Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Very Quickest of Contests. Bare Your Soul! Win a Prize!

The prize:
Blossom Organics Warm Sensation Moisturizing Lubricant from girl power/sex healthy sex toy purveyors, Good Vibrations. It's from their popular environmentally-friendly Ecorotic line.

Here's the description:
Heat up your days and nights with this delicious warming lubricant! Formulated by an organics visionary with a special mission to make the best intimate products for mindful women (and pH-balanced to mimic a woman’s natural chemistry), this Blossom Organics product contains no harsh parabens, petrochemicals, silicones, glycerin, alcohol, hormones, pesticides, artificial dyes, flavorings or fragrances. Certified USDA approved organic botanical ingredients create the warmth -- enjoy the extra sensation along with this superior lubricant's long-lasting moisture. Water-based, latex-friendly, and perfect for those with chemical sensitivities who can't use other brands of lube.
And it's a $15 value, my friend. Because nothing's too good for you and your tender naughty bits, gentle reader. That's right, no Polysorbate 80 on your wiener.

To win, you need merely, uh, wait.... let me think of some task for you. Okay, to enter, describe a sex move someone else performed on/to/with you which they thought was super-hot, but was in actually not hot--possibly even repellent. (Bonus points for understanding the previous sentence!)

Contest closes by noon tomorrow, so start dredging up those unpleasant memories. Winner will be chosen by secret voodoo ceremony, or hormonal rage, or perhaps a random drawing. We'll have to see how I'm feeling (see also: "hormonal rage.") Okay, then. Go on, now.

(P.S. Alternately, you can 'win' the contest, in a sense, by pulling out your credit card and just buying the damn thing. Hooray for you! You 'win'!)


Enid Wilson said...

I'm half way around the world from you so I probably can't win this prize. Someone has offered to use this kind of liquid on me. I laughed and ran away...

Fire and Cross

Harleyq said...

I had an agent I found attractive ask me out to dinner. When he picked me up and kissed me hello, I swear his face smelled like he had been indulging in oral sex all afternoon. I had no idea how to extricate myself so feigned sudden illness and didn't accept any calls in the future.

I know this is kind of lame for what you are looking for but yuck! How to turn a woman off 101.

I know I have had some un-sexy sex..... but I'll be damned if I can think of any besides that?

I love your contests by the way Jill,-keep up the good work.

Unknown said...

My ex wanted to do me in the ass. Well... shortly thereafter, you can say the passion and emotion I once felt quickly evanesced. 'Nuff said (I don't care what you say Jill. I will never try that)

Now can I win? :)

Jill Hamilton said...

It is all yours, Leila, for taking (or not) in the ass. Send your mailing address me at jillhamilton001@gmail.com and I will get your embarrassing prize in the mail at once.
Tricia, you make me want to have contests like this every day just so I can force you to dredge up some entertaining memories.
Harleyq, ack! Oh god, ack!

The Barreness said...

Damn. Always late to the party.

As for rear entry...

I've been there once or twice (one has to give these things a fair chance, hasn't one?) and I have to say, the overwhelming sensation?

Having to poo.

And anything shit-related is simply NOT sexy.

- B x

Rebecccccca said...

I know Im late but Im going to share anyway. An ex and I were going at it all missionary and I started to slide off the bed, so stretched my hand back not realizing I stabled myself of the bureau instead of the wall. The..umm... thrusting..caused the mirror to snap off and slide down, catching poor ex in the face. Blood everywhere from the broken nose it caused, along with the 2 black eyes that go with it. Needless to say neither one of us finished that time. =(