Monday, May 30, 2011

Welcome to Our 300th Facebook Fan

After hovering around just below 300 fans for an annoyingly long time--297, 298, 299....back down to 293, and so on--the In Bed With Married Women Facebook page finally hit 300. By the time you read this there may well be a mass exodus, but at this very second, there are 300 fans. So I'll be quick.

Now, as you know from reading the comments on the blog, In Bed readers are funny and smart and cool, but over at Facebook, well, it's a different story. Some of the people, like you, are cool and all, but there's a steady stream of freaky weirdos who stop by thinking it's a hook-up spot for picking up married chicks. They put up a picture of big boobs (or worse, a creepy-ass mug shot-looking picture of themselves they obviously took in their bathrooms) and wait for the offers from hot chicks to start rolling in. After awhile, they get arrested go away when their foolproof pickup plans don't work out. I'm not proud of it, but the Facebook page is kind of like the bad side of town--even I reach for my car door locks when I'm over there.

But upon seeing my 300th fan, I started thinking: Why must I stubbornly cling to the notion that I want fans who "get" my whole sex-is-funny-and-boring-and-fascinating (or whatever the hell it is I do) thing? Clearly there's a sizable contingent of people who want me to shut the hell up and just start hooking them up with sexy married ladies. So fuck it, maybe I just should. I'm an adaptable. I can cope if someone moves my damn cheese. (note: not actually true) Thus, today I say to you:

Sexy married ladies, it's your lucky day because I'm going to introduce you to some passingly literate Internet stranger! Maybe even your dream passingly literate Internet stranger!

Ladies, give a warm welcome to our 300th fan. His name is Maha and he's from Sri Lanka. Let's have a look at his Facebook page to get to know him better.

Let's see, says here Maha's "Activities and Interests" are:
Sexy married women of Nepal, In Bed With Married Women, Lonely married women, Married women personals, sexy women 40&over, Sexy Ladies Over 40,married ladies in one place <3, Married Ladies, Sri Lankan Actress Hot Images, Salon Aunty, SeX, Srilanka sex chat, Sex cartoons, safe sex, Chat sex
Yeah, I know it looks like just liked random pages that sounded sexy, but I am pretty sure he picked In Bed With Married Women for the sociological observations, dry wit and such. (Although, just in case, don't tell him about Charlie Sexton or sextuplets! Those sound hot, too!)

According to Facebook, Maha has 14 friends and filled out his "About Me" statement thusly:

I am to have more sex..... Sexy are welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!! ladies, any takers? Maha can be quite charming. According to today's Facebook stalking research, just the other day, he wrote "what a sexy boobs!" on a lucky young woman's photo. That could be you!

And, like Maha says, "If you are very interesting in sex, you are welcome."

(An aside: Maha's exclusive interest in married women reminds me of a recent misguided Googler to In Bed With Married Women who searched for: "free pictures of married womens vaginas." Why did this person care so much that they were married women's vaginas? Are they notably different? Would he really notice if some single chick's vagina was slipped in the mix? And if he's not fricking paying, what sort of guarantee does he deserve of the marital status of any vagina? And finally, does he really have so little imagination that he can't just look at any old free pictures of women's vaginas--although the word 'women's' seems to be superfluous in this case as, in general, it is women who possess vaginas and not, say, cans of green beans--and just pretend that they are married women's vaginas? But I digress...)

(image source:


Unknown said...

I like-a the sex. Oh yes, I like.

Grats on your 300. Even if 1/3 of them are, well, Mahas...

William Quincy Belle said...

You're a very funny writer, Jill. Always a good read. (So far, though, I haven't been rich or drunk.)

2,046,559 in the world
299,140 in the States

Keep up the good work!

Rose said...

How can you tell if a vagina is married? Does it wear a ring? Or a veil?

Enid Wilson said...

You should charge for the referral! You'll get very rich by providing this service.

Chemical Fusion

Anonymous said...

You can tell that my vagina is married WITH kids because it looks lonely ... kids are masters of the cockblock. Sweet Babou and I tried to get a quickie in last night, but we "wasted time" with foreplay and Stitch knocked on our door telling use she had a bad dream. I've used Blue's Clues to distract the kids while Sweet Babou and I head for the bedroom so often that the sound of Steve's voice turns me on.

Unknown said...

I've had to stop looking at my numbers of Facebook fans and Google followers - it was crushing my heart. And, yes - I would totally hook people up randomly if it bought me a larger fan base. I have no shame.

Unknown said...

That's fantastic. hahaha.