Wednesday, October 4, 2017

What's Your Favorite Post? A New Contest!

What could it be?
Remember this super non-mysteriously packaged big-ass box that made my long-suffering UPS driver run away?

Well, I finally opened it and--holy fuck!--I am rich in vibrators! They're from the lovely Erica Braverman who, as you may have figured out, works at Doc Johnson--home of my favorite factory tour ever (beating out the Winston-Salem cigarette factory and the Stroh's Brewery tours of my childhood--um, it was a different time, I guess...)

My new vibrator army is from Doc's i-Vibe Select line. They're like five vibrator Superfriends, each with its own superpower like getting warm, rolling around enticingly, or doing some sort of magic "come hither' motion inside.

Erica sent me ten of these (literal) fuckers and I will share some of them with you because I am semi-generous.

I gave first dibs to reader "A," who has faithfully given a small donation every month to the blog for years. She opted for the iBend, explaining "I've been wanting something softer. Because nothing says 'do me' like a touch of flaccidity."

I gave second dibs to me and grabbed an iCome, mostly because it was called iCome. I tried it out, for you/journalism and such, and I will say that once you turn it on, there is no "getting in the mood" part, you are immediately just fucking in it, man, and kind of helplessly impaled on it while it wrecks you via deep throbby bass notes. We will so be having a second date.

The Contest Rules

1. Tell me what your favorite IBWMW post is. You can tell me via Twitter, a comment below, the Facebook page or, like most of you pussies generally opt for, a discreet email. I'm asking for your favorites because I'm compiling some for a book (whee!) and you are the smartest person I know.
2.  Pick one of the vibrators you'd like to put in/on your wherever. If you aren't picky and don't require a semi-flacid lover like A, you can list a few choices. (If you are a Kindle subscriber, lmk and I'll give you two entries.) 
3.  I'll notify the winners October 11 privately so everyone's not knowing your business.

The Prizes! (I sort of just cut and pasted and vaguely edited the product descriptions so be forewarned):

The Vibrator Superfriends confronting their shadow selves
iCome has a clitoral stimulator w/ a special ‘rolling’ mode that "creates a unique undulating movement on the clitoris for incredible pleasure." It has two ultra-powerful independently controlled motors. [Yes. So much so.]

The iWand offers a gentle warming mode that slowly heats the silicone wand head to a pleasurable, body-safe temperature. It can be used with both the warming and vibrating modes active, or either one.

The iRipple has three separate ultra-powerful motors placed along the shaft to create an endless variety of vibration patterns that can span across all three motors, including a rolling effect up and down the shaft.

The iRock features a curved shaft that not only vibrates, but also flexes back and forth in a ‘come hither’ motion for G-spot pleasure.

The iBend is a powerful, seven-function massager you can bend however you damn well please for  both internal and external stimulation.


In other superheroic news: Do you mind heading over and voting for IBWMW in Kinkly's Sex Blogging Superheroes Contest?  Just go to this link and press "click here to vote!" I need at least five votes by October 9 to even be considered. (Last year IBWMW was 8th out of 100 despite not even telling you about it. Thanks mystery voters!)  It literally takes less than 15 seconds and will be the second best thing in my day, the first being, of course, my earlier rendezvous with the swag.



Kari L. said...

I will take any of them!

Mara said...

The one that gets warm sounds delicious. And I voted!

Emma said...

So hard to choose a favourite post because I like them all. The Google searches that lead to you-post is HILARIOUS, and I loved clicking on the links - which does not work so well in a book of course. The dildo factory tour is also really good and full of fun facts!

I have voted for you, just as last year.

I (and hopefully my Darling) would love to have (and to hold) the iBendy because then we can share it in several bendy ways.

Heather said...

One of my favorites is The Blowjob as Path to the Divine!
I would prefer the iBend or iCome but will gladly take what you offer.

Unknown said...

Always of a high quality, as has been said, any and all of the posts are fun, pithy & occasionally educational! Nah, always educational!!
My favourite is the Cosmo post of Sept 21, "5 Sex Positions For Anyone Who Is *Extremely* Good With Their Mouth" laughed out loud and just between us two, I am!

Anonymous said...

The greatest post from this blog, hands down, was the one from 6/15/2010 called "Balloon Sex And Other Excruciatingly Specialized Phone Sex Lines".

It begins with the comic genius of Ms. Hamilton speculating about sex lines specializing in Canadian women before she moves on to the world of balloon fetishists and-from there-to balloon domination.

Now, a fine blogger would have stopped there. Not, Jill, though. We get the all time best line in this blog's renowned annals as she speculates on what balloon domination fetishism would involve and delivers "The balloon doggie wants you to touch yourself. Do! It! Now!"

I have not laughed like that since Monty Python went off the air.

If, by some chance, I am selected as a big winner, I decline my prize and choose to donate it to anybody else Jill may choose.

I just like to enter contests; don't really care about the prize.

Unknown said...

I'd have to say this post was my favorite! I'm a married woman who (For all years of my marriage and span of sexual activity) has been neglected when out comes to my sexual needs. DH has never tried to make sex pleasurable for alone made my orgasm a thought let alone a priority. I'd love to win the iRipple and show my husband just what a sex kitten I am and how powerful my orgasms can be. Or, perhaps I'd keep it my oh so dirty little secret.... either way, I'll be sharing many posts from this page with my husband in the future. Life is too short for bad sex, and he needs to see what it's really like to be in bed with a married woman!!

Jill Hamilton said...

Hey EMMA and HEATHER--you both won!! Msg me your address and an embarrassing package will be on your way.

Emma said...

OH MY GOD! I never win anything! So looking forward to embarrassing package!