tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post8731803970333000991..comments2024-02-02T02:12:25.389-08:00Comments on In Bed With Married Women: Real Sex Lives: Dusky, "I have had one great love and one great lover, and they are not the same man."Jill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-52038592987366139662012-03-18T12:31:27.587-07:002012-03-18T12:31:27.587-07:00This was an interesting read. Fascinating and so h...This was an interesting read. Fascinating and so honest.Naked Girl in a Dresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01998983193910228734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-39511152484914518792012-03-17T14:53:20.779-07:002012-03-17T14:53:20.779-07:00This post has literally scared me from marriage. I...This post has literally scared me from marriage. I mean no harm and offense to Dusky, and those with the same beliefs/arrangements, but as someone who is slightly more traditional, I can't help but feel a little distraught that maybe this IS the disregarded status quo, and what I want for my future is probably naive and not at all feasible.<br /><br />When I was 18, my mother and I had a heart-to-heart about finding love. During the first 10 years of her marriage with my dad, my dad had an affair (apparently caused by their distance as a result of migration working and unsatisfactory sex life). In the end, they worked it out together and even now she confesses that they seldom have sex (yeah I know how strange it is that my mother and I can communicate like this), but that they both feel sacrificing that portion of their relationship compensated for the fulfillment they had in raising 5 children together. Even now as a college student, my dad is irritated when I call home and he just wants alone time with my mom. It's sweet and at the same time acceptable to me.<br /><br />When I hear this alternative from Dusky, I feel appalled, because the first thing I think about regarding the issue is my parents. What if THEY went down that road? I feel that I would never forgive my parents for ever breaking their loyalty to each other.<br /><br />Then again, loyalty is such an elastic word these days. It's thrown around and redefined to umbrella all these little quirks and arrangements. <br /><br />Even thinking about myself in this situation seems preposterous. I don't know. Maybe because I'm 19 years old and still in love that I can't imagine even looking at another man with lust. However, I would be a hypocrite to deny that I sometimes crave attention from other men, because I DO. I actually attribute that to an insecurity buried deep in my subconscious because of social norms and paradigms, etc... NOT because of this need to have mind blowing sex (which my boyfriend and I don't have any such sex). <br /><br />I don't know. Someone needs to explain this to me. Sorry for the rant, but this is just breaking down the pillars of my naivete I guess and it's hard for me to accept something SO different from what I am used to.Leilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04490635107983302531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-35913210367264646322012-03-17T12:23:22.619-07:002012-03-17T12:23:22.619-07:00wow...wow wee...i have had a very similar thing ha...wow...wow wee...i have had a very similar thing happen and was actually thinking the other day that loud, screamy, neighbour annoying, crazy, window busting, bed spring injury, jungle monkey sex and deep, unconditional love are not necessarily a mutually one and the same thing...well for me at least as both have occurred to me and both were separate...but i am still a youngster...<br />damn..this is really interesting and i am sure will coax a lot of responses to be sure...<br />hooroo for now!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-17267622277452941742012-03-16T23:38:27.276-07:002012-03-16T23:38:27.276-07:00Wow, thanks for all the support & thoughtful t...Wow, thanks for all the support & thoughtful thoughts everyone. It makes me very pleased that I shared my story here!<br /><br />I do wonder if it is partly difficult to have that physical passion within this sort of relationship... part of the attraction to the lover is the inequality of our relationship, his bad-boyness etc, which all contributes to the sexual tension. <br /><br />I've had many thoughts & over-analysis of the situation in general... in the end, I'm very happy with our current solution & hope it continues to work for both of us into the future. Will just have to see how we go!Duskynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-80422264584785651972012-03-15T15:28:47.402-07:002012-03-15T15:28:47.402-07:00Like other commenters, I really appreciate this st...Like other commenters, I really appreciate this story since I've been there too. I broke up with my partner of 6 years (we were planning to marry, we'd picked out kids' names, his family was my family etc) a little over a year ago because of this. We had the most "perfect" relationship; it was better than many, if not all, of the other relationships we'd ever witnessed. But the lack of physical chemistry between us (btw, he was my "first" and only) led me to make out with another man 3 years into our relationship. I felt horrible about it, and when he could not agree to opening the relationship, I vowed to be faithful. But after another 3 years (of blah sex and telling myself I was "asexual"), I wandered again, and I finally had to admit out loud that I had no attraction to him and that was clearly something I needed.<br /><br />I miss the stability and compatibility of our relationship, but if partners can't reach a mutually-agreeable and honest solution, then what is left? So I applaud you and your husband for what you have and also for being able to be honest and enabling each other to meet your individual needs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-36145146685301505812012-03-15T06:28:18.311-07:002012-03-15T06:28:18.311-07:00Oh my goodness. I frequently stalk this blog from ...Oh my goodness. I frequently stalk this blog from the sidelines, and it always fascinates, but this piece really hit home. <br /><br />Being a recently married 20-something who loves sex, loves her hubby- just unfortunately does not love the sex with her hubby- I often wonder if there is any solution other than an open marriage that he and I can work on. It's daunting to try and tell the man you love that even his best can't match up to what you need. <br /><br />Hallelu to Dusky for finding a solution to an incredibly awkward problem.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-64756804925141703142012-03-14T17:17:35.026-07:002012-03-14T17:17:35.026-07:00After all the "bad sex" writing (includi...After all the "bad sex" writing (including my own), it's wonderful to see such GOOD, thought-provoking stories, and the responses here are heartfelt. <br /><br />Jill, you are doing a great thing here!jenerositynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-51430483925037248282012-03-14T17:02:35.168-07:002012-03-14T17:02:35.168-07:00Thank you Dusky! Been there, done that. My ex and ...Thank you Dusky! Been there, done that. My ex and I had been together for three years, we knew each other inside and out, we understood each other perfectly, he was my best friend, he was sweet, caring, genuine, smart. He moved half way across the country for me. The list goes on and on. And when we broke up everyone asked me what I was thinking. I told everyone a lot of different things, many of which were true, but the one thing I didn't mention was that our sex life had fizzled. It was never completely mind blowing, but it was fairly decent at one point. And then things just went downhill. We were pretty smitten at one point, but now I wonder was there really something there or was it just puppy love. I guess it's not really the same scenario at all. I just totally related to not wanting to tell people that the sex you're having isn't that great. The truth is I was getting bored, but it wasn't just sex. Our relationship in general had just lost its fire. If things hadn't ended so poorly, we'd probably still be great friends because we understand each other on such a deep level. As it is, I can barely stand to see him anymore. <br />Sorry my essay is super all over the place and didn't really have a point. Guess I just wanted to rant. Maybe I will send you a TWT's, Jill.Can't keep anything to myselfnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-86666535477428118322012-03-13T16:27:50.827-07:002012-03-13T16:27:50.827-07:00Hi Dusky,
I hear you ... sometimes that happens....Hi Dusky, <br /><br />I hear you ... sometimes that happens. Do you know the reason for the lack of disconnect horizontally? I have no idea what you have tried. <br /><br />I am also in my 30s, have been in a relationship for the last seven years with a wonderful man, whom I love with all my heart. I have had plenty of relationships and some of them were sexually fiery (unfortunately in all aspects) and have not worked out. <br /><br />I often question if having fire in bed and balance emotionally is even possible. I know Jill has written about it and physiologically it seems that when you have one, your body chemistry throws a wrench in there. <br /><br />My partner was not very good in bed for several reasons: lack of experience, upbringing, lack of exposure, seeing sex in a taboo way, etc. I am not going to lie, it has been sometimes frustrating, sometimes discouraging, sometimes eye-opening and sometimes mind-blowing. But everytime we hit the jackpot, it is so rewarding, to see his evolution in the sack is ... well just great!<br /><br />I am the forever curious, the forever hungry for a better orgasm. He was content with the status quo. I have always been able to reach orgasm during sex because I know me. I know how to get me there and I believe my orgasm is my responsibility, which is great, but ... it is a double-edge sword, because they think it is solely them and without even knowing, you are just enabling the continued boring sex. <br /><br />:) I already feel like this message is too long but in a nutshell, reflect and see if you are enabling the behavior. I know when I allowed that and then I wanted more, my partner was hurt because he could not understand why what we had was not enough. Best of luck :)IBWMW Minister of ITnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-59283251258519027552012-03-13T14:22:33.948-07:002012-03-13T14:22:33.948-07:00Interesting story. I suppose this type of relation...Interesting story. I suppose this type of relationship is more common than society might imagine. I find the opposite myself; whereby I have found the best sex of my 43 years has been over the last 6 years since I met my current partner, and I love her with all my heart. That's what is great out sex though: different folks, different strokes. Great blog you have here.Dicky Carterhttp://www.dickycarter.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-34832397065599948252012-03-13T14:20:27.169-07:002012-03-13T14:20:27.169-07:00Dusky,
I am glad that you have been able to keep ...Dusky,<br /><br />I am glad that you have been able to keep both aspects in your life. I can completely understand the need for fabulous sex. Once you have experienced it, no substitute will do.Midgenoreply@blogger.com