Saturday, June 16, 2012

Charles Marshall and his Impossibly Sexy Teddy Bear--New Twist in Their Epic Love Story

Um, can you just put down that I killed someone?
Here's late breaking news from my dear friend Tricia who--if she isn't careful--is venturing dangerously close to being named the IBWMW Minister of Phushophilia*: Charles Marshall Accussed of Having Sex With Teddy Bear For the Fourth Time.

Marshall, as shown in possibly the most embarrassing mug shot ever--was first arrested in 2010 for getting down with the bear in the men's restroom in a public library in Ohio. The judge in the case cruelly banned him from all Hamilton Country libraries.

After giving the matter much thought, Marshall apparently figured out the loophole in this punishment, choosing a teddy bear love nest that was....somewhere other than a Hamilton County library. His genius plan of wanking it in an alley was foiled when workers at a health clinic interrupted the hot bear sex spotted the offense.

So now poor Charles Marshall's mug shot is plastered all about, but I am wondering if the poor dude's getting a bad rap. After all, maybe the sex was consensual. Shouldn't a certain someone else be taking some of the blame?


I mean, Charles might not have been the only one who wanted this--and wanted it bad. Maybe, just maybe, little innocent dear Teddy is actually one hell of a fucking tease.




xoxox,
jill

*Love of stuffed animals. See also: I am going to fuck you so hard, Snuggle.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Indifferent Cats in Amateur Porn

A reader from Long Beach who (whom?*) I will refer to henceforth as the IBWMW West Coast Minister of Porn sent along this missive. "For your files," it read intriguingly, and included a link to...and this is the best part:

Indifferent Cats in Amateur Porn

It's a brand new Tumblr blog which is, as the name strongly implies, dedicated to screen shots and/or clips from amateur porn featuring household cats pointedly disregarding the "action" with maddeningly catish indifference. To wit:


Behold my indifference.
 Or don't.
I'm a cat. I don't give a fuck.

But my favorite part of the whole thing was this astute observation from one commenter:

This website is absolutely awesome, especially since cats+porn = 99% of reasons why people go on the internet. I predict a huge success.

Word.

xoxox
jill


*IBWMW Minister of Grammar--please look into this matter.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Reader Question Day: Proper Boner Presentation

One wooing technique.
C'mon gang, a reader needs our help! Everyone hop into the IBWMW Rescue Van!

Today's problem: Getting in the mood, with a emphasis on proper boner presentation. 

Here, let's let this improperly-wooed reader explain her predicament.

Dear Jill,

I need some advice from you and the thoughtful IBWMW readers if you would be so kind.

My husband is terrible at proposing that we have sex. The sex itself is good but I usually need a little time to warm up to the idea-- a little convincing-- and he can bring it up in a way that is a total turn-off (seriously, he recently walked up to me while I was doing the taxes and tapped me on the shoulder with his boner with a defeated expression before wandering off to the kitchen to consume a can of beans).

But here's the important part: he's a good listener, a sweet guy, and perfectly willing to try to change his approach. It's just that I can't come up with any really specific requests for him. We must be the two most unimaginative people around (before we jump in bed together, anyway). So I was hoping for some help from the IBWMW community: what is the sexiest thing someone has done to get you into bed? How do you get in the mood and initiate sex? I'm all ears for ladies initiating sex, too.


-Anonymous lady whose husband would be super embarrassed if he figured out this was about him.


Ok, I'm gonna be no help here because I actually like the whole primal Presentation of Arousal thing, though maybe without the can of beans aspect.

So my smart and lovely friends, you're in charge. Can you help this wordily-monikered Gentle Reader?


(photo source) 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Reader Book Recommendations (Day 2, for Advanced Students)

Damn, I love smart people.

Not only did you not find it odd that I got so brain-sparked by Sex at Dawn you came right back with, "Yeah, you liked that? Then read this." I love it when you're all bossy like that.

On the off-chance there are others out there who think reading a book about human mating habits is a fine way to pass an afternoon, I offer a list of book recommendations from readers, most of them inspired by the Sex at Dawn post. Happy reading! (Helpful hint: tuck book behind regular book like The Help to give appearance of being less pervy and/or nerdy).

[note: if you buy a book or two through the links here, Amazon will toss me a couple of pennies. But I'm not gonna tell you what to do.]

--mjs writes: I love Sex at Dawn and wish that it was required reading for teenagers along with Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies by Michael Bader, Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, and Sex, Time, and Power: How Women's Sexuality Shaped Human Evolution and The Alphabet Versus the Goddess: The Conflict Between Word and Image by Leonard Shlain.

-- Anonymous: I really liked Sex at Dawn. It changed the way I view the world, and turned me into a skeptic overnight. The book is jam-packed with great stuff, and along with The Ethical Slut (Dossie Easton and Janet W. Harding) has really changed how I look at women's sexuality, from a male's perspective.

--Agrees Sarah:  Check out Robin Baker's Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict, and Other Bedroom Battles We want the security, therefore monogamy, but our bodies can override the tightly held ideal. Sometimes even thinking about "temptation" can scare the monogamous.

--Agrees afungi:  Sperm Wars is a better book imho, as it looks at modern human physiology to draw conclusions about human sexual programming. For instance, most sperm can't fertilize an egg, and in fact is there only to kill the sperm of other men.

--rederekp:  The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton).

--Ninja Mike and someone called weeeeeeearggggh both recommend the work of Geoffrey Miller, specifically The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature

--JLW:  The Evolution Of Desire  by David Buss is another good read on this topic.

Plus 2 others in a similar vein:

--Jerry T: My wife and I found a book that talked about the uniqueness of each female and male genital anatomy and how the appearance described the personality of the man or woman, The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka: Teachings from the Nagual Tradition by Amara Charles. 

--IBWMW Minister of Science: I'm a big fan of Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation: The Definitive Guide to the Evolutionary Biology of Sexby Olivia Judson and Why We Do It: Rethinking Sex and the Selfish Gene by Niles Eldredge. Both are a tad more science-y (OK, a lot more - anything authored by someone named Niles just screams nerdy) than the ones you have, but what do you expect from the IBWMW Minister of Science?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go find some books.

xoxo
jill

Coming next:  Insistent throbbing arousal pressing against our sweet swollen wetness, aka Reader Recommended Smut! There's still time to suggest your favorite.*

*Unless it's one of those Harlequin Romances about having a secret baby with a billionaire. Because I read one, okay two, of those the other week and they were--as pretty much anyone with a testable level of intelligence could have told me beforehand--really really bad. If I hadn't been so busy furtively hiding them under The Vagina Monologues (which was actually my least embarrassing library selection that day), I would have seen that they had "Billionaire and Babies" scrolled across their covers in telltale pukey Kotex box-style font. So it was my old damn fault. Also my fault that I had to read both of them to definitively--like 100%--determine their badness.

(photo source)
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