Nosy-Ass Question for You About Making Out

Today's reader mail reminded me of the olden days of the blog when it was about married women and how the fuck they were dealing with the realities of married sex. Over the years (four!), it has become way less Studs Terkel-ish and sociological and more Onahole-ish, which, quite frankly, I have no excuse for.

Anyway, here's an earnest letter from "Janet," that reminds me of the blog of yore, née "In Thy Bede Withe Thee Married Wiffe."

Hi! I love your blog. I know this is somewhat tame, but as a person who has been with the same man for about 6 years, and has sex regularly, I wonder about making out. We haven't sat around and made out since about 4 months into our relationship. There is occasional kissing during sex, but really not much. And really, thinking about sitting on the couch and making out seems kind of gross to me now. Is that normal? Do people who have been married for 20 years make out with each other? Maybe you could take a poll. I keep wondering why we don't do that so much (couples in general) as we do when we first meet. Thanks!

Now, this is actually completely interesting to me because not so long ago two different women confided in me (note: don't confide in me) that although they were still somewhat into having sex with their long-time husbands (depending on vagaries of their moods, how pissed off they were, how interesting their book/show/other diversion was, etc...) they were super-not into kissing the husbands.  Like kissing seemed...yes...gross!

So what is that? Has anyone else has a similar experience?

I have a poorly-formed theory that it has to do with hormones--the basic idea being that before one's puberty hormones kick in, kissing seems disgusting and maybe there is sort of a return to that kissing=icky mode as one's hormones recede again with time. Anyone? Yes?

Whatever it is, it's a crying shame because there is nothing better than being kissed by someone who knows how to kiss the hell out of you.

Last week, I watched a video from One Taste on the pleasures of making out as an experience, not a route to something else. Though it's not gonna tell you anything you don't already know (plus you have to put your email address in to watch it), it did remind me of the delightful sensuality of making out. The sexy deliberate kisses finding sweet, soft places on their neck, the focus on sucking on an earlobe the exact right way to make them groan, the deep melty, lust-heavy kisses with swollen lips and sort of desperate pressing against each other through your clothes and feeling the hard ridge of cock*. God. Remember this?

So yeah. Are you doing that anymore? And if not, why not? Spill it.

xoxo
jill

*Or whatever it is/was you feel/felt. Don't want to be too hetero-normative.

(p.s. while looking for a photo, I came across this one which I love, though prob. a bit too penisy for me to post. I'm in enough damn trouble already. Nothing stopping you from looking though...)

Kissless Marriage + Girl Crushes. That is, Reader Mail.

I don't want sole responsibility for ruining a reader's life with bad advice, so I submit these reader questions to you, Random Internet Stranger. Be gentle with them, will you?

1. Kissless Marriage
This question came in via Twitter:  Is it weird that my wife doesn't like to kiss me?

Hmmm, maybe. To me, kissing is somehow more intimate that actual banging. Maybe that's why prostitutes tend not to kiss their clients, saving that for their real lovers (Like I really know. This "knowledge" is based on, probably, 1980s Cosmo articles and the Xavier Hollander book-- The Happy Hooker--I snuck and read when I was a kid.)

Kissing is also important in all kinds of biological ways, only some of which we're beginning to understand (see also: On the Benefits of Someone Who Can Kiss the Hell Out of You.)

However, I have found that some of my older married friends have recently become way less interested in kissing their mates. Other sexual things are a-ok, it's just the kissing. I attribute this to:
--a). a subconscious pulling away from their mates.
--Or b.) my half-baked theory, as follows: maybe as women age and their hormones start to recede, some of them do sort of a reverse of what happens in puberty. Remember when you were a kid and kissing seemed so completely gross? Then hormones kick in, and kissing suddenly sounds like a very very good idea. Well, what if as hormones kick back out, kissing starts seeming a bit gross again? Maybe? Any opinions on my cockamamie theory?

None of this, however helps the poor Twitter fellow above because when I asked him if she'd liked kissing him in the past, he replied "No. Good point." So, if you've got some kissing insight for him, let's hear it.

2. Girl Crushes

Wrote Anonymous:  Have you ever written on the topic of married women developing crushes on their girlfriends who are also married... having it be mutual, and openly discussing it with their husbands - and somewhat exploring it? Not sure if this topic is of interest to you.  For obvious reasons it is of interest to me, ha!

I haven't written about it, so I told her if she was feeling brave and/or literary, she could write about it, True Wife's Tale-style.

Which she did:

Unfortunately I'm not literary... but I was feeling rather brave. So I wrote a VERY brief and light version of my true wives tale... however, I feel like I'm not able to actually do it justice. I felt compelled to share my little story, knowing that I'm not the only one that this has happened to.
Cheers! 

Wow! She’s got a great ass! Oh, she’s beautiful! Look at her amazing boobs! We do that all the time to each other..to other women...to our girlfriends. Well, what happens when you start noticing every amazing part of one of your own friends, who you also happen to think is just an all around amazing woman? What happened to me when I started doing this was the development of a full-on girl-crush (and for the record, I've never been into women before.) I not only noticed, and appreciated every sexy curve, I started fantasizing about kissing her... then touching her, then fucking her in every way imaginable. This went on for months. Then I started to notice her looking at me. But I wrote it off, thinking that she was just that type of person who made really good eye contact with other people. It was not possible that we both had the hots for each other... after all, we were both happily married with beautiful children. And this shit only happens in porn movies (well, at least the porn movies that I like)!

After months and months of fantasizing, and really amazing eye contact and lots of ‘innocent’ flirting, I decided to tell her in a very innocent way that I had a girl crush on her. This took every bit of courage I had. I could not believe my good fortune, when she admitted it was mutual. So now what?! I had already shared my crush on her with my husband – who loves girl-on-girl dirty talk, and who was fully encouraging me to kiss her, or hell, let’s just all have a threesome!

To make a very long (a two-year saga with lots of emotional ups and downs) story short... kissing her was amazing, feeling her skin, was the most delicious thing I’ve ever felt, and while we’ve never actually fucked, I would do so in a heartbeat. However, now our relationship can be defined as strictly friends, who truly adore each other and who allow ourselves a private guilt-free self-indulgent wild fantasy from time-to-time.

And yes, I’m in love with her. And yes, I’m still in love with my husband. And most importantly I love myself for being able to balance being in love with two people. And I also love being able to compliment her on how damn sexy her ass is!

Thank you Anonymous for sharing your story, though I'm a bit unsatisfied. I want to hear about the "two-year saga with lots of emotional ups and downs" that you yaddayaddayaddaed away and why this is a fuck-free situation. But then, I am nosy, see above blog slogan, particularly the bit about "staring rudely."

3. ...And The Rest

The IBWMW Facebook page just hit 1,000 fans. Whee! It was kind of like watching a speedometer flip to zeros in a car traveling 4 miles/hour, but you know, better.

And a gigantic thank you to those of you who bought stuff through Amazon via the link in the upper right corner, thus allowing me to feed my young this week. I would love to thank you personally, but all buyers are completely anonymous. However, I do see what is bought and I have to admit I have a few questions for whoever it was that bought the Friday The 13th Jason Voorhees Axe Costume Accessory, Black, One Size.

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