tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post3788912056908480096..comments2024-02-02T02:12:25.389-08:00Comments on In Bed With Married Women: The Crush, Explained by ScienceJill Hamiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-58951684545915040542015-12-06T20:05:00.370-08:002015-12-06T20:05:00.370-08:00I'm a straight single white male.
Many years ...I'm a straight single white male.<br /><br />Many years ago, I had a crush on a woman whom I saw once a week. Although she let me know that she wasn't interested in me, I had difficulty deflating my feelings for her. Moving to another city and meeting new people helped a lot.<br /><br />Nowadays, I have crushes on women who live far away, including a tall, blonde TV meteorologist whom I worship in the morning and a lesbian politician.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-51806803000007678812015-07-01T19:10:43.548-07:002015-07-01T19:10:43.548-07:00Anonymous, with the book references, I somehow nev...Anonymous, with the book references, I somehow never saw your comment til now! Yes yes, what you wrote is so fascinating! And will love to read those books.<br />Rick, good for you, man.<br />Anonymous 2, yes, i love hearing the commonality of our experiences of feeling things deeply. and now i'm wondering if some random person in our lives has/had been crushing on us so significantly as well, unbeknownst to us. <br />Anonymous 3. so kind! thank you !!!! <br />Sextant, what a lovely well written comment. A+, I say! Love Daniel Bergner, as well as Apocalyp-Tit. <br /><br />in bed with married womenhttp://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-79869519587201366932015-06-28T12:04:33.833-07:002015-06-28T12:04:33.833-07:00I have read that there are romance junkies. They ...I have read that there are romance junkies. They get addicted to the chemical cocktail of the crush and when things start to cool off they dump the poor unsuspecting partner and go off in search or another fix. <br /><br />I love Helen Fisher's books. Her latest which is actually been around for a while, Why Him, Why Her was a wonderful book in which I actually learned a great deal about myself (no easy trick because I was in my 60s when I read it). I found great value in the book even though I am not in search of a relationship. All models are short cuts of course, but still it helps to categorize the spectrum of human behavior into manageable bins. I am a little uncomfortable with her position in Chemistry.com. I liked it better when she was just a researcher at Rutgers, although her work at Chemistry.com may give her insight on large samples of human behavior. She has an interesting web site at:<br /><br />https://theanatomyoflove.com<br /><br />Another condition that I find puzzling is the sexual ennui that attends some long term relationships. It seems that people can start to love their spouse as a family member and lose sexual interest in them altogether. In the book What Women Want, Daniel Bergner describes the condition and some of the potential drugs being developed to treat it. One of the drugs, flibanserin, received a recommendation for approval (NOTE recommendation...not approval) from an FDA forward committee earlier this month. <br /><br />Personally I find the brain chemistry of love to be fascinating. <br /><br />I must confess that although I was never a Elizabeth Taylor fan (without a doubt she was not hard to look at but her acting sucked in my opinion), I was moved by Burton's description of her. The apocalyptic breasts toppling empires does put me in mind of a Japanese monster movie...a giant breast crashing through downtown Tokyo with the Japanese Defense Force tanks and fighter aircraft streaming endless rounds of tracer fire at it. Godizilla verses Apocalyp-Tit. <br /><br />Great Post! Sextanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02869179401767968180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-61835982278774584382015-06-25T20:24:13.917-07:002015-06-25T20:24:13.917-07:00Jill, you make my day once a week, thank you♡Jill, you make my day once a week, thank you♡Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-48654908941137393422015-06-25T12:18:25.715-07:002015-06-25T12:18:25.715-07:00Crushes are delicious and tortuous. I remember whe...Crushes are delicious and tortuous. I remember when my marriage was disintegrating and I felt very lost and unattractive. I ran into an acquaintance who was merely making conversation but even conversation seemed so monumental to me in my alone state. The fantasy of attraction woke me up to my possible life, what I might experience instead of complete isolation. It was exhilarating. With that in mind, when the focus of my attention became overwhelming I started to remind myself that the person I was attracted to was a fantasy. I knew I didn't really know the real person. I would lecture myself that he was "Fantasy Man" not "Reality Man." It was like talking myself off the ledge and back to reality. Slowly I recovered and made the decision to leave a dead marriage with no attachment to anyone being the reason why. But I wonder if I had allowed myself to really develop the crush, to make physical what for me was purely mental - would I have blamed the crush for the end of my marriage? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-11080316976067454442015-06-25T00:37:13.496-07:002015-06-25T00:37:13.496-07:00I am happily married now for fifteen years and my ...I am happily married now for fifteen years and my crush with my significant other has not faulted. With three beautiful boys each day is a blessing. I am so glad my life is simple and do not have to deal so many other horrible feelings. My partner and I are equal and share both in lifes toils as well as joys and that is the way it is meant to be.Rickhttp://adultsmart.com.aunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-36117132807195954722015-06-25T00:05:14.202-07:002015-06-25T00:05:14.202-07:00
There are several books, I believe, worth mention...<br />There are several books, I believe, worth mentioning in this connection. To my mind, they are:<br />Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love<br />by Dorothy Tennov, Love in the Western World by Denis De Rougemont, and <br />The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other by James Hollis.<br /><br />Oh yes, that magical other… I sometimes wonder whether that magical other is a pure projection of our own proclivities, vulnerabilities, predilections, sensibilities etc. etc. or whether that projection is dependent on some adrenaline-, dopamine- (or whatever chemical-) inducing circumstances, or whether there might be delineated a kind of a permanent, kind of objective constellation of distinctive characteristics (voice, colour of hair, shape of, e.g., bosom or hands, comportment,etc. etc.) that each of us is selectively susceptible to. <br /><br />Incidentally, I like Toni Bentley’s metaphor about the nature of female love:<br /><br />“All that hard-won “equality” between men and women has put a serious dent in many sex lives and the popularity with women of the Fifty Shades trilogy attests—it is a multi-million strong poll—with its 1950’s-style (the heroine ends up married with babies) BDSM nice-n’-lite that women are sick of being side by side. Equality during sex is simply contra naturam. Someone has to go up on the cross and suffer pleasure and someone has to tie her up there and enforce her salvation. Despite the anointment of the ubiquitous “bad girl” in our culture women still want to be the sacrificial saint. There is a reason we all say “MyGodmyGodmyGod!!” a great deal more often than the name of the poor bastard doing all the work down there.” (https://treatsmagazine.com/sex-lit-101-erotica/)<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-18064310193042117492014-04-20T10:33:36.620-07:002014-04-20T10:33:36.620-07:00Goffman's girl: Welcome, and yes, love TMI ca...Goffman's girl: Welcome, and yes, love TMI cause that's the true stuff. And...maybe this is helpful or completely depressing, but the OMG OMG thing you describe tends to go away after 2-4 years. two to four years of glorious fucking, but still. although since you still have the crushy feelings about your husband, you may be the rare sort that is able to keep the feeling long term. (and those still-in-love folks aren't lyin'. you can see their love in their brain scans.)in bed with married womenhttp://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-24907147944861398562014-04-20T06:50:30.823-07:002014-04-20T06:50:30.823-07:00Been reading you a while and gotta say, you delive...Been reading you a while and gotta say, you deliver the goods in a sassy, smart-ass way that I love.<br /><br />Not quite brave enough yet to use my actual identity (Hi mom and dad! Aren't you proud of me reading about sex when I should be cleaning the house?)but I will get there.<br /><br />I read part 2 about the chemicals first, and that was probably good because I'm a scientific sort of girl, with a math degree and I like knowing the biological basis for why we act like fucktards a lot of the time.<br /><br />Happily married to my high school sweetheart, thought I'd throw that in, and he still gives me that feeling you described so well about gonorrhea boy, BUT...<br /><br />Before I was married I had a four year affair with the ultimate crush. I'm still not over him. We are still (25 fucking years later (though we haven't fucked since I got married)) in touch. When I see it's a text from him, I get those stupid tingly OMG it's HIM, paying attention to ME OMG OMG OMG he actually likes me still. It must have been real for him too or why would he still text me all these years later? It's validation of my stupid behavior. (Yes, I know, there's no excuse good enough for taking someone else's man though of course he had me convinced that they were really not married anymore, the relationship was over, he just couldn't divorce her because he didn't want to disappoint his mom and I actually bought it hook, line and sinker for the amazing lay that he was.) Have never experienced anything like it since. We were completely obsessed with each other and would take ANY opportunity to fuck, regardless of the risk. We HAD to. Man, knowing that there were chemicals feeding that whole thing helps me. A little. Because of course I still agonize over my stupidity in falling for him. I also agonize over what I would do if he still lived within driving distance. I wonder if I would have been able to stay faithful if he hadn't moved across the country.<br />He was 17 years older.<br />I still have wet dreams about him.<br />Anyway, hi. Love your blog. And I know that was pretty long and personal, but I've read all the comments on all the posts I've read and it appears that TMI is alive and rampant and welcome...<br /><br />So I'll sign this,<br />Golfman's GirlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-30476220414459520532014-03-17T15:39:59.940-07:002014-03-17T15:39:59.940-07:00unquestionably familiar. I can't remember eve...unquestionably familiar. I can't remember ever feeling that good. It was so distracting and intoxicating, I had an affair - so, the obvious undesirable characteristic was that this person was not my spouse. Except for being a CPOS, I've never felt that alive.<br />I've been trying for years to feel that way again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-52605109937058091322014-03-17T12:51:58.890-07:002014-03-17T12:51:58.890-07:00Ouch. I agree that crushes hurt. (Yes, you Audrey ...Ouch. I agree that crushes hurt. (Yes, you Audrey kallstrom). I am pretty certain I flunked algebra because of my obsession with that girl. It hurt so much to keep having to think about her. I knew she was out of my league, knew it well.<br /> On the other hand The fact that she even knew I was alive made it feel worth it. Never forget those eyes, that face.<br />t Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-11085792376618782022014-03-14T10:06:13.362-07:002014-03-14T10:06:13.362-07:00Great article! Though I prefer the line "Her ...Great article! Though I prefer the line "Her breasts were apocalyptic..."HSkyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08141384932179100795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-61066881778915658352014-03-14T05:23:04.722-07:002014-03-14T05:23:04.722-07:00In his book, "The Erotic Mind", Jack Mor...In his book, "The Erotic Mind", Jack Morin calls this crazy beautiful brain chemistry condition, "limerence". It is our limbic system doing what it evolved to do. Limerence is wonderful. It can make a 60+ year old man a teenager again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-13476251465082724762011-10-03T03:57:15.096-07:002011-10-03T03:57:15.096-07:00I put salt into my hot chocolate, while I was thin...I put salt into my hot chocolate, while I was thinking about him. That's when I knew I was in love.<br /><br /><a href="http://steamyfantasy.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow"> Every Savage Can Reproduce</a>Enid Wilsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12248877161249788607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-80610204416002211342011-09-30T14:17:16.637-07:002011-09-30T14:17:16.637-07:00Annabelle, I agree. I think crush passion is a vit...Annabelle, I agree. I think crush passion is a vital life force.<br />Vesta Vayne, it is so addictive, like scientifically so, and I'll tell you why in the next post. I'm going to make you wait though to keep you unfulfilled and edgy. Because crushes thrive on that $%$%.<br />Betty, I love your report from the Aspie's front. So interesting.<br />Doug Stephens, Would it look bad in my search history if i google "scrunchie fetish" now?<br />Anonymous, I've only read a Roman, Ovid. So interesting that what he has to say on love (barriers make ardor stronger, etc...) is unchanged all these centuries later.<br />Kate W, I hear you. I SO hear you. See also (http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com/2011/02/k-i-ss-ing.html)<br />Paul, indeed.<br />Can't keep anything to myself--Your words have inspired me for the next post.in bed with married womenhttp://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-66768708263136971212011-09-30T00:33:34.380-07:002011-09-30T00:33:34.380-07:00In the old days it's simply called Romeo and J...In the old days it's simply called Romeo and Juliet....Paulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15867403006412320812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-27689147011972681162011-09-29T10:52:39.804-07:002011-09-29T10:52:39.804-07:00Crushes are torture, but the most delicious kind o...Crushes are torture, but the most delicious kind of torture. They make you realize what a masochist you really are. It's such a fun feeling though when your insides are squirming and you're smiling at random people like an idiot because you're thinking about them again and your jaw hurts from smiling so hard/much.Can't keep anything to myselfnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-38129175511269020842011-09-28T01:21:14.766-07:002011-09-28T01:21:14.766-07:00Talking of reunions, I still carry a torch for a g...Talking of reunions, I still carry a torch for a guy that kissed me over 30 years ago; I can still feel, taste and smell him all these years later even though I have not seen him for quite some time. Physically he has changed but I dont look at him as a man in his mid-forties and he is the only school friend that can truly transport me back to the young girl I was back 1981. I feel butterfles in my tummy, my knees turn to jelly and I come over all unnecessary. Thank you for sharing such an interesting blog.Kate Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11119880248518449191noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-33196632848852185522011-09-28T00:35:21.320-07:002011-09-28T00:35:21.320-07:00Ever read any ancient Greek philosophy on eros? Sa...Ever read any ancient Greek philosophy on eros? Said very similar things. Really interesting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-21892560395105355922011-09-27T13:33:19.397-07:002011-09-27T13:33:19.397-07:00I once obsessed over a hair scrunchie.
That was w...I once obsessed over a hair scrunchie.<br /><br />That was weird.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-78214327794120144332011-09-27T09:05:31.792-07:002011-09-27T09:05:31.792-07:00Maybe it's because I have Asperger's, but ...Maybe it's because I have Asperger's, but I HATED having crushes. They hurt. Even if they became requited because I felt I had to hide "me" or they would leave. (this was accurate, BTW) Plus, I can't hide my feelings so I was obvious to the point of blithering. I HATE blithering. I don't count my hubby as a crush because we fell in love simultaneously and it was all joy, no pain. I was always just me with him.Betty Fokkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11270950344494895535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-35821880203173869012011-09-26T19:29:43.504-07:002011-09-26T19:29:43.504-07:00OOooooh. Yes, a crush makes you crazy stupid, mani...OOooooh. Yes, a crush makes you crazy stupid, mania is pretty accurate. But it's an addictive feeling. The first six months my husband and I dated, I slept maybe two hours a night. I was also in grad school and working two jobs. That crush adrenaline kept me going!Vesta Vaynehttp://cowardlyfeminist.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-90322835030190914122011-09-26T16:09:35.885-07:002011-09-26T16:09:35.885-07:00I love a good crush. I collect them.
Crushes have...I love a good crush. I collect them.<br /><br />Crushes have helped to keep me faithful to my husband.<br /><br />I hate when there are no crush worthy folks in my world, they keep me feisty.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17255628836689794311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4339155460200866959.post-35711120417441414732011-09-26T14:02:34.606-07:002011-09-26T14:02:34.606-07:00Crap! I forgot to tell you that a blood test study...Crap! I forgot to tell you that a blood test study showed that people in love and people with unmedicated OCD had significantly lower levels of serotonin than the regular old control subjects. Serotonin being the happy chemical that can control obsessive rumination.Jill Hamiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14989469118118455602noreply@blogger.com