Wednesday, June 21, 2017

SEO and a Can of Beans.

Temping.
If you do any social media work, you're supposed to care about SEO. SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization or something. I don't really understand it, frankly, but I think the general idea is that you're supposed to tag your posts with phrases that people commonly search for, so when people search for "weight loss" or "Kardashian ass" or whatever, there's your thing, top of the rankings.

You'd think I'd have an edge in this since:
1.  I write about sex (or at least in the near vicinity of sex).
2.  Sex is an insanely popular search term. (Probably the most popular by far, despite that Yahoo! "Trending now" list that claims that most people are searching for "Katie Couric" or "easy soup recipes.")

However, I was looking through the tags I put at the end of my posts and never once did I put plain ol' "sex," thus cleverly luring the Googling masses over here to In Bed With Married Women (see also: self-sabotage? examine later....)

No, instead I put the most cockamamie tags that no one in their right minds would ever search for. I mean, "a can of beans"? "Ball sack aroma"?  THESE are the terms I choose to lure readers/represent my "brand"?

Have a look at these, unfortunately, very real tags I've used and I think you'll see why I might spend a few moments perusing some "Improve your SEO" articles:

 

Sheesh,
Jill 

25 comments:

in bed with married women said...

Actually, looking at this again, it really does pretty accurately explain what goes on around here.

My Half Assed Life said...

That is a lot of tags. While I was scrolling through the A's I had this mental image of some kid trying to research a project on Abraham Lincoln...

Ah well, most times it's the parents doing the searching and homework anyhow.

I only use tags to cheat out the fact that Blogger doesn't do categories.

in bed with married women said...

Half-Assed, Lucky for the kids, i don't think this is one of the top sources of abraham lincoln info. though might be for abraham lincoln erotica. p.s. someday you shall tell me what "categories" are. maybe?

Anonymous said...

Damn. Now I have to go back and read you from the very beginning.

Anonymous said...

The one that jumped put at me was Ikea sex... That one made me go huh?!? But it never hurts to expan your vocabulary and of course sticking to the basics too so keep the ones u you do use and just for fun throw the word sex in there too..

Cagey-C said...

If it helps, "chimps with a boner" is totally how I wound up here.

Spiffy McBang said...

I don't remember how I got here, but I wish it was due to "you should fuck the robot".

Mongo, At The Moment said...

I second Spiffy.

There are a lot of items in that list, but the Robot just kinda jumps out at you.

Keppie said...

This makes me curious about how your readers get here! I found you because I liked your comments over at Savage Love, so I made a point to look you up. I feel like I missed out on an opportunity to have been researching Abe Lincoln and had a fun surprise instead. XD

in bed with married women said...

Anonymous 1: Oh yes, you have pleased me.
Anon 2: That was about people on Craig's List soliciting sex at IKEA. It's like a...thing.
Cagey-C: I hope are your chimp boner needs were met.
Spiffy and Mongo: In my future speed metal band, our first hit is gonna be "you should FUCK THE ROBOT." You yell the last three words.
Keppie, that makes me want to ask people how they landed here, but surely everyone's story is completely embarrassing.
Such as this, our VERY WORST Misguided Googler EVER who arrived here yesterday with the search "enema drinking fetish." I know! Barf.
Sorry to put that in your day. Okay then, bye!

Cagey-C said...

No. Oh God, no! I can't unthink that.

Kari said...

If I Haven't said so before,you are amazing, and I haven't laughed so hard in a long while. Why some of these terms link people to your site is beyond me, but you're great, and all the better for the free dildo giveaways...if only I could remember to get in on any of these things...

in bed with married women said...

Thanks Kari. I don't know how to tell you this, but those aren't the terms people use to get to my site, those are the post-labeling terms I CHOSE MY DAMN SELF. There's no excuse for it, really.

Mr. Science said...

If it makes you feel any better, I've spent long periods of time with the tags for my site and it all ends up about the same. Google does not like sex websites, so you will always have a hard time ranking highly with Google, even if you have a ton of backlinks with one particular key word ("sex trivia" for my site). So, your best bet with Google may be continue with the really obscure tags that bring in people with strange searches and not waste time like I did with small or general key words.

But that's just my two cents from a three years of SEO experience with a sex education related website...

Keep up the great work pulling in the great folks who google "Chimps with a boner"!
-Mr. Science

in bed with married women said...

Thanks for the info, Mr. Science. In retrospect, it should have been "chimp with a boner" or "chimps with boners". Chimp boner fans are sticklers for singular/plural agreement.

cegluna said...

"difficulty of loving a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the dead"
Say what?? lol

in bed with married women said...

cegluna--yeah, sometimes I don't remember what the hell i was referring to but I do remember that one. It was about some "erotica" about a haunted vagina. oh yeah. http://www.inbedwithmarriedwomen.com/2013/01/kindle-subscriptions-sasquatch-erotica.html

Caitlin Grace said...

I cannot for the Love of God remember how I found you but I am glad I did. Your posts so often make me laugh.

in bed with married women said...

Caitlin, and i'm glad i found you as well! xoxox

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'm the same as Keppie. You made a really good comment on Savage Love and I followed you here. It was the vintage smut, reader confessions, and reviews of canned vagina in a can that kept me here.

in bed with married women said...

Anonymous, thank you, that's the winning combo, I guess. Maybe I should try the Savage Love thing again. I met a ton of good people who also shared the weird love of canned v, vintage smug, etc, but there was this one dude who was, like, furious i put a link there. I actually talked to the people at the stranger, where savage's column originates and they're totally good with it, but the one guy always bummed me out. maybe i'll put one up and run away so i don't see what he says...

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA HA! Good thing I work for public german TV, here at the studio we are used to demented laughs!

kelly said...

so glad you enjoy your job...this was fun. thanks.
now, back to my seo improvements :-)

NG said...

I would totally search some of those things. But that’s me…..

Luke said...

You might be surprised to learn that googling "nipples that wave hello" brings up 122,000,000 hits (all that in just over 0.5 seconds, too -- gotta hand it to Google) and, what's more, your blog is only the second thing on the list.

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