Thursday, February 28, 2013

Should You Fuck a Robot? On Second Thought, Maybe Not

"Let us do some sex at now."
As you may recall from Should You Fuck A Robot? Well...Maybe,* I was all hepped on banging robots. My main arguments being:
1) An article I read skimmed that predicted that one day doctors would prescribe sex with robots as part of a healthy lifestyle (orgasm=longevity). But mostly:
2) The sudden realization that if sexbots were as good as predicting what I liked, sex-wise, as Pandora internet radio is, music-wise--well, sign me the fuck up.

However, I'm not saying that you should rush to locate the nearest robot and start humping away. No, there are a few very important caveats. To wit:

1. I'm talking about robots in the future. WAY, WAY, WAY in the future. Like in 2050, the year experts predict sexbots will become indistinguishable from humans. (Although, by 2050, the only thing I'll be wanting my sexbot to do is bring me my slippers and juice.) Unfortunately sexbots of 2011 are quite distinguishable from humans.

The happy couple
Consider Roxxxy (above and left) the state-of-art in sexbots from TrueCompanion. She has five programmable personalities, a motor that makes her appear to breathe, and she talks in her sleep. She can hold a "conversation," "look" at you with her dead, soulless eyes and will fuck you senseless for 3 hours (at which time her battery runs out), never once mentioning the wretched fact that you have just spent the last 3 hours having sex with a household appliance. However, I think TrueCompanion could stand to do some re-jiggering on Roxxxy's general demeanor.  I am not a robotologist, but in these pix, Roxxxy appears to be less "in the mood" and more "prepared to acquire human genetic samples to take to hostile home planet."

2. Expense. $7000--a sum of cash that's difficult to hide, even using the kind of highly developed "black budget" I've adopted in my own household finances. And don't be trying to save money on this kind of thing. Reader Belinda brought up the enchantingly disturbing possibility of cheaper knockoffs that would exhibit only a passing knowledge of human sexual desires. "You liiiiike arm," your cheapo doll would squeak in an unpleasant voice, using the twisted syntax of dollar store product instructions, as it poked your arm painfully. "Time to put sex on me!" Then its plastic eye would fall out.

3. Various and sundry concerns brought up by beloved In Bed With Married Women readers (among them dear Ed, Tricia, Annah, Candycan and The Barreness) including lack of relationship drama, loss of human interaction, and fear of becoming so smitten by robot love that you'd give up on flawed humans entirely. Not to mention embarrassing tech support calls. ("Well, the problems started when Roxxxy and I decided to get a can of peas involved...")

I will leave you today with a link to this wonderfully cheeky Cracked.com article, The First Talking Robot: A (Terrified) User's Review, in which Daniel O'Brien spends an evening with Roxxy. Is it a date? Household appliance review? You decide...

xoxox
jill

*Yes, this a rerun, okay?  I would offer you an excuse but I can't really think of one.

4 comments:

Vanessa D said...

I get the reason behind the open looking mouth on these sexbots. Really I do. But it makes them look like they're getting ready to do a full on Jerry Springer style rant. What man wants to pay thousands of dollars for that?

in bed with married women said...

Vanessa, I know! I was going to write that she looked bitchy but that seemed anti-woman or at anti-robot-woman or something. I do not think Roxxxy is at all happy at her particular robot destiny.

jill hamilton said...

via email:

DW: "Given that some studies suggest sperm provides the anti-depressant oxytocin to women, robots need to have sperm to eject at the appropriate moment. Better yet just fuck a man."

i am thinking new and "improved" sperm with oxytocin, plus anti oxidants or acai berry or Slim Fast or something. maybe not fiber.

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

I'll overlook the horrifying facial features, but I'm afraid I can't forgive the 80's hair on those robots. There's just no excuse for it.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...