tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post7782238901238218639..comments2024-02-02T02:12:25.389-08:00Comments on In Bed With Married Women: ConsentJill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-83234730709096528462016-11-08T19:46:58.522-08:002016-11-08T19:46:58.522-08:00You can have a conversation about what a good love...You can have a conversation about what a good love life looks like to her... and to you. There are some conversation samples at deadbedrooms in Reddit, & some folks in your boat who could maybe help figure out how to approach her, or what to change.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-49562638122166433442016-08-04T03:29:26.158-07:002016-08-04T03:29:26.158-07:00This is my thought on consent. If two adults were ...This is my thought on consent. If two adults were able to get to the level that ended with sleeping with each other (the sex had to have been good to stay the night), I believe that waking up to a bj would be appreciated or viser versa. It could start another exciting event for both partners. I'm just saying, it's only happened to me once but it was omg...<br />If you both slept naked, there shouldn't be any boundaries. I would be more apt to agree, if we went to sleep with clothes on, caution would be necessary, especially if either of you are away from your own home. <br />Here's a twist...my girl has been working a lot here lately, even got a promotion! So happy for her! We live together! I respect her tiredness but sometimes I'm horny and wanting some. She will say Come on just to please me but it's not something on her mind. Other times, she will ignore my advances and such. Ill even beat her home from my job, take a shower, change and get dinner cooking and what not. Not just for sex but...What should I do? It's not a life or death situation and I'll survive. Not going to go cheat but is there anything I can do?<br />Thanks!LAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08086319100624693381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-77136484270686444232016-07-23T09:08:10.956-07:002016-07-23T09:08:10.956-07:00I've been on both sides. Having woke up to a m...I've been on both sides. Having woke up to a morning bj, and have certainly awaken with a raging hard on and want immediate penetration. Especially when its from behind! Yum!Ronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08509203883847678107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-86739400311321951552016-07-23T09:07:49.094-07:002016-07-23T09:07:49.094-07:00I've been on both sides. Having woke up to a m...I've been on both sides. Having woke up to a morning bj, and have certainly awaken with a raging hard on and want immediate penetration. Especially when its from behind! Yum!Ronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08509203883847678107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-5696636453571351862016-07-20T14:27:27.221-07:002016-07-20T14:27:27.221-07:00I didn't have the luck of reading the other bl...I didn't have the luck of reading the other blog mentioned, but seriously....it's called rape if my lover wakes me with a BJ??? I wish she would!!!<br /><br />What is WRONG with this world today? :/LATRIPPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16759131345794299116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-13667841022312641192016-07-19T18:42:54.908-07:002016-07-19T18:42:54.908-07:00though, actually it's a chick. either way, sup...though, actually it's a chick. either way, super sexy, i say. http://blog.corwinprescott.com/post/147302132105/the-timbers-denver-co-2016-corwin-prescottJill Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-26965907277665476212016-07-19T18:41:18.354-07:002016-07-19T18:41:18.354-07:00Ha, I think you're right Anon! Probably why I...Ha, I think you're right Anon! Probably why I liked it so much ~~~Jill Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-48242522804828379902016-07-19T16:02:37.100-07:002016-07-19T16:02:37.100-07:00Dan, I am so appreciating both your comment and th...Dan, I am so appreciating both your comment and that this is a place where we can talk about this stuff in an exploratory way without everyone yelling immediate opinions. Huzzah!Jill Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-87894846578458848292016-07-19T11:07:26.676-07:002016-07-19T11:07:26.676-07:00I totally agree with you and have fantasized often...I totally agree with you and have fantasized often about wake-up sex but never done it. I especially love the eloquent quote from Esther Perel's "Mating In Captivity." Woody Allen said it a bit more succinctly: "If sex *isn't* dirty, you're doing it wrong."Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12756047303401310305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-90395892543900053612016-07-16T18:28:53.077-07:002016-07-16T18:28:53.077-07:00Kendra, damn I love you.
PS Kendra wrote a post...Kendra, damn I love you. <br /><br />PS Kendra wrote a post on how to stop a man snoring via blow job. here 'tis: http://thebeautifulkind.com/getting-to-know-each-other/<br /><br />Spiffy, yeah i'm not against asking and it is totally simple. and in fact, when i did that recently, i did just that, despite being married for a billion years. i was more surprised that a caveat was needed in a sex tip kind of blurb bc that seems inherent in any sex position article. the difference is that the person is unconscious, so like I said, changed it. just seemed kind of like those extra warnings like "don't direct saw blade to your eye" or something that was going to be obvious to some and unhelpful to those who actually needed the warning. <br /><br />anon, i am so into the idea of your dude hard in your driveway. love. <br /><br />Cagey, yes! in most cases i wake up furious so it's generally unwise to wake me, pretty much ever. so don't even try.<br /><br />Jimmy, yeah, man. exactly. <br /><br />Jill Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-79993560928412662952016-07-15T18:50:20.116-07:002016-07-15T18:50:20.116-07:00Uh oh, the PC police came after you. One time I wa...Uh oh, the PC police came after you. One time I was woken by a lover ejaculating on my face and we laughed and bragged about it. Context is key.Kendra Hollidayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01854949040842771326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-90616279794109715142016-07-14T14:18:23.001-07:002016-07-14T14:18:23.001-07:00Another thing I realized I'd forgotten on the ...Another thing I realized I'd forgotten on the other thread, some days later, was that this is an area where intent makes some difference with acceptability. Waking someone up by going down on him/her is an act designed for the pleasure of the recipient. If, in your judgment, this will be an accepted and enjoyed act, and you turn out to be wrong, I would hope the other person is at least cognizant of the fact you were trying to be good to them. If you think they'll enjoy being awakened with penetrative sex (or a dick on the nose)... that could be super hot, but you better be much, much more sure.<br /><br />All that being said, I kind of get Judith's explanation. If we're talking about how a person could react in those first moments, it could feel like a lot of things, assault being one. I stand by my quoted (!!! :D) comment regarding implied consent, but I also think acquiring consent ahead of time is hardly infeasible. Consider:<br /><br />"You know, this morning, I woke up, saw you laying there, and wanted to go down on you so bad, but I wasn't sure if you'd be cool with waking up that way."<br /><br />We may believe, with I think good reason, that few people are going to massively object to waking up to surprise oral sex. But if I say the above to someone I'm seeing, what's the worst that can happen? She thinks I'm an idiot for wondering if she'd like it. The more she's into the idea, the more her questioning of my mental competence is mitigated by the fact I was thinking about it. And chances are she'll appreciate the importance I'm placing on her consent. <br /><br />Even in a situation like yours, Jill, where the dark side of the consent force drives you, how much would it really turn you off? I mean, maybe in the moment you're thinking, eh, I wish he would have just done it. But when it ends up happening, it's a surprise; you may have consented at some past date, but you didn't just then, and I find it unlikely your mind will kill the pleasure because it remembers saying yes days or weeks or months before.<br /><br />As for going down on a guy, a very brief glance around the internet would suggest that it's more likely a guy doesn't like BJs in general than a guy who does not liking wake-up head. That sounds about right, TBH--I'm amazed at how many guys don't seem to like blowjobs, so it's probably best to know that about him first. If a lady suddenly feels compelled to go for it, I think she should feel that it's almost certainly going to be ok, but there's nothing wrong with her asking either. Especially if she does it while already blowing him.<br /><br />(slurp slurp) "Would you like to wake up like this sometime?"<br /><br />Holy jesus.Spiffy McBangnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-80387517232842926322016-07-14T09:48:56.550-07:002016-07-14T09:48:56.550-07:00One of the sexiest things about sex is desire. Wa...One of the sexiest things about sex is desire. Waking a lover with a bj is a direct example of desire. So is getting bonked on the nose by a huge hard dick. I know my husband, and any other heterosexual man I know, would not worry about my asking permission before anything involving his dick. <br /><br />I used to have a friend who would be hard when he met me in his driveway as I pulled up for a visit. That's desire!! Very sexy and got me hot very quickly. Good times, good times. <br /><br />(by the way, love your blog...)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-15028164539415574222016-07-14T06:44:00.321-07:002016-07-14T06:44:00.321-07:00Another way to handle the consent question in this...Another way to handle the consent question in this situation is, oh, I don't know--communication. As with all issues of consent, really. It's not that difficult to have a conversation in which one party says to the other, "Hey, I think it would be fun to wake you up by going down on you. What do you think of that? Yeah? Ok, I'll try it sometime, then."<br /><br />For the record, it's a) not always as great as it sounds in theory, and b) easy to determine if consent is being withdrawn in the particular situation. To wit: it turns out that it's nearly impossible to arouse me out of REM sleep, which was a hit to partner's mouth skill-related self-esteem. And in the reverse situation, when earlier-consented-to wake-up down-going resulted in partner waking screaming and smacking me about the head, it wasn't so difficult to draw the conclusion that consent was revoked. And after her adrenaline subsided, we laughed hysterically until we fell back asleep. <br /><br />In short, just fucking talk to the people you're fucking. Cagey-Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06336508567944952383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-26021527128330567742016-07-13T23:28:14.859-07:002016-07-13T23:28:14.859-07:00It's all about empathy. If you don't feel ...It's all about empathy. If you don't feel empathy, then you really don't care about someone else's boundaries and thus there's no such thing as implied consent -- that's also when we're in the same territory as to whether there was any consent, and that's rape. <br /><br />You kinda have to gauge what the person is into and when something like this would be ok. If the sex is gentle and very loving, you probably need to be a lot more cautious about getting freaky with someone while they are dreaming. If the first date included having sex in front of a mirror and spanking that person with the belt they were wearing (all by mutual consent), then you've got a little more wiggle room.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07933386870111397800noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-69783840487418322032016-07-13T17:27:00.188-07:002016-07-13T17:27:00.188-07:00Nobilis, i think that's the issue with pretty ...Nobilis, i think that's the issue with pretty much everything--it's all gray area. ps Glad to hear from you! Maybe I should write some damn new posts once in a while. Jill Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-63120736832134513122016-07-13T17:13:09.984-07:002016-07-13T17:13:09.984-07:00I maintain that consent isn't ALWAYS cut and d...I maintain that consent isn't ALWAYS cut and dry.Nobilis Reedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02619601142783473136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-18921116083757894702016-07-13T16:11:11.609-07:002016-07-13T16:11:11.609-07:00CP--Still? Oh, that IS the worst thing ever. xox...CP--Still? Oh, that IS the worst thing ever. xoxoxoxoxo to you, man.Jill Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-82511163112368888872016-07-13T15:53:00.846-07:002016-07-13T15:53:00.846-07:00Oh, thank hell, some common sense and a reasoned p...Oh, thank hell, some common sense and a reasoned point (actually many points). Frankly, my policy is, if you're with me, you have my consent. Period. Well, lemme rephrase unless you want to dominate me which won't fly because that only goes the other way. But at this point in my life, I probably wouldn't care because being celibate against your will is literally the worst thing ever.CPnoreply@blogger.com