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MiMi Vibe: We might be sex toys. Or...we might be spying on you. |
Prize #2, for guys or male-identified or friends of the penis: A Fleshlight Flight Masturbation Sleeve (also from Good Vibes) which gave me a tiny touch of penis envy when I read this:
Inside, the non-descript entry hole and
exclusive texture of the removable SuperSkin sleeve includes ridges,
nubs and rings alternating from narrow to wider to offer a variety of
sensations and cleans easily with warm water. The redesigned click
and pop cap allows for easier access to the inner workings of the
Flight, while threaded base adjusts the amount of suction felt on the
back stroke– simply twist to adjust until the desired level is
reached! Sleek, discreet and innovative, the Fleshlight Flight is the
next generation of sensual stimulation.
Adjustable suction--that sounds good, doesn't it? I would totally stick my at-this-point wholly imaginary dick in there. And "non-descript entry hole," while not the sexiest language in the world, at least implies that you won't be getting one of those excessively realistic looking Vulvas in a Stick (less popular sister store to Hot Dog on a Stick). And speaking of disembodied vaginas, as we often are, brings us right to your challenge:
Three ways to enter:
1. Tell me what you think the Onahole (below) is saying. (For backstory, see post: Things People Have Sex With That Aren't Other People--Japanese Edition)
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Fleshlight: Please, please, fuck my "non-descript entry hole" |
Adjustable suction--that sounds good, doesn't it? I would totally stick my at-this-point wholly imaginary dick in there. And "non-descript entry hole," while not the sexiest language in the world, at least implies that you won't be getting one of those excessively realistic looking Vulvas in a Stick (less popular sister store to Hot Dog on a Stick). And speaking of disembodied vaginas, as we often are, brings us right to your challenge:
Three ways to enter:
1. Tell me what you think the Onahole (below) is saying. (For backstory, see post: Things People Have Sex With That Aren't Other People--Japanese Edition)
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"Your message here" |
Soar
to new heights of personal pleasure with Fleshlight Flight Masturbation
Sleeve. Sporting a high-tech, more compact design, this reusable
masturbator features a tapering outer case for easier handling and a
textured surface that adds an element of artistry. Inside, the
non-descript entry hole and exclusive texture of the removable SuperSkin
sleeve includes ridges, nubs and rings alternating from narrow to wider
to offer a variety of sensations and cleans easily with warm water.
The redesigned click and pop cap allows for easier access to the inner
workings of the Flight, while threaded base adjusts the amount of
suction felt on the back stroke– simply twist to adjust until the
desired level is reached! Sleek, discreet and innovative, the
Fleshlight Flight is the next generation of sensual stimulation. - See
more at:
http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id=16CB19&lref=Cat_catalog70002_cat33835__1#sthash.ihdAlM5J.dpuf
2. Tell me what you know the Onahole is saying because you read Japanese and can put me out of my misery of non-knowingness. I'm pretty sure this Onahole has answers for me of an Important Nature that only you can tell me.3. Ignore the poor, voiceless Onahole but make up for it by doing the blog a favor. Buy or gift an IBWMW Kindle subscription. Share or retweet this contest. Share a favorite post or the blog in general. Follow or have a friend follow on Twitter, on Google + or like/share the IBWMW Facebook page.
Send in your answers or PR efforts below in a comment, an email to jillhamilton001@gmail.com or fill out the comment form in the right margin. (Don't forget to tell me if you want the Mimi or the Fleshlight.) Good luck!
Winners will be announced Monday, March 24.
xoxox
jill
P.S. Some extra blog business for the very very dedicated. (Note: contains whining/Las notas: contienen lloriqueo) Run away! Run away!
1. If you follow the IBWMW Facebook page, you are aware that FB is being a total asshat and will not show my (or any other) page in our fans' feeds unless we pony up some money to "boost" the posts. That means that even though our page has over 1200 "likes"--that is, people who already specifically indicated they wanted to hear from the page--Facebook will generally only show any given post to about 30 of them. Which blows. Some people see every damn post and some haven't seen one in months and have to click over to check themselves (which is a total pain--but dear god, they do it anyway!) With the help of a ton of you (thank you!) on the page, we've tried to figure out what wacked out algorithm FB is relying on, but have only discovered that: A. FB hates links. B. FB likes it when people engage with a post by liking, sharing, and commenting on it. So do that.
And I'm not proud of this, but I finally paid $5 to "boost" a post to see what would happen. Unfortunately, the post involved the talking Onahole which apparently "violates Facebook's ad guidelines." Because they are obviously racist against Japanese sex toys.
So I am going to try to wean myself from Facebook's highly tempting teat. For now, I guess the best way to keep up with new posts is to check back here on your own, follow via Twitter or Google+ , get the blog emailed to you (link at right) or buy a Kindle subscription, except that....well, there's this:
2. The IBWMW Minister of Science reports that upon trying to reinstate her Kindle subscription, she got the message that the blog was "not currently available for purchase." This might, I reasoned, though not being a Minister of Science myself, hold a clue to the sudden 40% drop in subscriptions. I contacted Amazon and they solved the problem by claiming it was available. Meanwhile:
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I read that as "not currently available for purchase" |
However I discovered that if you do an Amazon search for In Bed With Married Women on your phone, it doesn't come up until the second page, way after various non-In Bed With Married Women titled items, including The Best of Barbara Mandrell
*Full disclosure. Good Vibes
10 comments:
Just so you know what you're up against, here's the first Onahole Speaks entry:
"Object may appear smaller than reality." or "Does this angle make me look fat? Yes? Good!"
"Otaku? Easy to hide from mom!"
The fact it's Japanese also makes me lean towards vaguely (or not-so-vaguely) sexist translations, such as:
"Is like wife before child!"
"Like a prostitute you don't have to keep paying!"
Imma like the holy hell out of all your FB posts!!! Now, enter me for a cool vibrator. :)
My entry for the FL:
http://youtu.be/ETokvLC_YlA
Fitzlurker
It says "Now more orifice-like!"
Gotta love amazon search algorithms. Not sure which is worse - being listed after a cassette or a casket. Made me chuckle.
It says: "Ha, now I own you!
Jill - is there a higher resolution image of the Onahole? It's in Kanji, so I should be able to translate the characters with standard online tools, only I can't make out all the details. Apparently I'm the only Sinophile who reads your blog.
https://www.google.com/search?safe=off&q=sujiman+kupa+roa+male+masturbator&tbm=isch&tbs=simg:CAQSYxphCxCo1NgEGgAMCxCwjKcIGjwKOggBEhTFAuUC4wK_1AskByAGIA8MC0wGJAxog5rmLqgioQyX0tWa5kqO_1KrqDs9VpQ_1xnmkvW-fIAOEcMCxCOrv4IGgoKCAgBEgSQjEJ3DA&sa=X&ei=qlkvU7meLcjxoAS3poCABg&ved=0CCMQ2A4oAQ&biw=360&bih=567#biv=i%7C0%3Bd%7CwKOXtTXCBchmHM%3A largest version of the image I could find.
anonymous, I just saw that you went to the trouble to find 4 sizes of images. thanks! perhaps this will be the clue that sets this mystery in the right direction.
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