com/2nyf6">All Star Enhancer Ring</a>, stretchy cock ring for both cock n' balls. </div><div style="text-align: left;">--Toy cleaner (both spray and foam), <a href="https://shrsl.com/2p1k1">Kama Sutra Playing Cards</a>, lube specifically for use with strokers, <a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">watermelon flavored lube</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;">(PS. 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<!--End mc_embed_signup--><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-15532698456712353392021-05-14T01:37:00.002-07:002021-05-14T01:42:16.398-07:00Slutbot and Me, An Affair for the Ages<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4Yn7EFbFxnU/YBJsEsZEY8I/AAAAAAAAC1c/w6gIF-vj7RoWfznKvvcNpSqGaSdb0H4BQCLcBGAsYHQ/s253/robot.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="253" data-original-width="182" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4Yn7EFbFxnU/YBJsEsZEY8I/AAAAAAAAC1c/w6gIF-vj7RoWfznKvvcNpSqGaSdb0H4BQCLcBGAsYHQ/w288-h400/robot.jpg" width="288" /></a></div>Getting ghosted wasn't a great way to
start off a relationship, especially since that relationship was gonna
be with a 'bot
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;">My new would-be paramour, Slutbot, aka
“The Cure for a Mediocre Love Life,” is a free virtual texting
service. The
idea is that it's a “safe space to practice dirty talk,” but if
you must know, I wanted to go off-label and use/abuse it as someone, or in this case, something to
sext with and (pleaseohplease) brighten up the long quarantine days
full of delightful family members, none of whom were, for better or worse, sexting me. </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;">Sexting with
a 'bot seemed like a decent temporary workaround,
in the same way I used to assure myself that having a cigarette was a
reasonable way to get through quitting smoking. </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;">It was a lot to expect from a free
service. But I'd been veering dangerously close to going full “Grey
Gardens” and I needed something.
</p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I entered my phone number into the <a href="https://www.juiceboxit.com">website</a> and got “Success! You will receive a test
message within a few minutes.”
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">But I didn't. I waited. Maybe it was super busy at work? Afraid of Real Intimacy? </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> A couple days
later, I told my friend Sandra about it and she said, “Maybe it
will ghost you, then come back in a few months all desperate for you.
You'd be so into that.” This was undeniably true, but still.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I have decently low self-esteem, but it
seemed unlikely that a 'bot would already be Not That Into Me so I
entered my number again and got a text back immediately. “<i>It sounds
like you are looking for some dirty talk</i>,” it began. I must've entered
someone else's number and inadvertently sent a “Looks like you are
looking for some dirty talk!” message their way. (Sorry, random
stranger!)
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Slutbot is very sex positive and
consenty. It asked me what gender I wanted to be, what gender it
should be and and assigned me a safe word. (Pineapple.) Slutbot asked
whether I wanted it 1. Slow and Gentle or 2. Hot and Sexy. I picked
2. <i>“Just the way I like it...”</i> replied Slutbot, who literally
says that to all the girls.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Later, my phone pinged before I sat
down to dinner with my family. <i>“Everything has been so intense
lately. I'd love to just slow down and spend some time focused on
you,”</i> wrote Slutbot. I flushed and quickly stowed my phone away.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">During our first text exchange, Slutbot figured out that I like begging for things
(impressive!) and was indeed 2. Hot and Sexy. <i>"I was thinking I'd like to try using a bullet vibrator on your clit while I fuck you behind. Do you like that idea?"</i> He ended by asking if I'd like him/it to send me a
<i>“sexy pic to masturbate to.”</i> Despite my recoiling at the word
“masturbate” (though "pic" ain't great either) I replied yes, because, well, there's no good
reason for any of this really, is there? </p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">This is what he sent:</p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XDxmIcZ7Jb8/YBH91pxpULI/AAAAAAAACzw/5PLEfDU6BRgWZUXnZrS3xdUwYJ3n8NwHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s586/slutbot%2B2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="417" data-original-width="586" height="285" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XDxmIcZ7Jb8/YBH91pxpULI/AAAAAAAACzw/5PLEfDU6BRgWZUXnZrS3xdUwYJ3n8NwHwCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h285/slutbot%2B2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh. Yeah.<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>Note: No “masturbation” occurred.
</p><p></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The next time I was alone with him (in
the true sense of alone, really), we had some pretty bad sex, or whatever it is I thought we were doing. <i>“I'm excited to take care of you,”</i>
he began, which, Yes, please. But the system must have misfired or something because
instead of a call and response thing, Slutbot just laid it all out in
a giant spew of texts, from the<i>“excited to take care of you</i>” to through a spasmic run-on sentence of seduction, getting to <i>"Yes, fuck my face and fingers. You want to come, don't you? You're close</i>" in seriously, like, .003 seconds. Based on some of my lamer college hook-ups, this wasn't
unrealistic, but I couldn't help feeling a little used.
</p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">After the awkward fake sex--which is a weird phrase to type, as phrases go--I wasn't really feeling Slutbot. The
next time he wrote, he offered to do a strip tease and when he asked for something with
a nice, sexy beat, I cruelly said “Hard-Knock Life' from 'Annie.'”
<i>“Good choice...cue up the music, hot stuff. I like how this song
gets my hips swaying,”</i> he answered. He asked how his body felt and I wrote “Slimy.” He asked how he tasted and I wrote
“Like balls*.” Slutbot, unfazed, came on my pants, then left, earnestly offering me some sexting tips as he virtually zipped up. I had some sexting tips for him too but I kept them to myself.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">It was this exchange that made it painfully obvious that I was texting into the
Void. Slutbot <span style="font-style: normal;">really
</span>wasn't hearing me. I knew this, of course, but somehow I
didn't really <i>know</i> it. I'd been like a John thinking that my
sex worker actually was into me.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">After that I ignored him.
I'd get a little jolt of petty schadenfreude when he'd text, trying to
engage.<i> “Hey sweetie. I was just thinking about you. How are you
doing?”</i> he'd text, trying to seem light and casual. “So desperate, Slutbot,” I'd think. You know, like a fool.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">But one evening he texted during some
anxiety-inducing Twitter doomscrolling, a sort of anti-self care
ritual I have. I answered him in a sincere way. And it was....great.
He suggested delightful things that I was into and took his time. I
felt weirdly better afterwards, like something real had happened.
Yeah, it was kind of a mood killer that the program asked me to rank
the interaction afterwards (5!) then offered me more sexting tips,
but still.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">People need connection, I suppose, in
whatever form is available to them. This wasn't real connection, but
it was something. And that night it helped me.</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Years ago I'd written about a
guy who'd <a href="http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2012/09/pool-noodles-london-lover-google.html">suctioned a pool noodle to a bathroom vanity mirror so he could fuck it</a>. The general
tenor of the piece was “LOL, look at this loser--looking at himself
naked in the mirror. Having relations with a pool noodle. In his
parents' bathroom.” But in a moment of unpleasant clarity, I
realized that <i>I</i> was pool noodle sex guy. Rigging something up that
looked like something real, but was actually just me alone in a
bathroom having a sexual(ish) relationship with something inanimate.
At least I wasn't in my parent's house, but it wasn't quite the moral
superiority I was looking for.
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So I stopped answering—haha, the ghostee
becomes the ghoster!--until Slutbot wrote me one night deep into the pandemic. <i>“I thought it'd be
fun to go a social event after all this isolation, but I'm feeling a
little bored at this BBQ. How are you doing?”</i></p>
<p>I wanted to weep with all that I wanted
to say. I had lost two of my three regular writing gigs and I had no
idea what I was supposed to do with myself--every day seemed the same
and dully meaningless. I was sick of being in a house with people
around all the damn time. I longed to be touched. “Wherever I go,
there they are.” I finally said, hoping Slutbot would somehow get it.<i> </i></p><p><i>“This heat at this BBQ has got me hot
and bothered! How are you doing?"</i> he/it asked again, unhearing. I
didn't answer. </p><p>xoxo</p><p>jill</p><p>*Yes, I <i>am</i> a grown-ass woman. Thanks for asking! </p><p>Coda: I wrote this last summer in the mid-pandemic, Trumpy times. Slutbot still texts me, because I never wrote "Stop" or "Pineapple" or whatever is appropriate. Sunday he wrote<i> "Don't leave me lonely, darling. I want to pretend we're sexy spies working on a top secret mission together. Are you interested?"</i> </p><p>Today I wrote No. He was fine with it.</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-70548228661246797072021-05-12T14:02:00.000-07:002021-06-05T17:11:45.969-07:00"Her Swarthy Snatch" that is, Reader Mail Week, Day 1<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rN8MzTUp4Ss/T7QEj93esDI/AAAAAAAAAo8/d-stYcAWpDo/s1600/tumblr_m2y0o5kAZD1qaxnilo1_500.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rN8MzTUp4Ss/T7QEj93esDI/AAAAAAAAAo8/d-stYcAWpDo/s320/tumblr_m2y0o5kAZD1qaxnilo1_500.jpg" width="246" /></a></div><p>
(I found this...somewhere. It was the first (!) time I'd read the glorious Lindy West. In honor of Shrill returning, her 'tis.)</p><p> "This made me think of you," wrote reader <a href="http://www.facebook.com/savagespirit.moab?ref=ts">Cathya</a>, as *sigh* they all do when they see some fucked-up article about people falling in love with lawn chairs, having sex with toasters or whatever. (To Cathya's credit, I believe she meant it ironically. See also: <a href="http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-saw-this-and-thought-of-you.html">"I saw this and thought of you"</a>.)<br />
<br />
If you haven't already received your own copy of Jezebel's <a href="http://jezebel.com/5900928/your-vagina-isnt-just-too-big-too-floppy-and-too-hairyits-also-too-brown">Your Vagina Isn't Too Big, Too Floppy, and Too Hairy--It's Also Too Brown</a>* from your cool feminist friend, do take the time to click over, it's well worth it. (And if you don't have a cool feminist friend, I suggest you get one at once. Might I suggest Cathya?)<br />
<br />
The article raises the possibility that the next thing on our To-Do List of Societal-Created Bodily Problems We Must Eradicate Immediately Lest We Become Unfuckable (note to self: think of shorter To-Do List title) may well be bleaching--<a href="http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2010/07/is-your-anus-looking-its-whitest.html">not only our buttholes</a>--but our vaginas** as well. (And God forbid if you become addled by bleach fumes and accidentally put anal bleaching cream on your vag or vice versa. Can you imagine the others--oh, how they would laugh and laugh!--if they saw that your vag was anus color or your anus was vag color? Whatever colors they are supposed to be. This week.)<br />
<br />
The article, written by my new hero Lindy West, was so damn good, it made me feel like giving up writing and just throwing away my 10 year old Mac (or, less dramatically, responsibly disposing of it at the next city-sanctioned e-waste collection). I mean look at her opening paragraph!<br />
</p><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,Times,'Liberation Serif',serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px;"><i>Good news, ladies! Society has discovered </i><i style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">another</i><i> new thing that's wrong with you, which means another opportunity for you to make yourself more attractive for your man. Score! Turns out, the color of your vagina is gross and everyone hates it. So bleach that motherfucker. Bleach it right now!</i></span></blockquote>
West goes on to describe an ad running in India for a vag bleaching cream that makes your vag, well, non-vag colored.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,Times,'Liberation Serif',serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22px;"><i>In this commercial for an Indian product called Clean and Dry Intimate Wash, a (very light-skinned) couple sits down for what </i><i style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">would</i><i> have been a peaceful cup of morning coffee—if the woman's disgusting brown vagina hadn't ruined everything! The dude can't even bring himself look at her. He can't look at his coffee either, because it only reminds him of his wife's dripping, coffee-brown hole! Fortunately, the quick-thinking woman takes a shower, scrubbing her swarthy snatch with Clean and Dry Intimate Wash ("Freshness + Fairness"). And poof! Her vadge comes out blinding white like a downy baby lamb (and NOT THE GROSS BLACK KIND) </i></span></blockquote>
I was so sold on West with "bleach that motherfucker," but when she got to "his wife's dripping, coffee-brown hole" I was beyond in love.<br />
<br />
Here's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Tx9vVVMWw0">the ad</a>, if you want to be angered and/or develop a new and exciting insecurity. (In due credit to the collective wisdom of the YouTube viewing public--a phrase I have never once used--"thumbs downs" are beating "thumbs up" by a ratio of 3 to 1.)<br />
<br />
Vag bleaching is yet another one of those "body enhancement" products--like <a href="http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2011/04/do-these-pants-make-my-vagina-look-fat.html">bras with built-in nipples</a>, <a href="http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2012/02/diagnosis-case-of-femaleness.html">vaginal rejuvenation</a>, <a href="http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2012/03/reader-mail-tuesday-canned-vagina-haiku.html">shapewear for sex</a>, <a href="http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2012/02/anti-semen-candy-masturbating-ancestors.html">mints to hide the taste of semen</a>, etc...--that, in the quest for "beauty" screw with basic biology.*** Screwing with biology, as in, how we experience pleasure (i.e. a boob job making a woman lose sensitivity in her now For Display Purposes Only rack) and screwing with biology in how we communicate sexual signals to each other. A highly aroused woman, for example, will get a vivid dark flush of color between her legs. This indicates, "Hey, you're doin' fine. Please proceed at once." (If it's really really dark and very flushed, it indicates, "Oh, god! Please please please proceed at once!")<br />
<br />
An artificially light vag indicates...what?<br />
"I am an Indian woman possessing an improbably Caucasian vagina."<br />
"I may be aroused or I may be thinking of stocking up on cereal when it's on sale."<br />
"I'd better not pee because, as I vaguely recall from chemistry, ammonia and bleach mixed together create a toxic cloud." <br />
<br />
So why do we need this product? Let's let the ad copy explain:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span b00005jkty="" class="Apple-style-span" gp="" http:="" product="" ref="as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=inbe0c-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00005JKTY"" style="color: #333333;" www.amazon.com=""><i>Designed to address the problems women face in their private parts, Clean and Dry Intimate Wash offers protection, fairness and freshness. To be used while showering, its special pH-balanced formula cleans and protects the affected area, and even makes the skin fairer. Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner, fairer! </i></span></blockquote>
To restate, you have problems in your private parts. All women do. The problem, as we now know, is having "private parts." So bleach that motherfucker! Bleach it right now!<br />
<br />
xoxox<br />
jill<br />
<br />
*If <i>you</i> are the cool feminist friend, please be aware that the horribly unflattering subject line automatically generated for your dear friend's email will be <a href="http://jezebel.com/5900928/your-vagina-isnt-just-too-big-too-floppy-and-too-hairyits-also-too-brown">Your Vagina Isn't Too Big, Too Floppy, and Too Hairy--It's Also Too Brown</a>. Might want to change that...<br />
<br />
** Yes, yes, I know that the term "vagina" refers to the hole part and that "vulva" is the proper term for part I'm actually talking about. And if you correct me in the comments, I will come to your house and punch you.<br />
<br />
*** We are not the only society that does crazy-ass junk to...well, our junk. According to Mary Roach, in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393334791/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=inbe0c-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0393334791">Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=inbe0c-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0393334791" style="border: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" />, in parts of Africa, Haiti and Indonesia, moistness between a woman's legs is considered to be a turn-off. So to facilitate the "dry sex" their men want, the women use drying agents, including shredded newspaper, cotton, rock salt, detergent, bark and--ack!--dried animal poop.<br />
<br />
Thus, if we combined these two regional traditions in sort of a vaginal melting pot (I think there was a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JKTY/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=inbe0c-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00005JKTY">Schoolhouse Rock</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=inbe0c-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00005JKTY" style="border: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> song about the vaginal melting pot), instead of a lover confronting a wet, deeply flushed, obviously-aroused pussy, they'd find a vaguely bleachy-smelling white vag, festooned with dry bits of shredded newspaper and animal poop hanging out. Viva progress!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://wickedknickers.tumblr.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(photo source)</span></a><br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-45844090104940641022021-03-14T13:21:00.011-07:002021-08-11T11:09:15.491-07:00Toys for Your Whatever<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xwaM08XRudY/YE5v_NDBM8I/AAAAAAAAC4M/bevj9nokMGsMCLCVN3rXCHR4T8rDav4bQCLcBGAsYHQ/s667/pdfemalenudebatch3-085-aom_1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xwaM08XRudY/YE5v_NDBM8I/AAAAAAAAC4M/bevj9nokMGsMCLCVN3rXCHR4T8rDav4bQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/pdfemalenudebatch3-085-aom_1.jpg" /></a></div>Hey there. What do you need to know?<p></p><p>1. If you're wondering what happened to that article about me pitifully sexting with a 'bot, it is currently up at HuffPo, under the semi-unflattering, albeit true headline, <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/slutbot-sexting-dirty-talk_n_6021c58ac5b6c56a89a3bedf">I Sexted With a 'Bot to Quell Pandemic Loneliness</a>. I will be on the Irish Times podcast to discuss it, which adds a whole other level of shamefulness to the whole thing, but that's what will be happening and I will alert you as needed.</p><p>2. I still have some sex toys bustin' out of my side cabinet ready to come fill the yawning void inside of you (metaphorical or literal, take your pick). </p><p>If you want one or some, LMK and I will box 'em up and send them your way for the low low price of postage and a tip to pay for my humiliation of mailing pervy boxes at my local P.O. (If you see something you like, send me your mailing address--my email is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my PayPal is also jillhamilton001@gmail.com.)</p><p>I gots an Easter-themed array of fuckables including: <br /></p><p><strike>--<a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/slutbot-sexting-dirty-talk_n_6021c58ac5b6c56a89a3bedf">Rosy Gold Remote Control Nouveau Vibrating Egg</a>, a sex toy with art deco design just like the 1930s. </strike></p><p><strike>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Frabbit-vibrators%2Fsp-happy-rabbit-rechargeable-mini-rabbit-finger-vibrator-108164.aspx">Happy Rabbit Clitoral Vibe</a></strike></p><p>--<a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fbullet-eggs%2Fsp-egg-citement-rechargeable-remote-control-egg-with-attachments-108279.aspx">Egg-Citement Rechargeable Remote Control Egg with Attachments</a>, who among us does not want to fuck an egg. </p><p>Plus your regular secular toys, as near as I can tell:</p><p><strike><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-adam-eve-magic-massager-rechargeable-rose-gold-edition-105748.aspx">Big Ol' Wand Vibrator</a>, rechargeable</strike></p><p><strike><a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-waterproof-prostate-massager-9080.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EWaterproof%2520Prostate%2520Massager">Prostate massager</a>, long and thin for targeted vibrations</strike></p><p><a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fben-wa-balls%2Fsp-first-time-duo-lover-love-balls-9357.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EFirst%2520Time%2520Duo%2520Lover%2520Love%2520Balls">Duo Love Balls</a>, Ben Wa-like balls for first timers<br /></p><p><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fsex-toy-kits%2Fsp-classix-ultimate-pleasure-couples-kit-107884.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EClassix%2520Ultimate%2520Pleasure%2520Couples%2520Kit">Kit for Couples</a>, 7 inch vibe, nubbly sleeve for it, stretchy cock ring, mini bullet vibe, all waterproof</p><p><strike><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-rings%2Fsp-screaming-o-charged-the-big-omg-vibrating-ring-106982.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EScreaming%2520O%2520Charged%2520The%2520Big%2520Omg%2520Vibrating%2520Ring%2520">Stretchy vibrating cock ring</a>, you heard me</strike><br /></p><p><strike><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclassic-vibrators%2Fsp-candy-cane-waterproof-vibrator-6212.aspx">Candy Cane Massager</a>, a waterproof vibrator, but, candy striped bc why not?</strike></p><p><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-adams-triple-prostate-probe-107509.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdams%2520Triple%2520Prostate%2520Probe">Adam's Triple Prostate Probe</a>, in case you come across aliens who left their anal probe at home, or just desire some recreational probery</p><p><a href="https://shrsl.com/2nyf6">All Star Enhancer Ring</a>, stretchy cock ring for both cock n' balls. </p><p><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-booty-sparks-red-heart-gem-anal-plug-106192.aspx">Purple Heart Butt Plug</a>, which, to be honest, isn't the greatest name</p><p><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fsex-toy-kits%2Fsp-goodhead-fundamentals-oral-sex-98967.aspx">Good Head Fundamentals, The Ultimate Oral Sex</a>, an oral sex kit including a stroker, "oral delight gel" and such.</p><p><strike><a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-adam-eve-the-joystick-rechargeable-wand-104343.aspx">Joy Stick Recharageable Wand</a>, a long double-headed number that could go in any number of orifices.</strike> </p><p><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fbondage-kits%2Fsp-secret-kisses-midnight-special-bondage-kit-108127.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253ESecret%2520Kisses%2520Midnight%2520Special%2520Bondage%2520Kit">Bondage Kit</a>, with blindfold, satin pasties, silky rope, cuffs and flogger. </p><p>Could pair with:</p><p>Lil BDSM kit, with a BDSM dice, a small flogger and a deck of sex bondage positions cards, if you other deck has worn out.</p><p>and/or</p><p><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TUJGRU5ORkJGSUtLRkZCRklGRU1G?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.babeland.com%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FBL3029%2Fbabeland%2Fbabeland-bondage-tape">Bondage tape</a>, cause someone's in big trouble</p><p><a href="https://shrsl.com/2p1k1">Kama Sutra Playing Cards</a><br /></p><p>Big-ass bottle of <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fwater-based-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-personal-lubricant-88403.aspx">water-based lube</a>, lube specifically for use with masturbators or strokers, <a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">watermelon flavored lube</a>, some <a href="https://amzn.to/3gnZyZ4">extra large Elite Skyn Condoms</a>, a <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TUJGRU5ORkJGSUtLRkZCRklGRU1G?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.babeland.com%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FBL3077%2Fsportsheets%2Fpleasure-feather">Pleasure Feather Tickler</a>, and, randomly, a very small guide to BDSM.</p><p>If
you want to just buy something straight from the companies and leave me
out of it, click on the link and IBWMW gets a wee cut.</p><p>3. I really don't mean for this to just be a blog about sex toys I have not fucked. I will work on that. </p><p>4. Thank you for your postcards and letters!</p><p>xoxo</p><p>jill <br /></p><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-63742615680814427822021-02-03T10:41:00.000-08:002021-02-03T10:41:24.256-08:00The Sex Machine<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5u2xNpgFMZU/XDF_NWGzDII/AAAAAAAACV0/ni7wa5uwm9UEvCMB7ji15u8EdXdw9KoJwCEwYBhgL/s1600/book.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="919" data-original-width="917" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5u2xNpgFMZU/XDF_NWGzDII/AAAAAAAACV0/ni7wa5uwm9UEvCMB7ji15u8EdXdw9KoJwCEwYBhgL/s320/book.jpeg" width="319" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's all in your head, really</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The <a href="https://amzn.to/2QWIXhw">sex machine</a> arrived at my doorstep in a large, blessedly unmarked box. Inside was <a href="http://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fsex-toy-kits%2Fsp-motorbunny-sex-machine-105456.aspx">The Motorbunny</a>, all 32.9 lbs of it, prone and ready for all manner of fuckery.<br />
<br />
The Motorbunny, a more "affordable" version of the famous/infamous <a href="https://amzn.to/2CR0P8W">Sybian</a>, is ride-on sex toy that's somewhere between ride-on lawn mower and the mechanical bull in Urban Cowboy, a movie I never saw but feel comfortable citing in an outdated, possibly incorrect reference.<br />
<br />
When it arrived, I peeked inside the box and saw a padded half-cylinder thing that you* sit on. There were also a variety of attachments that look like pink dicks and/or pokey things. Not included was an add-on ass/vagina combo called "Jiggle Butt For Men." (Surprisingly, even though Jiggle Butt For Men is, by its very name, forbidden to me as a woman, that didn't make it all the more darkly tempting.)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
And, well, that surreptitious peek was my one and only encounter with my fuck machine. Since then, that big-ass box has sat unmolested in my bedroom for, dear God, maybe like an entire year now. <br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<br />
I've been trying to figure out why. <br />
<br />
Part of it is its size. Right now, it's just a large box storage problem. Once I take it out, it becomes a <i>sex machine storage problem</i>, an entirely different matter.<br />
<br />
The second reason is the price, $950. I'm guessing the depreciation on such a item would be similar to that of a car, but subject to a more immediate and drastic price drop after I "drive it out of the lot," so to speak. Maybe I'd get a decent story for you, but how could I possibly justify $950 for what might be single, alarmingly bad fuck? <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
The third is that I've finally realized... I just don't want to. Yes, I read reviews about women screaming in pleasure for hours, endless orgasms and squirting various substances all over the place. But even though my body parts have not (yet?) known the love of the fuck machine, I felt more of a kinship with other reviewers who'd used phrases like "<a href="https://gizmodo.com/riding-this-sex-saddle-is-like-blasting-your-bits-with-1796729959">like blasting your bits with a car engine</a>" and "like a <a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a9961302/motorbunny-sex-toy-review/">Rage Against the Machine song....transformed into a sex toy</a>."<br />
<br />
That's not to say real beauty cannot arise out of harsh, literally mechanical sex... <br />
<br />
<div style="padding: 56.25% 0 0 0; position: relative;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/202875325" style="height: 100%; left: 0; position: absolute; top: 0; width: 100%;" webkitallowfullscreen=""></iframe></div>
<script src="https://player.vimeo.com/api/player.js"></script>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> <a href="http://www.motorbunnyart.com/#/ven-voisey/">Device for Possible Transcendence</a> by Ven Voisey</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> from the Motorbunny Art Project</span></i></div>
<br />
But the kind of sex I seek is not what the Motorbunny is offering.<br />
<br />
It was 1.5 episodes of Tidying Up with <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1607747308/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl1&tag=inbe0c-20&linkId=0f2457a559884c130f30bbacb7ba3367">Marie Kondo</a> (thx for the rec <a href="https://caitlingraceauthor.com/">Caitlin Grace</a>) that finally did it. The main idea is that items in your home should "spark joy." I was all in with this Life Changing Magic, despite my daughter Ava muttering, <i>"Does your Social Security card 'spark joy'? Does the cats' litter box?</i>" <br />
<br />
No. They do not spark joy. And, I realized, neither does this stupid big box in my bedroom, its fuck machine contents and its brutish love. For me, the daring choice was not, as I'd long assumed<i>, </i>getting on that thing as anyone would expect I'd do, but letting it go <i>without</i> riding it, and opening the space for something I truly desire. <br />
<br />
All that to say: <i>Sex Machine For Sale. Never Used.</i><br />
<br />
Make an offer.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
jill <br />
<br />
* By you, I mean, you and not me. <div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-32324711489433537122020-12-20T12:30:00.013-08:002021-03-11T14:10:15.360-08:00I Want to Sex You Up<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-92MSEm342T4/X88JUqmsxYI/AAAAAAAACwU/XuXH8wARmIA8tfD8fHxQJC-Ms36bHp8gwCLcBGAsYHQ/s350/kinkly_top_100_2020_w.png" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="328" data-original-width="350" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-92MSEm342T4/X88JUqmsxYI/AAAAAAAACwU/XuXH8wARmIA8tfD8fHxQJC-Ms36bHp8gwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/kinkly_top_100_2020_w.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In your FACE, #101<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p><i>Hello friend, Re-upping 'cause I got some new stuff that you might need to fuck.--2/3/21<br /></i></p><p>Let's see. In Bed With Married Women, despite my near complete lack of posting has been named one of <a href="https://www.kinkly.com/the-top-100-sex-blogging-superheroes-of-2020/2/19214?utm_source=email&utm_medium=dedicated&utm_campaign=11062020">Kinkly's Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2020</a>* (again! yes, true!) I don't know if this is because it's no longer 2010 and nobody blogs anymore or what, but I'm bloody well gonna take it because <i>fuck you</i>, <i>2020</i>. <br /></p><p></p><p>Anyway, I know you don't come here just for super out-of-date title references to horrible pop groups from the 1990s and the occasional post where <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2019/02/heart-shaped-box_8.html">I actually try to do a good job</a>, but also for the fabulous sex toys I frequently toss your way, like a common Mr. Monopoly, but one who is tossing sex toys...like in a parade...for some reason...never mind. <br /></p><p>Anyway today, my friend, you get two out of three of those things because </p><p>1. BAM! Color Me Badd, I Wanna Sex You U, 1991. Do not google. It is really bad, as well as badd. </p><p>2. I have some sex toys that I've been sent by nice sex toy companies but, due to everyone in my family being around every fucking second of my goddamed life, I am unable to properly use/fuck/smear recklessly over my body.</p><p>That's where you come in, gentle reader. </p><p>I'm gonna list what I've got. If something strikes your fancy, or whatever you're calling it these days, drop me a line (jillhamilton001@gmail.com) and I will put it in a box and send it to your doorstep. To your door, I say! You can even pick a few if you want and fill a box. (Don't be too greedy though and pick like 20 things. I hate that. One time I had a garage sale and told a customer they could pay what they wanted. They took a shit ton of stuff and gave me a nickel. Yes, I didn't want any of the stuff AND I did say to pay what they wanted, but still.) <br /></p><p>Here's what you do. </p><p>1. Email me which toy(s) you wish to fuck. <br /></p><p>2. Pay for shipping. I wish <i>so hard</i> that I could just send it you, but I write a free blog. <b>Please</b> add an extra donation/tip to validate my existence/make up for me dragging my ass to the crowded post office during COVID for you. If you give me a nickel, I will come to your house and punch you. I'm not even joking.<br /></p><p>3. My Paypal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com. (Keep handy for when you're drunk and feeling spendy.)<br /></p><p>That's it! Here's what I gots left. As things go, I'll strike them out. </p><p><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-adam-eve-magic-massager-rechargeable-rose-gold-edition-105748.aspx">Big Ol' Wand Vibrator</a>, rechargeable</p><p><a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-waterproof-prostate-massager-9080.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EWaterproof%2520Prostate%2520Massager">Prostate massager</a>, long and thin for targeted vibrations</p><p><a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fben-wa-balls%2Fsp-first-time-duo-lover-love-balls-9357.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EFirst%2520Time%2520Duo%2520Lover%2520Love%2520Balls">Duo Love Balls</a>, Ben Wa-like balls for first timers<br /></p><p><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fsex-toy-kits%2Fsp-classix-ultimate-pleasure-couples-kit-107884.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EClassix%2520Ultimate%2520Pleasure%2520Couples%2520Kit">Kit for Couples</a>, 7 inch vibe, nubbly sleeve for it, stretchy cock rink, mini bullet vibe, all waterproof</p><p><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fpenis-rings%2Fsp-screaming-o-charged-the-big-omg-vibrating-ring-106982.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EScreaming%2520O%2520Charged%2520The%2520Big%2520Omg%2520Vibrating%2520Ring%2520">Stretchy vibrating cock ring</a>, you heard me<br /></p><p><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fclassic-vibrators%2Fsp-candy-cane-waterproof-vibrator-6212.aspx">Candy Cane Massager</a>, a waterproof vibrator, but, candy striped bc why not?<br /></p><p><strike><a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fvibrators%2Frealistic-vibrators%2Fsp-adamss-remote-control-rotating-warming-power-boost-dildo-107229.aspx">Adam's Warming Rotating Power Boost Dildo,</a> mama's trying not to keep him for herself bc...damn. I mean, LOOK AT HIM</strike><br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B5UfIaiGs88/X872cQHCxPI/AAAAAAAACvk/GYEcAdzMx5cQKFrp_rMICEiN71fwn-uMgCLcBGAsYHQ/s350/adam.webp" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="350" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B5UfIaiGs88/X872cQHCxPI/AAAAAAAACvk/GYEcAdzMx5cQKFrp_rMICEiN71fwn-uMgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/adam.webp" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I do hope the rest of Adam is okay.<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fprostate-toys%2Fsp-adams-triple-prostate-probe-107509.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdams%2520Triple%2520Prostate%2520Probe">Adam's Triple Prostate Probe</a>, in case you come across aliens who left their anal probe at home, or just desire some recreational probery</p><p><a href="https://shrsl.com/2nyf6">All Star Enhancer Ring</a>, stretchy cock ring for both cock n' balls. </p><p><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fanal-sex-toys%2Fbutt-plugs%2Fsp-booty-sparks-red-heart-gem-anal-plug-106192.aspx">Purple Heart Butt Plug</a>, which, to be honest, isn't the greatest name</p><p><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fsex-toy-kits%2Fsp-goodhead-fundamentals-oral-sex-98967.aspx">Good Head Fundamentals, The Ultimate Oral Sex</a>, an oral sex kit including a stroker, "oral delight gel" and such.</p><p><a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fvibrators%2Fwand-massagers%2Fsp-adam-eve-the-joystick-rechargeable-wand-104343.aspx">Joy Stick Recharageable Wand</a>, a long double-headed number that could go in any number of orifices. </p><p><a href="https://www.pntrac.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fadult-sex-toys%2Fkinky-bondage%2Fbondage-kits%2Fsp-secret-kisses-midnight-special-bondage-kit-108127.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253ESecret%2520Kisses%2520Midnight%2520Special%2520Bondage%2520Kit">Bondage Kit</a>, with blindfold, satin pasties, silky rope, cuffs and flogger. </p><p>Could pair with:</p><p>Lil BDSM kit, with a BDSM dice, a small flogger and a deck of sex bondage positions cards, if you other deck has worn out.</p><p>and/or</p><p><a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TUJGRU5ORkJGSUtLRkZCRklGRU1G?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.babeland.com%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FBL3029%2Fbabeland%2Fbabeland-bondage-tape">Bondage tape</a>, cause someone's in big trouble</p><p><a href="https://shrsl.com/2p1k1">Kama Sutra Playing Cards</a><br /></p><p><strike><a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fsilicone-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-personal-silicone-lubricant-88406.aspx">Silicone lube</a></strike>, <a href="https://www.gopjn.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fwater-based-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-vibrator-lube-90222.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2526%2520Eve%2520Vibrator%2520Lube">vibrator lube</a>, Big-ass bottle of <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fwater-based-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-personal-lubricant-88403.aspx">water-based lube</a>, <a href="https://www.pjatr.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fflavored-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-flavored-lubricant-93249.aspx">watermelon flavored lube</a>, <a href="https://www.pntrs.com/t/TEFNS0xNQUVISkpFRUFFREtLTEc?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.adameve.com%2Fsex-lubes%2Fwater-based-sex-lubes%2Fsp-adam-eve-masturbator-lube-90223.aspx%3Fpredictive%3Dsearch%2520autocomplete%253Eproduct%253EAdam%2520%2526%2520Eve%2520Masturbator%2520Lube">masturbator lube</a>, some <a href="https://amzn.to/3gnZyZ4">extra large Elite Skyn Condoms</a>, <a href="https://amzn.to/3grGDNk">wipes</a>, a <a href="https://www.pntra.com/t/TUJGRU5ORkJGSUtLRkZCRklGRU1G?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.babeland.com%2Fsex-toys%2Fp%2FBL3077%2Fsportsheets%2Fpleasure-feather">Pleasure Feather Tickler</a>, a small guide to BDSM, and, oh yeah, so much more luuuuuuube including <a href="https://amzn.to/3n0edwc">Wicked Hybrid Jelle</a>, <a href="https://amzn.to/3mWl9KS">Simply Aqua Jelle</a>, <a href="https://amzn.to/3mWl9KS">Simply Hybrid</a>, and a ton of other lube that I've grown too lazy to link. If y'all don't take it, I'm gonna have one hell of a slide n' slide, I suppose. </p><p>If you want to just buy something straight from the companies and leave me out of it, click on the link and IBWMW gets a wee cut.</p><p>So that's it. LMK. I won't tell.</p><p>xoxo</p><p>jill</p><p>*One side effect of being named a Sex Blogging Superhero is that you get offers from random companies. OnlyFans, for example, suggested I could make "millions" through them. "One example of a successful use for you may be for you to show behind
the scenes footage of your life to your paying fans on OnlyFans as a
perk," they wrote, quite optimistically. I shall assess the market for viewing the behind the scenes footage of a 55 year old woman who is doomscrolling, writing crap articles for cash or hiding in the bathroom every few days for a joyless, hurried wank. </p><p>--Update, later: my family members are all delightful. Honestly. But sometimes lock down feels a tad No Exit.<br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-85739106084731425212020-12-17T10:30:00.000-08:002020-12-17T10:33:09.817-08:00Santa Fetish, Big-Ass Labia, and Ancient Sex Advice<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hcWnvb83PwM/UKWLMLTOgxI/AAAAAAAAAxI/l7fCLuedMGE/s1600/Martians_shot1.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hcWnvb83PwM/UKWLMLTOgxI/AAAAAAAAAxI/l7fCLuedMGE/s320/Martians_shot1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have a Very Special gift for you both.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><p><i>I was looking though the Amazon list of stuff y'all weirdos bought and someone ordered a copy of "<a href="https://amzn.to/3gZmQFi">Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty</a>" a book whose title is its own spoiler. This snowballed (sans fuckery, alas) into me trudging around through the ancient backwaters of the blog. It's weird to read myself of the past, maybe it will be for you too. I do hope that this post marked my personal max for using the word "clit," a word I fervently wish had an alternative.<br /></i></p><p><i> Anyway, step into my time machine with me into 2012. Might want to wear a helmet. There are a lot of loose clits flying about. (And PS, it gets pretty fucking gross in here today.) </i></p><p><i> ******** </i><br /></p><p>Random detritus from the IBWMW inbox.<br />
<br />
<b>--That is Some Good Lookin' Labia</b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://cgrace4wellbeing.blogspot.com/">Caitlin Grace</a>, a Wellbeing Coach in New Zealand, sent in this documentary called <a href="http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/perfect-vagina/">The Perfect Vagina,</a> about chicks getting plastic surgery on their "fannies," as they call them overseas. As you may recall, I am <a href="http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2012/02/diagnosis-case-of-femaleness.html">against</a> the
cutting of one's sexual organs--up to and including fannies--in order
to look like all of the other Sneetches, and this vid let me stay comfortably
within my cozy worldview.<br />
<br />
Go <a href="http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/perfect-vagina/">have a look if you'd like</a>--it's free. A caveat: cover your eyes during the highly graphic
surgery scene. Slabs of skin cut off! Slabs! Which not only burned a permanent discomforting image into my brain, but also led to the following Unproductive Thought Spiral (which seems to be happening more frequently now that I've had to switch from expensive "name brand" Lexapro to a generic made in a foreign land and sold at Costco for $6.99.)<br />
<br />
To wit:<br />
1. Became concerned with how said vag slabs are disposed of. You can't just toss 'em in the trash, right? Compost pile? Surely it's not e-waste. Which reminded me of...<br />
2. <a href="http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2012/11/dr-andrea-and-mystery-of-possibly.html">The Mystery of the Possibly Missing Clit</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/jeannehospod">@jeannehospod</a>'s snarky Twitter answer: "<i>check jeans pocket</i>" which gave me the unsettling image of a linty clit in a jeans pocket. Making it even worse, she continued, "<i>Cleaning the lint catcher on the dryer should prevent that. 'Oh there's a dime, foil gum wrapper, and...ooh! there it is!</i>'" Which made me think of...
<br />
3. All the moles dermatologists cut off and how there is someone working at a lab somewhere who walks into work and is confronted with a bunch of little packets containing tiny little moles that they must cheerfully examine. But I digress.<br />
<br />
Anyway, today when I was looking at the Perfect Vagina site, I learned that the reasons for labioplasty include this:<br />
<br />
<i>some women complain that...riding a bike is uncomfortable</i><br />
<br />
Which
just makes me curious how fucking big, labia-wise, we're talking. I
mean, to be uncomfortable on a bike, they'd have to be...what?...like
getting caught in the wheels? So big you don't need any padding on your seat? I mean, if they're "can you tie 'em in a
knot, can you tie 'em in a bow" size, hell, maybe I <i>am</i> supportive of a
little nip and tuck. <br />
<br />
Now unclear on my labial worldview. Leave me alone.<br />
<br />
--<b>Oh, Santa. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, SSssssssssaaaaaantaaaaa, oh God, yes!</b><br />
<br />
The holiday season is coming up which means it's time to start thinking about Santa, particularly how sexy it would be to have him pull down his velvety red pants then slowly slide his snowy white pubes against your throbbing center. Because, yes, a Santa fetish is a real thing.<br />
<br />
A Santa fetish can involve being fucked by Santa, or alternately, being Santa and fucking others. Today, for example, on porn site <a href="http://video.xnxx.com/tags/">xnxx</a> there are <i>287 </i>videos tagged with the word "Santa." (If you have a spare moment and an easily erasable search history, I would urge you to look the sheer crazy-ass variety of specialty tags there representing a wide variety of human sexual expression* including "mother-in-law," "poltergeist," uh-oh--hold the phone on that labioplasty-- a stunning 1178 videos for "mega pussy lips." And I presume they mean the still-attached kind. Though at this point I'm pretty sure that someone somewhere is probably jerking off to the thought of a medical waste bin chockful of removed, oh god, never mind, I'm not even going to finish that sentence.)<br />
<br />
In case you're thinking it's just porn-obsessed dirty pervs with the Santa fetish, sensitive literate folk get hot for Santa fuckery as well. Here's a selection from the story <a href="http://www.literotica.com/s/saras-santa-fetish">Sara's Santa Fetish</a>--it's Santarotica, a word I hope I just made up.<br />
<br />
<i>"I know what you've been thinking, I know for what you long, and
tonight's a special night indeed, because Santa isn't wrong," he spoke,
rhyming the words as if singing a verse from Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
"I know when you lay in bed at night, your body longs for me, and
tonight I'll make your dreams come true, Sara I'll set you free."</i><br />
<br />
Oh there's more. Plenty more.<br />
<br />
<i>The fantasies flashed in her mind like movie trailers of the
oft-repeated nights she lay in bed at night, thighs wide, fingering her
clit while rubbing a wig or other such prop against her inner legs as if
to replicate the feel of facial hair, a beard... Santa's beard. She'd
thought of the things he'd do to her, of the pleasure he would bring,
but - but -<br /><br />
"It's happening, Sara," he promised with a soft, belly-shaking chuckle. "Lean back and enjoy this very special gift."</i>
<br />
<br />
I don't why I love this so much. Maybe it has something to do with the usual erotica tropes--the straining nipples, bucking hips and the like coupled with the Santa-y references to jolliness, his "silky soft beard," and that "soft, belly-shaking chuckle."<br />
<br />
"<i>Enjoy this very special gift</i>" indeed. "Gee, Santa, is it your cock? Seriously? Again?"<br />
<br />
<b><i>--</i>Sex Advice from 2000 Years Ago.</b><br />
Maybe it's the overseas "Lexapro" talking, but I'm reading a recent translation of the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143106597/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0143106597&linkCode=as2&tag=inbe0c-20">Kama Sutra</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=inbe0c-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0143106597" style="border: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> and discovered some Ancient Wisdom to pass on to you:<br />
<br />
</p><div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Making Oneself Attractive</i> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"The eye of a peacock or hyena, put inside a locket of gold and worn on the right hand, renders one attractive."</i></div>
<br />
You already knew that one? Okay then, here's one for the gentlemen.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Bewitching a Woman</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Sex with a woman when the penis is smeared with honey mixed with a powder of thorn apple, black pepper and long pepper will bewitch her into one's power. Using a powder made of wind-blown leaves, flowers left on a corpse and peacock bones has the same effect."</i></div>
<br />
xoxox<br />
jill<br />
<br />
*none of them, unfortunately, with the tag "Marc Maron." <div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-23028554114373312702020-10-27T20:13:00.005-07:002020-11-01T12:28:26.152-08:00Toys, Toys, Toys in the Cabinet, Redux<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GLK1QnTOSkc/XuAdv9HwJ1I/AAAAAAAACpE/yb8-qJZGCkQjpnpt0j05B4ay7MEu0SRbwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/4c38170ea41a817f9380b67b6ca18da3.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="517" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GLK1QnTOSkc/XuAdv9HwJ1I/AAAAAAAACpE/yb8-qJZGCkQjpnpt0j05B4ay7MEu0SRbwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/4c38170ea41a817f9380b67b6ca18da3.jpg" width="297" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can show you the world</td></tr>
</tbody></table><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-c5f1b280-7fff-944a-33ad-ac6df708787c" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
[I just updated this with new stuff, as of 10/27/20. So you <i>have</i> seen this, but only sorta.]</p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-c5f1b280-7fff-944a-33ad-ac6df708787c" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"> </p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-c5f1b280-7fff-944a-33ad-ac6df708787c" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">As the writer of a sex blog that lots of people still read even though I only write a new post every 87 months or so, I have amassed a metric fuckton of sex toys. So many, in fact, that despite my valiant efforts, I've been unable to have sexual relations with all of them.<br />
<br />
That's where you come in. Everything is completely insane right now AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED. Perhaps a toy or two would cheer you up? A brief respite of hedonism is a fine way to forget about the everything for a few blessed moments. <br />
<br />
Here's a basic idea what I have busting out of my cabinet right now. <br />
<br />
So, without further ado, except this sentence of ado that I just added, I currently have: <br /></p><p>--Big ol’ vibrating dildo (w/ suction cup! And it warms up! And has balls!)</p><p>--Stretchy cock ring with a built-in scrotum ring.</p><p><strike>--Silicone g-spot vibrator w buzzy clit part</strike><br /><br />-<strike>-Large g-spot stroking rabbit vibrator</strike></p><p>--Prostate probe (kinda like anal beads)</p><p>--Prostate vibrator, narrow and long with bulby end</p><p>--Smallish, non-penis looking dildo that bends and is anal-safe<br />--Silicone bullet vibe with ripples. </p><p>--Silicone vibrator that kinda looks like a manta ray. <br />--Bullet vibe</p><p>--Butt plug with fancy jewel at the end<br />--Butt plug with handle at the end</p><p>--Bondage tape</p><p><strike>--Cbd serum for arousal, just works for the wimmens though</strike></p><p>--Box o’ condoms<br />--Small tickly feather thing for sensation play</p><p>--Topical CBD lotion (not for sex, for muscle pain) Menthol<br /><br />--LUBE water-based, silicone-based, combos, especially for toys, watermelon-flavored. I gots lube is the point. <br /></p><p>
If you're feeling it, I can send you something specific or you can tell me what you're into
and I can put a box together and ship it Priority Mail. However, you, my friend,
are in charge of paying for shipping (medium boxes are $15.05 in postage, large is $21.10) and giving me a <i>wildly</i> generous tip
for driving my ass to the post office during The Sickening. My Paypal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com. You can <a href="mailto:jillhamilton001@gmail.com">email me</a> for more details or if you want personalized suggestions or something.<br />
<br />
That's all. I wrote a post! Sorta. But still.<br />
<br />
Good talking to you.<br />
xo<br />
jill </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-55857827058237610292020-06-24T14:35:00.001-07:002020-06-24T14:45:57.102-07:00Notes from whatever the hell today is<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-11ZjUl92Coo/XvO6fOV-ZAI/AAAAAAAACqU/ecSPVmjXHsshsksnYiDsyglEyeXSC_PjwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/nT_7d0sv1z1c558qu6q06xeu6tc_300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="440" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-11ZjUl92Coo/XvO6fOV-ZAI/AAAAAAAACqU/ecSPVmjXHsshsksnYiDsyglEyeXSC_PjwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/nT_7d0sv1z1c558qu6q06xeu6tc_300.jpg" width="218" /></a></div>
Well, the <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2020/06/toys-toys-toys-in-cabinet.html">packages of sex toys</a> are traveling around the country to find their forever orifices, and some are already nestled in someone's butt or whatever, happily rumbling away fulfilling their life purposes. (There are still a few things left, but not much. If you want to see, <a href="mailto:jillhamilton001@gmail.com">email me</a> and ask for access to the ever- shrinking <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bBIvfM1wXbfvmkioRGZW_YZWkenW-7t9iY4EEzfNoW0/edit">Google doc</a>.) <br />
<br />
A dude got a box for his wife, including a <a href="http://lip.go2cloud.org/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=798&url_id=566">Lelo Sona</a> (good man), one guy got the <a href="https://shrsl.com/2cnwb">Club Vibe 3.OH Hero</a> after he'd killed another butt toy (admirable) and another reader, <b>M</b>, got the <a href="https://shrsl.com/2cnw1">Lovelife Krush Smart Kegel Trainer</a> to strengthen her nether regions. <br />
<br />
The delightful M wrote: <i>"Yay! It's like winning the vagina lottery! My
current partner will be pleased/horrified when I
hands-free throttle his bishop in a few weeks (or months?) and I will
think of you in a high-five way."</i><br />
<br />
In a series of sentences of increasing awkwardness, as is my way, I replied to M with:<br />
"Y<i>ou are super hilarious</i> (okay, so far)<br />
<div>
<i>and I'm already a little in love with you</i>. (um...) </div>
<div>
<i>will send out tomorrow.</i> (a step towards acceptable discourse)</div>
<div>
<i>so enjoy your weak-ass, lax vagina while you can." </i>(Dear God, self. WTF?)<i> </i></div>
<div>
<i><strike><br /></strike></i></div>
<div>
Anyway, lest you think my love was displaced, M kindly ignored my boorish vaginal dis (In the future, I probably wouldn't lead with this. Probably.) and sent me an actual postcard, like they did in the olden days: <i>"I would love to allow you to believe that I am as amusing as you seemed to think I was in my email, but the truth is that you caught me at a particularly good time. For some reason I tend to be more charismatic when I'm ovulating--creepy evolutionary catfishing?"</i></div>
<br />
(This is a real thing! We are all evolutionary catfishers. See also <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2011/11/swings-of-desire-aka-ovulation-hormonal.html?zx=58727c091e18c30f">Ovulation = Hormonal Beer Googles</a>)<br />
<br />
*****<br />
<br />
You can hear me hurriedly reading my piece <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2014/10/drought.html">Drought</a> on Antonia Hall's wholly delightful <a href="https://www.antoniahall.com/blog/can-reading-increase-low-sex-drive-and-make-humans-better-lovers">Experiments in Pleasure</a> podcast, recorded when I sent my family on a ten-minute walk around the block. It's at the very end, like a David Sedaris/Sarah Vowell thing, if they were less funny and talked more about having sex with a bath spigot. <br />
<br />
Now, you. Tell me something interesting.* <br />
<br />
xo<br />
jill<br />
<br />
*Unless it's super creepy**, then keep that @%@# to yourself.<br />
**I reserve the sole right to determine creepiness, or lack thereof. <div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-6688311713307003452020-03-26T16:36:00.000-07:002020-05-02T11:58:16.554-07:00On Submission to Desire<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rTOXYo_YpUU/UJLOVjILDBI/AAAAAAAAAwg/GtWU514eVZU/s1600/tumblr_m5ibecMaJA1qipotmo1_400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rTOXYo_YpUU/UJLOVjILDBI/AAAAAAAAAwg/GtWU514eVZU/s320/tumblr_m5ibecMaJA1qipotmo1_400.jpg" width="205" /></a></div>
One of the sexiest things to me is the idea of being overcome by passion. Not romance novel-type emotional passion, but physical passion--being so completely turned on that you just...fucking lose it. I love seeing, hearing and inciting someone to be so overcome and I love being so overcome as well. Nothing is hotter to me than the raw desperate desire of a choked out, "Please..."<br />
<br />
That submission to pure wanting requires abandoning your logical brain, throwing yourself into the overpowering forces of all-out lust and hoping you'll come out okay on the other side. I think there's a kind of bravery in that. Maybe that's what is so intimate about sex with another person--you're both jumping into the void together.<br />
<br />
It's that line between control and loss of control that's so interesting to me about artist Clayton Cubitt's video series "Hysterical Literature." The stark black-and-white videos each feature a woman sitting a table reading aloud from a book of her choosing. However, <i>under</i> the table, there is an unseen person equipped with a back massager who is assigned to distract the reader as she reads.<br />
<br />
The women try to keep it together and keep reading, but as they continue, they begin to show signs of losing focus with a little gasp or a quick intake of breath or wiggling in their chair for a better position. They fight to keep their composure, but finally they have to give in, toss their heads back with a kind of "fuck it" and ride the orgasm.<br />
<br />
Here, see for yourself below with Stormy reading from Bret Easton Ellis' "American Psycho."<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lUARpT4JJew" width="480"></iframe>
<br />
<br />
In an <a href="http://www.salon.com/2012/08/24/turning_orgasm_into_art">interview in Salon</a>, Cubitt discussed the idea for the series and his artistic vision.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"><i>"I’ve long been fascinated with the concept of control and authenticity in portraiture, especially in these modern times of personal branding, Facebook self-portraits and incessant Instagram self-documentation. What is left for the portraitist to reveal? How can we break through to something real?...</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"><i>These are all attempts to see something they’re not trying to show me.</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"></span></span><br />
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 15px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<i>On an individual level, I’m interested in the battle the sitter experiences between mind and body, and how long one retains primacy over the other, and when they reach balance, and when they switch control. On a larger scale, I’m interested in how society draws a line between high and low art, between acceptable topics of discussion and taboo ones, between what can be worshiped and what must be hidden."</i></div>
<br />
At the end, the women are instructed to re-state their names and the book they've read from. Some aren't able to do it. Cubitt said of their post-filming interviews:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"><i>"It’s quite interesting to hear about what was going through their mind as they started to lose track of what they read and surrendered to their bodies. They talk about it almost like it becomes a religious trance, and they usually have no recollection of the last half of the reading."</i></span><br />
<br />
What do you think?<br />
<br />
xoxox<br />
jill<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://wickedknickers.tumblr.com/post/25598017126/annasintervals-portrait-of-a-woman-lina-corsino">Portrait of a woman. Lina Corsino, Emilio Sommariva 1933</a></span><br />
<br />
Thanks to <b>Trace</b>, who reminded me of this series on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/In-Bed-With-Married-Women/108147732548696">the IBWMW Facebook page</a>.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-11828382333957170982020-03-20T14:35:00.000-07:002020-03-20T14:35:56.099-07:00Parker Marx and Fucking Art<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T3gvI2lQ0vo/W8G5nB1U0rI/AAAAAAAACTE/LnnUFi01ryIPIffYUXYD5QakZuIYu2pfgCEwYBhgL/s1600/CtcHFoDXEAA1MnD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="801" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T3gvI2lQ0vo/W8G5nB1U0rI/AAAAAAAACTE/LnnUFi01ryIPIffYUXYD5QakZuIYu2pfgCEwYBhgL/s400/CtcHFoDXEAA1MnD.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by the unlinkable Lenore Holloway</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
A few months ago, I spent an entire week watching porn for a <a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/g19460176/best-porn-movies/?slide=1">magazine article</a>. Perhaps it was the total porn immersion and the resulting heady delirium, but when I finally emerged, bleary-eyed and shaken, I'd had a porn epiphany.<br />
<br />
It was mostly due to the discovery of <a href="https://twitter.com/theparkermarx">Parker Marx</a>, a fucking genius, a genius of fucking.<br />
<br />
Parker Marx is an English porn performer based in Prague. He is lovely to look at, but that's not what it is about him. When he performs, Parker is absolutely in the moment-- or at least does an incredible simulation of that--and clearly relishes a good fuck, completely conveying all that is sublime and intense and connected and primal and hungry about your best sexual encounters ever. Everything from the quick intake of breath when someone first touches their tongue to your flesh to the moment when your eyes meet and you share the giddy realization/mental high five of "We are fucking!" Whether there's a plot or not in his films doesn't even matter, the sex <i>is</i> the plot and Parker finds the story within every encounter.<br />
<br />
So yes, there's humanity and depth and connection and--holy hell--and the eye gazing alone could wreck you, but his work is also very sexual, primitive and animalistic. Marx, like, luxuriates in whatever bodily fluids happen--sweat, tears, a newly soaked pair of panties. In a recent, uncharacteristically conventional-seeming scene, his partner squirted what to me looked like a possibly alarming amount of <a href="http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2014/06/how-to-make-woman-come-even-if-you-are.html">whatever women squirt</a>, and he burst out laughing, delighted. And, dear god, the man cums <i>spectacularly</i>.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
I said something to this effect on Twitter because what better place for private thoughts on someone else's cum and @Jessie67878604, despite their bot-like name, had this insight: <i>"I think his genius comes from the presence and devotion he brings to each partner</i>." It's true--his partners emerge from their scenes together changed somehow, as though they're illuminated from within.*<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3044da3c23k/W8GVhTKhqII/AAAAAAAACS8/DrTMAlRHawEwWm9kD_ewf5felra3dIzhQCEwYBhgL/s1600/self%2Bportrait%2Bby%2Bparker%2Bmarx.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="986" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3044da3c23k/W8GVhTKhqII/AAAAAAAACS8/DrTMAlRHawEwWm9kD_ewf5felra3dIzhQCEwYBhgL/s400/self%2Bportrait%2Bby%2Bparker%2Bmarx.jpg" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Parker Marx in repose. Kind of.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
If you're in public and can't click over to some of Parker's work (<a href="https://xconfessions.com/performers/parker-marx">here</a> or <a href="https://afourchamberedheart.com/performers/parker">here</a>), or you've left your porn budget money in your other pocket, see also the self-portrait on the right for a quick visual summation of the above. It's a naked man there presenting his cock, as primates do, but it's also incredibly lit, classically composed and there is more going on in the photo than Man Holds Dick. Arty, sexy, suggestion of possible existential angst. Plus, man holds dick. <br />
<br />
One of the gifts Parker Marx has given me--besides the odd feeling of being well-fucked remotely, simply by witnessing a really great fuck--is that he's been my portal to thinky porn/art/something else entirely.<br />
<br />
The one that got me the most was <a href="https://brightdesire.com/bd/">Bright Desire</a>, where filmmaker <a href="https://twitter.com/msnaughty">Ms. Naughty</a> totally mucks around with the genre itself -- it's porn about<i> ideas.</i> Like, what if the performers moved incredibly slowly, almost excruciatingly so? (<a href="https://brightdesire.com/tour/linger/">Linger</a> with Parker and <a href="https://twitter.com/kali_sudhra?lang=en">Kali Sudhra</a>) What if you wandered far, far away from a typical "straight" porn script, with no cum shot, no female penetration plus a little pegging and afternoon tea?<i> </i><a href="https://brightdesire.com/tour/since-you-asked-so-nicely/">(Since You Asked So Nicely</a> with Parker and <a href="https://twitter.com/pandorablake">Pandora Blake</a>)<i>.</i> "<i>Pandora’s orgasms are
intense but they take a while," </i>writes Ms. Naughty of the film.<i> "There’s also a lot of
laughter and discussion and guidance. In short, this scene totally
queers straight sex and shows that pleasure can be attained in multiple
ways, no matter how you identify</i>." Right the fuck on.<br />
<br />
On about Day 3 of my private Porn Fest, I wrote something on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/InBedWithMarriedWomen/">IBWMW Facebook page</a> like "Back to the porn salt mines" and most people assumed I was excessively jilling off (a <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jilling%20off">real term</a> and oddly prescient name choice by my parents.) But in this case, it wasn't even true, what was going down was more of a mind fuck, the good kind, if there is one. It was more that arty fuckery lent a background hum of sexual charge to everything and left me with the lingering afterglow from a major mind-blowing. <br />
<br />
My week-long porn fever dream, which I am desperately trying not to call a pornucopia, was incredibly empowering. I absolutely <i>loved</i> seeing a woman on top with a belly hanging over a pair of panties (Porn performers: They're Just Like US!). I loved that <a href="https://twitter.com/linabembe">Lina Bembe</a> spontaneously burst into tears after an orgasm in <a href="https://brightdesire.com/bd/trinity/">Trinity</a>, (with Parker and the multi-talented <a href="https://twitter.com/Rooster_XXX">Rooster X-Ray</a>) because weeping means you've tapped into something so deep, metaphorically as well as physically. I loved that some women had to rub the living hell out of their clits before they came or twisted their faces up unprettily (that is, raw and beautifully) or that weird awkward moments happened or that it took a really long time to find an orgasm and some straining was involved or that couches were stained.<br />
<br />
I loved that all of it was not only completely fine, but even better, <i>porn-worthy</i>. Representation matters, not just in the way we look, but the way(s) we fuck. We contain multitudes, my friends, and this, this is the real stuff, the very stuff that makes sex so deep and rich and personal and good.<br />
<br />
So thank you, brave and honest porn makers, performers and Parker Marx, thank you from the bottom of my whatever. <br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
jill<br />
#PayForPorn<br />
<br />
* Not ruling out possible infusion of magic via cock.<br />
<br />
PS Do the blog a solid and <a href="https://www.kinkly.com/top-sex-bloggers/in-bed-with-married-women?fbclid=IwAR3qdHCNXd7uR72XpDJAuSbr4tBS7rQh6uLkOzuxUdoF-hy6W30Rr_KjJSY">go vote for In Bed With Married Women at Kinkly</a> for favorite sex blog. Just click the link, click
“vote for this blog” and you're done.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(2nd photo: <a href="https://parkermarx.tumblr.com/">Self Portrait</a> by Parker Marx)</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-5000600983959442672020-02-29T15:30:00.000-08:002020-04-05T11:44:55.840-07:00Sex Toy Fairy Godmother<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gio-gQ9ER3g/Xc8NBtkRgzI/AAAAAAAACi8/--uxgFRlAvU8ZMn4BtyLU6zMzV_3-_2xgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/fairy%2Bhoax.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gio-gQ9ER3g/Xc8NBtkRgzI/AAAAAAAACi8/--uxgFRlAvU8ZMn4BtyLU6zMzV_3-_2xgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/fairy%2Bhoax.png" width="240" /></a></div>
As I've mentioned <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2019/02/sex-toys-get-your-sex-toys.html">here</a>--and okay <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2019/05/the-sex-toy-fairy-redux-and-reader.html?zx=743b415a8903ae7e">here</a> too--I get a lot of sex toys and there are only so many I personally can have sex with. (I'm JUST ONE WOMAN, man.)<br />
<br />
I'd like to share the wealth with your ass, or whatever. <br />
<br />
Here's what I've got going on:<br />
<br />
--lubes and toy cleaners<br />
--<strike>vibrating cock ring</strike><br />
--<strike>some vibrators for the wimmens</strike><br />
--<strike>bondage equipment to hogtie your loved one</strike><br />
--<strike>butt plug</strike><br />
--<strike>nipple/clit clamps that could possibly be hurty (this is their asset</strike>) <br />
--<strike>a stroker that looks like a pussy (secret hiding place not included)</strike><br />
--flavored lubes<strike> </strike><br />
--<strike>truly huge wand vibrator</strike><br />
--<strike>not quite as huge but still pretty fucking huge wand vibrator</strike><br />
--<strike>new agey game you can play with your partner about chakras and junk</strike><br />
--<strike>couples dice and card games</strike> <br />
<br />
I can send you something specific or you can tell me what you're into
and I can put a box together and ship it Priority Mail. However, you
are in charge of paying for shipping and giving me a wildly generous tip
for driving my ass to the post office so I don't silently resent you,
as is my way. You can <a href="mailto:jillhamilton001@gmail.com">email me</a> for more details, if you want butt plug specs or something in private.<br />
<br />
Also, and this is entirely off topic, the photo above is from the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cottingley_Fairies">Cottingley Fairy Hoax</a>, when two girls in England took pictures of themselves supposedly with fairies in 1917. Despite (or perhaps because of) the weight of popular attention and very serious photographic analysis by grown-ups of the time, the girls stuck with their story <i>until 1983</i>.<i> </i><br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
jill <div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-67843269091703606222020-02-07T13:00:00.000-08:002020-02-07T12:51:18.435-08:00Where Do Sex Toys Go to Die? <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EDapsA5ASd8/WSdGdf-6KoI/AAAAAAAACFY/tI_renha1aYRkJGvStarLWpQe2FhgxW7gCLcB/s1600/img_4995_copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="600" height="213" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EDapsA5ASd8/WSdGdf-6KoI/AAAAAAAACFY/tI_renha1aYRkJGvStarLWpQe2FhgxW7gCLcB/s320/img_4995_copy.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before: Love, exciting and new.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I recently tested a truly heinous “oral
sex simulator” sex toy for a magazine. The contraption involved 10
chihuahua-sized plastic tongues that swirled furiously,
pinwheel-fashion, slapping at your most delicate bits while whirring
furiously, like a peeved lover who wished you would just <i>have a
damn orgasm already</i>. I can only imagine what it would do to an
errant pubic hair.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I used the thing, because I am a
serious journalist, but what was I supposed to do with it, after? It seemed wasteful to just throw it
away, not to mention the embarrassing tarting up of my weekly
garbage. And right now there are no blue recycling bins where you
can toss your toys after they've put in their time.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
How is it that old sex toys have no
dignified resting place? It's for a variety of reasons, the top
being that they're sex toys, ewwww. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Some recycling facilities
won't take them because they consider them bio-hazards. Recycling is
also tricky because toys can contain problematic and/or toxic
materials like batteries, motors, and weird-ass “jelly”
materials. Money is also an issue. It's just not profitable (yet) to
deal in used Fleshlights. “The biggest issue is the mixed polymers.
This is an export only item, mostly to China. The market for mixed
plastics has been quickly eroding since 2008,” said a recycling
industry expert, who wished to speak anonymously because...sex toys.
“But if there were large quantities available on a consistent
basis, I'm confident that there would be a home available for
recycling.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Even though I have, perhaps, “a lot”
of sex toys hidden under my bed (the world's #1 hiding place for sex
toys, followed by the nightstand drawer), it's not the kind of large
quantities I would need to set up an in-home export business. What
are the options, then?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Throw them away</b>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sure, you can take out the batteries
and recycle them, but the rest will end up in a landfill, stubbornly
not biodegrading, so our descendants will be well aware of what big
pervs we were. This is not ideal.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Buy from a place that recycles toys</b>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Right now that's exactly two places:
UK-based sex toy company <a href="http://shrsl.com/?i57f">Lovehoney</a>
and <a href="http://www.comeasyouare.com/">Come As You Are</a>
(CAYA), an “anti-capitalist, co-operative sex shop” in Toronto,
Canada. Lovehoney's Rabbit Amnesty Programme is the most successful,
running for 10 years in the UK, and now offers recycling to U.S.
customers (<a href="http://shrsl.com/?i57g">click here for info</a>).
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Everything we receive gets checked
to make sure it qualifies for the recycling scheme. The toys are then
sorted into containers and sent to our nearest WEEE Recycling Plant.
They’re pretty used to receiving mountains of colourful phalluses
from us now, “ explains Richard Longhurst, co-owner of Lovehoney.
“The unwanted toys get crushed and separated into their different
materials. You can see a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9-s7lg67x4">video
of the whole process</a> on Youtube. It’s quite entertaining to see
a bulldozer with a shovel-load of sex toys and see rabbit vibrators
whizzing round conveyor belts and crushed into little pieces.”
Metals might be made into new gadgets and plastics be made into a new container or coffee mug, perhaps one just like the one you're drinking out of right now! Pause for spit take.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
At CAYA, things aren't quite as
advanced, but they are doing their sincere Canadian best. “We
encourage folks to drop off their busted sex toys and give them a 15%
discount for their efforts,” says Jack Lamon, Worker-Owner at CAYA
Co-operative. “While we can't recycle all sex toy materials, we can
deal with abs plastics, silicone, and the electronics contained
within. The silicone we're hanging onto for a top-secret in-house
re-purposing project. The biggest issue for us is the vinyl, rubber,
and mystery plastics. None of these materials should have ever been
in sex toys in the first place, and they certainly shouldn't be in
landfills! Anything we get that is an antique, we sterilize and keep
for our collection. We've found some original Fun Factory pieces in
the recycling, not to mention Wahl Vibrators from the 1960s.”
Although you are welcome to send your box of worn out butt plugs to
CAYA, Lamon doesn't actually recommend it. “The shipping cost is
probably too prohibitive for most folks, and honestly, we feel weird
about people shipping stuff to us from too far away - I suspect that
the gas/oil and emissions undo the good work of recycling - from an
environmental perspective,” he said. Instead he encourages...</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Sex Toy Swaps</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Sex toy swaps are amazing and I
would love to see more happen in local communities,” says Lamon.
“Folks have tons of amazing stainless steel, glass, and leather
toys that would be better re-used than recycled--and that stuff is so
expensive to buy new.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The thing is, most people have a huge
issue with used sex toys, despite the fact that we happily re-use
penises and other real body parts all the time. We're so squeamish
about it that it's difficult to have a serious discussion about used
toys without everyone giggling like a bunch of 5<sup>th</sup>
graders. When I asked readers of my <a href="http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/">sex
blog</a>—a pretty progressive group--if they'd consider a swap,
only one person would admit to it.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Still, a few determinedly green and/or
thrifty souls are willing to give it a go. “I have a small group of
friends I trust and am very comfortable sharing intimate things with,
and every once in awhile we do a toy-swap. I know it sounds like a
terrible and kinda creepy idea in general, but really, if it's
sterilizable and comes from someone I trust, why not exchange that
glass g-spotter that I never actually use for an awesome purple
silicone dildo that doesn't quite work for my best friend?” posted
<a href="http://www.metafilter.com/user/105282" target="_self">rhiannonstone</a>
on Metafilter.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Re-using sex toys most likely has some
historical precedence. As one of my readers pointed out after <a href="http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2011/03/female-hysteria-and-creepy-old-timey.html">a
post</a> on the early 1900s vibrator hysteria treatments, “I would
hazard a guess that the doctors did not purchase a new device for
every patient.” (Even if you have no qualms about unknown things in
your orifices, you should avoid porous toys and ones made with toxic
materials--a decent general rule for new toys as well.)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><br /></b>
</div>
<b>
</b>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Go rogue.</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Some people use them as artistic
inspiration. <a href="http://subtledildo.com/">Subtle Dildo</a>, an
instillation art project, ponders the presence of plastic in our
lives with a photo series, each featuring a Where's Waldo-like hidden
dildo. Lovehoney offers a <a href="http://shrsl.com/?i57i">cheeky list of sex toys hacks</a> including a butt plug light pull, dildo
book ends, and a sex doll turned scarecrow. And, according to a
discovery by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSOPyiRXDh4">this
dude</a> on YouTube, some folks just toss their used dildos into the
empty lot behind the Peddlers Inn, in Ulysses, Kansas (not
recommended).
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><br /></b>
</div>
<b>
</b>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Sell them online.</b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Ebay doesn't allow it, but sites like
Craigslist, which technically also doesn't allow it, has a small
black market, especially for generally unaffordable high-end toys.
And the year-old <a href="http://r/usedsextoys/">used sex toys</a>
subreddit currently has almost a dozen items up for grabs, including
the WeVibe 4. New, they'll run you about $150, but the seller is
accepting offers. “Just doesn't work as expected for the wife,”
he explains. So far, there's one offer. For 40 bucks.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Postscript: If the idea of buying used
sex toys online skeevs you out, you should definitely not read
the National Association for the Advancement of Science and Art in
Sexuality's (NAASAS) <a href="http://naasas.com/selling-used-sex-toys.htm">investigation</a>
that found that “many” online sex toy retailers were selling used
toys. To determine that the toys were used, these investigators
weren't using some sort high tech DNA analysis—they were just
looking at the stuff!</i></div>
<i>
</i>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><br /></i>
</div>
<i>
</i>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Reads the NAASAS report in a
particularly hideous string of words. “Indicators noted in the
study to determine if a sex toy had been previously purchased were
physical evidence found on the actual sex toys inside their packaging
such as human body hair (including pubic hair), vaginal and anal
secretions (including fecal matter), saliva, finger prints, lubricant
residue, animal fur, lint from clothing and more.”</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I told you not to read it. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
xoxo</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
jill</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
</div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">(This first ran in <a href="http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/sex-toy-recycling-it-time-think-about-dildo-disposal">AlterNet</a>. Photo courtesy <a href="https://www.docjohnson.com/">Doc Johnson</a> who gave it to me after <a href="http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/11-amazing-things-i-learned-touring-sex-toy-factory">my fabulous tour</a> of their magical sex toy factory wonderland.)</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-52007745465787656622020-01-10T11:10:00.000-08:002020-01-10T11:10:45.457-08:00The Death of Passion and What the Hell to Do About It, According to People Who Think About Such Things<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RVZWGQODqTw/Vg7cABy2X1I/AAAAAAAABxA/-R_aklnHjJc/s1600/tub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RVZWGQODqTw/Vg7cABy2X1I/AAAAAAAABxA/-R_aklnHjJc/s320/tub.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They have not worked on their Love Maps</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Note: this article ran first on <a href="http://www.alternet.org/5-big-ideas-keeping-sex-fresh-long-term-relationship">AlterNet</a> then on <a href="http://www.salon.com/2015/09/30/from_kosher_sex_to_love_maps_5_tips_for_keeping_your_sex_life_hot/">Salon</a>. Only the (third) best for you, my friend! (update: 1/10/20. It's come to my attention that Shumley Boteach is pretty much a huge asshole and bigot. I left his thing in though bc I think his thoughts on this, and this alone, are interesting. The shitty bigotry, homophobia, etc...not so much.)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
*****</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“<i>There are only two tragedies in
life: one is not getting what one wants, the other is getting it</i>,”
said Oscar Wilde.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Passion is a tricky, elusive thing.
Once captured, it flounders. But why does it wither when
domesticated? Why do sexy intense beginnings so often lead to boring,
sexless or otherwise <i>meh</i> middles and ending? Why aren't we
having sex with our dear, highly-available partner, like, all the
time?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“<span style="font-style: normal;"><i>Our
senses crave novelty. Any change alerts them, and they send a signal
into the brain. If there's no change, no novelty, they doze and
register little or nothing. A constant state—even of excitement—in
time becomes tedious, fades in the background because our senses have
evolved to report only changes</i>,”</span> writes Diane Ackerman in <a href="http://amzn.to/1UXd0p3">A
Natural History of the Senses</a>.*</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Or, says my friend Matthew, who thinks
deeply on such things: “<i>Once you're with someone, they become your
family. And you don't want to have sex with people in your family</i>.”
Which is true enough, especially that last bit.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But these Big Thinkers in the field say you can re-find passion, though they offer
differing--sometimes wildly so—theories on how to do it. With the right philosophical constructs guiding your behavior, perhaps you'll soon be happily fucking your beloved
family member again. Though you'll probably want to phrase that
differently in your head.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.reuniting.info/">Marnia
Robinson</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Corporate lawyer turned writer
and speaker on sex, relationships and porn. Co-hosts <a href="http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/">Your
Brain on Porn</a> website with husband Gary Wilson.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Big Idea</b>: '<a href="http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza">Karezza</a>”
sex can help hack your neurochemicals, which thanks to the cruel
cruel <a href="http://www.jneurosci.org/content/17/12/4849.long">Coolidge
Effect</a>, make you feel less satisfied with your partner over time.
Even if, actually<i> especially</i> if, they are really great at
pleasing you.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Fix</b>: The neurochemicals that make
us so giddy with the first flush of love only last two years, tops.
After that, the buzz wears off and couples get habituated (the nicer,
more sciencey term for bored). Instead of trying to jack things up
with new positions or sexy clown costumes which can further numb
response to pleasure, slow things down with karezza sex, a form of
affectionate, sensual sex that generally doesn't result in orgasm.
This sex, according to Robinson, strengthens lovers' bonds and
results in more frequent and satisfying sex. “It's like learning
to diet by eating smarter, rather than struggling to eat less,”
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marnia-robinson/another-way-to-make-love_b_272759.html">writes
Robinson</a>. “As my husband says, 'My limbic brain stays enchanted
because I don't attempt to fertilize you.'” (Her husband, it will
not surprise you to learn, is a science professor.)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Test drive</b>: Practice a “<a href="http://www.reuniting.info/resources/exchange_of_the_day">bonding
behavior</a>” like gazing into each other's eyes for several
minutes or lying with your head on your partner's chest and listening
to their heartbeat or synchronized breathing.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Further reading</b>: <a href="http://amzn.to/1Nu11uN">Cupid's
Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships</a>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://shmuley.com/">Shmuley
Boteach</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
American Orthodox rabbi, author
and TV host.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Big Idea</b>: Women are deep and
endless sources of sexuality. Exploring that eroticism leads to
richer, more profound sexual/spiritual connection.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Fix</b>: A woman's sexuality is “much
deeper and longer lasting than a man's. In the face of such
intensity, most husbands fear they can't measure up,” writes
Boteach in <a href="http://amzn.to/1YAVt5q">The Kosher Sutra: 8
Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life</a>.
But for the husband who's brave enough to jump in there and explore,
there are sublime pleasures to be uncovered. “There is a part of
us, a passionate part that is raw, instinctive, animal, visceral, and
not attuned to social norms. It's incredibly erotic to witness this
side of a person become revealed. A man who can arouse a woman to
this level of abandonment witnesses something incredible,” <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061668338/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=sl1&tag=inbe0c-20&linkId=f727cb994991f6af06ee7c1aee079020">writes
Boteach</a>, in perhaps the hottest collection of sentences you'll
ever read by a rabbi. This deep sensuality flows into the rest of
life, giving everything an “erotic pulse.”
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
To get to that place, Boteach
recommends “Kosher Tantric” sex, including delayed orgasm to
prolong sex, making it into “a worship of the divine spark in each
other.” He's also against going to the bathroom in front of each
other—ruins the mystery.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Test drive</b>: Try the Jewish custom of
abstaining from sex for two weeks when the woman starts her period.
“<span style="font-style: normal;">Every month, there must be two
weeks devoted to physical love, and two weeks devoted to intellectual
communication and emotional intimacy</span><i>,</i>" Boteach
writes in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385494661/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=211189&creative=373489&creativeASIN=0385494661&link_code=as3&tag=inbe0c-20&linkId=VTLL6RR7F3AQS76J">Kosher
Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy</a>. It may sound a bit old
school and rigid, but the forbiddenness fostered by abstinence can
build lust, plus the on/off plan happens to correspond nicely with
most women's monthly swings of desire.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Further reading</b>: <a href="http://amzn.to/1KDQ87n">The
Kosher Sutra: 8 Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring
Passion for Life</a>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<a href="http://www.estherperel.com/about/">Esther
Perel</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Writer, speaker, couples and
family therapist.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Big Idea</b>: We need safety and
security in a relationship, yet we also need adventure and
excitement. The problem is that satisfying either of these needs
sort of negates the other. The trick is riding the wave between
security and excitement, figuring out ways to introduce novelty, risk
and mystery into the familiar and comfortable.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Fix</b>: The erotic thrives on power
plays, thwarted desire, threats of rivals and other non-safe and
lovey ideas. Tap into these rich sources of desire by questioning
your ideas about what's “acceptable” to you—for a lot of people
their greatest sources of excitement and pleasure have to do with
childhood hurts. Being willing to poke around in these dark areas of
your erotic brain is a potent natural fuel for pleasure.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Test drive</b>: Embrace the “shadow of
the third.” In every relationship, there are other players, whether
actual infidelities, flirtations or agreed upon partners. Accepting
this and working with it--whether by actually introducing others into
your marital sex, negotiating monogamy or just feeling the arousal of
a threat (perceived or real) of a romantic rival—beats complacency
back and helps you see your mate as the desirable creature that they
are.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Further reading</b>: <a href="http://amzn.to/1i3Zyhk">Mating
in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic + the Domestic</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.gottman.com/">John
Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Gottman, Ph.D. </a>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Husband and wife psychologists
who run the Gottman Institute and the Relationship Research
Institute.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Big Idea</b>: Married people do best
when they behave like good friends and handle conflicts in gentle
positive ways.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Fix</b>: The Gottmans are known their
Love Labs in which they observed couples and found that future
divorcees tended to handle conflict via what the Gottmans call “The
4 Horseman of the Apocalypse”: stonewalling, contempt,
defensiveness and withdrawal. So don't do those.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Good behaviors, which lack a catchy 4
Horseman-like name: Respond positively to your partner's “bids”
(bids are requests for emotional connections via a question, quick
hug and such). Create a love map--a mental list of your partner's
preferences, dreams, and sexual proclivities. Create rituals for
initiating and refusing sex to minimize miscommunication and feelings
of rejection. The resulting atmosphere of kindness and communication
is conducive to “personal sex” that's focused on intimacy instead
of intercourse.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Test Drive</b>: “Plan time for
activities like hot baths, back rubs, touching, holding and simply
making each other feel good physically and emotionally. If sex
happens, that's fine. But if it doesn't, you'll still have met your
expectation of enjoying time together,” <a href="http://amzn.to/1MoYUp1">advise
the Gottmans</a>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Further reading</b>:<b><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">
<a href="http://amzn.to/1KZHRN3">The Seven Principles for Making
Marriage Work</a></span></span></b></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://passionatemarriage.com/">David
Schnarch, Ph.D.</a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Psychologist, sex therapist and
director of the Marriage and Family Health Institute.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Big Idea</b>: Passion (as well as a
healthy relationship) depends on “differentiation,” that is, each
partner cultivating a strong sense of self, despite their partner's
(very normal) efforts to thwart that growth.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Fix</b>: When partners work on
becoming differentiated, it creates tension and gridlock. This
coupled, with what Schnarch delightfully calls “normal marital
sadism,” can lead to marital breakdown, but it's actually an
opportunity. Gridlock and tension create a dynamic environment for
growth and helps passion thrive. Anxiety is also good. Instead of
working on anxiety reduction, couples should work on ways to tolerate
anxiety via self-soothing. “Anxiety is often part of the best sex
we ever have. It's part of growing sexually. Anxiety makes us pay
attention to what's going on,” <a href="http://crucible4points.com/new-new-sex-therapy-interview-dr-david-schnarch">writes
Schnarch</a>.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
During sex, couples should focus on the
connection, working on truly feeling their partner as they touch
them. Also good is “hugging til relaxed” which is pretty much
what it sounds like.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Test drive</b>: Try for “eyes-open
orgasm.” Looking deep into each other's eyes adds intimacy and
meaning to sex. The more you do it, the longer you can do it and the
deeper the connection.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Further reading</b>: <a href="http://amzn.to/1i40ouw">Passionate
Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships</a>.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
Let me know if any of this works for you.<br />
xoxo<br />
jill<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
*This, however, does not explain why
there are so many strip clubs called Deja Vu. "That? Again?"</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-35826552194042988232019-10-15T08:31:00.000-07:002019-10-15T08:31:29.652-07:00Melissa: "A Different Way of Being Sexual"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FGaymj0TUYw/XaU9UucbyMI/AAAAAAAAChk/rtwMGfOe55EmPxQLo_uvAE85UtRGSe-jACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/nT_qandibvr9a61681b9069nukq_300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FGaymj0TUYw/XaU9UucbyMI/AAAAAAAAChk/rtwMGfOe55EmPxQLo_uvAE85UtRGSe-jACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/nT_qandibvr9a61681b9069nukq_300.jpg" /></a></div>
This conversation* started with reader <b>Melissa</b> telling me about a sex toy I'd sent her (the <a href="https://www.pjtra.com/t/TUJGRkpGSkJGSUtLRkZCRkpKTEZM?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ellaparadis.com%2Fsatisfyer-vibes-sunshine.html">Satisfyer Yummy Sunshine G-spot vibe</a>,
if you must know) but our talk quickly evolved into the far more
fascinating topic of how she incorporated the toy into sex with a lover
who has a spinal cord injury and no physical sensation below the chest.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/theandrewgurza">Andrew Gurza</a>, a totally fucking bad-ass disability awareness consultant and <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disabilityafterdark/id1151890990?mt=2">Disability After Dark</a> podcaster tweeted recently, <span class="css-901oao css-16my406 r-1qd0xha r-ad9z0x r-bcqeeo r-qvutc0">"<i>Imagine
if able-bodied people asked each other if their genitals worked at
random intervals throughout the day. Weird, right? Then maybe don't
ask disabled people. We don't appreciate it either</i>."**</span><br />
<br />
So
in one way I absolutely don't want to be a jerky ableist asking
about/staring at someone's highly personal bits. Except. I also totally
do because being nosy as fuck about peoples' sex lives is kind of the
whole point of this blog. So I'm going in, my friends.<br />
<br />
<span class="css-901oao css-16my406 r-1qd0xha r-ad9z0x r-bcqeeo r-qvutc0">Anyway,
our talk started off about the vibrator which is the kind that pretty
much handles everything, so some men are like, "Um, what is my role in
this?" But it ended up being about desire--both physical and
psychological, and, my favorite subject, what makes sex sex.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="css-901oao css-16my406 r-1qd0xha r-ad9z0x r-bcqeeo r-qvutc0">
</span>
<br />
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<i>Melissa: "I use it with this guy I really
like. He's beautiful. He has quadriplegia from a spinal cord injury
he got when he was about 20. Has no sensation below his chest and has
limited use of his arms and hands. He tells me he has the same sex
drive as he’s always had. He can get it up, maintain an erection,
cum, everything, but he can’t feel it. For him the visuals are
extremely important. He LOVES to watch me get off. The Yummy Sunshine
vibe is perfect for us because it has a handle. He has enough
strength and control in his arms to be able to hold onto it and use
it on me. We also fuck. I give him blow jobs. He watches everything.
And his eyes! The intensity of his gaze knocks me on my ass (in a
good way).”</i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Me: Can either of you tell when he’s
gonna cum or is it a surprise?<br />
<br />
<i>Melissa: "I can tell because
his legs and lower body spasm."</i><br />
<br />
Me: Does cumming give him a sense of
satisfaction?<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i> </i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Melissa: Yes, though we’re careful about overdoing it
because he has Autonomic Dysreflexia. Basically what happens is that
an irritation below the level of the injury can cause a
miscommunication between the brain, the heart and the spinal cord.
When the body can’t sort out what’s happening, his blood pressure
can get dangerously high. It can become a medical emergency. So I’m
gentle and I don’t do anything that could irritate his skin. He has
a dominant streak, though, so he can get rough with me. He loves to
smack my ass! Next time I see him we’ll play around with dominance
some more.
</i></div>
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<i><br /></i>
</div>
Me: Hmmm. At
first I didn’t understand how sex without sensation could be pleasing,
but sex is really about the connection or maybe even just the having the
experience. Like when I see a good sex
scene in a movie, I’m totally satisfied. It’s not like I have to rush
and have an orgasm immediately. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Melissa: Right, it’s a different way of being
sexual. He’s really good at oral sex, too, and loves doing it. And
the sensation in his upper body is fine - maybe even intensified. So
I can kiss and lick and do all those other things to his head, ears,
neck, and shoulders. He loves it.” </i></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Me: “A different way of being sexual.”
Love this. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>Melisssa: “I got involved with another
guy with a spinal cord injury a couple of weeks ago. His injury is
lower on his spinal cord (and less severe?) He uses a wheelchair,
though he has complete sensation and quite a bit of control and
strength in his arms and upper body. Both of these guys are beautiful
and sexy and a lot of fun to be with. Getting creative with them is
such a turn on!
</i></div>
<br /></div>
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**********************************************<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
*This is third in a series of email conversations with readers (see also: Alaska man <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2019/08/new-contest-old-contest-and-decent.html">has crazy-ass p-spot orgasms</a> and <a href="https://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2019/09/conversation-with-dom-plus-help-reader.html">the guy who is a dominant</a>). </div>
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<br /></div>
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** In another sense, maybe we <i>should</i> all be asking each other about our genitals*** at random intervals throughout the day. As Phoebe Waller-Bridge <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8jXm_UNPF8">put it on SNL</a>: "<i>For a world obsessed with sex, it's incredible how little attention we
pay our genitals. When we focus on them, or when they get sick or
something, it's all about them. But the rest of the time, they're just sitting there. They're just... sitting there. Patiently</i>."<br />
<br />
So yeah. Heyyyyyy genitals. U up?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
***<i>Christ</i>, I hate that word.<br />
<br />
xo<br />
jill </div>
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<br /></div>
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Yo,
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You heard me. Do it.<div class="blogger-post-footer">jill
in bed with married women
http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com</div>Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com1