Monday, December 27, 2010

Guest Post: On Being Chosen For A Threesome

Today's guest post is from Confessions of a Recovering Cynic, a ballsy, hilarious blog in which heroine, self-described "train wreck," Tricia* writes about hideous dates, having to move back in with her parents and sending her brother to the post office to mail a butt plug to a reader/contest winner.

In the following post, Guest Star, Tricia--who clearly has an especially alluring Blogger profile--has been propositioned by a married couple for a threesome. Instead of just writing about that, which would certainly be fine enough, Tricia takes it a step further and imagines the couple's conversation as they look at her profile, deciding if she is the one to share their marital bed. Note the subtle manuevering between the husband and wife as they try to work the situation to their own advantage.

So behold, Guest Star (text and artwork courtesy of Confessions of a Recovering Cynic):


Guest Star

So, I've already told you that my online profile is quite titillating to the geriatric set. I get swamped with emails from silver not-so-foxys suggesting that I look like I'd be a hoot.

Cuz mama taught you to share...
Today I was surprised to find out that apparently I am attractive to someone who doesn't bear an AARP card.

More specifically, two people who don't bear AARP cards.

That's right...I'm being propositioned as a guest star.

Now, I'm no fool.

I know how this conversation went down as they perused the profiles.


Hubs (clicking on picture of blonde could-be Playmate):
     She looks pretty good, honey.

Wife (thinking over my dead body):
     Um, I prefer brunettes...

Hubs (clicking on Megan Fox look-alike):
     Here's a brunette!

Wife (still thinking over my dead body):
     Hmm...she looks like she might have herpes.
(Shuffles profiles, lands on mine. EUREKA!)  
     How about her? She looks...nice.
(Nice = not so ugly that hubs will heave his lunch, but not as pretty as wife, naturally.)

Hubs (considering):
     She's a little...chubby - don't you think?

Wife (speaking soothingly):
     Nah, I think she's...sensual looking. Just think, hon - big tits!

Hubs (realizing with alarm this might be his only shot, and that a mediocre threesome is still better than no threesome):
     You're right, babe! Let's email her.


*And yes, overly attentive stalker  astute reader, this is indeed the same Tricia who "won" last week's contest on Most Stupid-Ass Thing Done for Love. She was the one who, among other things, paid for her own engagement ring.

6 comments:

CkretsGalore said...

We have a membership to an adult swinger site. It's always an interesting experience. Some are super fit .....athletic and are all about getting down to bizzznezz. I respond (I'm usually the one who responds because a bigger perve ..er ..more social than he is) ..."I don't think we are what you're looking for."
Some are way old as well and I'm just not cozy going down on a silver forest.
There was one single female that msg'd us and oh wowza. Couldn't tell where her eyebrow began and stopped.
I also think she is mentally handicapped. Seriously.
Have to admit I get pretty intimidated if the chick is super hot but it isn't in the jealous sort of way. It's more than I feel that I'm not good enough.

Spike said...

The same thing has happened to me. I was propositioned by this scorching hot couple, and all I could think of was that I was not pretty enough. Go figure.

jill hamilton said...

What?? I have never been propositioned by a scorching hot couple, or even an ugly, nerdy couple going for the low-hanging fruit. Is it that my profile says I like Elliot Smith, which is probably swingers' code (and correctly so) for "excessively melancholy chick"? Am I oddly jealous now? Maybe.

Enid Wilson said...

LOL, good material for my sexy novels, since I don't do threesome or swinging myself.

Fire and Cross

SiNSaNiTy said...

Hello there, I'm one of your newest followers.

Your blog looks great so far, I'll be back for sure ;)

I hope that when you get a chance, you will stop by and follow me back.

The top blog (adult blog..18+ only) is just getting started and I REALLY NEED followers :)
If easily offended, please don't click, lol.

The second one is my main blog where I host many giveaways if you are interested in that type of thing.

Third, is on chronic pain.

~Steph
http://sinsanity1.blogspot.com
http://fortheluvofsanity.blogspot.com
http://thispainsux.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Oh. Crap. I bought my first engagement ring. Guess I could be a "winner."

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