Tuesday, December 3, 2013

"For purposes of example, this is the best fuck of my life"--Nicole Daedone in "On Fucking"

"Rule number one. You are not going to enter her until her pussy is dripping, until the walls have caved in because they are so swollen and fat. Until you can no longer hold your body away, where it feels like there is this undertow so strong that you cannot resist."

So advises Nicole Daedone in On Fucking, a piece on how, exactly, to enflame a woman's desire. (Note: "pussy is dripping" = you're probably doin' okay.)

Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, is a proponent, instigator and teacher of OM, or Orgasmic Meditation. Here's the Wikipedia entry, but basically, OM is a practice in which clarity, mindfulness, in-touchness with the universe and all that is reached through extremely focused touch. Specifically, the touch of a partner's hand slowly and rhythmically stroking a woman's clitoris in a particular way. Sessions last 15 minutes and the goal is not orgasm, but rather heightened sexual awareness. And, as it turns out, having someone lavish attention on this particular body part for 15 minutes is extremely effective at heightening sexual awareness.

Daedone seeks to whip up the kind of desire that's not just "Sure, a quickie sounds good," but rather, "I want you so bad I can't see straight and if you don't fuck me this very instant I might possibly die."

OM practitioners can experience intense, deeper, more fuckier fucks, with fat, swollen body parts (see above) coupled with equally fat, swollen desire, a finely tuned awareness of...oh...god...how damn good it all is, plus your general transcendence and whatnot.

"I can fuck and have it feel like not only is his cock moving inside of me, but something deeper, like this magnetic cock is fucking me. Ultimately that is what I am looking for. Anything less is disappointing," writes Daedone.

Magnetic cock, eh? That sounds pretty good....I think. If nothing else, it would certainly come in handy were I to be vacuuming in the nude, trip and accidentally lose something metal up the wang.

But perhaps we should hear some more. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ms. Nicole Daedone and this excerpt from "On Fucking":
I am going to tell you a story about a perfect storm of sex.
Remember I am a crazy immersive kind of person, you do not need to try this at home, but my teachers suggested that I just om. No sucking, fucking or stroking cock.
There grew to be this attraction with this guy that was like iron shards to a magnet. When he entered a room my body just moved to him. It had reached the level where it was chemical. He was actually fairly what at the time I considered cruel. He would do things like sit down to stroke my genitals and then say, nope you aren’t turned on enough. What? Yep. Just not feeling it. First I wanted to kill him. Then I wanted to eat him.
At the same time when I really was turned on he would walk up to me and say now, lie down.  And he would stroke me into the deepest places I had ever been in my life.
He had this kind of attention that was so attuned that – whereas I normally would be yelling at a guy, no a little to the left, to the right! – with him I would think it and he would move there, or exceed my expectations and go to a place I hadn’t even realized existed. And all he did were these little strokes and I was like a ducking, are you my boyfriend.
For two and a half of those three and a half years I was dying for it. I needed to have sex.  He’d say, I am sure we will…but only when you have made it irresistible. Irresistable? Irresistable? So I would beg and plead and demand and cry and every time he would say…almost. I’d threaten to have sex with someone else and he would say I wish you the best.
I hated him. I wanted him.
At the same time, it was funny, there was this background chatter. It’s embarrassing to admit. He was not the right guy. I was totally ambivalent when I would be rational.
And so my mind screamed no, my head screamed yes.
And there was this element of power. I was always accustomed to being in control. I would put out the “sex is in” sign and they would line up. Not him. I felt oddly at his mercy. I would find myself actually begging him.
I would lie in bed and yearn for him.
And then one day, something overtook me. It overthrew my rational mind. I didn’t care how tall he was, I didn’t care that I would be breaking the rules, I didn’t fear that it might not be as good as I dreamed, I didn’t care that I felt like a desperate animal.
This thing inside me was going to fuck him and that was that.
At the moment I realized it he entered the room. I simply said “now” and he took off his pants.
My body was a live wire. His hand brushed my stomach it I felt like 10,000 nerve endings fired. When he kissed me, it felt like the end of two wires came together and sparked. Everything was heightened. I could smell the detergent on the sheets, the Casablanca lilies, his saliva had this sweet salty taste, the sound of his breath sounded like an ocean.
And then he entered me and it was like he was entering every single cell of my body. I could feel him in the tips of my fingers, in my hair follicles there was no part of me that was not being penetrated by him.
Prior to oming, to having all this blood rush down to my pussy, my pussy had been sort of concave. It was like this. But having this much blood pushing down on the walls made it convex. The walls were rubbing up against themselves. Where it had felt quite honestly like a man was kind of batting around in there beating up against this cave it now felt like my pussy had become this velvet glove that wrapped around his cock. My clit had also dropped down from the weight, so that however he stroked, wherever he stroked with his cock, my clit rubbed up against it. It felt like there was no part of me that was not being fucked. And because of this, this feeling of what I can only call orgasm wrapped around both of us like we were in this honey blanket. Like I could lick this feeling off his face like nectar. It was that thick.
That was my first totally surrendered fuck. After that there was a line permanently drawn in the sand between what I had thought fucking was and what I  discovered what sex really is.
Well, gentle reader, have you have lickable honey blanket sex like this? Whole mind/body fuckery, magnetic cocks and so forth? Any other general thoughts? (And for further learnin', you can check out Daedone's TED video, Orgasm, the Cure for Hunger in the Western Woman.)


* p.s. It gives me undue pleasure that my computer has a file labeled "On Fucking."

~~yeah, it's a rerun. just cuz. 


Just Jack said...

Best post ever. And ultimately the most depressing to read and realize... my best years, where only a few precious moments were like Nicole's description (only from a dude's POV) were before age 21. 20+ yrs later, it's galling and terminally depressing to know, I will never again experience such a thing. Rather than wonder WTH I did wrong to marry a woman who has utterly no concept of any of this stuff... I'll just go back to work and be another walking dead 40-something dude. *puts bag on head and shambles off*

Anonymous said...

Geez, I cannot believe how spoiled I am. It is hard to describe it without resorting to the weird imagery, but yes, I get intense entire-body-and-mind sex... and it doesn't take two years to get me ready for it. It doesn't happen every time, but, unlike the author, I'm not disappointed when I just have awesome sex, rather than mind-blowing-body-consuming-soul-shattering sex. But yes, I certainly get that kind of sex, too, and "enjoy" is simply too mild a word for how I feel about it.

Anonymous said...

Although Sweet Babou and I often don't have TIME for anything other than a quiche (that's what we say for 'quickie', we ask if the other would like some quiche after the kids are in bed), I'm always wrapped in a honey-blanket of "I am so glad I am with him". It sounds gag-me-precious and schmaltzy (it is) but it is the truth. I am so in love with my hubby even I think I am a nutjob about it.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...I do that all the time...the honey thing that is...
But I'm a single bloke so ipso facto I suppose I don't do it all the time...I'm just saying...you know...umm....oh yeah...like Napoleon Dynamite...I got skills...and that's all you need to know...
Another scorchingly good piece of work you gone done...

Brent H. said...

This is a great post. I'm really curious now about Daedone's book and blog. I'm not sure if I've ever had sex that had the richness of sensation that Daedone describes, but I quite like what I guess I might describe as her sexual aesthetic: long sessions that involve slowly racheting up one's partner's pleasure and desire. Those are a hell of a lot of fun.

That said, another thing Daedone's description makes me think about is the possible peak sexual experiences of men and women - and men versus women in this regard. Some time ago I came across a book by Sandra Scantling and Sue Browder called Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex: Every Woman's Guide to Pleasure and Beyond. I was envious of the intense sexual experiences described by some of the women quoted in this book, as they sounded at points like mystical, out of body experiences. I've never experienced anything like that, and I wonder if it's a level or kind of pleasure that's only available to women. (Perhaps there are differences between the brains and/or nervous systems of men and women that determine this sort of thing.)

Anonymous said...

I find her story about the "perfect storm of sex" disturbing. Because it is about a quintessential dysfunctional relationship. And believe me, I'm an expert at them. The best sex I've had, like her, has come from men that manipulate me & deny me, until I am begging. And then I have mind blowing sex. Which is why I've long struggled with an addiction to narcissistic, abusive men. I would really love to hear a story about mind blowing sex with a caring, loving man.

Red Shoes said...

What a GREAT post...

I would love to see/read the contents of that 'On Fucking' file... ;o)

Just sayin'...


Can't keep anything to myself said...

Delicious. I'm hoping this long distance thing that I'm doing right now will have the same effect, but at least no one's to blame for the torture. Less than two weeks till we're reunited!

in bed with married women said...

Just Jack--That is so completely tragic but at the same time I am marveling at how well you wrote it (which is not at all the point, but hey, nice job!). I am going to write about this soon. I think your situation is not at all uncommon.
Week Bi Week--well, if things get slow, bring on the weird imagery. love that stuff!
betty--lucky and rare.
Dan--of course you do, dear. of course you do.
Brent H--So interesting to think of these things. This just makes me feel more certain that there should be an International Body Switching Day so that one could slip into the body of the other gender to see what's what.
Anonymous: I'm going to one of her sessions this week. Will report on my findings.
Anonymous 2: I thought of this too and wondered if someone would bring it up. The role of power in passion is fascinating to me.
Red Shoes--Ah, "On Fucking" is but one of my oddly named files.
Can't Keep Anything--Hope your delicious torture pays off.

Deciduous said...

Daedone is selling a product--I've read her book. Believe her account if you will, but I would classify it as excellent erotic fiction. We all, I hope, have some magnificent sexual experiences. They often happen when we don't expect them, and don't happen when we do. I'm not sure OMing has anything to do with it. The problem with Daedone's story is that it projects this as a possible standard that people can reach all the time. That leads to Sad Jacks. Jack's not off, the expectations are.

Anonymous said...

@ Jack, I never had decent sex at all until one very surprising and illuminative afternoon when I was 45.

Since that day more than 10 years ago I've had about 15 lovers and largely fantastic sex, in the male version of what's described here. The key to it all, I found, is the patience, generosity, and touch to bring her to this point; and for her to do the same for you.

It can get better. It can get better.

Dusky said...

I had to come back to this story today... after finding myself 'convex' last night. My heightened, mind-blowing encounters have likewise been with a man who denies me and has power over me. Yesterday he told me how we are going to find our former passion again when next we meet, and I am still reeling from the imagery. These are just from his words, reminding me that when I see him again I will be safely in the hands of an expert, and that I will have no choice but to submit to ultimate pleasure.

Dusky said...

I LOVE this post... some of her imagery is so perfect. I had to return to it today after finding myself in quite a state. Specifically, for the first time in a while, I have found myself to be not only 'dripping', but also 'convex' as she describes. Yesterday my former, and hopefully (oh god please!) future lover wrote the most perfect things to me. He has put into my head the most vivid imagery of exactly how we will rekindle our former passion when we meet again, and I am still reeling from it. He destroyed all my fears and has overwhelmed me with desire. I feel giddy with joy, knowing that I will be in the hands of an expert lover, that I will have no choice but to submit to ultimate pleasure. I haven't even seen him and yet my body is electric with longing. This feeling has reminded me exactly why I MUST have this man again.

And yes, he is a man with power over me who can do this to me. I don't think I'm capable of feeling this way with a kind man who loves me.

Anonymous said...

If I could just find someone to do this with. Until three weeks ago, I had a lover who did this for/to/with me. But it is ended. He is an outlier and I fear I will never again find another incredible, near perfect lover like him. :(

in bed with married women said...

Anonymous, yeah, think I've known that guy, too. Love to you until the next one. xo

Anonymous said...

The thing is
It is not about being manipulated or denied purposely.. It's simply the wait, the desire growing stronger within you..wanting what you might not get..

I had magical sex in my relationship with a very caring, loving guy simply because we worked together for a while
I started developing a crush for him and and sexually i wanted him so bad.. We talked a bit, sometimes were being playful.. And oh god when he would touch me, even innocently, i was going crazy inside.. But i have a habit of playing it cool. While my body was boiling for him
Ended up seeing eachother after flirting through messaging and it was like fireworks
Because i had no clue i he would be interested in me

And the sex never really lost its magic, not even when we were in relationship.. I have wanted it for so long that i could not get enough of him.. And the times after cuming it took a while for him to go again, i was going crazy within that half an hour or so of waiting
Guys dont have to deny you and manipulate you just to be cruel so then you enjoy it. Nice loving guys can make you feel like this too

But its a lot about the situation that you are both placed in
I realised guys that are not so straightforward/ maybe more shy/ they play it cool.. Turn me on
Unfortunately most guys in nowadays society throw themselves at every girl they are attracted to because they are taught by the society that they should go get what they want or theyll miss out

Anonymous said...

Wow! Gulp! Thank you...