Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Sex Toy Socialism

Not the actual Bernie Sanders
I recently saw Bernie Sanders speak in Glendale, California, and damn, that man is sharp as a tack. Not only could he spout off all manner of really quite disturbing Actual Facts about income inequality, but could answer long-ass two-part questions without going back and asking what second part of the question was.  

I realized, among other things that, as the top 1% holds nearly as much wealth as the bottom 90% (for realz), I am hording way more than my share of sex toys. So in the spirit of righting the wrongs of sex toy capitalism, I am quite happy to send you some (or a whole boxful) of brand spanking new sex toys for the price of postage and a decentish tip to pay for gas, my time and a secret black budget that I will use for nefarious purposes. 

Here's what you could be fucking in approximately 3-5 business days.

Penis toys for the gents (or however be-penised)!
Plus One Personal Stroker, a high-quality masturbator with two openings 
Manta, a vibrator that can be used solo or with a partner
Toys for the vulva-ed!
Muah Mini Vibrator, a vibrator shaped like lips 
Shegasm Silicone Clit Stimulator, clit stim in apple form
Romp Switch, a suction kind of toy 
Magic Wand Mini, not actually that mini 
Rechargeable Dual Entry Vibe, for two holes at once

A surprisingly high number of clitoral suctiony/vibey toys with a floral theme!
Bloomgasm Royalty Rose, 3 levels, 7 patterns of air stimulation
Ravishing Rose Clit Pleaser, another slutty slutty rose 
Toys that are green!
Eve's Petite Private Pleasure Wand it's like a mini Magic Wand
Heat Me Up Warming Rabbit Thruster, description pretty much sums it up
Real Rock Chrystal Clear Dildo, 8 inch, like what's linked but green.  
BFit Classic Love Balls, 2 ben-wa balls/kegel trainers
Small butt plug, with a shamrock on it because why not

Remote control toys!
Blue Motion, Nex 3, super fancy penis ring/couples' toy 
Esca 2, remote control g-spotish massager
Butt stuff!
Vibrating Anal Bead Stick, looks fancy plus it's waterproof
Mood Pride Anal Trainer Set, three sizes of butt plugs 
A small silicone plug with ridges that I can't find online
Rear Rocker Vibrating Glass Anal Plug, "endless anal fun," it says. (Tricky Genie:  You get anal fun. You: Yay! Genie: But it's ENDLESS. You: Aw, man!)
Bondage Tape
Seven Nights of Temptation Gift set (plus sized!), an advent calendar of lingerie and other stuff

Purple Rose (again with florals!) Nubby Glass Dildo (like this but 9 inches)
Balldo, you might not actually want to know
A bunch of condoms
Adam's 3" Extension, goes over a dick or dick substitute for 3 extra inches. I have SO MANY of these! Get one or get many! A new look for spring? Everything Everywhere All At Once cosplay? You decide!
And/or any of these various and sundry lubes, elixirs and random things that haunt my drawer! 

Rules:  Email your address and what items or items you want to jillhamilton001@gmail.com. Shipping alone for a USPS priority medium box is $17.10, large is $22.80. Tip is what the Universe says is right. My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123. First come, first served. I will cross out stuff as it's claimed. And if you want to skip me entirely and just buy something via the links, the blog gets a little cut which I will use to refill the office coffee machine.

P.S. Don't be greedy and grab all the really expensive toys (and leave a crap tip--these traits seem to go together). If you do, in the next life karma will give you no sex toys and you'll have to use your hand like a goddamed monkey.

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