|Prepare for the Big Reveal|
Hey, you there, with the uncircumcised wang, we need you! Writes reader Definitely Anonymous:
"I just realized I have a pending crisis on my hands. I may soon be sleeping with a new man who is uncircumcised. It JUST NOW occurred to me, I have never had sex with a man who wasn't circumcised and I no idea how this might change things. Is there anything specific I should do or shouldn't do? Is oral any different? How do I put a condom on that? I can't believe after almost 30 years of sexual activity, I am up against something entirely novel. Help me!"
DA and the uncut dude are already talking about his dick, so they are getting close! Get that help in right away! (And maybe DA will explain to us how they arrived at the topic of his penis and the uncircumcisedness thereof.)
The Pee Mystery
"I read this article and remembered your post. It is pee :(" writes Gentle Reader A. The post A refers to (which A actually located and linked to for me! Go A!) is How to Make a Woman Come, Even if You Are That Woman in which I somehow got on a female ejaculation tangent, as one does, writing "scientists still don't know what the fuck women are squirting when they ejaculate (it's 'not pee,' which just leaves...every non-pee substance.)"
Which would have been just as rigorously truish as everything else on this blog, 'cept A's article is titled: Study Concludes That Women Who Squirt During Sex Are Actually Peeing. Oops.
In the study, they gathered (only) 7 chicks who squirted copious amounts (like a cup's worth) when coming. Then commenced science-style sexytime with ultrasounds, "provoked sexual arousal" and "squirting events." Reads the article: "Urine sampled after squirting revealed that the bladder had been emptied again, revealing the origin of the squirted liquid." Voila!
What blows my mind about all this is not that we--yawn--still have only rudimentary knowledge of female sexual response, but that scientists apparently can't identify fucking pee?! (Which, in this case, may actually be fucking pee.) Wouldn't you think pee-identification would be, like, high school chemistry set-level science?
Anyway, further investigation in Female Ejaculate Comes in Two Forms, Scientists Find revealed more insights:
--It took the women 25 to 60 minutes to get close to an orgasm via self-stimulation or masturbation with a partner. Since I don't think the women were trying to have some sort of savored, extended Tantric love thing, I conclude from this that "provoked sexual arousal" is about as arousing as it sounds. So yes, a hour spent dutifully trying to come while antsy researchers did...whatever it is you do when you really really want a woman to come, but don't want to make it obvious that you're just waiting for her to get it over with. I imagine some of you might be familiar with the experience.
--A cup really is a fuck of lot of liquid so maybe some of these more effusive women are peeing, while others are emitting (maybe not the right word, sounds like a ray gun something) what some researches consider "true" female ejaculation, a milky white liquid with some similarities to male ejaculate. Or...maybe it's just milk or Elmer's glue or the white stuff inside Cadbury Creme Eggs. Who knows, really? Clearly not scientists.
--In other words, "scientists still don't know what the fuck women are squirting when they ejaculate." I will, however, expand the possibilities from all "non-pee substances" to "could be anything."
"You in particular might like this"
"Cascading Wizard Sleeve"
Leah's subject line for How Will You Keep Your Vagina Young in 2015?, a Jezebel article mocking a wretched Shape article trying to make you feel bad about a perfectly enjoyable body part. Go read it at once. Including the comments.
Sorry to the writers I didn't get to today (esp. Christina G., Matthew, and Gail).