Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Today's Contest is Somewhere in There...

I'm reading Melissa Febos' Whip Smart (not to be confused with Liz Phair's similarly brash and ballsy Whip-Smart), a memoir about a bright, nervous college student in New York who decides--what the hell!--to become a profession dominatrix in a Midtown dungeon. It's a hyperliterate exploration of all kinds of seediness, from the author's (possibly) secret heroin habit to the various elaborate--and often bathroom-related--fantasies that regular-looking dudes in New York pay $75 an hour to... enjoy. (Is "enjoy" the proper word for having someone pee on you? I am willing to entertain the possibility that I am missing out on something, but for me, contact with someone else's pee would lead directly to a frenzied Lady MacBethian scrubbing session with a big-ass bar of soap. Preferably caustic old-time soap, chockfull of banned chemicals and lye.)

To go with the whole S&Mish theme, today's contest prize was going to be a pair of handcuffy things for a reader to try. I was even going to make the winner report back on how it all worked out for them. But the best part was that the handcuff things were non-leather, vegan handcuffs. Yes, cruelty-free bondage gear. "I wish to torture someone cruelly, but want to make sure that no animals will be harmed."

Unfortunately for the part of my brain that really, really likes a tidy theme, In Bed With Married Women's sugar daddy/sex toy company Good Vibrations sold out of the cruelty free cuffs immediately. Thus the fare I offer you does not relate at all to the theme I spent SEVERAL minutes of time composing in my head while walking the dog, but that's just going to have to be okay.

To make up for it, today's prize, the Date Night Delight Kit, is full of all kinds of slide-y, sexy, vibrating stuff that will make you forget all about my precious tidy theme and urinating Manhattanites. That's right, if you win, you will be too busy babbling incoherently after enjoying this:

Waterproof Mini Bullet Vibrator
2 Please Lubricant Samples 
Ignite Me Massage Candle 
Touch Me Massage Oil 
Devour Me Lickable Oil 
Mini Rub Me Massage Bar

Hmmm....what should I make you do to win? Actually, no... fuck it, unless someone's handing me $75 an hour, I'm not making anyone do anything. To enter, just leave a comment below (or if you're a big wuss and/or don't want anyone to know of your excessive lickable oil usage, send me an email).  I'll pick a winner on Saturday. Okay, then. Run along now.


Melissa said...

Sounds like quite the book and the prize has me excited already!

DanWins said...

I have No Doubt in my mind I could find ways to pleasure my wife with those Items and have No Qualms saying it or doing what needs done to pleasure her and those things could help increase the "FUN" Factor.

Hope all is going well....

And if you want a laugh - go check out my site for Halloween day and see what my (few that commented)followers and family had me do for Halloween. Might make you smile and chuckle a bit if it doesn't scare the BeeJesus out of you.

The Beaver said...

And here I was getting prepared for some bondage experiment. That book does sound like an interesting read though. Might have to give it a go. I like memoirs for sure.

CkretsGalore said...

OoOo OOoo Me Me!
Actually that book does sound interesting. Sent it to my manfriend for future purchases.
I really got him into kinky and erotic literature. We have a ton of books with short stories that I read to him when we are on a road trip or satin date nights. He LOVES satin and me in satin Lingerie reading dirty bedtime stories to him...makes me the perfect bedtime snack!

Blasé said...

I learned the hard way of how to pinch a woman's nipples just so.

Annah said...

I have a bullet! And I love it :) But it's not waterproof. That book sounds amazing.

I'm following you now.

And? The fact that a real writer said she's jealous of me made my month. Hugs and kisses from hot as hell Miami. <3

Jill Hamilton said...

Oh, I almost forgot about this! I had my husband pick a random number and he picked the one for the aptly-named DanWins. And if you didn't win, think of it this way, DanWins is generously going to use the stuff on his wife, so that's a step forward--if not for you personally, as least femalekind as a whole.

DanWins said...

I will do my best to ensure that all is used to the best benefit and relaxation of my wife.

Will try with every effort for us to have "FUN".

*sheepish grin*