Tuesday, October 5, 2010

So We Talk About Our Vibrators Now? Is That How It's Going To Be?

Do you think that sex toys are too outrageous for you? Well, girl (or guy, or highly intelligent blog-reading monkey), you need to get with the times. To wit: Who do you imagine being the most sexless, repressed, adventure-averse people on the planet? How about the readers of those coupon supplements that come in the Sunday newspaper? (newspaper: a daily or weekly publication on folded sheets; "He read his newspaper at breakfast.")

Okay, I'll admit it, I read those supplements (Yeah, yeah, keep your snarkery to yourself. I'm poor. I clip my damn coupons. So piss off), but I don't think I'm the real target demographic. These Sunday supplements--if you are tossing your money about like Mr. Monopoly, and thus unaware--are full of the very squarest of merchandise: Bradford Exchange collectable plates (This week: Michelle Obama "The First Lady of Fashion"), stretch pants with the pleats built right in (no ironing!) and support socks ("Will not make you sweat!")

This week, however, I also saw this headline: "TWICE THE TURN ON." It was not an ad for the Clapper, or Life Alert or a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed or something, but the Vibrating Touch from Trojan. "Perfect for enhanced stimulation," reads the copy coyly, but I'm no fool, I know what they're talking about. It's a flippin' vibrator, right there in the staid old paper! ($2 off coupon, btw.)

On the Trojan web site, they are a little more blunt about what's really going on with this "enhanced stimulation" business:
Designed to be petite and discreet, the TROJAN® Her Pleasure™ VIBRATING TOUCH® fingertip massager is the perfect little aid to help create big pleasure, providing thrilling vibrations right at your fingertips..  
I don't know, it's all freaking me out a little bit, like finding a Hitachi Magic Wand* in your Grandma's drawer. (Grandma, as you know, only did "It" three times because she has three children.) Is our society really this open about sex and "thrilling vibrations" now? Are support socks-ordering grandmas also carefully clipping coupons to save $2 on vibes? Has the whole world gone plumb sex crazy? I don't know. But I am wondering if I should clip that coupon. I do like a bargain...

*Historical note: The Hitachi Magic Wand was long billed as a "massager," but became notorious for its intense personal "massages." The Hitachi plugs in with an unwieldy cord, it's loud, pretty expensive, and has the subtlety of a chain saw, but it reportedly can put just about anyone over the top in a couple seconds.


CkretsGalore said...

My grandma totally has one of those.
And just straight up vibrator. Curiosity grossed out the cat.

bogart4017 said...

I know. This Sunday they had clip coupons for Trojan condoms. I havent been that shocked my dead-beat brother-in-law got a job.

Jill Hamilton said...

CkretsGalore, if you have the time and/or inclination, you must share the tale of how you happened to come upon Grandma's vibes. It would be like a cautionary tale for the rest of us.
And bogart4017, you inspired a new post re: Trojan condoms, coupons, etc... see above.

Ugh! said...

Cue Uptight Lady Now:

Honestly, just because everybody does it, doesn't mean everybody needs to hear about it. If nothing is held private, then what is left to hold precious?

What ever happened to the black curtain of shame we used to see at video stores? (For that matter, what happened to video stores?) I loved that curtain. It created a sense of mystery. It was what separated children from adults.

You can not only find ads and coupons for vibrators in the paper, you can pick them up at the check out counter at some stores. That's right, they are now part of the 'eye candy' to encourage last minute impulsive purchases.

"Mommy, can I get a pack of Bubble Gum?"
"Sure honey, oh and would you grab me one of those little pleasure thingies? Yeah that's it, right next to your gum."

Jill Hamilton said...

Dear Ugh!,
I hear you. Part of the thrill of sex toys is the illicit way they must be obtained. You have to attend a secret party, order online or go to some store with a weird named like Lover's Lane.
When it's just another item on the grocery list, it does lose a certain something.