Thursday, August 25, 2011

Tag, You're It

I love Dan Savage. He is funny and no matter what kind of fucked up question someone has about their sex life, he answers it calmly and non-judgementally. Everyone needs a niche and Savage's is, as one reader put it, "proper dildo protocol, indulging odd fetishes, and coaching readers on how to put large things inside themselves."

However, a few weeks ago someone wrote Savage with a problem so--okay, I'll just say it flat out...icky--that I am going to share it with you, making use of the same magic brain wave mechanism that happens when a song is stuck in your head and you tell someone else so that you may transfer the curse to them, thus purging it from your own psyche. So I submit to you, this problem from one Confused and Scared. I apologize in advance.

I'm a 20-year-old straight male, but this isn't really about me. I was recently back home for a family event while my younger brother, age 14, was away on a mission trip with his church. My iPad died while I was home and my mother told me to look in the kitchen drawers for a charger. I couldn't find one there, so she told me to check my brother's bedside table. I opened the drawer and, with a little digging, found a charger.

I also found a few pictures of gay porn and a couple of pictures of male celebrities with their shirts off that had been clipped from magazines. It isn't the gay porn I have a problem with—I fully support him coming into his sexuality, whatever it might be—but then I found a few things that were a bit more disturbing: a picture of our father in his swim trunks, and another one of a fully naked man with a cutout photo of my father's face glued over the original model's face. Needless to say, I was freaked out. I put everything back where I had found it, including the charger, and haven't said anything to him about it. Now I'm in a tough spot. I know that telling my brother I found the pictures would mortify him, and I feel like telling my father would be a complete dick move.
Concerned And Scared

On this one, even the preternaturally unflappable Dan seemed a bit taken aback, and was the most judgey I've ever seen which, for the record, involved the word "Ughers."

What would you tell this dude? See what Dan told him here: Savage Love--Daddy Issues.

Ahhhhh, I feel a whole lot better.


Betty Fokker said...

I agree with Savage. Unless there is some risk of contact, for God's sake don't mention it or think about it. It is probably a temporary and fleeting psychological issue. If not, it's something for younger brother to being up with HIS therapist in the future.

I do wonder ... is this a cry for (inappropriate) love he feels will be gone if he comes out, or has this kid been "bad-touched"?

Ughers indeed.

Cinderita said...

Seems to me he might just be sorting it all out for himself...and maybe because his dad is his closest male figure and perhaps a role model, maybe that's his way of doing it...and by doing it, I mean sorting it out.

Cinderita said... sure to come by and read today's post. I look forward to your thoughts on it.

toni in florida said...

My best friend calls the "magic brain wave mechanism" you mentioned something a bit more active: "I can't know this by myself." She and I also joke about getting a big knife (or chainsaw) first, so we can cut the top of our heads off and let out the far-too-vivid image that is sure to form from "knowing this"... whatever "this" may be.

Jill Hamilton said...

Betty, yes I wondered that as well.
And Cinderita, i loved your post--honest and open minded. will comment at once.
Toni, I like that. Much catchier than my brain wave mumbo jumbo.

Mongo, At The Moment said...

I'm hoping it's a 'sorting out' phase; at the same time, scared that it isn't. Sigh.

Also: I don't know which has Well just creep me out why don't ya written all over it in bigger letters -- considering the situation "Scared & Confused" presents; or waking up to find the Burger King King, who always looked (to me, ayway) like George W. Bush with a beard...

Anonymous said...

This is the first time I read Dan Savage, so excuse me if I'm a little unversed in his true beliefs, but here's my take on HIS take on SAC's letter.

I think his reaction is immature, especially coming from someone who is famous for advising troubled gay youths. The philosophy that "it's just an adolescent phase, and it will go away" is analogous to the reaction of a five year old who thinks covering his urinated bed with old newspaper will make the problem disappear. It's completely short-sighted.

I'll admit. I DON'T have good advice for SAC. And even though I disagree with Mr. Savage, I admire the fact that he still responded, and it may be more effective than my silence on this issue. Of course incest has been abhorred since the beginning of structured society -whereas homosexuality was accepted on and off through various civilizations. It's kind of weird though that Mr. Savage had the same reaction a 1950's psychologist would have had if he were diagnosing a completely normal gay boy.

My two cents...