Thursday, August 24, 2017

Pick Your Prize--New Contest!

I was dog sitting at a friend's house recently and--to make a short story shorter--I found their dog chewing up my favorite vibrator.

Don't worry. The dog is fine, the arousing effects apparently greatly lessened when you eat the vibrator instead of using as directed. And all is well with the owners too, mostly because I didn't actually tell them what had gone down on my watch. I figured my post about a dog performing surprise fellatio on my big ol' fake dick had served as a blanket warning to anyone who might desire my dog sitting services.

So all that's good. I mean, as these things go.

But the vibrator--my very very favorite, the Ohmibod Cuddle Minij--was done. A mangled reminder of its former sexy self, like Mickey Rourke, but smaller and more vibrator-shaped.

Suki, who works at Ohmibod, kindly sent me a new Mini, along with a lovely handwritten note that said,  "Keep this one away from the dog." Which is good advice for anyone. And guess what? I GOT ONE FOR YOU TOO! One of you, at least. long as I'm giving that away, I'm throwing in a few more prizes because I'm a socialist. Some of 'em are good, some kinda meh. All are unused--only the very finest for you, gentle reader!

So--ta-da!--here are the prizes, one of which may or may not be coming your way. (And yes, some are more like "prizes," but piss off, they're free.)

1. The Ohmibod Cuddle Mini, a strong-ass G-spot vibe with deep, throbby vibrations. Completely delicious--in the sexual sense, but also quite literally delicious to certain pervy dogs who could have had a perfectly normal non-G-spot-flavored dog treat had they just waited a minute.

2. Thai Jelly Anal Beads. Kinda sketchy, probably not remotely Thai, but "Jumbo!"

3.  A pair of Lolos pasties from Germany. Black with a pierced nipple area that you're supposed to wear in place of a proper shirt. Box suggests "casual for the day, sporty for the beach..." but I'm a hard no on both scenarios.

4. Fin (vibrator for fingers). A high-end vibe that makes your fingers magical on yourself or others.

Fin again

5. A deck of Talk to Me cards, "52 intimate questions to spark your relationship" which, near as I can tell, are ideal for alerting your significant other that they need to break up with you at once.

The Rules
--Tell me which prize (or "prize") you want in a comment below, on the IBWMW Facebook page, or on my Twitter if you can wade through the months of tweets where I'm freaking the fuck out about politics. (If you don't want anyone to know that you've even entered such a filthy filthy contest, send your entry from your undisclosed location to
--Tell me what your favorite sex toy ever is/was. This is unrelated to the contest--I'm just super nosy.
--Results Wednesday, September 6. (Fear not, I won't reveal your name.)
--I'll pay to mail it to you, but if you live in another country or are just an appreciative reader who is rich and foolish with your money, feel free to make a donation via that big DONATE button in the right margin.


PS Thanks for all the delightful mail you've been sending! I will tend to you. Please take a number and sit down.

(If you order something through one of the links, the blog gets a kickback, but no one's paying me to show their stuff, particularly not the jumbo anal bead factory because they would so not be getting their money's worth)


Kate L. said...

Welcome back Jill! I would like to win the Fin. And my favorite sex toy was a rabbit knock-off that was so good I actually had to throw it away.--K

Julie James said...

Yay! A new article AND fun and prizes!! You Giver.
Let's see, I'd want the Mini, I think. And my favorite was a tiny but awesomely strong vibrator that was delightfully multiuse. it finally died, but it had a long and noble life.
You know, if I win, you wouldn't have to pay for shipping!

Unknown said...

This is my first time reading a post on your blog, and I must say you really show a lot of personality and it's great!

For picking the prize I'd love to receive I'd have to go with The Ohmibod Cuddle Mini. And don't worry, there are no dogs in this house to give it an uncomfortably toothy oral session.

My current favorite toy is my Wave Glass Wand (from Edenfantasys). I seriously need to throw this link out here, either for you or your readers, because DANG ( Subscribe for their emails and whammo, you get to pick one of four free toys - although you are responsible for paying shipping which for me was something like $6. I'd happily take a prize or "prize" from your giveaway here where I won't have to cover the shipping charges :P

in bed with married women said...

Hey there, a lot of people are total pussies and/or super wise and are entering via the secret email way but i wanted to let you see some of the other entries if only so you won't feel like the only perv out there. here they are, minus their big ol' name:

--Hello Jill! Here is my entry to your contest:
I'd love those Talk to Me cards. I want all intimate conversations all the time!
My favorite sex toy is the Iroha Tori! I'm a sucker for squishy silicone.
Thank you for this lovely giveaway!

--I've only ever owned one sex toy, and that was some cheap knockoff that died after 3 months, which is why I'm entering this giveaway. The one I want is the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini.

--I love your blog posts and your curation of Lady Cheeky! I can't really believe I lived without it for most of my life.
Anyway, I'd love to try the Ohmibod, because I've neither heard of it nor tried it. Favorite sex toy? I'd probably say the simple dildo we have with a suction cup. It's more of my preference to have toys used on me, and this is a good one with a partner!
Thanks for all you do!

in bed with married women said...

More entries

--Please enter me in your latest contest. I'd love to win the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini! You say it's your very very favorite, which seems a damn fine endorsement, and has me intrigued, especially since I've never tried a G-spot vibe before. My favorite sex toy ever is definitely my Hitachi Magic Wand (it's an old one, so still branded Hitachi) with the (awfully named) Womanizer a close second.

--as a [redacted], I certainly do not want anyone to know I am entering this filthy, filthy contest! My favorite sex toy is the Womanizer, which I tried after reading your review about it. Love that clitoral stimulation it provides, though a real cock is always welcomed.
As a side note, I was stopped at the airport in Amman, Jordan, and the agent pulled the Lelo Noa out of my carry-on and asked me what it was. I took it and snapped it around my wrist and said, "It's worn to combat travel sickness." He nodded and let me and my little happy pleasure toy on through. (yay!)
So I'd love to win the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini and try it to see how it compares the others! But then, I'd accept anything as winning is plain ole' fun.

--I would love to win a new puppy toy...I mean, an Ohmibod Cuddle Mini lol
My current favorite toy is a Wanachi Mega Massager because power and variety!

in bed with married women said...

and some more:

--I'd like the mini! I've been looking at it online for a while, but haven't purchased it yet. I've tried many, and don't like most of them. I have the hitachi, which is good in certain situations, but is a bit overkill. I had a small, waterproof vibrator that I really loved for years, but it died, and I guess they quit making it. I still need a new vibrator, but they're far too expensive to keep buying and not enjoying.
PS, I love your blog!

--Hey there Jill! Contest entry here but I'm shy so I didn't want to comment on the site :-) My favorite vibrator is the Hitachi Magic Wand. Powerful wand right there! If I win, I'd really like that Ohmibod Mini. It looks yummy!

--Hi, thanks for your awesome blog :)
I'd like to enter the contest. I'm interested in 1 and 2, the vibe and the beads. My favourite sex toy is actually one I haven't used yet, so maybe I'm wrong and it's not my favourite toy, we'll see...I got a rather extravagant anniversary present for me and my girlfriend: the Liberator Ramp and Wedge.
She and I have a lot of sex, several times a week, for as long as we've been dating, which is coming up on two years now. But we're undeniably middle aged, and certain joints aren't always agreeable to all the action. She had mentioned a while back that we might need something more solid than pillows (which end up all over the place these days).
I was very impressed with the quality when the Ramp and Wedge arrived, and I'm super excited to try them out. I'm sure we will find many wonderful ways to put them to use, so it's my favourite toy at the moment. Nothing beats anticipation! ;)
P.S. since it's a surprise, if you publish any of this, please leave out my name, thanks!

Jill Hamilton said...

more notable entries from the shy among you:

--Hi! And thank you for a fantastic giveaway.
I'm definitely in it for the OhMiBod Cuddle Mini :) And my favorite toy of all time is my Magic Wand Rechargeable- it's charging cable broke recently, making me very sad, but alas. Better than becoming a dog treat, I guess!

--Entering one of your contests for the first time. About to go through a divorce, so would enjoy the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini if it's in the stars for me to win. No worries if not!

--My favorite sex toy ever.... a soft (nylon?) bondage rope. I've bought a few over the years, one for each new relationship. Not that I could ever get a man to use it properly. Still awaiting a man to tie me up, lick me till I can't stop begging to be fucked, and then, slowly, have his way with me. Funny how bondage seems so man-centered on the surface, but, if done well, becomes more about servicing the woman.

Jill Hamilton said...

another interesting one:

--Great to see a new post.
I would like to win the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini, since I've been divorced for 10 years, and haven't and much luck with dating. [But I've only been trying that for about 1 year, so I hope I'll find someone I click with on every level.]
My favorite sex toy wasn't purchased for that purpose, but it had that side benefit. When I was married in my 20s, I purchased a hammock chair, and the only place we could put it was above our bed (it was a small house). We had some fun, interesting nights with it.

Binki said...

I would love to have the anal beads, and I do not mind their unspecific nationality. My favourite sex toy is a lovely black silicone buttplug with a suction cup. Very lovely to stick it to the bottom of my bathtub and leisurely rock back and forth in a warm bubbly bath.

Jill Hamilton said...

I liked this one too:

Jill idk if you believe in signs but I do. I came across an article you wrote on Cosmopolitan, 6 Steamy Shower Positions. I loved the article and it lead me to your blog. I was intrigued because I am a married woman but the only thing that seems to be happening in my bed these days is sleeping... and breastfeeding our one year old baby. Our sex life is non existent right now and I need to spice things up. That being said the Cuddle Mini or Fin would definitely do that.

As for my favorite toy I had a rabbit that was great and my husband loved to use it on me too :) The good ole days...

Thank you for this contest and your amazing blog!

Unknown said...

Just found your blog love it! I would love the fin! Love mutual masterbation and would be a nice way to spice it up. My favorite is my go to glass dildo. It's the perfect shape and size with just the right amount of lumps in all the right places!

dv8 said...

I'm interested in the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini. My favorite toy is the Vixen Outlaw. It's my most often used warm-up toy for foreplay.

in bed with married women said...

This was my favorite entry day, because pluckiness and can do attitude.

I'm entering to win the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini. Here's why: earlier this week I posted an ad on Kijiji (similar to Craigslist but for reasons that are unclear to me, more popular in most Canadian cities than the latter) to sell several brand new bras that don't fit because I gained weight and they got too small before I ever took the tags off. Got a couple of hits, a few flaky people that never panned out. Then this morning, two responses. Joy! Except: they were solicitations from a dude who wants to know if I'm interested in selling him my unwashed underwear. I told him I'd think about it over the long weekend.

I figure I should go through with it, and that for my inaugural venture into dealing in dirty undergarments, I might as well try to sell him two pair:a daily wear pair, and a special-occasion pair. I think the Ohmibod Cuddle Mini could make the occasion rather special for that second pair.

I'm located in Ottawa, Canada. If selected, I'll donate the amount Dirty Underwear Buddy pays me for to the blog. I expect that this will more than cover shipping (though note that the exchange rate isn't phenomenal for those on my side of the border...)

I have limited experience with sex toys so I'm somewhat unhelpful for your research/curiosity, but I have had about a half-dozen iterations of bullet vibes and I just can't give them up. I also once had a great pair of adjustable nipple cuffs that that were just so sexy I wore them every day for more than a month even though not a single other human saw them.

Anonymous said...

The ohmibod cuddle mini would make my entire life so much happier!! I'm recently widowed, and I definitely am missing something in my life...

BlackAsphodel said...

I want the Fin. My fave sex toy so far has been the We-Vibe 3 - perfect for handsfree orgasms.

Liliths Room said...

I would like to win the Lovelife Cuddle Mini since I have always wanted to try an ohmibod toy!!! (also i already own a fin)
My favorite sex toy currently is my vikskin mustang dildo or my satasfier pro 2! My fave when i was a kid was some green penis shaped vibrator that was veiny and glowed in the dark!

Starry said...

The Cuddle Mini would be awesome! I don't have a favorite yet.

C.G. said...

The Cuddle Mini! Anything with a recommendation is a major plus (also, cute)

I'm desperately trying to have a favorite sex toy! I ordered a new vibrator, so maybe that'll be the one (cross your fingers!). I started off with a Wahl, had it's good points, but was never my best-thing-ever, and am less and less excited by it (literally) lately. Then I decided to upgrade, and ended up buying a (fake) We-Vibe Touch on Amazon (I now know to avoid)--two died on me in quick succession, I realized the "silicone" made me itchy, the supposedly strong vibrations were so weak...

My clit is sad. On the positive side, I have the Vixskin Buck, and while I feel like Vixskin is sort of a Goldilocks thing and I slightly missed my mark on size, it really is quite awesome. Yay!