U up?

This post in human form

Hey. You there. You want some toys to take the constant (constant!) edge off? Well, friend, I happen to have have a fuckton of toys, fuckton being the official International Unit of Measurement for Sex Toys (IUMST).*

If you need one special friend or a whole box of them, I will box 'em up and send it/them your way. Details at the end of this post, probably in a font that doesn't match because here in 2025, I still haven't mastered basic early 2000's Blogger, despite the fact that I am possibly the only person still using Blogger. 

Yet here we are, me holding a box of sex toys, like an aging cigarette girl of yore, walking around a now-empty club, the broken neon sign outside now just flashing "B ogge ".

Christ, it's pretty fucking dark in here, isn't it? And I mean that in a multitude of ways. Let's get some Ikigai (生き甲斐) going on! Here, let's see what we've got here in my surprisingly spacious cigarette box. 

For Couples

--Couples foreplay game set including faux rose petals for fanciness, feather ticker, sex dice, reusable bondage tape and smutty cards. (If word games are your foreplay, here's a free one: is it couple's or couples' or just couples?)

--Oral Delight couples kit (I legit think there's a tongue in there)

--Rockin' & Rollin' Snails, Vibrating Couples Cage, a couples cage is like a cock ring but with two loops that attach around a dick. The snail bit it on top for clit stim, because snails = sexxxxy. 

--Rose rechargeable couples stimulator, remote control cock ring with vibrating part

--Je Joue midnight magic kit, includes a Mio cock ring, Duet bullet vibrator, a bath melt and the apparently mandatory feather tickler 

--Doc Johnson iVibe Select iRing, vibrating cock ring

--Adam's Ribbed Cage, Silicone Enhancer, keeps a penis hard and the ribs "drive your lover wild" according to the ad copy, which never lies

--Multi-Function Strapless Strap-On, does a whole bunch of things at once, could use as a solo toy too

--Couples Butterfly, a Transformers-type thing that can be a g-spot toy, penis ring, rabbit vibe and/or finger vibe.

--Vibrating Rose cock ring, creates some bonus girthiness too

 

 For the V

--The Wave Rider, Triple Simulating Vibrating Grinder, a grinding toy. Sit down, fire it up and ride the waves.

--Tapping Rose clit vibrator, can do tapping or suction.

 

For Dicks, Specifically

--Penis extenders (one is like this, but not exactly this.) One is extra girthy. I have many. MANY.

--Mr. Thick Cock Sheath is his name, don't wear it out

 

Buzzing Things

--Infinity bendable vibrator, for spots both G- and P-.

--10-speed vibrating finger sleeve, the only link I could find was on Amazon but Jeff Bezos, fuck his ass. It's silicone, fits over a finger and is shower friendly

--Mini Wand, can't speak for this exact one, but these little bastards are generally surprisingly powerful.

--Silicone bullet vibe

--Lip shaped vibrator 

BDSM and Friends

 --Luxury bondage set, in a fancy travel case for bossing someone around on the go. Ten piece kit includes ball gag, blindfold, paddle, collar and leash, wrist and ankle cuffs and a hog tie connector. 

--Bondage set that's (maybe) a bit tamer, as bondage things go. Includes silk ties, feather tickler, blindfold, spanking paddle, nipple clams, bullet vibe and stretchy enhancer ring.

 

Doing Their Own Thing. 

--Fantasy textured dildo, for when you want to fuck a tentacle, or maybe it's seaweed. Unclear.

--Rotating Rose Plug, Jeweled Anal Vibrator, if you're going to have something vibrating away in your ass, might as well look good

--A small St. Patrick's Day-themed butt plug bc why the fuck not

--Dildo n' balls, made of (wah wah) TPE rubber and another set in a lovely ombre

Lingerie

--Mushroom Teddy, size 1X-3X

--Pink lingerie set, with bows, one general size (good luck!) 

--Lacy bra with boy shorts, cocoa, size XL

--Bra and Thong L/XL (it's in this pattern)

--Crotchless Lace n' Dots Panty (M/L)

--Black panties (L) (kinda like this but less ass, black, not crotchless and with a star pattern. So not really like that I guess.) 

--Plain black sheer thigh-highs in unknown size with very simple garter

Your Various Goos and Such

--So many lubes, anal, warming, whatever you wants, I got. Probably.

--Oral sex gel

--Massage creams

--Deep throat spray  (mint)

--Cherry flavored lube

--A powder that "refreshes" your realistic feeling dildos, sleeves and other toys. Which is something they need?

--Woo Woo Tame It! Wax Strips

--Blindfolds

 

The details:  Pick one or pick a few to fill a box. You pay for postage (a medium flat rate priority box is $19.15, large is $26.30) plus a tip if you're not busy stashing cash in a go bag. Will be cheaper if it's something light and small. My PayPal is jillhamilton001@gmail.com and my Venmo is @jill-hamilton-123.  Email me at jillhamilton001@gmail.com and tell me what you desire. I'll delete stuff as it goes.

 

That's it. And in keeping with my apparent desire to reach as few people as possible, I will now post this on a Friday night, 9 ish, Pacific Time. 

 

xo

jill

 

* IUMST anagrams to Smuti--which is not a word.

**Aka an "orgy" of them, in IUMST standard units

 

(Photo by Nicoli Maege)