Behold the Noodle King!
This Fleshlighty fuck hole not only looks like it comes from those really really deep ocean backwaters where all the fish are blind, but it also comes with this excellent back story from Jlist.com, a Japanese sex toy site where, objectively, I probably spend too much time. Anyway:
In the days when onaholes weren't invented yet, Japanese men came up with some innovative methods to create a male toy from household objects. One particular innovation was a makeshift stress toy made from a cup of warm noodles. This onahole could be created by pouring hot water in the cup noodle, wait until it was warm and soft, then remove the water and then use it as a onahole. This modern version, using more sanitary material, simulates that original feeling of using a cup of noodles for stress relief, without wasting food.
So yeah, ha ha ha. Cup O' Noodles fucking, excellent history lesson, no food wasting--all good, 'til I got to this photo:
But further study gave sad credence to my fungus theory:
|Note: horrible nail!|
A part of me feels sorry for this poor onahole being so crudely manhandled by this possibly-diseased person. And at this point I care not about the charming ramen-fucking story and the rest of it, I am lost down a worm hole of ick. The only thing that can pull me out is remembering happier times--myself 30 minutes ago when I first arrived on jlist and discovered the Zhang Xiao Yu onahole.
Not only is it apparently "great for 'anatomy lessons'"--which, by the way, the Noodle King is *not* so great for--but the Zhang Xiao Yu is subtitled with "The Dignity of Great Pussy." Which is awesome.
"The Dignity of Great Pussy" is going to be my mantra/guiding principle today. Feel free to do the same.