Thursday, January 20, 2011

Should You Fuck A Robot? Well...Maybe Not. (Part 2 of what, embarrassingly, has become a series on robot sex)

As you may recall from the last post, Should You Fuck A Robot? Well...Maybe, I was all hepped on banging robots. My main arguments being:
1) An article I read skimmed that predicted that one day doctors would prescribe sex with robots as part of a healthy lifestyle (orgasm=longevity). But mostly:
2) The sudden realization that if sexbots were as good as predicting what I liked, sex-wise, as Pandora internet radio is, music-wise--well, sign me the fuck up.

However, I'm not saying that you should rush to locate the nearest robot and start humping away. No, there are a few very important caveats. To wit:

1. I'm talking about robots in the future. WAY, WAY, WAY in the future. Like in 2050, the year experts predict sexbots will become indistinguishable from humans. (Although, by 2050, the only thing I'll be wanting my sexbot to do is bring me my slippers and juice.) Unfortunately sexbots of 2011 are quite distinguishable from humans.

Consider Roxxxy (above and left) the state-of-art in sexbots from TrueCompanion. She has five programmable personalities, a motor that makes her appear to breathe, and she talks in her sleep. She can hold a "conversation," "look" at you with her dead, soulless eyes and will fuck you senseless for 3 hours (at which time her battery runs out), never once mentioning the wretched fact that you have just spent the last 3 hours having sex with a household appliance. However, I think TrueCompanion could stand to do some re-jiggering on Roxxxy's general demeanor.  I am not a robotologist, but in these pix, Roxxxy appears to be less "in the mood" and more "prepared to acquire human genetic samples to take to hostile home planet."

2. Expense. $7000--a sum of cash that's difficult to hide, even using the kind of highly developed "black budget" I've adopted in my own household finances. And don't be trying to save money on this kind of thing. Reader Belinda brought up the enchantingly disturbing possibility of cheaper knockoffs that would exhibit only a passing knowledge of human sexual desires. "You liiiiike arm," your cheapo doll would squeak in an unpleasant voice, using the twisted syntax of dollar store product instructions, as it poked your arm painfully. "Time to put sex on me!" Then its plastic eye would fall out.

3. Various and sundry concerns brought up by beloved In Bed With Married Women readers (among them dear Ed, Tricia, Annah, Candycan and The Barreness) including lack of relationship drama, loss of human interaction, and fear of becoming so smitten by robot love that you'd give up on flawed humans entirely. Not to mention embarrassing tech support calls. ("Well, the problems started when Roxxxy and I decided to get a can of peas involved...")

I will leave you today with a link to this wonderfully cheeky article, The First Talking Robot: A (Terrified) User's Review, in which Daniel O'Brien spends an evening with Roxxy. Is it a date? Household appliance review? You decide...


Asha said...

I can't help but think of the movie A.I. with all this robot talk. "Hey, Joe. Whatdaya know?"
I hope these sexbots have a self-cleaning feature sort of like an oven to whisk away all of the nasties left behind by the previous user.

JustJack said...

I got stuck at the 2050 part. By then I'll consider it a major coup if I even have slippers or even juice to be fed in 2050. I can reasonably predict if I'm still married to my current mate, she'd be like, "git yer own damned juice, ya prick!" We'll likely be facing runaway global climate change at the +6 degree C mark and all that, no more oil, and cats and dogs living together...

Anonymous said...

"Time to put sex on me"! HA! That reminds me of that lady in Lost in Translation who was yelling at Bill Murray "Lick my stocking!" or "Rip my stocking!"

The Barreness said...

Um...where's the dude version??

And, is he Spanish??

Honestly, if men would only consider women in the porn industry, I suspect they'd be pleasantly surprised at the upturn in business.

And maybe...possibly...women could stop agonising over things like their 'reuttation' and their 'image' and worry more about their 'vaginas' and their ability to 'get off'.

Not uure what that little rant was about, but basically I want the Javier Bardem version of Roxxxy.

Just sayin'

- B x

Harleyq said...

It absolutely "sucks" that there is such a strong focus on "female" sex robots. What about some ripped rubber action for those not willing to share personal attention with the T.V.!! *winks*

Jill Hamilton said...

Brandi, you will be pleased to know that there is Roxxxy will a better looking face, so yes, that bitch's hair has indeed been fixed.

Anonymous, yes, indeed.

And JustJack, I hope you get your juice.