Monday, December 21, 2015

The Little Penis Inside You. Not what you think.

Ask me about my penis!
Janet and I were talking about the last post on how freaking huge a woman's clitoris actually is and she says, "Oh right, the little penis inside you."

I loved this phrase because it sounds so girls-only 7th grade health class. Like, after an uncomfortable and uninformative talk about fallopian tubes and such, the girls would file past the gym teacher, averting their eyes as she hands them each a pamphlet with the words "The Little Penis Inside You" written in swirly tampon ad font. Said brochure would be quickly shoved to the bottom of one's backpack, only to be retrieved for furtive study once in the privacy of one's own room.

Since you probably haven't yet received your pamphlet, I feel compelled to show you this "Clitoral cross section" photo from Wikipedia because it looks exactly like a little penis. So much so that, to be quite honest, it sort of freaks me out. Behold:

Umm, should it be bending down like that?

(I especially like that that one part is unhelpfully labeled "skin." Like the labeler got tired of being so damn specific all the time and thought, "Fuck it. I'm just putting 'skin' and going home.")
If you're feeling brave and want to see a video of this, this...little penis inside turning into what I can only describe as a lady boner, click here for Ed-Sim's sexy sexy video on "clitoral vascularization."  (note: The video keeps going after you think it's over.)

"According to the sexual response cycle, during the excitement stage, the body (shaft) of the clitoris begins to fill with blood and increase in size," it reads. Whew! Is it hot in here?

I'm not yet sure how I am going to deal with this new information. I kind of don't like the idea that I have a little penis inside of me, although it does explain some past decisions I made. You know, thinking with my little penis and all that.

Also feeling slightly less ladylike than usual and hoping my boob-hugging shirt will negate the effects of this post. Look, boobs! I'm a girl!


(photo: wicked knickers)


Cagey-C said...

The music playing on the Ed-Sims video is a little disconcerting--very infomercialish. I kept waiting for 'Call in the Next 60 Minutes to Get a Free Shamwow With Your LadyPenis Order.'

in bed with married women said...

Cagey-C--I know! Was that a musician's artistic interpretation of the LadyPenis transformation? Although I can't imagine what music would be right for it.

in bed with married women said...

maybe just a shocked silence.

Gia said...

Hahah it's like when women are pregnant with a boy and can go "I have a penis in me right now!"

Anonymous said...

haha...the music was very info-mercially..yes i was waiting for the 'the first 100 callers will receive a second!!'
Anyway...fascinating stuff....the post that is ;)

Bill said...

A woman having a clitoris is exactly the same as a man having nipples- they're both there because all zygotes are initially undifferentiated- both female and male structures have to be in place before the little blob figures out what gender it is. To me this is amazing, because it means my nipples serve no function... except FUN. Yes, like your wonderful womanly clits, my nipples are the only things I have that are PURELY for sex. My penis is for peeing and baby-making, but my nipples are just for making me happy. So I say: be happy that your "little penises" aren't doing double or triple duty in the excretion/reproduction business, and rejoice that evolution made a terrific and fabulous goof-up by giving you one single thing that exists solely for pleasure.

Loretta Kemsley said...

All embryos begin as female. After a few weeks, those with xy chromosomes have testosterone kick in and the clitoris becomes a penis, so it isn't that we have a little penis inside us. It's men having a large clitoris attached to them.

Anonymous said...

My, what fascinating genitalia I have ...

Anonymous said...

I just got turned onto your blog. I am a married woman, and I blog very explicitly about my sex life with my husband. The good, the bad, the silly, the awesome. Glad to have found you!

Vapid Vixen said...

Not even kidding, I'm a little afraid to watch the video. There are some things that just can't be undone. said...

I so love dropping by here. I learned much more from this post than I ever did from anyone who tried to teach me about sex and anatomy. And I laughed a lot too. Thank you!

Excuse me while I go watch the video.

Belinda said...

Love the discussion on this one.

Anonymous said...

Your blog just got bookmarked, and I shared it with my best friend. :)

Honeydew Branchweed said...

Hysterically informative. I'm well-endowed and proud!

in bed with married women said...

Gia, that is immature. I like it.
Dan, I don't know how I feel about this whole 2nd clitoris thing.
Bill, may I just tell you how fucking pleased I am that you all freely and often use smart words like "zygote"? LOVE that #$##!
Loretta, you too. Love when you talk all sciencey to me.
Betty, indeed!
Liza--I love your blog!
Vapid Vixen--Oh, go on. It's not that bad. Certainly not as bad as the E.T. porn I once posted.
Robyn--back at you.
Belinda--Me too!
Honeydew--Work that lady penis!

Anonymous said...

What?!! I started out as a girl? This is news, even in my 6th decade! Maybe this is why we men sometimes love wearing silky underwear and a thong?
This sort of thing could ONLY come from Jill's column. Hey! "column" kind of a "penis pun".
Thank you Jill! (and Loretta)

Mongo, At The Moment said...

I've never been able to think of the clitoris as a 'Girl Penis'. That part of a woman's body in in a league all its own; so I must thump the table in support Loretta Kemsley's observation, back upstream there a bit.

"People's penises for a thousand, Alex."
"-- Consisting of erectile tissue, this is often mistakenly referred to as the 'Girl Penis' ."

Jill Hamilton said...

ah, looking back at these old and new comments makes me wistful for when i had the leisure and money to just write this blog and pay good attention to it and all of you. sigh.

Anonymous said...

The video is not available any more. So disappointed. I so much wanted to see what the rave was about