Thursday, January 16, 2014

Need Your Advice: How's Porn Affecting Your Sex Life? Plus, How Do You Take a Decent Cooter Shot?

I was so pleased by how you all came to the aid of a reader whose menopausal wife was no longer interested in sex. Several people wrote long and heartfelt messages to the guy and, well, it was just swell, real swell.

So, like a nonprofit that hounds you for years after you gave $20 that one time outside Trader Joe's, I return seeking even more from you.  In this case, it's not $20 (well, not necessarily) but your wisdom and experience.  Of which you have plenty. Which isn't a sentence.  And neither was that.

Anyway, wisdom.

1.  I am writing a story for DAME on how porn is affecting our sex lives.  And I need to interview some people who are out there dating. I'm looking for youngish people who could speak to what's going on in that demographic and older people dating again who have noticed differences between dating then and now. Anyone who works in sex counseling or research is welcome as well.

Is easy access to porn good for real sex or not? Are people fucking differently? Grooming differently? Expecting different/more things than lovers of yore? Is anyone experiencing trouble and/or disconnection when having sex with a real person there in real time? Are you needing to look at more extreme things to get turned on? Do you flip through a bunch of images or watch an entire scenario?

Let me know what's on your mind and whether you (or someone you know who might be a good candidate) would be willing to be interviewed. You can be anonymous or not.

2.  On the "Critique My Dick Pic" post, Little Queen Fish commented:
  
I would love to read some guidance for the female equivalent of the dick pic. We are at a bit of a disadvantage, with bits that are harder to photograph. Also, we need a catchy name for our pics. It's bad enough that men have a near monopoly on funny euphemisms for masturbation...we need a term for our up close and exceedingly personal shots! 

To appease LQF, I'm pitching a story called "How to Take a Decent Cooter Shot."

The thing is, I told the editor I was asking you all for some tips and I hadn't actually done that yet, so here, maybe you can give me some tips fast and we'll pretend like they were here all along.

I will tell you this:  I nerdishly Googled the topic ("how to take a good pussy pic," if you must know) and was completely horrified by the results. Not due to bad pussy pic overload--although that was true as well--but by the general response given to women asking for some basic How To tips.  It was mostly people shaming anyone considering it ("Don't do it! Show some respect for yourself!"), telling stupid jokes ("Send a picture of a cat."), or tired anti-feminist crap ("All vaginas are ugly!")

So...the Art of the Cooter shot. Have you mastered it? Received any that you deemed good or bad? Have any tips/advice? And don't tell me to take a picture of a cat because I will come up there and punch you.

We good then?

xoxox
jill

(photo)

15 comments:

John Lodgejjohnlodge said...

If your a male watching porn that can be a real problems with wife's. Like you have to watch porn to be satisfied I don't satisfy you. Plus a lot of different problems. Watching together can help in getting you both
Watching to be together can get things going. Personal y I really don't enjoy porn that much. Models unrealistic huge sick fake breasts. All has been rehearsed. I found a site that's absolutely awesome very sensual and sexy absolutely beautiful a lot of class. Not sure if I post name here I'm not advertising would need to ask jill.vagina are very beautiful and very sensual erotic and all are different just like men.I have never found one I never liked. I enjoy oral sex on a woman I get a lot of satisfaction out of that.so there is no bad picture
John

John Lodgejjohnlodge said...

Sick breast just popped up.

Spiffy McBang said...

Re: The Cooter Shot: The best ones run similarly to the best-graded dick pics on that other site. A person is invariably hotter than a smattering of genitalia, so seeing more of the body is an improvement.

I, personally, find that headless shots lose significant allure. I understand people often don't want their faces shown, but women with longer hair can brush it across their faces, perhaps halfway, and then pose so that a hand covers most of the rest. That's considerably better than cropping a picture at the neck.

The best ones I've seen- which is to say the ones that stick more in my memory- involve a woman sitting well-reclined with one leg up, in a very relaxed pose, with the camera directly in front of her. That changes the sense of the subject's attitude from, "Here, take a look," to, "I know you can see it, and that's fine, but really I just like sitting this way." That imbues the subject with a confidence and comfort with herself that is unbelievably hot.

Pragmatically, with that pose, the knee up gives the subject a place to prop her elbow, if she wants to use her hand to mask her face. If she wants to use a tighter focus, she can blur her face rather than cover it, or fuzz any parts of her body she's less comfortable showing and focus on what she likes better. The only downside is that you can't really selfie it- you need something with a timer or remote function, or a friend to take the picture for you. But if you have that...

Little Queen Fish said...

Wow...I've been quoted! And yes, it is appalling that the results of that Google search go to extremes: either shaming, or porn.

I do have some experience with southern selfies (so to speak) and Spiffy hits upon my greatest challenge: photographing my own nether regions. People I would trust to take that kind of picture are few and far between...and if they are present, I have no need to send them a picture. I have been known to resort to blindly snapping a bunch, reviewing and sending whichever one looks best. There have also been experiments with improvised cardboard phone stands and use of timers...but that takes away some of the fun and spontaneity.

Anonymous said...

in my experience porn is not very sexy. it's all mechanical and lacks the asthetic quality i need to properly suspend my disbelief. i often find myself wishing that better directors made porn, like that guy who did the cell, tarseem. my guy friends like pictures of naked girls (and who doesn't?) but they mostly agree with me about porn, it's just not that much fun to watch. but all of these guys are in relationships with real live women who will take off their clothes voluntarily. so perhaps they're not the right demogrpahic for your question. i think porn is a sick, sad thing for young men who aren't getting laid. for men in relationships it's nice sometimes to get a break from all the feels and just fuck. life can be very emotional and that can be a bonerkiller. and that's why god made hentai. if i watch porn i like amatures on crappy sites like redtube or youporn, most of it is shit but sometimes the couples look very inspired. unrehersed, unpolished, authentic sex is nice, with a crappy webcam in the dark it looks a bit like a nature documentary. it makes me feel less lonely than bright lit, squeaky clean, professional pornography. that stuff is made with as much love as a bigmac.

as for vagina pics: i wish there was some word i liked better than "vagina" snatchshots? ask gorgia o'keef? also - guys don't appreciate how difficult they are to take! somewhere there is a portrait artist working on this very problem.

and also: fuck respect! if respect hinges on chastity why is the world swimming in dickpics? it doesn't hurt a guy to photograph his junk. i can take whatever pictures i like thankyouverymuch internet.


also thank you jill for making your blog a forum for very interesting discussions and allowing anonymous comments!!

-blue

ValdVin said...

I don't know about the output's best nickname, but the people practicing it could do much worse than the nickname "cooter shooter".

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Re: southern selfie. As a male with some experience looking at porn, here is my take. Men are visual creatures, and most men I know get really turned on my boobs and butts. There is something soft and round "protruding" there that begs to be grasped and nibbled and sucked and.. oops this is going wrong. Where was I?
OH - Men feel like they will be judged sooner or later by whichever female they allow to see Mr. Happy on the size and shape "he" has, and so they expose themselves to get that over with.
IMHO, no man will judge a female based upon the size of the organ in that area ...perhaps a bit judgemental about details Re; shaving. I am an oldster & do not expect much in the way of, ah topiary, but I guess young men expect a sort of pre- pubescent smoothness in those regions.
Is this helpful?
t

Spiffy McBang said...

I read LQF's comment and thought about it a little more, and maybe the answer (or part of it) is to accept it's harder for a woman to take that type of shot. Ergo, rather than go for an obvious "snatchshot" (that's a great name, by the way), think of it as taking a regular nude angled more towards ye olde nether regions.

Probably the easiest way to do this by oneself is to use an upward angle shot. In any photography or film class, you learn that if the camera shoots up at the subject, it gives the subject a sense of dominance. This would again require some sort of timer, but for a woman who likes that idea, all she'd have to do is set the camera at the desired angle and then stand as she'd like. That would also work for women (of whom I believe there are many) who think they look better standing than splayed out on a couch or a bed.

I'll also say, from my own perspective, if you're going for fun and spontaneous, none of this matters. Take it from any angle and with any pose; with a quick snap-and-send intention, it's the fact you're doing it that's hot. Nailing the angles or whatever just right is simply a bonus. If you take the time to set a camera up and try to find just the right pose, I'm figuring you're aiming for the best picture you can muster, nothing you're going to feel looks half-assed. Whether it seems fun and spontaneous matters much less if the picture is bomb.

3deepbreaths said...

When my girlfriend's 20 year old son asked if he could buy Cialis on her drug plan,she asked me to sit and have a talk with him. He explained that he wasn't able to last as long as he'd like and that he felt like he was lousy in bed without a pill that would keep him hard for hours. He figured his g/f would dump him if he wasn't able to live up to her expectation.
This from a kid who grew up in front of a screen.... internet porn teaching him
-that women are horny and ready anytime a man raises his eyebrows
-that all men have massive cocks that are always ready to satisfy said horny women
- that you must have the ability to bang away endlessly ... and that all women want only that kind of sex
I could go on...
The point is this stuff is dangerous when viewed at a young age , it changes thought processes and creates unrealistic expectations in both men and women.
By the time they get to the point of having partner sex ,the idea of connecting with each other has all but been eliminated in their brains.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Porn has allowed me to explore sexuality outside the norms of what the prevailing culture expected from me.
I realize that porn much like action flicks, romantic comedies, and horror, is not based in reality.

I believe porn gave me license to go outside strict victorian sexual norms. Without porn would we have authors such as Christopher Ryan, Violet Blue and Dan Savage?

Anonymous said...

Its mind-boggling to imagine the access the young have to porn these days, when my childhood was limited to smuggled Playboys and getting hard watching Haley Mills get spanked in the Parent Trap. Much of it now seems mechanical and numbing to me at this point, but perhaps it wouldn't if I were young again.

Carrie said...

I think pornography is like anything else...there is some good, some bad. Personally speaking I like the more natural stuff---generally made by couples who have a connection to each other. That comes across in the video. I'm really getting tired of people going on about how "negative" pornography is. Show me your studies against porn and I'll show you biased, prudish asshats.

I recently got into an online argument with a woman who claimed ALL porn is BAD. ALL--none good. Even the stuff made by women for women. Really? When I challenged her to prove her point, or consider my POV she flamed me. All that from a woman who competes in "Miss Cougar" contests....just how fantastic is her contribution to the betterment of women? The whole argument is just stupid....porn is what it is. As a consumer you are responsible to find good pornography....it exists.

Anonymous said...

Here is some science on the issue of internet porn and sex.
http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/09/19/the-science-of-orgasms-and-your-brain-on-porn/

Anonymous said...

A nice "twat shot" can be made by pulling your panties down to anywhere between mid thigh to ankles and using them to hold your phone for the shot. This can be done while standing or laying down. Adjust the bend in your knees and angle of the panties for better results. You do have to use a timer with this method, but if you use the action sequence setting you can get 10 to 12 shots per try.

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