What's under the bed? Let's see, shall we?

Most people have normal stuff stored under their bed like monsters or extra sheets or whatnot, but as you are well aware, I have a big-ass drawer of brand new sex toys. And I'm happy to send you something(s).

This haul isn't as glorious as the last one, but maybe there's something you want to fuck under there. LMK. Details at the end of the post.

And while you're here, it was SO great to hear from so many of you all who I have grown to know and love lo' these years. Every single one of your asses is delightful and I appreciate you beyond measure.

Okay, here's what I gots:

--9 inch nubby glass dildo for the largely-orificed/brave among you

--Plus One kegel trainer 

--OhMiBod Spinx App-controlled vibrating nipple clamps (fancy)

--Nipple clamps (less fancy)

--Butt plugs, one medium glass with a rose, one small St. Patrick's Day-themed bc why the fuck not

--Dildo n' balls, made of TPE rubber

 

For Dicks, Specifically

--Optimale FlexiSteel 35 mm cock ring 

--Deep Throat Super Stroker 

--Cloud Stroker 

--Penis extenders (like this, but not exactly this.) One is extra girthy.

--Plus One Personal Stroker

--Penis ring sampler, 9 varieties

Buzzing Things

--Lip shaped vibrator 

--Silicone G-Spot Vibrator 

--Bullet Vibrator with Stimulating Sleeves

--Jewel Vibe with 8 attachments

--LingO vibrating tongue ring, if you want to lick a lot of stamps real fast

--iVibe Select bullet vibe

--Another bullet vibe!

--OhMiBod panty vibe, with app-remote control

Lingerie

--Bra and Thong L/XL (it's in this pattern)

--Crotchless Lace n' Dots Panty (M/L)

--Crotchless Beaded Thong (1X/2X)

--Black panties (L) (kinda like this but less ass, black, not crotchless and with a star pattern. So not really like that I guess.) 

--Plain black sheer thigh-highs in unknown size with very simple garter

Your Various Goos

--Oral sex gel

--Condoms galore

--Massage creams

--Deep throat spray  (mint)

--Cherry flavored lube

--Astroglide silicone lube 

--Oral delight couples kit (I legit think there's a tongue in there)

Completely Random Stuff (I don't like to waste!)

--Woo Woo Tame It! Wax Strips

--Mario Badescu Facial Spray

--Wax play candle 

--Blindfolds

The details:  Pick one or pick a few to fill a box. You pay for postage (a medium flat rate priority box is $19.30, large is $26.00) plus a tip if you're enjoying the final days of Bidenomics. Will be cheaper if it's something light and small. My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123.  Email me at jillhamilton001@gmail.com and tell me what you desire. I'll cross off stuff as it goes.

And if the random capitalization throughout this post is bothering you (well, it is now), I apologize, but I have been linking all this stuff for quite some time now and I'm too lazy to go back and fix it. Sorry, man. If this is the worst thing to happen to you today, you're good.

xo

jill

 

F*ck and Cover

Yes, it is jacked right now. Not your imagination! Tech companies, corporations, government officials and even once great media companies are behaving shamefully. (WTF LA Times??? Washington Post? New York Times? C'mon, mans!) 

Seems like a lot of people are acting dumb, greedy and/or really mean. I'm disappointed in every one of these cowardly fucks.

At this point, I'm kind of at shelter in place mode. Sometimes I try to ignore everything. Some I have magical thinking and hope for some strategic smiting--though at this point the sheer number of bad actors who would need to smited (smoted?) is becoming way too unwieldy to work even as a suitable fuck-YES-justice-is-served-MFers fantasy. 

So what to do? I think of that asshat husband of GOP Sen. Deb Fischer of Nebraska who, like a fucking baby, refused to shake Kamala Harris' hand. Instead of getting mad, Kamala just looked at him like "Oooo-kay" and kind of laughed. 

Her ability to laugh in the face of the completely outrageous behavior by folks who really, really need to pay a visit to a therapist and work their shit out is I think the key to what we do.

As people act more inhuman and inhumane, we act more humane. Be the kindest, most loving motherfucker on the planet. My current role models are the Whos. The Grinches of the world are taking all our shit, but we'll still gather around and have community and singing and joy. (Maybe skip the vaguely-sourced roast beast.)

I'm going deep on in-person relationships, long phone calls and telling people I love them. Avoiding social media, kinda, but I'm off Twitter and on Bluesky because Elon Musk can suck my dick. I got the Amazon links off my blog and am buying direct. (FWIW, I highly recommend Bluesky! No rich overlord, no ads, no evil Meta, lots of kicking off of assholes--it's great. Join me!) 

Anyway, all this to say, all we have is each other and this moment and... fuck, this is going way too earnest for a sex blog so let's add some sex, shall we?

I've got some sex toys for you to help with the everything. Pick one or pick a few to fill a box. You pay for postage (a medium flat rate priority box is $19.30, large is $26.00) plus a tip if you're enjoying the final days of Bidenomics. My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123.  Email me at jillhamilton001@gmail.com and tell me what you desire.

This is what I have. I'll cross things out as they go out to various orifices and protuberances across the land. And please do tell me how it's going in your corner of the world. Because do I love you and if you were here I would give you a hug.

 

Large Rabbit Vibes

--Rose Gold Tappin' Rabbit, Thumping & Thrusting Duel Stimulator.  Like clit tappin'? This is your new boy/girl/other friend.

--Rose Gold Revolving Rabbit, Spinning Dual Stimulator. The clit part spins like a GD roulette wheel.

 Bullets with Attachments

--3 Bullet Vibrators with Stimulating Tips

--Bullet Vibrator with Stimulating Sleeves (got two of these!) 

--Jewel Vibe with 8 attachments (two of these too. I'm rich, I tell you!)  

 

Wand and Other Vibes

--Rechargeable Magic Massager. A powerful wand vibrator

Could pair with 

    --This rabbit attachment

    --This stroker attachment for a penis

--Lelo Mia 3 Personal Vibrator. Fancy bullet vibe  

--Licking Vibrator With Remote Dunno, man. See for yourself

--Thumping Vibe

 

Randos

--Dual-Ended Bendable Vibrator. Do with it what you will

--The Rumbling Rider, Wireless Rechargeable Vibrating Grinder. You sit on it to fuck it. 

--Four-Play Vibrator Set, Couple-Friendly Stimulator & Toys. A wearable vibe, a cock ring, panty vibe and an attachment.

--Adam's Gawk Gawk 3.0, Thrusting, Rotating & Vibrating Sleeve. For your favorite nearby penis.

--Wicked vanilla + sugar cane massage oil 

--Lots of condoms

I have a whole other haul under my bed which I will put up in a separate post, but I wanted to put this out into the world when we're still under the general rules of the Good Times.  

I love you. Like I said. Seriously.  

xo

jill