Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Very Quickest of Contests. Bare Your Soul! Win a Prize!

The prize:
Blossom Organics Warm Sensation Moisturizing Lubricant from girl power/sex healthy sex toy purveyors, Good Vibrations. It's from their popular environmentally-friendly Ecorotic line.

Here's the description:
Heat up your days and nights with this delicious warming lubricant! Formulated by an organics visionary with a special mission to make the best intimate products for mindful women (and pH-balanced to mimic a woman’s natural chemistry), this Blossom Organics product contains no harsh parabens, petrochemicals, silicones, glycerin, alcohol, hormones, pesticides, artificial dyes, flavorings or fragrances. Certified USDA approved organic botanical ingredients create the warmth -- enjoy the extra sensation along with this superior lubricant's long-lasting moisture. Water-based, latex-friendly, and perfect for those with chemical sensitivities who can't use other brands of lube.
And it's a $15 value, my friend. Because nothing's too good for you and your tender naughty bits, gentle reader. That's right, no Polysorbate 80 on your wiener.

To win, you need merely, uh, wait.... let me think of some task for you. Okay, to enter, describe a sex move someone else performed on/to/with you which they thought was super-hot, but was in actually not hot--possibly even repellent. (Bonus points for understanding the previous sentence!)

Contest closes by noon tomorrow, so start dredging up those unpleasant memories. Winner will be chosen by secret voodoo ceremony, or hormonal rage, or perhaps a random drawing. We'll have to see how I'm feeling (see also: "hormonal rage.") Okay, then. Go on, now.

(P.S. Alternately, you can 'win' the contest, in a sense, by pulling out your credit card and just buying the damn thing. Hooray for you! You 'win'!)

8 comments:

Tricia said...

Well, first of all, let me start by saying that I want to win because my vagina cares a lot about Mother Earth, and eco-lube is super important.

Now, the good stuff.

Unsexiest sex move? This award goes to my ex, who went 10,000 leagues of overkill on the romance bullshit...all the time.

We lived in this shitty ass townhouse with a tiny ass bathroom with a grubby ass bathtub and moldy ass tile.

He pulled some American Beauty move and drew me a bath with a tub full of flower petals. Because you know what? Flower petals TOTALLY make a moldy bathtub seductive.

Actually, that's a lie. They just make a big old fucking mess and stain the tub red.

FAIL!

Enid Wilson said...

I'm half way around the world from you so I probably can't win this prize. Someone has offered to use this kind of liquid on me. I laughed and ran away...

Fire and Cross

Harleyq said...

I had an agent I found attractive ask me out to dinner. When he picked me up and kissed me hello, I swear his face smelled like he had been indulging in oral sex all afternoon. I had no idea how to extricate myself so feigned sudden illness and didn't accept any calls in the future.

I know this is kind of lame for what you are looking for but yuck! How to turn a woman off 101.

I know I have had some un-sexy sex..... but I'll be damned if I can think of any besides that?

I love your contests by the way Jill,-keep up the good work.

Leila said...

My ex wanted to do me in the ass. Well... shortly thereafter, you can say the passion and emotion I once felt quickly evanesced. 'Nuff said (I don't care what you say Jill. I will never try that)

Now can I win? :)

jill hamilton said...

It is all yours, Leila, for taking (or not) in the ass. Send your mailing address me at jillhamilton001@gmail.com and I will get your embarrassing prize in the mail at once.
Tricia, you make me want to have contests like this every day just so I can force you to dredge up some entertaining memories.
Harleyq, ack! Oh god, ack!

The Barreness said...

Damn. Always late to the party.

As for rear entry...

I've been there once or twice (one has to give these things a fair chance, hasn't one?) and I have to say, the overwhelming sensation?

Having to poo.

And anything shit-related is simply NOT sexy.

- B x

bettyfokker said...

I had an ex do a really strange thing he thought was awesome but in reality was very lame. He (how to describe it?) thwacked me on my ass with his dick. (No, we were not doing buttsecs.) It was like he was trying to spank me with his Mighty Wang. He was clearly thinking he a total stud, but in my heart I was thinking, "Seriously?".

Rebecccccca said...

I know Im late but Im going to share anyway. An ex and I were going at it all missionary and I started to slide off the bed, so stretched my hand back not realizing I stabled myself of the bureau instead of the wall. The..umm... thrusting..caused the mirror to snap off and slide down, catching poor ex in the face. Blood everywhere from the broken nose it caused, along with the 2 black eyes that go with it. Needless to say neither one of us finished that time. =(

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...