Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Toys, Toys, Toys in the Cabinet

I can show you the world
As the writer of a sex blog that lots of people still read even though I only write a new post every 87 months or so, I have amassed a metric fuckton of sex toys. So many, in fact, that despite my valiant efforts, I've been unable to have sexual relations with all of them.

That's where you come in. Everything is completely insane right now AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED. Perhaps a toy or two would cheer you up? A brief respite of hedonism is a fine way to forget about the everything for a few blessed moments.

Here's a basic idea what I have busting out of my cabinet right now. (If you want more specs--and, oh, you do--I've put together everything I have in this Google Doc. Request to get added and I'll add your ass right away.)

So, without further ado, except this sentence of ado that I just added, I currently have:

--Clit suction vibe
--Rabbit vibe
--Stretchy cock ring with extra loop for balls
--Some hand cuffs/restraints
--Cutesy butt plug, which is not an oxymoron.
--Anal beads, vibrating
--Kegel trainer, also vibrating
--Various and sundry fancy wearable vibes controlled via app for remote torturing
--Very quiet vibe for stealth self-fuckery
--Clip-on nipple hoop rings
--G-spot vibes
--Delightfully wee multipurpose vibe that's been one of my favorites, if you must know. (And not the same one. Only unused sex toys for you, doll. Unless you want my used one and that will cost you, um, $956.43.)
--Remote control anal vibrator
--Massage candles
--Vibrating strap-on dildo
--Lube.  I got it. Water-based, silicone-based, anal, watermelon flavored.  

If you're feeling it, I can send you something specific or you can tell me what you're into and I can put a box together and ship it Priority Mail.  However, you, my friend, are in charge of paying for shipping (medium boxes are $15.05 in postage, large is $21.10) and giving me a wildly generous tip for driving my ass to the post office during The Sickening. Paypal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com. You can email me for more details or if you want personalized suggestions or something.

That's all.  I wrote a post!  Sorta.  But still.

Good talking to you.

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