Friday, August 24, 2012

A Contest: What Word Makes You Cringe?

Caution: Gazing at photo may
cause loss of consciousness. Or
possible "bewilderment."
Today's prize is the Velvet Passion Bullet Vibrator from Good Vibrations, a company that has given me a strange and quite unexpected superpower: Ability To Bestow Sex Toys Upon Random Internet Strangers. I had been hoping for X-ray Vision or, at the very least, Three More Wishes, but hell, you play the cards you're dealt. Which if you're filling out your IBWMW Official Record Book is the very first, and I expect the last, time I have said or written the phrase "play the cards you're dealt."*

Feel free to click here to read all about the Velvet Passion, aka the next thing you might possibly--if you're lucky!--be sticking up your wang. Or, I'll just toss out some buzzwords from the Good Vibes blurb: "velvet softness," "waterproof" and "pulsation patterns." The Velvet Passion also comes with a possibly frightening "memory function." "Remember that time I was up your wang?" "Tssst! Shut up about that!"

The Velvet Passion is, according to the blurb, "visually stunning," perhaps a wee misuse of the word "stunning" [i.e. stunning, (adjective):  causing, capable of causing, or liable to cause astonishment, bewilderment, or a loss of consciousness or strength.] I like a vibrator as much as the next girl, but I don't want to be losing consciousness every time I open up my nightstand drawer. Although, in truth, that particular function could save me quite a bit on my recreational Benadryl budget.

To enter, you must tell me the word that you absolutely cannot say aloud. Mine, oddly, is "vagina." I am also loathe to use the word "clitoris," in both CLIT-oris and cli-TOR-is form. Yes, I clearly have issues, but there is no time for that today. (Or ever, actually, because I do not wish to attend to my issues.)

Anyway, you there with the old, unsightly sex toy, get on it. Think of your icky word, and leave it below as a comment. Or, if the word is especially unsettling, lock yourself in a darkened room, close your eyes and type it trepidatiously into a top secret email. I'll have Stella, head of the IBWMW steno pool, choose a winner Monday.

xoxoxo,
jill

* I also don't expect to ever write "It is what it is," so you can just cross that one off your list.

36 comments:

Red Shoes said...

For some reason, 'cunt' just drives me up a wall. I don't say it, and I don't like hearing it.

The replies will be interesting to read!

~shoes~

Tina said...

It totally pains me to say "cunt". I used to not be able to say "pussy" either, but I can manage that one one.

Vermontyone said...

Penetrate.. not sure why, but ewww (the word, not the act)

bettyfokker said...

She has returned! And to reward me for all the days I went to my Kindle and found no IBWMW, she is going to send me a vibrator! Yay!

My word only bugs me in context. I dislike it when erotic describes a vagina as "dripping". It is a descriptor that will turn my own Lady Bits into the Gobi.

Riv said...

I can't use the word "cluster" or read it with a straight face (difficult when looking at many cereal boxes . . .)

Amber said...

penetration...I always feel dirty saying it

Jen C. said...

Upon hearing the word "cunnilingus," my brain shudders and goes GAH. A perfect example of how a word can be the EXACT TOTAL OPPOSITE of its definition...in this case, damn ugly and disease-sounding versus gorgeous awesomeness.

Anonymous said...

the word i can't stand to say and in fact I will never say it is "awesome". "awesomeness" is even worse and while we are on the subject can we please get rid of "amazeballs" from the English language at once?

Amy said...

Girth. I hate the way it sounds, the way it looks, and the way it gets my mind in the gutter every time.

Frank said...

Volvo. I mean vulva, no Volvo. It's all just so confusing and I dont want to get it wrong :)

Katherine said...

I can't say "fat". I know, it seems fairly innocuous, especially with all the word-reclamation and fat-acceptance movements I've seen on Tumblr lately. I can use it to describe body tissue. It's not a bad word. It doesn't have a bad history. It's not even a bad thing to be, really. But I don't want to be the one to describe someone who isn't comfortable with their body that way. I wince, I stutter, and I resort to "heavy" when it is absolutely necessary to describe someone.

Anonymous said...

It's a tie between "cunt" and "pecker".

Stonalino said...

Cunt.

Just, ew.

Misty said...

Moist it just doesnt sound right when talking about normal things. It seems too perverse.

Spiffy McBang said...

It's hard to hate "cunt" when you have a British roommate, even one who's lost much of her accent and doesn't use it frequently. It just sounds so much better with the hint of cross-ocean tonality.

I think I'll have to go with "weiner". I also despise terms like "vajayjay" and "hojima", but "weiner" gets the vote here because it's an actual word. Just because I start thinking like a twelve-year-old when sex comes up doesn't mean I have to talk like one.

grovermommy said...

"Menstruate"
I have to say it often because I teach anatomy and you the reproductive system ain't the same without it. But it sounds like a)something only men would do or b)something that might happen as a result of a "legitimate rape" or c) an adjective describing a manly appearance, ie. "His menstruate jaw line impressed me and I acquiesced to his offer of a cocktail."
Come to think about it, I don't much care for "cocktail" either. But surprisingly, that word doesn't relate to anatomy at all.

Rusty Hoe said...

I'm up there (or is it really 'down there') with Jen C on the whole 'cunnilingus' issue. I can't say or spell it (thank you spell check). Doesn't help that my husband thinks he's hilarious with the whole "he was a cunning linguist" joke. I mean really? Is that really funny? Good lord. Thank god for apathy or that man's arse would be long gone with jokes like that.

coraggio del cuore said...

I have had this discussion many times with friends, and nothing can dissuade me from believing that vagina is the worst word in the world. I'm not a big fan of pudendum either. But vagina? The worst. As far as phrases, laugh out loud is my winner. Are you really laughing out loud? Didn't think so.

the clever one said...

"Boobies". Not only can I not say the word and keep a straight face, it feels like a word for six-year-olds not adults to use. "Boobs" isn't much better. Give me "breasts" any day. Wait, that didn't come out right ... ;-)

Philomel said...

I guess it's not a word, but I hate the phrase "hairy vagina." It always makes me picture this nightmare image of daddy long legs-esque hair peeping out of an actual vagina. Now I know that what people mean is actually "hairy vulva," but because I was actually raised with an accurate understanding of female anatomy, my automatic interpretation is what the phrase actually means.

Philomel said...

And sorry to have used vagina so many times, people who hate it.

Misty Dietz said...

This thread is hilarious! :) my word is "tits" -- GAH, ick!

Yiraka said...

"Moist" and "conundrum" are pretty much tied for first place. Ugh!

anhonestmom said...

it's been the same word since high school. some band of cruel boys found out and would scream it at the top of their lungs whenever they would see me in the hallway:
panties.

Primal Love said...

Thank GOD the phrase "on my period" developed, because I have always hated the word "menstruate", when my Mom first taught me that word, I was about 8 or 9 years old and I swear I thought at 8 years old that she had to be kidding. Menstruate, it sounds like a disease.

Peaches said...

Cunt is funny, pussy is sexy, but CLITORIS? ugh!!! I hate talking with my girlfriends or my boyfriend and refer to that little nub that makes me very happy. "you know that button down there" is still awkward. CLIT!

Anonymous said...

funny how "misty" doesn't like Moist, sensing a torrid jealousy over the level of humidity there??
I never felt right about the noun ejaculate, but "cunt" is useful if the woman is into really dirty talk, or wants to be made to feel slutty in order to do the dirty things she really likes... lets her off the hook when venturing beyond "decent social limits" whatever that means. I personally miss dirty talk, but queef is my ick-factor word

Thea said...

A lot of these ARE terrible. Penetrate, cunnilingus, menstruate, moist....aggghh! They make your mouth do weird things!
What completely grosses me out though is "jizz" and "splooge." I can not say them out loud. And I never will! Never! Thank the gods I haven't heard these in real life conversations, just in writing.

Jon Koenigsberg said...

"Ladyparts." What an ignorant word to describe the most wonderful area of a woman.

Empress Nympho said...

I can't say 'labia'. Just..can't.

Labia. Yeuch.

Tara said...

Dildo, dildo, dildo. Ick. It just never sounds appealing.

Tina said...

Let's see...I call it jizz because truthfully..it is ..so let's see..I don't like the word cunt but lately find it a bit sultry..so that leaves me with ..hmmm...I so find all words rather funny..fun..and erotic at times... Word that makes me go eeww...anal fisting ... It just hurts to say it ...

Unknown said...

I can't deal with "on my period," ever since a friend in high school pointed out that yeah, if you're using a pad, you literally ARE sitting on your fucking period, and AHH TOO VIVID. TOO VIVID.

Give me "menstruate" any day!

FauxCat said...

Secretion, without a doubt. I had no idea how much it bothered be until very recently.

Thats because with all the news coverage of the whole idiocy of Todd Akin I have been hearing it so much. Every time I hear a news person say a related quote (from Stephen Freind I think) saying women "secrete a certain secretion to kill sperm" (when raped), not only does the word make me just cringe like I am having a seizure but the stupidity behind the comment makes me angry.

Part of it is I whenever I hear secretion I think infection, specifically Pus. Fluids, excretions, perspiration, discharge, all no problem, but you say Secretion around me and you can see a big ol "Ick" expression on my face.

Secretions, blah.

in bed with married women said...

Thanks everyone who brought their hideous little words out of hiding.

If you didn't see this:
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2012/08/cli-tor-islavoris-clit-orisleviticus.html

the winner was one Grovermommy, and not one of you is allowed to call her win "amazeballs."

Dan said...

wow....a whole new insight into those cringy words....being from oz there are some very colourful words and i have a bunch that are funny and others which just dont sit right..you work out what they are, some are easy others not so easy...fer instance
groan gravy
shaft...i hate that word
glans...yeah medical term but it makes me think of glandular fever
dirty sanchez...i dunno whether its the act or the word here
Spaj or spoodge...ick

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